Newport Living
by sdavis2k9
Summary: Jasper moves in with his family Edward, Esme, and Carlisle Cullen in Newport Beach, CA. He meets the troublesome neighbor Bella Swan, her brother Emmett, his girlfriend Rose, and her cousin Alice Brandon. Lots of wit, dirty words, and teen angst. Rated M.
1. Welcome to Newport

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, I just took the gang to The OC.

Yes this story does have a little mix of The OC TV show, but it made the setup easier, so deal with it.

As always Dani and I are putting our unique twist on getting any of the crazy kids together, so bear with us but I think they will end up together eventually, just not sure when exactly.

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Jasper POV

My mother Charlotte Maria Whitlock has just passed away.

Though I had time to prepare for her death and was able to say goodbye and was not taken by surprise, still does not mean I would this rather have this situation turn out differently. Yes I had a chance to say goodbye to the physical body that my mom's soul and spirit occupied, but that did not help me deal with the anger and the pain that came with that realization.

My mother had cancer, everywhere. We tried chemo and surgery to at least stall and prolong our time together and with the rest of our family. We were able to get as much time in before we finally had to admit enough was enough and stop trying to keep her alive and just let her end her days peacefully and on her own terms. My mother was a brave woman and fought a long and hard battle just to spend as much time as she could and for that were grateful. Admittedly I had hated to see my mom, hell my whole world suffer but I was glad she was still with me and loved me enough to endure what I am sure as hell on her body just for me.

I will forever be eternally grateful to my uncle, Dr. Carlisle Cullen, who gave me as much time as was humane with my mother. That alone earned the man a special place in my heart, but that was only one of many things he has done for me since.

My mother and I were living in Texas and while we were happy it was far from the ideal life. Mom never talked about my…father I guess you could call him but since the man left his pregnant wife I considered him little more than a sperm donor to be honest. Anytime I asked about him when I was younger I was told not to worry about him and that she loved me enough for both parents and I never doubted her and she never disappointed me.

In hindsight I was stricken by memories of every stupid thing I ever did that upset my mother, which honestly was a lot. I think the worst was when my friend Peter and I tried to give ourselves homemade tattoos last year. Mom came home and saw us and flipped out, she sent Peter home and took me silently in the car to a local tattoo parlor and had them fix the scars on my arm. I now have the Japanese symbols from Intelligence, Strength, Courage, and Love on my forearm, at least that is what I hope they say. Mom did make me pay for having the tattoos fixed which emptied all the funds I had been saving for a new guitar for the past year. Mom said she was disappointed in me and if I would have just told her instead of letting my stupid friend do it she would have taken me here and consented to do it to begin with. I felt horrible about disappointing my mom.

After my mom was initially diagnosis with her severe level of cancer she called her sister Esme Cullen. My mom and her family grew up in some hick town in Washington State. I had thought my mom had just called to give her sister the bad news and get some emotional support, but it seemed Esme's husband was a renowned Oncologist and she wanted him to treat her. I was not with mom but it seemed either she did not like the news the doctor had given her or just wanted a second more experienced opinion. So arrangements were made for us to go visit the Cullen's and stay with them throughout mom's treatment.

A few weeks later we flew from Texas to California to meet our family and get mom checked out by Dr. Cullen. As soon as we arrived Esme wrapped mom and I up in a giant hug and both ladies water works started flowing. Now woman crying is like my kryptonite, so I started wandering toward the baggage claim area as soon as I was able to pry myself from the grip of both women.

"Don't worry she is not usually that weepy, she just misses her sister." said the nerdy kid from behind our mothers.

"Edward ?" I asked and held out my nodded and shook it.

"Jasper" I reminded him, it had been a long time since we had seen each other.

"Great, Texas Ken Doll, just what we need here in Newport." he replied and laughed, I presumed at his own wit. I didn't think he was very funny.

"Ya'll knows we aim to please, Nerdward." I shot back, now it was my turn to laugh at my own joke.

"Oh, Nerdward, how original, next are you going to try and call me Emoward, Grouchward, or Dickward?" Edward replied and looked slightly miffed.

"Chill out, I'm just messing with you. Man, are you always so high strung?" I asked suddenly concerned for the mental stability of my cousin.

"Yeah I just get tired of being teased. Kids here well they don't get me. So either I get made fun of because I am not like them or they think I'm snob for avoiding them. Pick your poison." Edward said with a sag to his shoulders and a sullen look on his face.

"Well, we're family. If I can't take the piss out of you, who can? Besides I'll be Beavis to your Butthead and we'll show these Newport kids something new." I added trying to be upbeat because it was sure as shit better than worrying about my mom right now.

"Okay, I guess I can let you be Robin to my Batman, you seem cool enough. Anyways let's grab your bags and get the Weeping Willows to the car so we can make it home sometime today." Edward replied while jerking his thumb towards our mom's still locked in a sloppy crying mess.

"Sounds good Batman, lead the way" I said and Edward smiled, like a real genuine smile and that is when I realized, maybe Newport wouldn't be so bad.

The Cullen's compound, palace, mansion; I am not sure if house is the correct term used to describe something so huge and grand as the Cullen's monstrous estate. I swear we could have fit our whole house back in Texas in just the kitchen and maybe a small part of the dining room. Their house was so large it had its own baby house. Now I am not sure if they had to contact a house breeder or if something this ginormous was able to reproduce asexually, but they had what they called the guest house. Guest house is an ironic term since it was where Edward lived and I would be staying. I'm not sure why one lives in their own guest house, but when said guest house is the size of a large house, I don't think the logic needs to be questioned. Said baby house had three bedrooms, two and a half baths, and a huge lounge area which looked like a living room to me. I was not sure why the Cullen's needed house(s) this large but they were beautiful and I would not begrudge them any comforts then or now.

That was weeks ago, since then Carlisle has tried to treat my mother's cancer, but it was not…enough. She passed away about a week ago and I officially became the legal dependant of Carlisle and Esme Cullen.

The Cullen's were having a small barbeque today, to introduce me to some of the neighborhood families and kids I would be going to some prep school with, this should be fun.

My life would never be the same…

BPOV

"Emmett!" I whined. "I don't want to go." I was a second away from stomping my foot like a toddler whose mommy wouldn't buy her the toy at the store.

"Isabella. You are going." Renee said walking; more like stumbled into the room, dirty martini already in hand.

Let's catch you up to speed. I'm BELLA Swan; note I hate being called Isabella. Renee calls me this because she thinks it's classy, and she wants me to be prim, and proper, basically, she wants me to turn into a gold digging, lush, and slut like her. But anyways, we'll get to that in a minute. I'm 17 years old, and I live in Newport Beach California, and go to one of the most prestigious prep schools with all the other rich kids in the area. Renee is my drunken mother, who not only comes from money, because her parents were rich as fuck, but she's also been married and divorced with huge settlements at least three times now, and I'm pretty sure she got drunkenly married to some poor cabana man in Mexico, but I think she had it annulled, obviously I can't tell you for sure, because she's never here. She spends most of her money on trying to make us look the part of the typical Newport elite, but mostly on her booze, and plane tickets to wherever she disappears to all the time. She's probably only home a few times a month, and that's only to make sure Emmett and me are alive, and to make it look like she's being the good mother.

Emmett is 19, my older brother, but actually more like my father; he just graduated this year, and is going to the University of California in Newport County aka UCOC, he got accepted to a lot of colleges, but decided to stay close, probably because of me. Renee got pregnant with him in high school, and the sperm donor took off because he probably didn't want to be stuck with a whore for a wife. Before she popped Em out, she met Charlie Swan, a townie going nowhere fast. They fell in love and when Em was born, he stuck around. Renee was actually smart enough to give Emmett her last name, and Charlie never actually adopted Emmett, but he's the only father Emmett knows. His biological father never tried to get in touch, and neither did Emmett. About a year after Em was born, Renee found out she was pregnant again, with yours truly. So her and Charlie got married, a shotgun wedding pretty much. Emmett was their ring bearer, and we were all a happy little family, until about five or six years ago when Charlie and Renee decided that they hated each other and Charlie took off, and we haven't heard from him since.

Great parental units we have going on, right?

It's usually just Emmett, and me, which I'm totally fine with. It's better that way. His girlfriend, Rosalie Hale, the blonde glamazon, sleeps over a lot too. Which is fine, she is kind of quiet, but we get along pretty well, she is always nice to me, and she's good to Emmett. She knows how close we are, and always gives Emmett space so that he and I can hang out. She's also helped me out a lot when Renee should have, whenever I needed girl advice, she's been the one to give me advice; it's kind of like having an older sister. Hell even before she was dating Emmett, Rose was like a second and much better mother to me, she is the one who taught Alice and I how to use tampon's for Christ sake. I was thankful because that was not a lesson I wanted to be taught by Emmett.

Her cousin, Alice Brandon, yes, THE Alice Brandon who was on every child show in the 90's, has been my best friend since we were kids, Alice is usually always around too. Alice is kind of like a little sister to Emmett as well, so when we're all here, it's like our own little dysfunctional family.

"I'm sorry, who are you again?" I snapped, glaring at Renee, who was straightening out whatever imaginary wrinkles her drunken mind made appear on Emmett's shirt. He hated when she did that, but he was always better at tolerating her than I ever was.

"Bells." Emmett warned.

"Baby, I know I'm not around a lot, I'm sorry for that, I'm just trying to give us a better life, and make us a family again." She said, taking a sip of her drink.

"But, Jake's on his way to get me." I told Emmett, ignoring her.

"Bells, it's the Cullen's, come on, Carlisle and Esme are always so nice, and Edward's not so bad. Just come for a little while, and then you can go hang out with Jake, okay?" he reasoned, and he hated Jake, so the fact that he didn't throw in some crude comment was his way of bartering with me.

"Fine." I sighed.

"Cool, come on. Rosie and Alice are meeting us there." He said, throwing his heavy arm around me.

Rose hated Renee, I think almost as much as I did if not more. So she usually avoided the house whenever she was home. Lucky bitch. I was unsure of the exact reason why, I'm pretty sure it had to do with the fact that she lived with Alice and her family, and not her own parents. Emmett never told me the reason; just that she had a good one. I believed him, and didn't ask any questions.

"All right my babies, let's go." Renee chimed as she opened the door and we followed her out.

The Cullen's had been our neighbors for as long as I could remember. Carlisle was one of the best oncologists in California, people traveled from all over to see him. He was also great looking for an old guy, and like the best dad ever. He and Emmett went surfing together all the time; Emmett really looked up to him and I was glad he had a fatherly figure in his life.

Esme was super sweet wonder mom. She was a Social Worker, and even though it didn't pay well (she also came from mad money, most of the families around here did) she just loved to help people. She was always taking care of people, and she always sent Emmett home with home cooked meals for us. I had a hard time being around them both, since I got the short end of the stick for parents. Edward Cullen had no idea just how lucky he was.

Edward is their only kid, he's in my grade, and I guess as kids we used to play together a lot, up until like middle school, but then we just grew apart, and he just stopped talking to me, and we had different groups of friends, he was nerdy, but he definitely had cute potential, and I'm pretty sure he thought he was gods gift to the earth because he never talked to anyone except his group of very few friends. Most people thought he was either stuck up or nerdy.

They were having a barbeque because Esme's nephew Casper, I think that's his name, who names their kid Casper? I mean, come on, just moved in and when school start's they wanted him to know everyone. And in this town, when someone has a party, if you aren't invited, then you're a no one.

As we entered their backyard, I immediately spotted Alice and Rose talking under a nearby tree. Alice was so cute; she had a different look every single day. I'm not kidding. Yesterday was the gangster princess look with huge chains and cornrows, today she looked like a naughty school girl, her hair had bright pink highlights, and was pulled back into pigtails, and she had a button up white blouse that didn't cover much, and a short pink plaid skirt complete with knee high socks and Mary Jane's. Whenever anyone asked why she was different every day, she claimed she was trying to find her signature look for when she got back into acting. She had taken time off and decided when high school was over she was getting into more adult, serious roles. She figured by the time she landed a role everyone would have forgotten her cute little innocent kid roles and she would have more success than if she hadn't taken a break.

"Hey Bells!" she smiled, waving at me as I approached them.

"Hey guys." I smiled at them as I watched Emmett from the corner of my eye as he and Carlisle were in an intense animated conversation, and I also watched as Renee swayed as she talked to a worried looking Esme.

"I thought you were hanging out with Jake?" Alice asked, and I could have sworn I saw Rose scowl at the mention of him.

"Emmett said I had to make an appearance here first." I shrugged.

Jake Black was the boy from the wrong side of the tracks that no one liked. We had been together on and off since freshman year. I lost my virginity to him, but since this was like our 500th time being back on, it wasn't a huge deal.

"How's stuff at home?" I asked them, changing the subject. Rosalie had been living with Alice for a few years now; they lived on the other side of town with Alice's parents. They had the whole second floor to themselves; they each had their own rooms that were connected by not only the biggest bathroom I had ever seen, but the biggest closet I had ever seen as well.

"It's all right, you know Ma & Pa Brandon, and they never do much." Alice shrugged. Alice was a "Change of life" baby; her parents didn't think they could have kids after many failed attempts, so they were older, but they really were great, and pretty hip for being older than most kids our age's parents.

"I'm going to steal Em from Dr. Cullen." Rose informed us with a smile and walked in that direction.

"So, Renee is wasted already I see." Alice stated as we people watched.

"Of course, it's a day that ends in y." I sighed, as a flash of bronze caught my eye. I looked over to see Edward and who I think was Casper. And can I just tell you that he was the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen. The tattoos that peeked through the sleeves of his rolled up plaid shirt was the cherry on top of the entire thing. I recognized the way he walked from the occasional time I would see him coming and going from the Cullen's house, but this was the first time I had seen him up close.

"Wow, Edward's cousin is hot!" Alice exclaimed as quietly as possible. I nodded, agreeing with her as I watched the two boys approach, Edward looked like he was going to throw up at any second, Esme must be making him introduce his cousin.

"Uh, H-Hey Bella." Edward said, stuttering a little as they approached, swaying back and forth nervously,

"Alice." he nodded to her.

"Hi Eddie!" Alice said loudly, and giggled when he grimaced at her nickname for him.

"Hey Edward." I responded, looking past him, at Casper curiously.

"This is Jasper, my cousin." Edward said motioning to Jasper. Still a weird name, but much better than Casper. "Jasper, this is Bella Swan, she lives next door, and Alice Brandon." Edward explained.

"Hey." Jasper smiled, and nodded casually.

"Welcome to Newport, Jasper." I said, smiling at him, he chuckled and before we could get much more conversation in Esme came over and pulled the boys away to help her set out the food.

The rest of the barbeque Alice and I joined our other friends as they came and just relaxed, laughed, and ate and had a pretty decent time, it was definitely better than I thought it was going to be, and luckily, there was no drama, like there usually was during these sorts of events.

After about an hour or so, I decided I was ready to go, Jake had been blowing up my phone the entire time and I was getting annoyed anyways. Once I made my rounds to say goodbye, luckily avoiding Renee who was flirting shamelessly with Dr. Cohen, and convincing Emmett that I had been there long enough, I made my way towards the front to wait for Jake.

I smiled to myself as I pulled out my pack of cigarettes, I couldn't remember the last time I had one, I had to hide it, Emmett hated it, and Renee would probably have a heart attack if she saw me smoking. But smoking helped me deal with her crazy whore ass.

"Ya know cigarettes kill people?" a sexy southern voice said, jolting me from my reverie.

I laughed as I took a seat next to Jasper who was sitting on the curb, smoking his own cigarette.

"Is that so?" I asked, taking another drag.

"Very bad for you." he continued, chuckling at himself.

"Nice ink." I said, reaching over and running my fingers over the tattoos on his closest arm, causing him to finally make eye contact with me.

"Thanks. You got any of your own?" he asked as Jake pulled up in his jeep.

"I do. Maybe I'll show you sometime." I winked and hopped into the car, waving as we drove away.

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Thank for reading, please review. Also anyone who is following us from The Friend Game, thank you fans rock.


	2. Prisons

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters, not me.

So as you have maybe read from the last chapter we are taking this is a little bit of a different direction with couples. Not saying it won't end up canon couples eventually, but bare with us to enjoy the journey to get there.

Dani and I are really proud of how funny this chapter turned out and I am already working on chapter 3 while Dani started Friend Game's next chapter. Enjoy.

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**Chapter 2**

**BPOV**

I couldn't breathe. I can't breathe. My breathing just … stopped. It was as if I was being choked, or strangled, or smothered. Maybe some odd combination of all three. My air supply was suddenly being cut off. I reached up for my throat, but I couldn't move my arms, it was as if I was being locked in place by a steel cage.

I opened my eyes quickly, bolting up into a sitting position, panting, and sweating as if I had just ran a marathon. It was only a dream. _Thank fucking Christ_. I let my breath even out, and then sighed in relief.

I let myself relax for a moment as I looked around at my surroundings. Blue walls. Pictures of wolves, and werewolves, and the Quileute tribe, which is where Jacob's ancestors descended from, covered the walls of the room. I glanced next to me on the bed to see Jake sprawled out, wearing only his boxers, his left leg was strewn across my knees, and his arm was draped across my chest, keeping me locked to his side.

I hated that, he was clingy enough while he was awake, the last thing I wanted was him to be like that in his sleep. Although, he was always like this, I'm not sure why all the sudden it was bothering me so much.

I reached for my iPhone on the bedside table, next to the half smoked joint that we smoked last night, and pressed the home screen so it would light up. I had 3 missed calls, all from Emmett, he would be pissed that I didn't go home last night, especially since he knows I was last with Jake. And 7 texts messages. 3 were from Emmett, telling me whenever I decided to get my butt home, that I was in big trouble. I rolled my eyes at those. The next 1 was from Rosalie, telling me that I'd better get home soon. And the last 3 were from Alice, telling me rather than asking me, that we were going shopping today and that whenever I woke up she'd pick me up from Jake's.

I set my phone back down, and began to wriggle free from the hold Jake had on me, but just as I was about to slide out of the bed, he made a weird grumbling sound, and tightened his grip on me, pulling me closer to him.

_Shit_.

After a few minutes, once Jake had resumed snoring and breathing heavily. I was able to break free from his grip, and as I was changing into clean clothes, yes- I had a stash of clothes at his house, I texted Alice, telling her to come pick me up.

I scrawled out a quick note for Jacob, letting him know that I had made plans with Alice last night that I had I forgot about, and maybe I'd see him later. I didn't want to be a complete bitch, and plus I'd feel like a prostitute if I had just taken off.

As I walked out the front door, luckily undetected by Jake's dad, Billy, I pulled out my pack of cigarettes, and lit one, embracing the sudden calm that washed over me as I waited for Alice's bright yellow Porsche to pull into the driveway.

Yup, Alice had a bright yellow Porsche, and me, I didn't have a car yet. Not that I really needed one because Emmett, Rose, and Alice all had one, and I was always with at least one of them.

"ya know, I still don't know why you smoke." Alice sighed when she pulled up and I took my last drag and climbed into her car. She was decked out in total head to toe army gear. Sort of. She had on black doc martin boots, a camouflage skirt, a white tank top, and a cute camouflage hat. Her hair was pulled back into a tight bun. If I didn't know any better I would think she was actually in the army.

"Nice outfit sergeant." I grinned at her.

"Actually Bells, it's Cornel Alice to you." she said seriously, trying to hide a smile as she sped away from Jake's neighborhood.

"Okay Cornel, whatever you say." I rolled my eyes as I watched the scenery fly by. Alice drove like a bat outta hell, it took a lot of getting used to.

"You know, I would ask how your night went, but judging by the marks on your neck, it seemed to have went pretty well." Alice quipped, chuckling at herself.

"What?" I asked, instinctively reaching for my neck as I flipped the sun visor down so I could check out what she was talking about in the mirror. I had two hickeys. One was huge, and dark, almost black, and the other one, just below it, was about the size of a quarter, and lighter.

"Fuck!" I growled, flipping my visor back up, not wanting to look at the horrendous vampire bites on my neck. I fucking hated hickeys, not only did they make me look like a trashy slut, but it was as if Jake was marking me like a fucking dog pissing on a fire hydrant so that all the other mutts stayed away. Bella Swan was property of no one. "I told that motherfucker last time to cut that shit out!"

"Well, since he's technically your boyfriend, he probably didn't see what the big deal was." Alice shrugged, as she stopped at a crosswalk, letting some skateboarders cross.

"I feel like he just wants to make everyone see that I belong to him or some shit." I cringed.

"Are things okay with you guys? Or do I need to introduce my boots to his junk?" Alice asked, bluntly.

I sighed, running a hand through my messy hair. "I guess." I shrugged.

"But…?"

"I don't know Alice! I feel like he's so much clingier than he ever was before. All day yesterday at the barbeque he blew up my phone, and then when we get to his house and we have sex, he was like… weird about it, like looking into my eyes and shit, but for some reason all I could think about was Edward's cousin, Jasper, and his sexy ass tattoos and southern accent, and then this morning I had this horrible dream, I couldn't breathe, and I was trapped so that I couldn't move my arms to take away whatever was making me suffocate, and then when I woke up, Jake's legs and arms were on top of me, like an iron grip." I shuddered at the memory of my dream.

"Wow." Alice exhaled, tapping on the top of her steering wheel as she took a sharp turn, making my stomach do a somersault. I inwardly groaned. "That's a lot to take in all at once.."

"Yeah." I sighed, shaking my head as I played with the frayed material of the hole in the knee of my jeans.

"So, Jake's being clingy is not good at all, you should try talking to him about it, you guys have been through so much, and I mean, he's not the best guy ever, but he's not completely horrible either. I'm sure if you told him how you were feeling he'd understand I'm sure he's not doing it to you on purpose." she suggested.

"I guess so."

"And the whole Jasper thing, he definitely is sexy, but I think you just think that because you A- have a weak spot for bad boys. And B- he's something new in Newport, not what your usually around, so of course you think you have feelings for him. And you know, Edward wasn't look so bad himself either. " she smiled as she found an empty parking spot on the strip, the main shopping area in Newport was a row off shops that were on the beach, we loved it here, and it's where we would run into a lot of friends from school, there was never a dull moment if you came to the strip.

I bit my lip as we climbed out of the car, mulling over what she had just said, and while she did have a point, I was just at the point where I was so over Jake's bullshit, and Jasper just seemed like someone I needed at the moment. I shook the thoughts from my head, deciding today was all about me, Alice, and Renee's Amex.

"So my agent called me today." Alice said after we had walked into the first shop and were browsing through the racks. I looked up at her, pausing my perusing, and raised my eyebrow at her. I knew that next year once we graduated that we were both probably going our own ways, but I wasn't ready for her to leave me now.

"And you reminded him you are finishing high school before you take on any more serious roles, correct?!" I pressed, worried for what her answer may be.

"Calm down." she giggled. "Eleazar knows that I want to wait till once we've graduated to do anything serious, but that new group, Breaking Dawn, you know, with the family of hot boys in the band together? Well they need dancers for their next music video, and my name came up." she smiled "it's nothing too serious, it's just a three day shoot next weekend, and I don't even have to go anywhere too far, since its in LA." she explained, and I let out a breath that I didn't know I was holding.

"Well that's awesome!" I smiled, truly happy for her. "good for you!"

"No Bella, good for us! You are coming with me to the shoot. You can hang out and be my PA or entourage, whatever. I just want you to be there with me." Alice said while throwing a small pile of clothes at me to try on.

"I don't know Alice. I mean, a music video shoot with a really hot all boy band? I think you might have to twist my arm a bit more to get me to go." I replied and we both burst out laughing.

We continued to shop for a little while, bumping into more than a few people we knew, and also buying a decent amount of stuff. I kept trying to ignore the bad feeling in my gut, not because of Jake, or Alice or Jasper, but because of Emmett, I still hadn't called him, and I knew he was going to be pretty mad at me. Not coming home or calling was a rule Emmett never let me forget. I swear, between Renee's whatever attitude and his over protectiveness I was going to end up bipolar.

After we had gotten iced coffees at the Starbucks in the strip, we walked across the street towards the beach to sit and watch the surfers. I could usually spot Emmett and Dr. Cullen if they were out there. Emmett was huger than any of the other surfers, and Carlisle had a bright orange board, the astronauts in space could see it.

"Hey, isn't that Edward Cullen?" Alice asked, after we had been sitting and watching the surfers for a little while.

"Huh? Where?" I asked, putting my hand against my forehead to shade my eyes from the sun as I scanned the beach.

"See, straight ahead, 12:00 maybe 12:17 I am not sure the sun keeps moving." she pointed directly in front of us to the right, and I followed her finger to see Jasper and Edward laughing as they walked towards us. They were both good looking, I hadn't paid much attention to Edward much before, but seeing him with someone he liked, and was so free with, and laughing, and being genuinely happy highlighted the fact that he wasn't bad looking, not bad at all. And Jasper, wow, how can I even describe how good looking he was when he was laughing? When I had first met him, he seemed like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, but something about seeing the bad boy let down his walls just a little bit to let people get a peek inside, was so fucking hot.

"Jasper! Edward!" I yelled, waving at them as they looked up at the sound of their names. I smiled, winking at Alice as they headed over to us.

_**EPOV**_

"Come on Jasper we are hitting the beach!" I demanded, jumping on Jasper's bed.

I was rewarded with some unidentifiable grunts, groans and a pillow being hurled at me. I could swear he said something that sounded similar to "Shibbity Bobdoe" but I couldn't be too sure what was said, only what he meant.

"Yes I know I will burn in hell for waking you up this early, not to mention the things I did to the starving children in Africa." I replied with a chuckle. Sleepy Jasper was funny.

Next series of grunts and groans sounded like an ancient turn of the century language.

"Yes, Mom made coffee so you don't need to separate my testicles from my person." I liked funny Jasper. I would have to remember to wake him up early more often. Jasper shot up more quickly then I would have imagined him capable of and snatched my coffee from my hand. He bolted towards the bathroom door muttering something about "spoils of war" before the door was closed.

"What the hell do you mean spoils of war?" I asked to the closed bathroom door but didn't get a reply. "We are leaving in fifteen minutes, so whatever you are doing in there, you better make it quick!" I shouted as I banged on the door to get Jaspers attention over the running shower.

"So what are we doing today anyways?" I heard from within the confines of the bathroom.

"We are hitting the pier and maybe the beach. Yesterday you got to meet all the stuck up money grubbing socialites Newport has to offer, so today I planned on showing you why dealing with them was worth it." I replied rather smugly.

"So we are hitting the comic book store then grabbing lunch at the Fish'n'Trips at the pier?" Jasper replied with what I suspected was his toothbrush in his mouth. Was he brushing his teeth while he took a shower? Damn good multitasker, but still pretty damn strange.

"How did you know?" I asked.

"Your mom told me that was how you typically spent your time when you weren't obsessing over Patricia your online girlfriend"

"Great you and mom gossiping like a bunch of school girls, maybe she will take you to her next meeting of the ladies who lunch." I replied with only a minor amount of sarcasm. Jasper would be a huge hit with the ladies who lunch.

"You're the one who woke me up before noon to go get comics. What are you some kind of nerdy superhero? I dub thee Comic Book Lad" Jasper said as he opened the door and walked out of the bathroom.

"Shut the fuck up Texas Ken, and let's go see if Mom needs anything while we are out." I replied as we left the pool house and headed towards the kitchen.

"You were right Esme, comic books and food is what Captain Exciting has planned for me today, and it seemed to be so important he had to wake me up before noon." Jasper said to my mom as soon as he opened the kitchen door and saw her standing near the coffee machine.

"At least I only had threats of violence and a small assault with a pillow and no actual physical violence waking you up this time." I replied to my smartass cousin.

"Yeah, I am getting better I guess." Jasper replied as he refilled my coffee cup.

"Would you boys like to grab some clothes while you are out? I know Edward needs a few things for school besides his uniform. Jasper do you need anything?" Mom asked as she handed me another cup of coffee. I swear my mom fucking rocked when she wasn't trying to get me eat tofu burger and mung beans.

"Yeah I could use some more long sleeve shirts. It's pretty cold here." Jasper replied in between sips of his coffee.

"Are you insane? It is almost ninety degrees outside and you're cold. What are you some kind of retard that can't feel weather?" I asked.

"No smarty pants. I'm from San Antonio, a cold day to us in the summer is in the low nineties and the high is typically closer to a hundred and ten." Texas Ken replied. Stupid cousin with his stupid blonde hair and accent.

"Guess we are going shopping. Just don't think I am going to hold your hand and skip from store to store like a little bitch" I said.

"Oh and maybe afterward you could braid each others hair and talk about the boys you like." Esme replied. Sometimes I really disliked that I got my smart mouth for my mom, it meant she could give it out almost as good as I could.

"Edward likes boys? I mean I kinda guessed that Patricia was really Patrick the forty year old pedophile who likes teenage boys, but I never knew Edtard swung that way." Jasper replied earning a huge belly laugh from my mom. Okay so maybe the smartass gene runs on Esme's side of the family. Well let's see if Jasper can take a few taunts as well as he can dish them out.

"At least I didn't let my cell mate ink my arms up. Tell me Jastard, did Bubba give you those before or after he made you his prison bitch?" I asked earning another big laugh from my mom.

"Boys settle down. Just pickup whatever you need. Edward put it all on the card and we'll get the rest sorted out later" Esme replied as she learned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek before repeating the same thing to Jasper.

"Come on Cuz, let's roll." Jasper replied as he grabbed my keys and took off out the door.

"Jasper you are not driving my car you monkey fucker" I exclaimed as I ran after him.

After finally getting my keys back from Jasper, which was no small feat I might add. In the end I had to essentially bitch slap him with my blue light saber in order to reclaim control of my keys and my car, but the universe was safe again.

I drove to the pier with Jasper messing with my radio and iPod the whole trip.

"Don't you have anything on here except whiny emo bands or punk bands?" Jasper whined.

"Shut up, it's my car so it's my music. When you finally save up and buy your own car then you can listen to all the country music you like. I mean really how many times can you hear some redneck singing about his hunting dog, his truck, or his tractor before you start losing brain cells?" I challenged Jasper.

"I don't like country western music you fucking snob. I like blues, and not that shit they pass off as R&B, that's just poppy rap. I am talking like soulful blues of B.B. King and Muddy Waters."

"Okay Elwood, but I doubt you could consider clothes shopping a mission from God." I said and heard Jasper laugh. I swear that was the first time he had laughed since… well in awhile.

"I'm just glad we don't have any penguins with rulers smacking our hands." Jasper replied with another chuckle.

"Yeah but if you keep fucking with my radio, I'll make the penguins punishment seem like fun compared to the pain I will inflict upon you." I said dryly and noticed that shut him up and he stopped messing with my radio.

I finally got to the pier and found a decent parking spot, we only had to walk a mile, maybe a mile in a half to get to the shopping center. I loved shopping, I loved it with the passion of a hundred arrows impaling my body from all directions. I'd rather be anywhere else, but I knew Jasper wouldn't let Esme go and I did need a few things. Plus we needed to get that boy a phone, he seemed amazed by my iPhone and I mean it was one of the older models. Maybe I would be a good Samaritan and give him mine and just buy myself a new one. That would be a good deed right?

I was snapped out of my inner debate when I heard someone yelling for Jasper and I and turned to see Bella and I think Alice, or it could be some Army reject, I wasn't really sure at that point.

"Hey isn't that your cute neighbor girl?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah and I think that is her friend and life mate Alice." I replied.

"Let's go say hi and see if they want to go shopping with us." Jasper suggested.

"Are you fucking crazy? I mean really, did you sleep in a meth lab or something? You never ever, ever, ever go shopping with girls. You end up carrying their bags and standing around awkwardly wondering why they can't just pick up what they need and get the hell out of there. But no shopping isn't something you do, it's something you experience. Like a drug addiction or seeing combat during war time, once you have lived the horror you come out the other side a changed man." I said as I noticed the girls were rapidly approaching us.

"Did your boyfriend Patrick tell you that so that you would stay away from girls and still be pure and innocent for him? Jesus, you are mental, Edward, shopping with girls is fun. They can give you tips on what looks good on you and sometimes they even let you see what they are trying on. You can't tell me you wouldn't mind if Bella and Alice put on a little show… say bikini shopping and modeled the suits for us would you?" Jasper asked as we flagged the girls over.

"Well, I guess that wouldn't be so bad, I mean the modeling part anyways. But I am no ones pack mule Jasper, they can carry their own fucking bags" I replied.

"Edward, I thought Esme raised you to be a gentleman" Jasper raised his eyebrows at me.

"Is that a roundabout way of you saying you're going to tell my Mom on me?" I inquired of my dear cousin who I was starting to like less and less as our conversation went on.

"Yes it is" Jasper said with a smirk.

"You evil bastard" was all I could think to reply before the girls were in front of us.

"So what are you two lovely ladies up to this afternoon?" Jasper asked while eyeing them both up and down. God, was he flirting with them?

"Oh you know, just doing a little shopping and then grabbing some lunch, what are you boys up to?" Bella asked while looking a little more at Jasper then at me, okay, if I'm being honest it was more than a little.

"The same." I replied.

"Oh Jasper, I didn't notice you had tattoo's. What do they mean?" Alice asked after she noticed the ink on Jasper's forearms.

"This one is for Intelligence, this one is Courage, this one is Strength, and the last one is Love" Jasper explained while pointing to each tattoo.

"His husband got them for him as a wedding present" I added which got a laugh from both the girls but almost earned me a shoulder punch from Jasper, it was worth it though.

"So would you ladies mind joining us? Maybe you can help me convince Edward this online girlfriend Patricia is really Patrick the Pedophile, and when he finally does agree to meet him instead of bring her flowers and candy he should bring lube and duct tape." Jasper joked earning another round of giggles from the girls, especially Bella.

"Sound good to me, what do you think Alice?" Bella asked.

"I am sure we could escort these guys around, maybe even help them pick out something besides wife beaters and thermal shirts." Alice replied after appraising our current appeal.

I leaned in close to Jasper and warned him "If I end up with some sort of post traumatic stress disorder from this shit so you can get your flirt on, I will find a Bubba to make you his bitch for real Cuz."

* * *

I hope you like this chapter and continue reading. Maybe you could throw us a review...please !?

Anyways if people want I will start rec'n some of the other fanfics I have read (which is alot). Dani picks on me because I read about 2-3 stories (usually around 350,000 to 500,000) words daily so I have tons of fave's that are pretty awesome.


	3. Flirtatude

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, no me.

So we wrapped this chapter up pretty quickly and wanted to go ahead and post it so we can get started on chapter 4 of this and the next chapter of The Friend Game (our other almost finished story).

Dani and I are having a wee bit of fun with these characters, so bare with us a bit and maybe everything will be worked out eventually.

* * *

_JASPER POV_

'What the fuck are you wearing dude?" I asked, gawking at what my half retarded cousin had walked out of the dressing room wearing.

"It's a Power Rangers shirt. Isn't it awesome?" Edward asked as he executed some weird kick move I'm sure he had seen on the show.

"No, it's anything but awesome. In fact it is anti-awesome." I replied as I looked around trying to see if anyone else noticed what my cousin was wearing. Maybe I could play it off like I was his Special Olympics' sponsor if someone were to see us together.

"Come on Jasper, the Power Rangers rocked! In each episode you had a life lesson, some kung fu fighting, and a big cheesy Vol-tron monster fight all rolled into one. What was not to love?" Edward asked checking out his shirt in the dressing room mirror.

"Well… where to start… the bad voice over dubs? horrible plot lines? the fact that all the females went from having curves on their body to being scrawny boys once they got in uniform?" I taunted.

"I always thought Tommy was hot." Alice replied appearing in the dressing room as she dropped off another handful of clothes for each of us to try on.

"Huh?" I replied as I sorted through the clothes, she was crazy if she thought I was buying some of these.

"I remember watching it on Saturday morning reruns… Tommy was the green one, and then later the white ranger. He was hot. After he left the show, I stopped watching." Alice said as a sly smile spread across her lips.

"Where's Bella?" I asked, trying to change the conversation.

"She's picking out clothes for our trip to L.A." Alice informed us, smiling again.

"What are you going to L.A. for Alice? another big movie premiere?" Edward asked.

"Nah, I got a job as a dancer in the upcoming video for Breaking Dawn and Bella is coming with me." she explained.

"So are you some kind of professional dancer or something?" I asked confused, and even more so when both Edward and Alice started laughing at my question.

"No Jasper, I'm an actress, or I was until I decided I needed a break. Too much time away from my friends and family, and not enough time being a normal kid, so I'm taking a break to chill and finish high school with my friends." Alice told me, and I suddenly wondered if I had ever seen her in anything.

"Now I feel like an idiot" I proclaimed when I couldn't place her from anywhere.

"Aw, it's okay sweetie, I'm glad you didn't get all star struck over me, it's refreshing." Alice said giving me another nice smile.

"So what are you guys talking about in here?" Bella asked as she entered the dressing room with a small handful of clothes.

"Oh just telling the guys about our upcoming weekend. I'm so excited!" Alice squealed, yes, literally squealed - a noise I am positive only dogs and the mentally defected could hear.

"Yeah it will be fun. You'll be dancing all around some hot boy band while I hold your water and towel you down when you get sweaty." Bella joked.

"I'm sure if you ask the guys in Breaking Dawn nicely, they'll gladly let you towel then down instead, in fact, you could probably clean them off with your-"Alice began, but was quickly interrupted.

"I don't think Jake would like that" Edward interjected quickly, stopping Alice before she finished her perverted train of thought.

"yeah, he probably won't like it, which is why he's not invited along." Bella said firmly as she vanished into the dressing room.

"Who is Jake?" I asked, wishing they'd explain, hello, new kid here.

"Jake is an asshole." Alice and Edward said in synchronization.

"Jake is the kid who picked me up from the barbeque yesterday. He's sort of my boyfriend," Bella replied from behind the dressing room door "and yeah sometimes he's an asshole." she added.

"Well, I know that's what I look for in someone to date." Edward added, rolling his eyes.

"Shut up, your girlfriend probably has a bigger dick then you do." I shot back, causing both girls to erupt in laughter as Bella stepped out of her changing room wearing a dress. I'm not sure if it was just the dress, which admittedly, was hot. But add the hot dress to Bella's awesome body and mix in the fact that I could see some ink on her sides made the scene way hotter then I expected.

"You might want to wipe the drool off of your chin." my idiot cousin added with a chuckle.

"Bella! that dress is hot, you have to get it! The boys of Breaking Dawn won't be able to keep their hands off of you!" Alice exclaimed grabbing Bella by the hand and making her do a little twirl.

"So that the ink you were talking about… What is it exactly?" I asked now intrigued, since I could see only the tops of what looked like letters sticking out of the low cut top of the dress, and because I didn't want to hear any more about the handsy boy band.

"It's my name down my right side and my older brother Emmett's name down my left side, with a small swan under each of the names." Bella explained as she checked herself out in the mirror.

"Rib tats had to have hurt." I said knowing that ink on bone was suppose to be pretty damn painful, but it was pretty hot that she had the balls to sit through not only one, but both sides.

"They do hurt, like a bitch, but after I got my first one, I couldn't stop, I had to get these." Bella said with a coy smile.

"You have another one?" I asked, interested.

"Yeah, and if you're a good boy, I might let you see them all sometime." Bella said with a really flirty smile. Damn she knew how to work her game.

"Or maybe if you are a bad boy you can see them sooner." Alice added. "Come on Bella we need to find shoes to go with that dress!" She said pulling Bella out of the dressing room behind her.

"What was that shit about her ink dude?" Edward asked still trying to strut around in that damn Power Rangers shirt.

"Nothing, she mentioned something about it at the barbeque, and now I'm even more interested in how much ink she has and where." I replied.

"Watch it with her Jasper. Jake is fucking crazy dude. They fight, break up, make up, have sex, rinse, lather, and repeat. It's like some horrible teenage soap opera playing out before our eyes with the two main leads always want each other but never seem to be able to make it work, it's annoying." Edward said as he finally took off that damn shirt.

"So Edward, ever think of getting some ink? It might distract girls from some of your paleness." I asked while still thinking over what Edward had said about Jake and Bella in my head. I mean yeah, she was hot and I was interested, but did she want me? or did she just want an escape from Jake?

"Yeah… I thought about it, but then I thought about how bad Mom and Dad would kick my ass when they found out so I decided no…for now." Edward said sheepishly.

"Aw, poor baby, tell you what… I'll talk to Esme and Carlisle and if they are cool with it, we'll hit the shop in a few days and get you all inked up." I told him. My cousin needed something to break out of this weird nerd cocoon he seemed to have trapped himself in, and if I could help, I would.

"Oh my god! I love this song!" Alice exclaimed as she rejoined us in the changing room.

"Yeah… Kings of Leon is cool but I'm sorry, a song titled 'Sex on Fire' just doesn't seem healthy. I mean any kind of burning sensation in that region and you should consult a doctor." Edward said smugly.

"I think it's more about a fire of passion burning into a hot flame between you and your lover and less about the actual sex burning." Bella replied, as she walked out of the dressing room, sadly back into her regular clothes, and giving me a sly smile.

"I agree I think it is about wanting someone so bad you feel like you are going to burst into flames from lust." I said looking at Bella and giving her a little wink and smile. Yeah, two could play this flirting game girl, bring it.

"So… we were planning on hitting the arcade next, if you girls are done shopping you are welcome to join us…" Edward trailed off, kind of quiet. I was glad he asked, that meant I didn't have to.

"I'm game, how about you?" Bella asked giving Alice a look that I could not quite decipher.

"You know I can't resist hanging out with my bestie and two cute guys, I'm in!" Alice proclaimed after the girls silent exchange.

"To the registers then." I added as we walked out of the dressing room.

"Then to the arcade" Edward replied.

After we paid for our stuff, which by the way was the most expensive purchase I had ever made, but the rest of them didn't seem to realize how much, or how big of a deal it was, so I just went along with it, we dropped it off at our respective cars and started the short walk over to the arcade.

"What should we play first?" Alice asked as we were getting tokens from the machine inside the door.

"I rock at Guitar Hero, so I vote for that." Edward said practically running over to the machine. God sometimes he was such a dork.

"Oh man I will spank your ass and make you like it at Guitar Hero!" Bella challenged, following him over.

"I would pay to see that" Alice and I both said at the same time.

"You are going down Swan!" Edward quipped while adjusting the guitar strap on his lanky frame.

"I am going to make you my bitch Cullen." Bella snapped back, grabbing the other guitar. We stood around and watched them for a little bit, but Bella and Edward were in their zone of colored buttons and strumming motions which left Alice and I out of the loop for a bit so we ended up wandering around looking at other games, occasionally playing one or keeping the other company.

"So... does Edward really have an online girlfriend?" Alice asked playing a game of pinball.

"Yeah, the poor guy is essentially dating his laptop." I sighed, shaking my head.

"Edward has always been a bit weird and nerdy, but he's nice and really cute at the same time." Alice admitted not taking her eyes off the pinball machine.

"I would have agreed if you would have said very weird and nerdy and dropped the cute part." I laughed, "But yeah he is family and his parents rock so I guess I will keep him." Maybe if Alice had a thing for Edward it would help Bella and I get together, I decided to keep that in the back of my mind for now.

We were silent for a minute, the sounds of the game taking over as we settled in comfortable silence, until Alice broke it. "Jasper, I'm really sorry about your mom. My mom passed away a few years ago, but luckily I still had my dad, and now I have my step-mom who is pretty great. But, it sucks horribly and you will always miss her, not a day goes by that I don't miss my mom, but it does eventually start to suck less with time." she said softly, and gave me a small smile, it was the first time anyone had said anything about my mom, and while I was surprised that she actually got it, at the same time grateful for her understanding, But, I still didn't want to think about it, and all the pain it was still causing me.

"Thanks Alice, your sweet." I told her, smiling.

"That's what friends are for Jasper." Alice replied giving me just the opening I needed.

"So... since we're friends, would you mind telling me if I have a shot with Bella? I know she's with Jake, but she's obviously not happy with him and you guys seem to think he's an ass..." I trailed off, hoping she would give me the answer I wanted.

"Honestly... Jake is a huge ass, and he's only getting worse, and Bella seems more fed up with his shit than ever. It's the same old story, ya know?" she asked, and when I didn't show any recognition, she sighed and continued. "They break up, and she swears she's done with him, but he comes crawling back, begging her for another chance and swearing that he's changed... but he never really changes. It only gets worse... Really Jasper, you're gorgeous, sweet, have the bad boy attitude, and have ink, so I would say your chances with Bella are very good." Alice finished, eyeing me up and down, I guess assessing me for her friend.

"Thanks darlin'" I smiled and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Jasper, if you turn out to be as bad as Jake, or worse, I will not hesitate to cut your balls off and feed them to you." Alice said giving me the death glare. I was kind of terrified of the wee little woman in front of me at that moment. Luckily, I was saved from my terrifying daydream about just how bad Alice would hurt me if I ever pissed her and/or Bella off when I heard Bella's voice.

"Say it Cullen! you know you want to" she taunted, loudly. Alice and I exchanged glances and made our way over to the two.

"All right, I am your bitch, Bella Swan." Edward said, defeated, and loudly.

"told you!" Bella teased as she did some weird, but cute, little victory dance.

"How about we play some ski ball next, so I can also make him my bitch?" I asked.

"Kinky Jasper, very kinky" Bella replied as we made our way to the ski ball game.

"Two guys together is kinda hot." Alice added.

"You girls are sick and demented." Edward said.

"Just the way I like em." I replied.

Alice's POV

"Okay, so now that Jasper has totally schooled us all at Skee ball, can we please get food?" I asked, interrupting Jasper's taunting. He and Bella were such sore winners.

"Daniella's is right across the pier." Edward suggested, rolling his eyes at his cousin.

"Yummy!" Bella exclaimed "Daniella's has the best cheeseburgers in Newport!" she rubbed her stomach for effect as she talked.

"You mean... you girls are going to actually eat in front of us.. guys?" Jasper asked, finally stopping from his gloating, now he just looked surprised.

"Uh.. duh?" I asked, giving him a strange look as we began to leave the arcade.

"Um, Hi... have you seen my monster of a brother? The one who always has some sort of food in his hand, or mouth? We share the same genetic makeup, of course I'm going to eat!" Bella laughed as she linked her arm through Jasper's and lead the way towards Daniella's.

"So, Edward... it's good to see you outside." I said as we fell into step behind the other two. "I always thought you may be a vampire who couldn't be exposed to the sun or something." I giggled, nudging him playfully to let him know I was just playing around.

"Well you see, I've been around for so many years that I figured out a secret so I can be out in sunlight." he joked back, winking at me.

"Ah, I see... so you must be the creature who left those god awful marks on Bella's neck." I chided, making sure I was loud enough for her to hear me.

"Hey! Fuck you, bitch!" She called back, looking back at me to stick her tongue out... so mature.

"No, that's too sloppy for any vampire to have made." Edward rolled his eyes, "obviously it was some kind of mutt marking his territory." he chuckled as we walked into the restaurant. Daniella's was cute, since it was on the beach, it kept with the beach theme, flip flips, sunglasses, and all the booths and tables looked like, or actually were, beach chairs. The whole back wall was a window that was open to the ocean.

"Okay, fuck you both... I am no one's property." Bella all but growled at us, as she and Jasper slid into one of the booths, and Edward and I slid in across from them.

Before we could continue any conversation about Bella's keeper, the waitress came over and handed us our menus and took our drink orders.

"I don't even have to look at the menu." Bella declared happily, setting her unopened menu on the table. "Daniella's classic cheeseburger, with lettuce, onions, pickles, and mayo." she beamed, "oh, and of course a chocolate milkshake."

"I'm getting the chicken salad sandwich, and I'm obviously getting a chocolate milkshake." I added, setting my menu on top of hers.

"I think I'm getting a cheeseburger." Jasper said, "After all, they are supposed to have the best burgers in Newport, right?" he winked at Bella.

"Burger for me too please." Edward decided, rolling his eyes at Bella and Jasper.

"Bella?" a booming voice that could only belong to one person called from across the restaurant.

"Shit." Bella mumbled, her eyes as wide as plates as she looked up to see who was calling her.

"Who is that?" Jasper asked, his jaw nearly hitting the table as he watched Emmett stalk over.

"My brother." Bella hissed.

"And my dad." Edward sighed, as Dr. Hottie Cullen followed in Emmett's footsteps.

"Hey Al." Emmett said, patting my shoulder, smiling down at me, but his smile quickly faded as he looked at his sister. "Bella, we need to have a long talk when you get home tonight." he said sternly, sounding more like a father, than a brother.

"Yeah... I know." she sighed, sounding like a child in trouble.

"Edward!" Dr. Hottie exclaimed, obviously happy to see his son outside. "Jasper!" he said again, equally as happy.

"Hey Unc, what are you doing here?" Jasper asked, curiously, not connecting why Bella's brother and his uncle would be hanging out.

"Dad and Emmett go surfing every day." Edward said, his voice sounded.. sad.. maybe jealous... I couldn't exactly put my finger on it, but something was definitely off.

"That's awesome!" Jasper said excited.

"I'll teach you sometime, I think you'd enjoy it." Dr. Hottie said, obviously pleased.

"Wow.. " Edward mumbled under his breath as the waitress returned to the table with our drinks.

"Well you kids have fun!" Dr. Hottie exclaimed as he patted Emmett on the shoulder and walked away.

"Bella, I will see you tonight." Emmett said sternly. "Bye guys." he added as he also left.

The waitress took our orders and then disappeared, leaving it awkwardly silent at the table. The only noise was Bella's phone vibrating on the table.

"Will you just answer that!" I exclaimed, knowing it was probably Jake.

"I don't want to, he's been blowing up my phone all day... he knows I'm with you, why can't he just hang out with his own friends for once?" she sighed, silencing her phone and setting it between her and Jasper.

"I can always pick up, and see what he wants." Jasper said picking up Bella's iPhone.

"God, don't do that, it'll cause way more problems than it's worth." she sighed, shaking her head.

"I won't" he chuckled, as he played around with her phone.

"Edward, are you all right?" I asked, shifting my focus to him. He had been quiet since his dad and Em had left.

"I'm fine." he mumbled, taking a sip of his milkshake.

"Are you sure?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at him, I didn't believe him for a second.

"It's just annoying, my dad and Emmett Swan are closer than he is with me, he's never once asked me to go surfing with them." he said frustrated.

"That's because you're always on your laptop talking to Pat the Pedophile!" Jasper piped in, "he probably never thought you'd even be interested."

"Whatever." Edward shrugged as our food came.

_Emmett's POV_

"Honey, I'm home!" I heard Bella sing out from the front of the house.

"In the kitchen!" I replied as I put away the last of the dishes from dinner as Bella entered.

Before I had time to collect my thoughts and let her have the verbal lashing I had been planning to give her since finding her bed empty this morning, she started.

"So, before you go off on me like I know you want to, let me talk." she started, giving me a knowing look. "I know I pissed you off by not coming home last night. or even today and I'm sorry Em... I know should have called, or at least texted, and gave you a heads up on what was going on. I didn't mean to sleep at Jake's and I wasn't intentionally avoiding you, I would never do that. It's just, as soon as I woke up Alice picked me up and we went shopping and ran into the Edward and his cousin." Bella explained quickly, giving me the puppy dog eyes, and pushing out her bottom lip, like she used to do when she was a kid and about to cry. Damn it, my sister was my kryptonite.

"You are hanging out with Edward Cullen and his cousin now?" I asked, raising my eyebrow at her, she had always claimed her and Edward were from different worlds, and it was true, they kind of were, but he's the kind of kid she needed to be hanging out with.

"Well, today was the first day, But Edward and his cousin, Jasper seem pretty cool and plus, you have been saying I should hang out with Edward more, so I took your wonderful advice big brother, and anyways I think Alice might have a crush." Bella replied as she hopped up on the counter beside me.

"I can't say much for his cousin really, but Edward is a good guy Bella, and you know Alice is like family, she's a good girl. But you didn't come home last night, come on- all I needed was a simple call from you to let me know you were alive, and to let me know what your plans were, would have been nice Bella." I said trying to muster all the stern fatherly tone I could.

"I said I was sorry. Jake and I just fell asleep." Bella replied. "and I figured you were busy with Rose, and surfing with Dr. Cullen all day, anyways." she shrugged.

"First of all, you know I always have time for you, so that's a bullshit excuse." I started, shaking my head at my ridiculous baby sister, "and second, You know how I feel about Jake and his pack of friends."

"God Em, I really don't get your big issue with Jake!" Bella whined, throwing her hands up in frustration.

"My problem with Jake starts with his shitty attitude and ends with the disgusting love bites that he left all over your neck Bella. You are my baby sister and no one is good enough for you, especially Jake with all his bullshit." I said while staring directly at the disgusting hickeys and bite marks on her neck.

"Come on Em, cut the shit about the hickeys. I have seen and heard a lot worse from you and Rosalie." Bella replied as she hopped off the counter top in a huff.

"What are you talking about B? Rose and I are nothing if not discreet." I argued, trying to pinpoint anything she could be talking about.

"Oh really? Then who was the Big Poppa Rose was screaming at to give it to her harder and faster a few weeks back?" Bella challenged and I could feel all the blood rushing to my face. I remembered that night, it was hot. But that didn't mean I wanted Bella knowing about it, that was just wrong.

"I'm not sure what you are referring to dear sister." I countered sweetly, trying to hide my embarrassment.

"Oh... and who's used condoms and wrappers did I find littered all over the house including the maids room and the pantry when I came back early from Spring Break in March?" Bella asked and I nearly passed out. Of course she would bring that up. Okay, well time to deflect some of this.

"Is that the same Spring Break trip to Big Bear you cut short because Jake beat the shit out of that Tyson kid because he thought you were doing him behind his back?" I asked.

"Don't change the subject Em! We are not talking about Jake and his fuckery. We are talking about you and Rose's sexcapades all over our house." Bella replied as she got up in my face, well my chest area but she couldn't help it, she was short and I was a huge mountain of awesome.

"Actually Bella, you were the one who originally changed the subject, but if Jake hadn't been such an ass and pissed you off so much, you wouldn't have come home early and interrupted our week of debauchery."

"Debauchery is right dear brother. Jesus Em! I found over a dozen used condoms and wrappers! I was only gone for a few days. I don't know if I should feel more proud for you or sorry for Rosalie." Bella said with a smile.

"A little bit of both maybe," I replied with a chuckle, but quickly got back to the original issue, "Seriously B, if you are sleeping over ANYWHERE a phone call is all I ask, please."

"Fine Em, and if it makes you feel any better I don't think there will be anymore sleepovers with Jake" Bella said.

"Really?" I asked mentally thinking if I could jump up and click my heels without bumping my head on the ceiling, that I would. But I also knew that those two were off and on like a light switch and I didn't want to get too excited over something that wasn't going to last.

"Yeah... really." was all Bella said.

"You want to have a little father-daughter time and talk about it? You know I don't like Jake but I am here for you and I want you to be happy B." I replied.

She sighed, running her hands through her hair, a habit she had picked up from Charlie along the way. "Lately Jake has just been even more possessive then usual, which is really saying something. At the Cullen's barbeque he was blowing up my phone with texts and chats and he did the same thing while we were all out today. I feel like he's smothering me, literally." As she finished, she leaned in to give me a hug. I wrapped my arms around her tiny frame and picked her up and held her.

"B, I've been trying to get you to see that Jake hasn't been treating you right for long time now, but he has always been this way. Why are you suddenly ready to drop him for it?" I asked, extremely curious to know the reason for her sudden change in heart.

"ImightkindalikeJasper" Bella mumbled into my chest so fast it sounded like it was one word.

"Huh!? What did you say?" I asked, wondering if I had heard her right.

"I think I might like Jasper..." she repeated, slower. "you know, Edward's cousin." Well, he wasn't exactly the boy who I hoped would change her mind, but I would take Jasper over Jake right now.

"The Cullen's are good people so I imagine Jasper to be as well. Plus if he gets you away from Jake I'm his biggest fan by default." I said seriously to Bella as I put her down and looked into her eyes.

"Oh great, just what every girls dreams about, finding a boy her parental figure approves of." she laughed, shaking her head. "Thanks Em, now I'm going to have to have him go beat up a nun or knock over a liquor store or something to regain some street cred." she joked, with a smile, and honestly even though she was my sister talking about boys she liked, I was happy to see her smile like that.

* * *

Thanks for reading another chapter. For those of you who just joined us we have another story we have almost completed called The Friend Game and if you like this one, give it a try.

So I don't usually rec other fanfic, but I am going to start trying.

Training The Cullen by IvoryAdulation is a amazing story with Moveistar Edward and CSI Bella who trains him for upcoming role. I honestly saw this last night and read the whole thing before I went to sleep.

There are tons of others I like but most get pimped enough and I haven't seen anyone else pimping this so I thought I would.


	4. The Magic Flask

Dani and I are proud of the next few chapters. Yes we are only post chapter 4 now but we are done with 5 and made good progress on chapter 6 already. So if all works out well we should be able to do some rapid posting.

Thanks to everyone who is reading, we would like to get some more reviews and spread the word about our story more. Anyone who read our first story The Friend Game, sadly we are taking awhile on the next chapter and plan on making it longer and to end the story. We are sadly just out of ideas and are busy with this story admittedly.

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, we do not.

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**BPOV**

"You promise that you'll call me when you get there, right?" Emmett asked for the umpteenth time as he helped me load my stuff into the back of Alice's car. I sighed, rolling my eyes at him, he was such a dad sometimes.

"Emmett, I promise the first thing I do will call you. Stop freaking out, me and Alice are meeting her agent there, and he's going to take care of us. And I'm not going to be THAT far.. you act like I'm going to Alaska or some shit."

Emmett opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but before he could, Jake's jeep pulled into the driveway. He rolled his eyes, "I'll be inside with Alice and Rose... listening." he warned, throwing Jake a dirty look as he walked back inside.

I sighed, pulling out my pack of cigarettes as Jake hopped out of his jeep and walked up to me. I hadn't talked to him all week. That hadn't stopped him from blowing up my phone constantly, and sending his friends over to talk to me. I was trying to make this break up last this time. I was tired of the same old run around, off and on, and on and off. It was tiring, and making me dizzy, and not to mention I had been hanging out with Jasper and Edward a lot, and I really was starting to like Jasper, a lot. He made me laugh, and we didn't fight all the time like me and Jake did, and he wasn't clingy, at all. Jasper was laid back, and rough around the edges, and I loved it. And I was even having fun with Edward, I found myself wondering why we had stopped hanging out all those years ago.

"Bells why have you been avoiding me all week?" Jake asked, grabbing my cigarette to take a drag. That shit pissed me off too, you have a job, get your own cigarettes. But I let it go, I didn't want this to be a huge deal. And plus, he looked good today. He was wearing basketball shorts and a wife beater that was definitely too tight on him, it showed off his muscles nicely. "Why have you been hanging out with Cullen and his reject cousin all of the sudden?" he asked again when I didn't answer, ripping me out of my nice thoughts about his muscled body. Why did the hot ones always have to be such assholes?

"Jake, shut up." I groaned, taking my cigarette back from him, angrily. "I wasn't intentionally avoiding you. Don't you think we see each other too much? I mean, we don't have to fucking be together every single day."

"Dude, I didn't say that, but you aren't even answering my texts... you have the fucking iphone for god sakes, you and Alice only talk through texting, so don't even make up some bullshit about how your phone was broken or something." he shot back, narrowing his eyes at me, he was getting angry.

"I wasn't going to say anything like that." I defended, taking another drag of my cigarette. "It's just like I said, we don't need to be around each other twenty four seven." I shrugged, trying not to get worked up about it. I was tired of fighting with him.

"But you can hang out with Cullen?" he asked, for the second time bringing up Edward. "And what's this I hear about you and Alice going to some slutty video shoot this weekend?" he asked.

"Why does that even matter Jake? You're not my fucking keeper. And how the fuck do you know who I've been hanging out with or about the video shoot? Have you been stalking me or something? God Jake sometimes you are such a fucking bastard!" I said angrily, doing my best to stay composed, if we got too loud Emmett would for sure come outside, and I didn't want that. And while he might not know it yet, Jake really did not want that to happen.

"You are my girlfriend Bella, of course I need to know who you're hanging out with, and where you plan on disappearing to!" he insisted. "Have you been fucking both of them, too?" he asked, smugly.

"I'm not your property, or even your girlfriend anymore asshole. In fact I am nothing to you anymore." I said angrily, stubbing the cigarette, and taking a step back from him, knowing he was pushing my patience. "So, fuck you." I added.

"I don't think I want to, I'm not into being sloppy thirds." he shot back, equally as angry. That was it. I took a step forward and slapped him, hard, across the face. My hand stung as I took a step back.

"Leave." I hissed, seeing red.

"Not until I get some answers." he said, rubbing his jaw. "that's the least I deserve."

"You deserve nothing from me." I said, crossing my arms over my chest. He needed to leave, I didn't want to be near him anymore. "Now leave."

"Whatever Bella." he scoffed, turning to walk away. I smiled at my victory, until he stopped in his tracks, and turned to face me. "How long is the break up going to last this time? The weekend so you and Alice can go fuck whatever dudes you're going to see? Or a week so you can get back and have another round with your neighbors?"

Just as I was about to really give him a piece of my mind, I was interrupted. "Jake, I'm pretty sure my sister told you to leave." Emmett's angry voice said from behind me, I hadn't even heard him come out. I saw anger, and terror flash in Jake's eyes, as he nodded in acknowledgment and walked to his jeep.

"Emmett – I was handling it." I told him as I turned to face him.

"Handling it by letting him continuously call you a slut?" he asked, raising his eyebrow at me. I sighed, shaking my head as I walked up the steps to him.

"Actually, I was just about to tell him what I really thought of him, but SOMEONE had to come out and ruin my chance." I pouted, sticking my tongue out at him.

"Sorry Bells, you know I don't like anyone talking shit about my baby sis." He threw his huge arm over my shoulder, and added with a chuckle. "We totally heard the slap though, good job." he grinned.

**RPOV**

"Bella, I really don't know why you put up with him, he's such a dog." I told her when her and Emmett came back into the kitchen where we had been listening to the fight. Any man that talked to his girlfriend like that was so not worth it.

"I'm done putting up with him, Rose... really... I'm so tired of his shit." she sighed, hopping on the counter next to my cousin.

"Bells, I love you, but you say that every time you guys break up." Alice said, looking up from her cell phone at her best friend.

I had moved in with Alice about six years ago, after what had happened at home, I had to get away. I was thirteen, and Bella and Alice were eleven. They were like sisters to me, since my aunt and uncle were older, and Bella's parents were never around, the girls always came to me for advice, when they got their periods, when they were having boy problems, when they needed sisterly, or even motherly advice. I had grown up watching over them. And then one day a few years ago, me and Emmett finally met and hit it off. We both had similar roles in Alice and Bella's lives, so it just worked, and the four of us were always together, like a family.

Sometimes it was hard, especially for Emmett, at least Alice and I had her parents for things, but Charlie just took off right before I moved to town, and then Renee was just a drunk who was rarely around, so Emmett really had to give up his childhood to be there for Bella. I was glad that Emmett has learned to seek advice from Doctor Hotass Cullen during their surfing trips. I swear, the surfing and the male bonding with Carlisle put Emmett in a better mood then the best blow job I could perform.

"I know I do, but I'm serious guys. I'm fucking done with his shit." Bella said firmly, it was almost as if she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince us.

"I hope so." Emmett sighed, putting an arm around me. I leaned up and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He worried too much about his sister, he was going to end up with gray hair before he turned twenty one.

"And plus, it's out with the old, and in with the next bad boy!" Alice teased, grinning like a wild woman.

"What? Who?" I asked, looking at Emmett, but from his expression I could tell that he had already known about this. Which didn't surprise me, Bella and Emmett told each other everything, they had no secrets.

"Jasper Whitlock." Alice told me, but I had no idea who that was.

"Who?" I asked when no one elaborated.

"Cullen's cousin, you know the reason we went to the barbeque last weekend?" Emmett asked, smiling down at me. I loved when he smiled, he had the cutest dimples that I just couldn't get enough of. I could get lost in his eyes, and his smile, and those cute little dimples. I leaned up to give him a kiss.

"Okay, ew, stop." Bella whined, "You guys make me sick."

"Why? Because our relationship is healthy?" I asked her, winking to let her know that I was just playing around. Poor Emmett, having to deal with a sister who was only attracted to bad boys.

She had made some pretty bad decisions when it came to boys in the past. Jake wasn't even her worst boyfriend, just the one who seemed to stick around the longest. Charlie leaving really fucked her up. Every girl, it seemed, has some form of daddy issues, Bella's was just always wanting to be with the wrong guy.

"Let's not talk about just how healthy" she said healthy with air quotes, "your relationship with my brother is. I just had lunch." she whined.

I looked up at Emmett questioningly.

"She hears us at night." he admitted, grimacing at the thought.

"And we also find your used condoms." Alice piped in. "Please stop being such slobs, or we're going to start letting Renee and mom and pop Brandon clean up your messes." She added with a devilish grin.

"You wouldn't!" I exclaimed.

"After all we do for you?" Emmett asked, feigning disbelief.

"Don't push us." Bella added, laughing, as she and Alice hopped off the counter.

"All right guys, we have to get going, we have to meet Eleazar at the Hilton soon, and if I'm late he'll have my ass." Alice explained grabbing her purse, and walking over to hug us goodbye.

"Call when you get there." I said into her ear as we hugged. "And good luck, you're going to do great out there, I know it."

"Thanks Ro." she kissed my cheek and gave Emmett a quick hug and danced out the door.

"Bye guys, please clean up your mess this time!" Bella teased, hugging Emmett, who I could hear telling her to call him as soon as she got there.

"Bye glamazon." Bella winked, hugging me. "Keep my big oaf of a brother inline while I'm gone, okay?"

"Of course." I smiled, and she gave us one last wave and walked off.

"Our babies are gone." Emmett playfully sobbed, pulling me into a hug.

"They grow up so fast." I sighed, in the same playful tone.

"Well hey now we have the house to ourselves!" he smiled widely, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at me.

**Edward POV**

"So have you heard from the girls yet? Do you know if they got to their hotel?" Jasper asked for about the thirty-seventh time in just as many minutes. I know he was crushing on Bella but this was ridiculous.

"No, Alice texted me earlier and said they had stopped for snacks just outside LA, and that they should be checking in within an hour and meeting with her manager Salazar." I replied flipping through the comic book I had already read earlier for the third time today. Okay, so maybe I was a little worried about them as well.

"Eleazar, not Salazar." Jasper replied barely looking up from the video game he was playing.

"What?" I asked, confused now.

"Alice's manager is named Eleazar, not Salazar. Damn Edward, do you ever pay attention to what a girl actually says to you?" Jasper inquired while blowing up more zombies on the screen in front of him.

"Of course I do" I replied, of course I thought I did, but I could be mistaken.

"Edward if you ever want to have a girlfriend who you can touch and who doesn't have more chest hair then you do then you need to learn to pay attention to what they are saying." Jasper said finally turning off his video game and focused his attention on me now.

"Any other pearls of wisdom you care to share with me Doctor Love?" I asked putting the comic book back in its protective sleeve.

"I may not be the ladies man and dating a girl on my laptop like you, but I have dated girls before Edward, real girls with boobs and such." Jasper said giving me his stupid grin again.

"What is your deal with Patricia? I swear your always busting my chops about HER and constantly thinking she is a dude. Why is that?" I asked finally having enough of his shit.

"Honestly Cuz, my buddies and I in San Antonio would get drunk on the weekends and head into Star Wars or Star Trek chat rooms and pretend to be girls just to fuck with all the geeky guys out there." Jasper admitted.

"So just because you're an immature ass, it means everyone online is right?" I challenged Jasper.

"Dude, think about it, Patricia tells you she has cheerleading and all these other events going on which is why she can never meet you in person right?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah, so..."

"Well Bella and Alice are cheerleaders, yet we have all been hanging out fine the past few days right?"

"I guess..." I replied, not sure where Jasper was going with this but hoping he would make his point soon.

"So if two beautiful girls can hang out with us, why can't your online girlfriend find time to meet you?" Jasper questioned.

I thought about it and it did seem to be odd about how Patricia was so adamant about not meeting me and had only sent me the one picture of herself. I mean I could only talk to her through instant message and email, we never even talked on the phone. I could understand not wanting to meet a strange guy off the internet, but not calling him to talk to him did seem pretty weird to me now that I thought about it.

"So Patricia is a dude?" I said before I even realized I had asked the question out loud.

"Maybe not Cuz, but think about it. She does seem to be online all the time yet claims she is involved in all these clubs and activities. How does she have time when she is always glued to her computer like you are?" Jasper asked.

Damn it, when did my cousin get so smart? I sighed, and opened a new email and typed what I think would be my last email to Patricia, if that was even his or her real name. I told her I had met someone new and was sorry but I needed more from someone then just emails and messages. I hoped he or she understood.

"Teach me more oh wise Obijasp Kenobi." I said to my cousin once I was done with my email, as I turned off my laptop and joined him on the couch in our living room.

"Well you know I like Bella right, and you and Alice seem chummy so I think you need to ask Alice out on a proper date."

"That sounds great Jasper but first off Bella has a boyfriend and Alice is a world famous actress. Why would she want to go out on a date with me?" I asked not really wanting to wallow in my own insecurities but this was an Academy Award winning actress, and well... I'm just me.

"Bella broke up with Jake before she left, so no, she doesn't have a boyfriend, yet. And Alice has been flirting with you all week. If you asked her out I bet she'd say yes, you're a pretty cool guy when you're not all geeked out. If nothing else shoot her a text message asking her. Sure it's isn't as romantic but you don't put yourself out there as much" Jasper said, and for once I didn't feel like such a loser.

"Wait, how do you know Bella broke up with Jake?" I asked.

"Um... I kind of heard them fighting while I was taking out the trash. I wasn't spying on them or anything but I heard him say some shitty things to her, so I texted her to make sure she was okay. You know he thinks she cheated on him with both of us right?" Jasper informed me and I suddenly didn't feel so good again.

"Fuck, a pissed off Jake is the last thing we need this year." I said as I pinched the bridge of my nose and left out an exasperated sigh.

"Is the fuckhead really that bad Edward?"

"Worse then you could imagine. Jake was an asshole to me every day last year for no reason. I can't imagine what he will try and pull now that he thinks he has a reason to be a shithead" I replied.

"So you think he will try and do anything to Bella?" Jasper asked with concern in his voice.

"I don't know, I mean as far as I know Jake has never hit her and honestly Emmett would remove his testicles with a pair of chopsticks if he even thought about it, and I don't think Jake would survive whatever revenge Rose would inflict on him either." I replied.

"What are you worried about then? If the guy was an asshole to you before, what is he going to be a bigger one now or something?"

"Jake once duct taped a kid to his locker for 'stalking Bella' because the poor kid had three classes with her sophomore year. You know how long it took the janitors to untape him from the locker? Over three hours." I explained to Jasper.

"I don't care about his reputation, if the asshole touches Bella, I will beat him to death myself." Jasper replied and he looked serious, very serious.

"Do you even know how to fight Jasper?" I asked.

"Edward, I used to go to public school, of course I know how to fight. It was an unofficial class since elementary school much like recess"

"Good to know Cuz, good to know" I answered. At least one of us knew how to fight.

**APOV**

"Alice, you're doing great doll!" Eleazar told me when I walked over to him and Bella for lunch break.

"You really are Al." Bella confirmed, tossing my towel to me.

"Thanks guys, I forgot how much fun this stuff is." I told them, taking a sip of my water bottle.

"So does that mean you are rethinking your ridiculous four year hiatus and will be coming back a year early?" Eleazar asked, hopeful.

"No!" Bella answered loudly, panicked. I giggled, she acted like if I were to start acting in major films again that our friendship would be over.

"Eleazar, I told you a million times, I want a normal high school life, you know these little weekend things are fine, but we're saving all the major things for next year." I shook my head, at him.

"I know, I figure if I keep trying you might just give in at some point." Eleazar winked at me, "now you girls go get lunch, and try to keep out of trouble." he glanced at Bella during the last part, and chuckled, walking away.

"He hates me." Bella said as we grabbed our purses and headed out of the studio to go find something to eat.

"Nah, that's just how Eleazar is." I reassured her as I dug my cell phone out of my purse, I smiled when I saw that Edward had texted me again, we had been texting the past few days, he was a lot funnier than I had originally thought.

"What are you smiling like that for?" Bella asked, nudging my shoulder as we walked across the street.

"Edward." I replied simply.

"Do you think you guys will ever go out on a date or anything?" Bella asked curiously as we walked along the sidewalk, still browsing for a fun place to eat.

I shrugged, "I'm not sure, He's kind of shy, ya know? I do kind of like him though..." I admitted.

"Obviously." Bella giggled, as she typed away on her iPhone.

"Who are you texting?" I teased back, knowing that it was Jasper.

"Jasper." She replied as we made our way into a cute little cafe on the corner of Hollywood and Vine.

"Do you think you guys will ever go on a date?" I asked, mocking her. Bella never went on dates. Not that she didn't deserve to go on a date, because she did. But the kind of guys Bella dated, didn't do dates, they did getting wasted at parties and hooking up in the back of their cars. So that's the kind of date Bella grew accustomed to.

"uh.. doubtful, I don't do dates." she informed me as we took a seat in a corner booth near the door. "And I don't think Jasper does either, but I'm sure we'll go to a party or something." she shrugged as she opened her menu.

I sighed, and just when I was about to tell her that she deserves to be pampered and treated like a princess, I was interrupted.

"Alice? I thought that was you!" a voice from behind me said, I turned to look to see the boys from Breaking Dawn [who I almost didn't recognize because of their disguises] walk up to our table. "and Bella right?" the lead singer, Felix said as the four of them slid into the booths next to us, nearly squishing us.

"Yeah, hey guys." Bella smiled, I was grateful she decided to dress up for the shoot today. Don't get me wrong, it's not that Bella wasn't fashionable, she just preferred jeans and tank tops over the designer stuff Renee bought her. But today she was wearing a navy blue tube top, and black skinny jeans, with no holes in the knees for once, and heels. She looked good.

"So, the video is going great, isn't it?" I asked as the waitress came, luckily she didn't recognize them. She took our orders and disappeared.

"It is going great. We were actually planning on going out to Geisha tonight, you girls should come!" The guitarist, Alec, said.

"Yeah! Come! It'll be a good time!" Felix agreed happily.

I looked at Bella who looked like she was as excited as they were. "Okay, we'll come, here-" I wrote my cell phone number on the napkin. "call me and we'll meet you there."

"Awesome!" Marcus, the drummer, said happily.

We chatted until our food came, and then we ate quietly, all of us hungry since we had been going nonstop since four that morning.

Bella and I had got to LA around dinner time the night before, and all I had to do was meet the band, and the choreographer and the other dancers that would be in the video, and then we had a fitting for our outfits, and then we were free for the night. So Bella and I got ourselves dinner, and did a little shopping on Rodeo drive. But we went to bed early because we knew we had to get up early for the shoot.

After we finished our meals, the five of us walked back to the studio, the boys asked us if we had boyfriends, and then told us all about their girlfriends back at home, and how much they missed them while they were touring and doing promotional stuff. They were really nice guys, and I was starting to get more and more exciting for our night out at the club. I already knew I was going to wear the dress I bought when we were shopping with the boys, and I was extremely glad that Bella had packed the dress she had bought with her. It was going to be an awesome night!

**BPOV**

I couldn't believe I was at Geisha, with Breaking Dawn. Glamazon would totally freak, Breaking Dawn was her absolute favorite band. I'm surprised she didn't come along with us. She would be absolutely loving this right now.

I smiled as my cell phone vibrated in my hand, it was Jasper we had been texting pretty much all weekend, he kept asking how the club was, he seemed jealous he wasn't here getting drunk too. It probably didn't help that I kept rubbing it in his face how awesome this place was.

"What's wrong little girl, can't keep up?" Felix taunted, he was pretty tipsy at this point, lightweight. I rolled my eyes at him, not even bothering a response.

"Bella is a drinking champ back in Newport." Alice boasted smiling as she took a sip of her martini. She never got too drunk, because she didn't want anything to ruin her reputation. She said she didn't want to get wasted and out of control and do anything Lindsay Lohan-ish. Her words, not mine.

I winked at her and watched him look me over, analyzing me, not in a creepy way, I could tell he didn't believe a word Alice said. "Yeah, right!"

"Hah.. okay... I could drink you under the table, anytime, anywhere." I told him, taking the shot that Alec had set in front of me a few minutes prior.

"Okay princess, no you can't." Felix shook his head, laughing.

"Yes, I can."

"No you can't, I even bet my lucky flask on it." he said, pulling a shiny silver flash out of his pocket and setting it on the bar in between us.

"You're on pretty boy!" I laughed, and watched as he told the bartender to keep the shots coming until one of us puked.

"My bets on Bella!" Alice squealed, clapping her hands together.

"Oh hell no," Alec said, shaking his head "look at her, she's like eighty pounds tops, Felix is like triple her size, he's going to win."

"You should never, ever, bet against Alice or me." I told him, winking as I grabbed my first shot.

"You sure you're ready for this miss thing?" Felix asked, holding his shot up.

"You sound like you're the one who wants an out, bring it big boy." I teased.

"Let's do this thing than baby." he shook his head, we clanked our shots together and downed them. The burning sensation felt good as it went down my throat. Jagerbombs. Not the best tasting drink ever, but it was pretty potent, it'd get you drunk, fast.

Four shots later, and we were both still going. But I was definitely feeling the effects of the Jager. The room was blurry, there were two of Alice and Alec, holding their phones up, probably filming this so we can see how stupid we really look when we're sober. I was so going to have to post a link to this video on my Facebook page.

"What, giving up?" Felix slurred, swaying on his feet.

"I don't give up." I told him, grabbing the shot in front of me, and downing it quickly.

"Alright girl, I'll give it to you, you're more of a trooper than I thought, but I'm about to crush you." he taunted as he slid my next shot across the bar top.

I rolled my eyes, and threw that one back as well.

By now we had a crowd gathered around us, cheering, and making bets on which one of us would win, we even had a few other people paying for our shots. Not that it mattered anyways, Felix was bankrolling this party.

After we had done five more shots, Felix was down, puking into the trash barrel that one of the bouncers had put in front of us, not wanting to clean up our mess. I felt myself stumble back against the wall and laughed, I knew I would win, I always win. I had been drinking since I was twelve, it was pretty much a part of me.

"Told you, little boy!" I taunted, grabbing the shiny flash and putting it in my purse. The crowd was cheering, but it was thinning out, everyone was going back to do their own thing.

"Bella!" I heard Alice call, but it sounded like an echo, like she was miles away. "That was awesome! I knew you could do it!" … or at least that's what I think she said. It could have also been something about you should never do it but I couldn't be certain so I was going with the more positive one.

After that, I don't really remember much. It comes in flashes, I remember dancing. I remember dancing on the bar with Marcus. I remember the six of us getting into the bands car that they had come for us. And then I remember climbing into bed next to Alice. Anything in between those points, is blackness.

Tomorrow morning is going to feel like death.

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Since we are ahead on chapters, reviews get a teaser PM'd to them.


	5. Wonky Boobs

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, I just make them say dirty words.

So this chapter is a little smaller then the last but since we are wrapping up chapter 6 now we figured we would go ahead and do some rapid fire posting. I hope you like it.

Personally I think this is my favorite chapter so far but 6 is shaping up to be really good (dani and I think so anyways) as well.

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JASPER POV

"Jasper, did you get the video from Alice of Bella's drinking contest last night?" Edward asked and he was really risking his life because I was not awake yet and waking me up with stupid questions put one's life in more danger than normal.

"Uh... no, fuck, maybe, let me find my phone and check." I said stumbling out of bed searching my room.

Normally I would have at least made threats against Edward's life for waking me up, if not have actually attacked him, but he was talking about Bella so that made it better. I rummaged through the pants I had worn yesterday and found my phone. Sure enough, I had a video message from Alice and even a text message from Bella waiting for me. I started the video and was shocked to see Bella, looking hot in that dress she had tried on when we all went shopping, going shot for shot with some big dude who was at least two fifty maybe closer to three bills. I watched and heard Alice cheer her on while a crowd started to gather around them. The more they drank the larger the crowd grew in size so the louder the volume increased as well. There was a point where she stumbled in her heels, I'll never understand why girls wore heels when drinking, and fell back against the wall, where I thought she would have lost, but she kept going, and I was stunned to see the big dude puke into the trash can in front of them before Bella.

Damn, not only could that girl drink but she seemed to do it for fun. I would have to remember that piece of information for future use.

"Wow, I mean, I knew Bella was a party girl, but that is pretty damn impressive, even for her." Edward said.

"You're telling me, that feat of alcohol induction would be impressive for anyone but seeing it performed by such a tiny girl just makes it that much better." I replied trying to find some clothes. Since my cousin had me awake we might as well get this day rolling.

"Well she is Renee's daughter and I swear that woman lives off alcohol not oxygen." Edward said as he fiddled with the stereo, no doubt looking for more of his poppy punk favorites.

"So Bella's mom is a lush?" I asked, realizing while I had gotten to know Bella I really didn't know her family.

"A lush would be downplaying the extent of her drinking. I tend to think Renee has very little blood in her alcohol stream if you know what I mean." Edward replied and gave me a kind of sad look.

"That has to be fucked up having the town drunk for a mom..." I said without really thinking about it.

"Actually, Renee isn't even the town drunk. Honestly, I would maybe place her in one of the top five spots, but I think town drunk honors belong to Heidi Mallory." Edward said while finally settling on a song on the stereo I recall him playing a lot recently.

"Who is that?" I asked, not really sure why but I was intrigued now.

"Heidi Mallory is married to the great plastic surgeon Scott Mallory. Dr. Mallory is known for his perfect boob jobs and for sleeping with practically all of his patients. He fucks around and she drinks and fucks anything available." Edward explained to me.

"That's sad." I said finally finished getting dressed. I grabbed my phone and started checking my text from Bella. It must have been before the drinking game or Bella was some phenomenal drunk texter, because it was witty and snarky just like Bella, and had perfect spelling.

"No, sad is Lauren Mallory, their daughter. Imagine having a famous plastic surgeon father and being stuck in high school with wonky boobs." Edward said with a smirk.

"What the fuck are wonky boobs dude?" I asked. Now we were talking about boobs so my interest was even more piqued than normal, wonky or not.

"Think about a set of boobs with cockeyed nipples." Edward said as his pulled his arms into the sleeves of his shirt and demonstrated what he was talking about. He pointed his right index finger acting as his fake wonky boobed nipple far to the left. His fake nipple was looking directly as his fake left boob nipple almost. His left wonky boobed nipple was point up almost straight up to his chin.

I could not help busting up laughing. Not only at Edwards display but the thoughts of this poor wonky boobed girl actually walking around like that. "Fuck, that is some wonky boobage dude." I replied after the laughter from his visual aid died down. I admit it the visual really helped understand the situation but also made it that much funnier.

"Now imagine being embarrassed by that because your dad, who does over a dozen boob jobs a week, thinks yours are just fine." Edward said in the middle of a laughing fit of his own.

"Eww her dad has seen her boobs?" was all I could think to ask. I don't know why but that just seemed so wrong to me on a few different levels.

"Well he had to examine them before he could consider surgery. Rumor has it he didn't even touch them though, so no need to call Dateline on him or anything. Lauren's are one of rare Newport boobs he has not touched." Edward explained, it was still creepy.

"Your mom hasn't been a patient of his has she?" I questioned now concerned for my aunt.

"Dude, we are not talking about my mom's lady parts. That is so fucked up. She is your aunt you fucking pervert. You don't need to be thinking about her like that." Edward spat and looked pretty damn pissed off at me.

"Calm down Gossip Girl, I'm just hoping my aunt hasn't been molested by Dr Giggles. So any other defunct classmates I should know about?" I asked hoping I had defused Edward's anger.

"Let's head to Dani's for breakfast and I will fill you in on the rest" Edward replied and took off towards his car.

**RPOV**

I yawned, stretching out in bed, reaching for Emmett, but when I realized he wasn't next to me, I opened my eyes. He always slept later than me, especially after a night like we had last night. I sat up, and saw that he was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, mumbling something about how he's a failure.

"Em, baby?" I asked, wrapping the sheets around myself as I slid to the side of the bed next to him, "what's wrong?"

he sighed, looking at me, kissing my forehead as he handed me my phone, there was a message from Alice pulled up on the screen. "You know I never look through your phone, it was just going off all night, I couldn't take it anymore, so I was going to shut it off, but then I saw it was from Alice, so I figured you wouldn't mind, she was probably just checking in anyways, right?" he said, shaking his head. "Nope. Look at it." he sighed, and I wasn't mad at him, first of all I wasn't hiding anything from him, and second of all Emmett wasn't the jealous type, he would have never went through my phone otherwise.

"What is it?" I asked, now worried.

"A video." he replied simply, I sighed, wondering what the hell our two delinquents could possibly be up to now. I hit the play button, and had to suppress my excitement. It was Bella, looking fucking sexy as hell, (though I could see why Emmett would not be happier about her outfit.) going shot for shot with Felix, from Breaking Dawn! I loved Breaking Dawn, almost as much as I loved Emmett. I also had to fight back my laughter when Bella completely schooled him. I could hear Alice's drunk ass in the background talking with someone I didn't recognize. God knows what the two of them got themselves into after this video was shot.

"Emmett..." I trailed off, rubbing his back reassuringly, "it's not THAT bad..."

He looked at me like I had sprouted an extra head. "Not that bad Rosie?" he asked, "Not that bad?" he stood up, flailing his arms around, "My baby sister, and your cousin, are in some unfamiliar city, at an unfamiliar bar, with dudes they don't even fucking know. Bella is dressed like a skank, her tits were practically hanging out!" he said angrily, "Having a drinking contest with some grimy looking dirt bag, probably so his buddies can bring her home, and wait till she's passed out so they can do all kinda of fucked up things to her... and god knows how drunk Alice was, she was at least smart enough not to be caught on camera."

"Em-"

"She hates Renee!" he cut me off, his face was tomato red with anger, "But she's turning out to be just fucking like her. All I do is for her, everything I do is for that girl! Everything!" he repeated, and sighed, obviously angry with himself.

"first of all Emmett, how Bella acts, is not your fault, you're right, you do everything for her, she doesn't think about how she acts, and how it will affect anyone else, even herself." I told him, trying to calm him down. "and, if it makes you feel any better, Alice has been to Geisha before, which is where they are in this video, and that guy Bella out drank, he's in the band, so they aren't strangers." I explained, hoping it would make him feel a little bit better.

"You're telling me you're okay with this?" he asked.

I shrugged, "you're jumping to conclusions babe, I doubt anything horrible happened to the girls."

"i thought they were just going for a video shoot?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What did you expect them to do? Sit inside playing checkers all night?" I asked, sighing. Sometimes the daddy dearest act got old. He needed to loosen up a little bit, even though Bella did need a lot of structure in her life, but he was her brother, he was supposed to be her partner in crime, and protect her from boys, he wasn't supposed to be her father.

"i don't know Rose!" he exclaimed, grabbing clothes from his closet, putting them on angrily.

"Wait, where are you going?" I asked, standing, letting the sheets drop, hoping that would lure him to stay.

"I need to go talk to Carlisle." he said, throwing a t-shirt on quickly. "you can stay here, I'll be back soon." he walked over and gave me a quick kiss and before I could even formulate what to say, he was out the door.

Dr. hotass Cullen was really starting to be a giant thorn in my relationship. He was lucky he was so hot.

I grabbed my clothes and slid them on and grabbed my phone, dialing Alice to give them a heads up.

**BPOV**

Ugh. I felt like death. Worse than death. I felt like death warmed over. And to make matters worse, I couldn't remember a thing past meeting Breaking Dawn at the bar. I groaned when my iPhone text messaging sound went off, again, I had been trying to ignore it, but it continued to pierce through my skull.

"Ughh, what do you people want from me?" I asked out loud, the shower was running so I knew I was safe from Alice and her damn morning perkiness for at least a little while longer. I grabbed my phone and saw that I had three missed calls from Emmett, which probably meant I was in trouble for something. Two texts from Jasper, one text from Lauren Mallory, another from Jessica Stanley, and three more from Jake.

What the hell did they all want?

I began opening the texts.

_You must be a phenomenal drunk texter -Jasper_

_Let me know when you girls are home safe. -Jasper_

_You out drank Felix from Breaking Dawn?! And I thought my mom was Bad xoxoxo Laur_

_Wow, obviously Renee passed down some things to you. Lylas Jess_

_Dirty slut. .Jake_

_Didn't think I'd find out? .Jake_

_Not only do you look like a whore, but I always knew you were an alchy. .Jake_

I didn't bother responding to any of them, aside from the second one from Jasper, because I had no clue what the hell any of them were talking about. I groaned, knowing I would have to wait for Alice to tell me what stupid thing I did, and how the hell everyone knew about it before I did.

"Ohhh, Drunkella is awake!" Alice chided as she emerged from the bathroom, dressed in all black, her hair pin straight.

"Okay Bride of Dracula, can you tell me what the fuck happened last night? And why it feels like an elephant is sitting on my brain? And why the hell everyone is texting me about being a drunk?" I asked, sitting up slowly, if I moved fast it would hurt.

"You really don't remember anything?" she asked, quirking her eyebrow at me as she took a seat next to me on the bed. I shook my head as I tried to recall anything, but it just hurt to think. "Oh boy." she sighed.

"Was it that bad?" I asked, worried now.

"Well, Ro called me, warning me because Emmett is on a warpath."

"Details, now."

"Well, last night, you challenged Felix to an 'I can drink more than you' contest. And you guys did something like thirteen shots. After that you kicked off your heels and danced on the bar with him, and then after the bouncers had to carry you out to the bands car, all you kept talking about was a Jasperbomb, god knows what the hell that means, and as soon as we got back to the room you passed out... taking the entire bed might I add." she explained.

"I outdrank him... really?" I asked, surprised at my drinking abilities.

"Check your purse, you won his lucky flask." she informed me. I looked around the room for my black Fendi bag, and literally crawled over to it. And sure enough, after digging around for a minute, I found a shiny silver flask. Luckily, it was full. And the only way to cure a hangover is to keep drinking right? I unscrewed the top and took a long swig. Oh Felix liked tequila it seemed.

"Damn that is gross Bells." Alice sighed, rolling her eyes at me.

"That doesn't answer my question though..." I trailed off, "how does everyone from home know?"

"Well, I took a video of the drinking contest and sent it to Rose, had I known Emmett would look at it, I wouldn't have done that... I did send it to Edward and Jasper, but I swear Bells, those were the only three. I don't know how everyone else knows." she admitted,

I sighed, today was not going to be a fun day.

After I decided I would be able to take a shower without drowning myself, I took one, and was extremely grateful to sober Bella for packing my favorite, most comfortable pair of juicy sweat pants, and an old hoodie of Emmett's. Once we were all packed up and ready to go, we made our way out of the room and down to the lobby, what was waiting for us though, was not anything I had expected.

The entire lobby was filled with paparazzi, and as soon as they saw us they rushed over, flashing pictures, and rolling their video cameras, all asking questions about me and Felix at once, asking if we were dating and when the wedding was.

"what the hell?" I hissed at Alice, as we tried pushing our way through, she was smart, she had oversized sunglasses, and had worn her hood over her head, it covered a majority of her face. Before she was able to answer, one of the paps shoved a magazine in front of me, and what was the cover. Two pictures, one of me and Felix clanking together shots, and the other of me and Alec dancing. The headline read "The new Breaking Dawn shared girlfriend." Awesome. Now they had documentation of what a drunken slut I was.

Renee and Emmett were going to freak out.

After we pushed our way through the mob of reputation ruiners, we made a run for it to Alice's Porsche, thank god for automatic starters.

"Well, you surely have surpassed me on the popularity level." Alice joked as she burned rubber getting out of the parking garage.

"It's only because you don't do anything scandalous." I informed her, taking another swig of the flask. "Those guys girlfriends are going to hate me."

"Not to mention, Emmett, Jasper, and everyone in school." Alice pointed out, sometimes I wondered how we were best friends.

"Ugh. Emmett." I groaned, slapping my hand over my face and leaning back into the headrest. Going home was the last thing I wanted to do.

Edwards POV

"My god, that French toast was delicious!" Jasper exclaimed as we exited Dani's.

"Yeah, everything I have tried there so far has been excellent." I replied. I was really glad Jasper enjoyed Dani's as much as the girls and I did.

"That reminds me, can we stop off at the grocery store on the way home? Your parents are killing me with all their health food. I need some Pizza rolls and Bagel Bites something fierce." Jasper said as his eyes glossed over. No doubt dreaming of eating all the junk food he desired. Stupid parents and there health food diets, denying me the junk food a growing teenager needs to develop.

"What are Pizza Rolls?" I asked knowing I would probably catch hell from my cousin over this.

"You have to be fucking kidding me cuz, you've never had Pizza Rolls before?" Jasper asked now snapped out of his junk food daydream.

"If they aren't made with whole grains, flax seeds, or are not one hundred percent organic, then no I have never had them." I explained.

"Why are your parents so into health foods anyways?" Jasper asked.

"Well... with Dad being a oncologist he see's how introducing too many toxins and such into your body can effect it. Mom just hopped on the band wagon and went along with it, so now everything in the house is organic and tastes horrible, but it is good for you." I said with a grimace.

"I'm sorry dude, that sucks donkey balls." Jasper replied.

"Sadly I think I would rather try eating donkey balls instead of more faux-turkey tofu shit. I mean, at least it would be real meat from an animal." I said and was really only half joking. Okay maybe a little less than half joking, more like a quarter joking.

"Dude that's just gross!" Jasper exclaimed, grabbing his stomach and doubled over laughing. I'm glad my painful diet amuses him.

"Sorry dude, but you try eating mung beans for the past few years and see how demented you turn out!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, I think all that health food has rotted your brain." Jasper replied. "So let's hit the grocery store and stock up on junk food. We'll tell your parents it's for me and we will supplement your diet to that of an almost normal teenage boy in no time cuz." I liked that idea. The parents were giving Jasper more freedom from our diet since he wasn't used to it, so they wouldn't protest him having junk food in the house and I could just buy my own and claim it all as his. My cousin was an evil genius and I really loved him for it at that moment.

"To Costco sir." I said. We got in the Volvo and I hauled ass to the grocery store. It was like I was being called by all the junk food I'd been denied for so long and I couldn't help being drawn to the store faster and faster. Once inside we grabbed and cart and headed straight to the aisle with chips and cookies.

"These Edward, are Cheetos. They are a heavenly food passed down from God himself to us mere mortals to enjoy, the only downside is after eating a bunch your hands will glow almost toxic orange in color. But it's a small price to pay for the bounty that are Cheetos." Jasper explained throwing three bags into the cart.

"Dude, I know where Cheetos are, I'm not a freakin caveman. I've just have been denied the proper diet for a growing teenager for the past few years." I replied.

"I am just messing with you man, chill." Jasper joked, laughing at himself again.

"Hi Edward, who is your friend here?" I heard the shrill harpy like voice of Jessica Stanley ask from the other end of the aisle.

To say Jessica and I were not friends would be like saying Gargamel was not friends with the Smurfs. We didn't talk, hang out, or typically even acknowledge each other existed. I preferred it that way with most people honestly. When you go to a fancy prep school, your classmates are all douche bags and bitches, all looking to either make a name for themselves to get into the college of their choice or they are lazy fucks who just want to coast by on mom and pops money without contributing anything productive to society in general. Jessica Stanley was somehow in both those groups.

"Hey Jessica." I said shortly hoping she was just leave.

"So Edward, once again, who is your friend here?" She asked again eyeing Jasper up and down like he was something for her to eat. Which she probably hadn't eaten in several days.

"This is my cousin Jasper" I replied not sure what else to say.

"So Jasper are you just here visiting for the summer?" Jessica asked sticking her hand out. I was not sure if she wanted Jasper to shake it or hold it. Hell, she was such a silly bitch she probably wanted him to put a engagement ring on it or something equally as stupid.

"No, I'm living with the Cullen's and will be starting school here in the fall." Jasper answered shaking her hand once and dropping it. He seemed as leery of her as I was, and he had just met her. Good boy.

"Oh, we will have to get together and you know, hang out soon or something." Jessica said and I could tell she was coming on to my cousin, a blind man could tell. While Jasper and I had never talked specifics, I knew he was far from a virgin and honestly if he wanted to plow that field, I'd let him. I would inform him that said field was plowed regularly by what could be considered a jailhouse work crew several times a week, but that's his choice to make. I was going to let him handle Jessica and just keep my mouth shut.

"No thanks, I prefer to just hang out with Edward and his friends." Jasper answered her and I could see the hurt look on Jessica's face and I felt sorry for her for about a second until she spoke again of course.

"Edward has friends?" Jessica asked in astonishment.

"Yeah, I'm sure you know Bella Swan and Alice Brandon. We have been hanging out since I got here." Jasper replied.

"You're friends with Drunkella and Alice?" Jessica asked as she turned toward me laughing.

"Yes." was all I replied, not wanting to have a discussion over my relationship to Alice or Bella.

"Anyways Jessica, we have to finish shopping. But I'm sure we will see you around school." Jasper said and tried making an exit.

"Oh I am sure I'll be seeing you around before school starts Jasper." Jessica replied and tried to exit with what I am guessing was a sexy sway to her hips, but just made it looks like her joints did not function properly.

"Dude! you could have helped me out there, but no, you leave me to fend for myself. Thanks for throwing me to the freaking wolves' cuz." Jasper said as he navigated the cart towards the frozen food section.

"You seemed to handle Jessica just fine on your own and it clearly wasn't me she was interested in talking to." I replied. Just as we arrived at the frozen food section and started loading the cart with all the junk foody goodness that could be had. I was alarmed when I heard the voice I had been dreading from behind me.

"What are you fags doing here?" Jake bellowed towards us. His cronies Embry and Paul were loading down their cart with beer across the aisle.

Fuck.

**JasperPOV**

"Hey Jake, wow buying more beer, I'm sure you guys definitely need that." Edward replied and I could not tell if he was being friendly or sarcastic. Sometimes it was hard to figure out my cousin and his mood swings.

"Shut up, Eddie, and just so you and your butt ranger cousin know they don't sell anal grease here, this a good family store." Jake said and his pals behind him cracked up laughing almost right on cue.

Jake was a big guy, but he was an asshole, and after his hurtful words to Bella I was looking for any excuse I could find to beat the shit out of him and he was working on giving me the perfect one right now.

"So let me get this straight, my cousin and I together are gay. But you are flanked with a dude basically on each arm and you are the straight one? No wonder Bella dumped your ass, you're a fucking moron." I said hoping to piss him off.

"Fuck you Casper, don't worry about Bella. After she has her fill of those guys in LA and you boys she will be back on my dick in no time." Jake said with a smug look on his face, I was fucking itching to knock it off. I was clenching and unclenching my fists together in my hoodie pocket to keep my rage under control.

"I doubt that Jake, but I would be glad to pass that info on to her brother, Emmett and of course Rose. I know they are such big fans of yours they will be dying to hear that news." Edward added, I really didn't think he had the balls to say something like that to Jake.

"Don't make me turn you into my bitch, Eddie." Jake snapped coldly at my cousin. I had enough of this shit. Time to provoke this fucker, if he throws the first punch it is less of a hassle to explain to the cops why I beat him within an inch of his life. Plus a black eye or a busted nose makes it seem a little more convincing.

"If we are gay then why do you want to fuck Edward, Jake? I mean are your buddies back there not satisfying all of your needs? I mean sure Edward is kind of pretty for a guy and all but I don't think he is your type Jake, see Edward likes to fuck girls. Not roided up guys who aren't ready to come screaming out of the closet." I said and plastered my best shit eating grin on my face. There, that should do it.

"Motherfucker!" Jake roared and hauled off and hit me. Jake could throw a solid punch, I would give him that, but by that point I didn't care. I was pissed and I wanted to hurt this fucker, bad. Sure, my eye would be black tomorrow, but he would look worse, much worse. I landed two shots to Jake's face, missing his eye but landing a solid palm strike across the bridge of his nose. I didn't think I broke it but it would hurt like a son of a bitch and that was good enough.

Just then, Thing One and Thing Two made a move to join me and I was concerned. Jake would be hard enough to handle by himself but adding those two into the mix would make it almost impossible. "Back off guys, this bitch is mine!" Jake yelled to them and lunged at me again.

I would like to be able to tell you I was faster than him and knew exactly what he was going to throw at me and was able to counter it, but I can't read minds. Jake's meaty paw connected with my left cheek and it hurt like a motherfucker. I corrected my stance and launched a knee to his mid-section and followed it with a left cross. He took the bait and blocked the hook and tried to move so that my knee missed his stomach. I was able to land the knee to his ribs and launched a quick palm strike with my right hand to his temple. Jake actually staggered back and god, did he have a hard head.

Suddenly we were grabbed by store employees from behind. "Get out of the store now! before I call the cops." one of them said to all of us.

"This shit ain't over!" Jake yelled as he was escorted out.

Edward was trying to talk to the guy who I assumed was a manager into letting us pay for our groceries before we were on our way. Damn kid and his junk food kick. I don't know if they needed the sales or figured since Jake and his pack left that everything would be better, but he let Edward pay while I waited outside.

"Where the hell did you learn to fight like that Jasper?" Edward asked pushing the cart with our bounty of junk food towards the car.

"Mom put me in self defense classes a few years ago. It ended up teaching me mixed martial arts and has came in handy a few times like today." I replied.

"That was some real Karate Kid shit in there dude!" Edward exclaimed kind of excited.

"Yeah some was kung fu not karate." I answered.

"No, I meant the new kid in town getting into a fight with the town asshole that happens to have dated the girl he likes." Edward said like I should know what he was talking about.

"Yeah, sure ,whatever you say Mr. Miyagi." I said and slumped back in my seat, the adrenaline finally wearing off leaving my feeling very tired.

* * *

Once again reviews get teasers for Chapter 6 sent to them, which should be up as soon as we make good headway into chapter 7.


	6. In One Ear

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and it's characters, I just make them say dirty words.

Thank you everyone reading. Dani and I made a joint FF account for future stories, so keep a lookout we will likely post any new stuff over on that so it is easier for us to manage.

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**Chapter 6**

**BPOV**

I slowly opened the door to my house, trying to be as quiet as possible, but, because I had been drinking out of the flask the entire way home, my perception of... well, everything was a smidge off. So of course, I tripped over my own to feet, and the door flung open, slamming against the wall. Announcing my presence to everyone that was home.

"Bella!" Emmett's booming voice bounced off the walls, and high ceilings as he stomped into the entry way. He took one look at me and palmed his forehead, "are you still drunk?" he asked, crinkling his nose in disgust. "God Bella, you reek of booze." he mumbled something about Renee, and not knowing how to handle something, but I couldn't quite make it out.

"God Em, when did you become such a fucking lame brother?" I asked, pulling away from him as I made my way, slowly, up the stairs, him right behind me.

"When you started going shot for shot with some strange guy triple your size, or maybe when you started getting yourself on the covers of magazines!" he exclaimed. "You're lucky no one knew your name, and that the pictures are fuzzy, Newport Prep would have kicked you out!"

"Good, fuck that school." I groaned, throwing my bags on my floor, and flopping down on my bed.

"Bella!" He sighed, his hands going wild, as if they had minds of their own. "What is going on with you? You used to enjoy school! You always drank, but what the fuck? You're like mom's twin!" he snapped, which sobered my up enough to make me angry.

"Don't you DARE, EVER, compare me to that bitch!" I shot back at him, instantly feeling bad. Emmett had never done anything but care about me, and take care of me, god, he practically gave up the best of his teenage years for me.

"Bells..." he trailed off, his expression softening a bit. "You're all I've got, okay? I don't want anything to happen to you, the things you do they aren't always the best for you, you could really get hurt someday." he sighed, shaking his head fiercely, as if he was trying to shake the thoughts from his mind.

"Listen, you never cared when I drank before, with Alice, or Angela, or even Jake!" I told him.

"You were only around the corner, with people I knew, not in some unfamiliar place, with unfamiliar people." he explained.

"Listen Em, I was just drinking to get my mind off of everything with Jake. He may be an asshole, but I mean, we've been together since freshman year that's three years. Ya know we've been through a lot, and I really do want it to be over, but the finality of it" I trailed off, shrugging. "I just wanted to stop thinking about it all, and have fun." I admitted, looking up at my brother with big brown eyes, that I knew he could never resist.

"Bella." he sighed, smirking a little, his resolve crumbled into a pile of dust. "Just- will you promise me to lay low for a while? And stay away from anything crazy?" he asked, giving me his own puppy dog eyes, he looked so pathetic, of course I couldn't say no.

"I promise Em, I'm sorry." I apologized, hugging him, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck.

"Thanks Bells, I love you, it's the only reason I'm so protective." he told me, wrapping his arms around me. "but damn girl, you are going to make me look 50, before I turn 20."

I laughed into his shoulder, and shook my head. "I'm sorry, Em, you know I love you. You're all I got, too." I smiled, sliding off of my bed.

"Where you going?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow at me.

"Next door." I answered simply, and smiled, not waiting for a response I walked out of my room and out of my house, grabbing gum from my purse, and body sprayed myself as I crossed the distance between my house and the Cullen's. It had been a while since I had been inside their house, sure I went over when they had parties, but they were usually in the yard, occasionally Esme would drop by and we would talk, but I never went over there, not since grade school when Edward and I used to play. I took a deep breath as I reached the front door of their massive house, and rung the doorbell, and waited patiently. Only about a minute or so later, the door opened to reveal Esme. When she realized it was me, a huge smile crossed her face. Esme was always so pretty, and elegant. Her long hair was swaying free in the ocean breeze, and she was wearing a light pink summer dress, and of course heels, and all the correct accessories.

"Well if it isn't little Bella Swan." she smiled, wrapping me in a hug, and I would be lying if I told you I didn't hold on to her tighter than I should have. Emmett and Rose were great, and Alice was great, but sometimes I just needed a mother type figure to be affectionate towards me. I felt like I was missing that nurturing thing kids needed so damn much. "Not so little anymore, though" she smiled as we pulled apart.

"Hi Esme" I smiled, sheepishly, as she moved aside and motioned me inside. The house was still as elegant as ever, they décor had changed since I had last been inside, but it was still beautiful.

"It has been quite a while since you came knocking on my front door, the last I remember, you were in overalls and ninja turtle sneakers, covered pigtails to toe in mud." she chuckled at the memory. Esme had once been like a second mother to me, I saw her still, but very little, and far between, I didn't realize how much I had missed her.

"I had almost forgotten about all of that!" I admitted, finding myself laughing as well.

"I still have pictures of you kids, and video tapes, even of Emmett, chicken legged, and missing teeth, and covered in whatever mess you kids decided to get into that day." she smiled, her eyes glossed over as if she was back there, all those years ago. "How I miss those days, I miss the sticky kisses, and even the mud tracks all through the house."

I laughed with her, enjoying the mother- daughter like reminiscing.

"So what brings you here today, dear?" she asked, smiling at me.

"I came to see if Edward and Jasper are around..." I told her, biting my bottom lip, wondering how she felt about her kids hanging out with me. Everyone knew everyone's business in this town, and living next door to the "Slutty Swan's" she got front row tickets to all of the crap that had ever gone on. Of course we weren't always dysfunctional, only after Charlie left.

"You know what," she paused, looking towards the backyard, "I know they left this morning, I'm not sure if they're back yet, but you're welcome to go back in the pool house and see if they are there." she smiled warmly at me. I wondered when Edward got to move to the pool house, when we were kids he was always talking about how great it would be when he could finally live there. Had I really been so in my own world that I didn't know anything about him anymore? I sighed.

"Thanks Esme." I thanked her and made my way towards the kitchen so I could walk out to the back. As I was opening the slider, I heard her call to me, so I stopped and looked back.

"Bella, I'm glad you guys are hanging out again, we've missed you around here." she said softly, as if she was worried what my reaction would be, "You were always the daughter I never had." she smiled wistfully, and then quickly began to wipe down the already pristine counter top.

"Me too." I told her, truthfully. I left the main house and headed towards the pool house.

**Emmett POV**

I heard the doorbell ringing, breaking me from my thoughts. I swear, if Bella forgot her keys again I was letting her ass stay the night outside, which would serve her right. I groaned when the stupid doorbell went off again. That is it- whoever was at the door was dead. I smirked as I made my way to the front of the house, please let it be some stupid solicitor from the He Has Risen or We Bask In His Eternal Glory Tabernacle or some shit. I hated people who peddled their religion door to door. If I was interested and wanted more information on your crazy religion I would come see you, no need to stalk me over it.

"Who is it and what do you want?" I asked as I jerked the door open to see Jasper, Carlisle's nephew.

"Is Bella home?" He asked. Kid looked like he had been in a fight recently.

"No, but you look like shit Jasper. What the hell happened? Please tell me you didn't insult Esme's tofu?" I asked, only half kidding. I made fun of her health food crap once and she slapped me upside the head pretty damn good. For an older lady she has a mean backhand.

"Um no, I had a run in with Jake yesterday at the grocery store." Jasper replied, shrugging.

"And why did you get in a fight with Jake? Not that he isn't naturally an asshole or anything" I asked but honestly I think I already knew the answer.

"He ran his mouth about Bella and it pissed me off." Jasper said clearly getting pissed off recalling what Jake had said. Now I was even more interested.

"So what did he say about my darling little sister?" I inquired.

"Emmett, it's already over. He ran his mouth, and I put my fist in it to shut him up. Just let it go man." Jasper replied.

"Tell me what he said, NOW!" I spat getting pissed at the kid for keeping it from me. It had to be pretty bad if he was nervous about telling me. "I won't hold it against you" I said calmer.

"He said she would be back on his dick in no time, once she was done fucking everyone else, that is." Jasper said flatly, obviously not happy to be repeating that.

"That son of a bitch, I will fucking kill him!" I exclaimed angrily.

"Calm down, I already beat his ass so just chill dude. Last thing we need is to have to bail you out of jail for beating on a minor." Jasper explained to me.

"Come inside, we need to play video games." I said and lead him to the family room.

"Okay- why do we need to play video games?" Jasper asked clearly confused.

"Because we need to have guy talk and you can only do that while playing sports, watching sports, drinking or playing video games. You can't surf, there isn't a game on, and drinking has caused too much drama lately, so that leaves video games." I explained while tossing him a controller. We started playing some random fighting game that was in the system already. Mortal Animators sixteen or something, beating people up in the video game helped with my anger issue.

"I swear if she goes back to him again I am tempted to just throw her ass out" I said, completely kidding, mostly.

"Do you think she will go back to him?" Jasper asked and looked a little hurt.

I ran both hands down my face, feeling older by the minute trying to look after my teenaged sister. "I don't know kid, honestly she seems a lot happier since she has been hanging out with you, Alice, and Edward. You guys have gotten her away from her typical crowd, so I really hope not." I replied.

"Me too."Jasper said as he launched into some wicked combo on the game, kicking my ass.

"I'm sure Bella will be back soon if you want to hang out here until she comes back, once she isn't pissed at me she'll come home." I explained.

"Why would she be pissed at you?" he asked.

"We had a pretty nasty fight over everything that happened in L.A." I responded.

"Oh, so you know about the drinking contest?" he asked.

"Yeah, real proud of my kid sister when she can drink guys as big as me under the table. Mom and Dad should be so proud, if they were around or cared." I replied sarcastically.

"I thought it was funny." Jasper admitted.

"It's not funny when your little sister is turning into a lush." I told him harshly.

"Emmett, did you ever drink when you were sixteen?" Jasper asked.

"Of course, what's your point?"

"Did you ever have drinking contests with your friends?" He kept on grilling me. I felt like I was in some police interrogation room.

"Yeah all the time."

"Did you ever win?" Jasper kept coming with the questions. Damn that kid was inquisitive, he just kept asking questions.

"Hells yeah!" I replied with a fist pump.

"So Bella isn't doing anything you never did then, right?" Damn the kid has some pretty good logic.

"You don't understand dude. Bella is more than just my annoying kid sister. Hell our dad is gone and our mom isn't around much in a lucid state anyways. And saying Bella doesn't like Renee is putting it mildly, I am so scared that Bella will end up hating me for letting her become like Renee." I replied honestly to Jasper.

"I understand, my dad was never around either but thankfully my mom was awesome and now Esme and Carlisle are great. But dude, it seems to me that Bella is following in your footsteps more so then Renee's." Jasper explained. I was starting to really like this kid and could see why Bella did as well, so I figured since he did me a solid I would return the favor.

"I knew there was a reason I liked you Jasper. I tell you what, you helped me so I will help you. You like Bella right?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah she is a great buddy." Jasper replied quickly. What was this, seventh grade?

"No, I mean you like her, like her. Christ Jasper don't turn this into an Oprah moment dude." I said. He looked at me like he was confused or afraid, or maybe a mixture of both. "Okay kid, then just listen to what I am saying. Bella likes you, not like a friend, like a potential boyfriend. So if you really don't want to see her back with Jake, which none of us want, then maybe you should figure out just how you like her and let her know." I explained, slowly to Jasper just in case. I mean Carlisle had never said anything about him being slow, but I didn't want to take any chances.

"Um, okay Emmett." he replied.

"Dude just call me Em everyone else does, except Rose, but we won't go into that now." I winked, and then got serious again, "But seriously, be warned, if you end up treating my baby sister anything near how Jake does, I will hurt you." I said and cracked my knuckles for emphasis.

"Oh thanks, I think." Jasper replied.

"Anytime kid." I answered.

"So I'm going to be heading home, please tell Bella I stopped by?" Jasper asked.

"Sure thing Jasper, see you around" I said and escorted him to the door.

**Edwards POV**

I awoke from my nap to the music blaring from the stereo in the common room. Jasper better not be putting on any of that whiny ass country western shit again. I swear, how that guy could be so cool and have such shitty taste in music never ceased to amaze me. I climbed out of bed, and headed in the direction of the music, preparing myself to give my cousin a lecture on what music constituted good music was not someone bitching about someone stealing their truck or shooting their dog or whatever the hell those guys were bitching about now a days. But as I got closer, I heard the song clearly, and knew it wasn't Jasper.

The chorus to Cage The Elephant's "In One Ear" was going strong and loud from the speakers, I was curious to see who exactly had raided my music collection. I entered the room and saw Bella thrashing around, singing along with the song but instead of happy she looked like she had been crying.

"Hey." was the most intelligent thing I could think to say to her at that point. Yeah I know Edward Cullen, always smooth and suave with the ladies.

"Oh, Edward I'm so sorry was the music too loud?" Bella asked as she went to turn it down a bit.

"No it was fine, I needed to wake up anyways. I'm just glad it wasn't the twangy western shit of Jasper's." I replied.

"He does not really like that shit does he?" she asked

"Less than I imagined with him being from Texas, but more than I am comfortable with him playing it." I responded and went to sit down on the black leather couch in the middle of the room.

"Speaking of Jasper, have you seen him?" Bella questioned, joining me on the couch.

"He said he was going to your house to last time I spoke with him." I answered.

"Oh, I must have missed him then."

"So, why are you here looking for him?" I asked but thought it sounded a little rude so I added "not that you aren't welcome. You know you can come over anytime, it's just been a while."

"Em and I had a fight." Bella admitted and buried her face in her hands.

"I know I'm not Jasper, but I'm here if you want to talk about it." I offered.

"Do you think I am turning into my mother?" Bella asked and looked at me and her face looked so sad.

"Honestly B, I don't really think I know you well enough to make that call anymore." I responded, wanting to be honest but not wanting to hurt her feelings at the same time.

"Whoa, you haven't called me that since we were kids." Bella admitted. "and it's not my fault you don't know me anymore." she said, defending herself.

"It's neither of our faults I guess, life happens, and we went our separate ways in middle school and just sort of kept drifting farther apart." I said. "We went from playing every single day, to talking in class, to saying 'hi' in passing, to never speaking at all."

"I know," she said sadly, "It wasn't on purpose." she smiled a little, "Your mom was just talking to me and reminding me of when we all played together in the yard. You were always so sweet letting me be the cop and you were always the bad guy." Bella said with a small smile. "Emmett and his friends never let me have my way."

"I thought you had cooties, so running away from you was easy back then." I said with a smile of my own. Just then the door opened and Jasper appeared.

"Edward have you seen…oh, hey Bella." Jasper said as he entered.

"Hey Jasper, I came over here looking for you, actually." Bella replied.

"Haha, that's funny, I went to your house looking for you. So how was your trip?" Jasper asked, plopping down on the other side of Bella.

"Wonderful, Alice and I had a great time, I think. Now to actually remember it, I can go to YouTube and pull up videos, not only of Felix and I having a drinking contest, but also us dancing on the bar together. Then some photographers got pics of Alec and I talking, so now I am Breaking Dawn's slut girl. Oh, and my over protective brother got pissed and we had a huge fight just to put a cherry on the crap sundae that is my life." Bella said with a huff and flipped her head towards the back of the couch and closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Bella." was all I could think to say. Yes, Smooth Moves Cullen strikes again.

"Yeah, Em seemed pissed when I got there but he seems to have settled down. We had 'guy talk' as he put it." Jasper explained. I had no idea what a 'guy talk' was, but if he helped Emmett calm down it had to be a good thing.

"God Jasper what happened to your face?" Bella asked noticing the bruises, she reached her arm out as if to touch them, but stopped herself quickly.

"Jake." I said before I even realized she asked Jasper and not me. From the dirty looks Jasper began sending me, I could tell he didn't want her to know about that. Shit.

"Son of a bitch, I'm going to kill him." Bella sighed as she started checking Jasper's bruises, but Jasper was laughing.

"What is so funny?" I asked.

"Bella and Emmett said almost the exact same thing when I told each of them I got in a fight with Jake." Jasper replied, still laughing.

"Jasper, tell me what happened with Jake." Bella demanded, she wasn't asking him to tell her, she was informing him he was going to. Jasper stood quietly, making it obvious he wasn't going to tell her, Bella turned her glare at me.

"Tell me what happened." she commanded me. I would like to think I could take a girl staring me down, promising to hurt me only with her eyes, but I wasn't that strong or maybe I was just really afraid of pissing Bella off. Either way, I cracked like an egg and broke down and explained everything that happened from our quest for contraband junk food, to running into Jessica and finally ending with Jasper and Jake's throw down. "Tell me you ripped his balls off at least?" Bella asked, looking at Jasper.

"No, but he does look worse than me, although, shit, does he have a hard head." Jasper replied.

"I'm sorry you had to do that, Jasper." Bella said sadly, "but thank you." she surprised me as she wrapped her arms around his neck in a hug. I watched as they hugged for a minute, a little uncomfortable.

"I'm bored and hungry, Let's go grab something to eat." I suggested.

"From where?" Bella asked as she and Jasper finally broke their hug.

"I don't know, why don't you call Alice and see if she wants to go?" I added.

Bella looked at me for a moment before she replied. "Why don't you call Alice and invite her?"

"Yeah cuz, you can call Alice and invite her over and we'll think of someplace to go." Jasper said. I realized what they were pulling, but I wasn't going to fall for it.

"Sure, I'll just shoot her a text" I responded pulling out my phone.

"NO!" they both shouted and turned to look at each other and smiled before turning back towards me. I wasn't sure if I heard them saying 'Wonder twin powers activate' or if I just imagined it. But either way it seemed they had officially teamed up against me. I'll admit it, I was now pretty scared. One on one I could take them, but I didn't like my chances against them both at the same time.

"You need to call her, not text her." Jasper scolded me first.

"Yeah, it's always better to call a girl over texting her." Bella added to complete the one-two punch combo. It seemed I was being cornered by Stupid Cupid One and Stupid Cupid Two. I liked Alice, I really did but I was apprehensive. I mean I was a geeky high school outcast and she was an Academy Award winning actress who had already traveled the world and went to celebrity parties. Hell, she hung out with Breaking Dawn, one of the biggest bands on the planet, just this past weekend. Sure, we all hung out as a group and had fun but I didn't know if Alice was just my friend or she wanted to be more. I was afraid, not only of being rejected by not being up to her standards, but also messing up our nice group dynamic we had going. So I decided until I got my shit together, the best defense was going to be a good offense.

"So, Jasper calls you a lot then Bella?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"No, but I did have a boyfriend until just the other day. It would seem weird to call another guys girlfriend, I'd imagine. But I know for a fact that Alice is single and she likes you so it shouldn't be a problem." Bella explained. She was as good at deflecting as I was, this could be fun-wait did she say Alice liked me? I would have to come back to that.

"But you guys have been texting back and forth since Jasper got here." I countered.

"Yes we have. Friends text, more than friends call." Bella replied, shaking her head, muttering something about stupid boys and heading towards the bathroom. Ugh Girls.

"Come on Edward, we're just trying to help you out." Jasper said.

"Yeah, I know, and thank you, I'm just nervous" I replied as I ran my hands through my hair. It was getting long and shaggy, I needed a haircut.

"What do you have to be worried about cuz? Alice likes you, so I doubt she will turn you down."

"That is what I am afraid of." I replied.

"So you're afraid she will say yes?" Jasper asked, clearly confused by my logic.

"Jasper, this is Alice Brandon, world famous movie star, not just any girl next door." I explained.

"That just means her liking you is that much better, since she has met a ton more guys than your typical high school girl." Jasper explained.

"How can I compare to the co-stars and musicians she has dated?" I asked, needing someone to explain this to me.

"She has never dated any of her co-stars. It's always rumors spread by whatever company is producing the movie to sell more tickets. And I don't recall her ever dating a musician. Actually, I don't recall her dating anyone seriously, ever." Bella replied. Oh good, she rejoins the conversation at my most embarrassing moment, wonderful. Thankfully I was saved much more embarrassment, I think, when my mom buzzed and asked if Bella was staying for dinner.

I looked at Bella who nodded her head in the affirmative. Time to man up and have some shred of self worth. "Mom, can you set any extra place for Alice as well? I'm going to invite her, too." I said, ignoring the high five Jasper and Bella were giving each other.

"Sure thing, dinner will be ready in about an hour." Mom replied through the intercom.

With that I scrolled down to Alice's name on my phone and hit Send.

"Hello." Alice answered on the first ring, of course I couldn't catch a break and leave her a voice mail inviting her to dinner, that would be too easy.

"Hey Alice, it's Edward." I said.

"Yes I know that Edward, I do have caller ID and your picture came up when you called as well. So what's up?" Alice asked.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner?" I questioned, suddenly feeling like my stomach was doing back flips.

"Uh sure" Alice replied "I would love to, when?"

"Mom said it would be ready in an hour. Just come back to the pool house, Jasper, Bella, and I are hanging out back here until it's ready." I answered.

"Okay, see you then Edward, and thanks for inviting me, bye!" Alice said as she hung up. I sat there stunned, not only had I made some progress with Alice, but she accepted it and even thanked me for it. I wasn't rejected, I was thanked by her and that made me feel a lot better.

"Congrats cuz, I think your balls finally dropped!" Jasper said as he hit me in the arm. Oh well, nothing can spoil my good mood now.

* * *

So thoughts ? We would love to hear some feedback on this story. Our first work together The Friend Game got alot of feedback but this one not so much so we are not sure if people just don't like it or just aren't letting us know.

Review = teaser


	7. Et Tu, Mommy

Twilight and its character belong to Stephanie Meyer

So this is the longest chapter we have posted to date and I think the funniest personally. We are getting into some of the angst/drama stuff now, slowly. And the relationships are starting to blossom.

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**Chapter 7**

**Esme POV**

Bella was coming to dinner. That thought instantly brought a smile to my face. Alice was coming as well, and though I didn't know Alice personally, I had known her name, everyone did, as well as her face, and I had also known that she spent most of her time with Bella. And I also knew that my son had romantic feelings toward her, so I was happy to finally be meeting her.

I started the stove and began gathering the ingredients I would need for dinner, spinach ravioli made from scratch, that used to be both Bella and Carlisle's favorites, I was hoping she still liked them.

I was particularly excited for Bella to be joining us for dinner. She and Emmett used to be permanent fixtures around this house, as well as Renee and Charlie. We would go on family vacations together, and the kids were always running back and forth between the houses, and the yards, and the pools.

Bella was like the daughter I had always wanted, and for the longest time I was sure that she and Edward would be the cliché boy/girl love story of marrying the girl next door. But then, they grew up, and everything changed, losing Bella changed us all in a way.

Family dinners were quieter. Carlisle never had someone's knee to put band-aids on anymore. There were never muddy footprints around the house anymore. And Edward himself changed, he became quieter, and more introverted, and when we brought up Bella, his entire demeanor changed. He never would tell us why they stopped talking.

As I made dinner I let my mind go over the past, and how Bella had changed as well.

Emmett stayed close with Carlisle, he was over here often for their surfing and bonding time. He would often stay for dinner as well. But Bella, she had changed completely, she had gone from a sweet little tomboy, who helped Edward dig up critters in the backyard, to a beautiful young lady, who was missing a lot of guidance. But, who could blame the poor thing? Her father, who she had looked up to her entire life, it was always "my daddy says this, and my daddy says that", had just taken off, and left her. And then her mother, who she had never exactly seen eye to eye with, had pretty much abandoned them as well. Sure Renee didn't move out like Charlie had but she had checked out being a mother to Bella long ago.

Carlisle and I had tried to be there for both Bella and Emmett when their family first fell apart, and Emmett had welcomed us both with open arms, but Bella, she just pushed away anyone with any authority, and her life was in somewhat of a downward spiral. I was hoping that her and Jasper could help each other out of their dark places. I would be dishonest if I said that I wasn't a little worried that they were going to pull each other even farther in. But they had Edward, and I knew he wouldn't let that happen, to either of them.

"Mmm." Carlisle's sweet voice broke me from my thoughts. "Is that what I think it is?" he asked, smiling widely as he wrapped his arms around me from behind, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Your favorite, spinach ravioli sweetie." I told him as I placed them in the oven.

"Did you use organic spinach? I know the last crop at the Farmer's Market looked good." Carlisle asked.

"No sweetie, I made it following my old recipe. I wanted it to be perfect tonight." I admitted shyly.

"Oh, but you haven't made it that way in years, what is the occasion?" he asked, kissing my neck, and after all the years of us being married, the simple gesture still sent chills through my body.

"The boys' girlfriends are coming for dinner." I told him smiling, leaning back into the warmth of his body.

"The boys have girlfriends? Jasper? Already?" Carlisle asked, quirking his eyebrow.

"Well. They haven't told me exactly, but Edward has never asked any girl over for dinner in years!" I said, probably with more excitement than necessary, but I was glad Edward was breaking out of his shell, and I was glad Jasper was fitting in so well, despite his black eye.

"Oh dear," Carlisle chucked, which was still my favorite sound, aside from Edward's laughter of course. "you better wait until the boys actually tell you that these girls are their girlfriends before you embarrass them and say something like that."

"But I'm the mom, I'm supposed to embarrass them." I teased.

"Who are these girls?" Carlisle asked stepping away from me, so I could continue making dinner.

"Bella Swan, and her friend, Alice." I answered, missing the body contact with my husband.

"Little Bella?" He asked, smirking. "The same Bella Swan who used to sneak into my office, and tell me that if we worked together and begged you for your spinach ravioli for dinner that there was no way you could turn us both down?"

"Yes, Bella Swan, but she is not so little anymore." I giggled at the memory.

"Oh, I see why you're making this now, of course it's not just for me." he teased.

"Hey, be nice." I rolled my eyes at him, "or you won't get dessert later." I sent him a coy smile.

"Oh yeah, and what's dessert?" he asked, raising his eyebrow.

"Me." I told him, he crossed the kitchen in two steps as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me.

"Oh god, my mom and dad are making out in the kitchen. That cannot be sanitary in front of the food." I heard and pulled away from Carlisle, I turned to see Edward, Bella, Jasper, and a tiny girl, who I recognized as Alice, standing in the doorway that led out to the pool house, watching us with different expressions. Edward looked disgusted, and horrified all at once. Jasper looked like he was trying to decide if he should be disgusted or not, Bella looked pained, and Alice looked amused.

"Hey ladies!" Carlisle said, stepping away from me as he walked over to the kids. "Bella! We didn't even have to make a plan underneath my office desk this time." he chuckled, reminding her of his fondest memory of her.

"Is it almost ready?" Edward asked, as he walked over to me, looking at the stove.

"Yes, now if you and Jasper could set the table for me, by the time you boys are done with that, dinner should be finished." I smiled, kissing his head, biting back a laugh as he rolled his eyes at me.

**Edwards POV**

God, my mom had cooked real food! Not organic healthy tofu filled whole wheat pasta crap. Real authentic made from scratch spinach ravioli. I knew she did it because Bella was joining us for dinner for the first time in years. It made me want to hug Bella and beg her to have dinner with us every night if we got normal home cooked food.

But, my parents were embarrassing my ass to hell with all the inappropriate touching as they passed the bread sticks and stupid bedroom eyes they kept giving each other. I was getting pissed.

"This is more delicious then I remember Esme, thank you." Bella said in between bites.

"I agree Esme, this is wonderful!" Alice added.

"Thank you girls, I love cooking, and the more the merrier." my mom replied with a warm smile.

"So, what do you kids have planned after dinner tonight? It's summer, so no need to make an early night of it or anything." My dad asked as he gave mom those damn eyes again.

"I was thinking about going to see that new movie 'Love Spelled Backwards is Love' if you guys are interested." Alice suggested.

"Oh, that does look like a good movie, I'm in. Just let me text Emmett and let him know, so he doesn't freak out on me again." Bella added as she pulled out her phone.

"That sounds lovely dears. I'm sure the boys would gladly escort you. You can even take my car if you want to drive Jasper. How does that sound?" My mom asked, while giving Jasper and I 'the look.' I wasn't sure if Jasper was well versed in Esme's looks yet but it said 'agree or else'.

Et tu, Mommy? First my dad, and his oh so subtle hint to get the hell out of the house for a few hours after dinner, I swear I wouldn't have been shocked if halfway through dinner he started packing our plates up in Tupperware and sending us on our way. I don't think mom would have normally allowed it, but tonight I have a feeling she would have made an exception. These oh so loving parents of mine were forcing Jasper and I out of the house to see some god forsaken chick flick with a title that sounded ridiculous and made up. Then mom all but threw us the keys to her Range Rover and tells us to get the hell out and hints to 'not come knockin if the house is a rockin'. Ewww, parents are gross.

"Sure, we'd be glad to go see any movie with you ladies tonight." Jasper said, giving me a look I took to know he understood what was going down and we had to get the hell out of here soon.

"Yeah a movie sounds great. It's summer, so no need to hang around the house all the time." I chimed in nervously.

I am not a very religious man but I crossed myself and said a silent prayer. _Dear sweet baby Jesus, it's me Edward. I know we don't talk a lot and I only go to church when Mom makes me, but I need your help here buddy. Please don't let my parents embarrass me in front of my friends by um….fornicating on the dining room table. You rock and amen._

I knew calling in a deity was a big favor just to stop my parents from having sex in front of everyone, but I was desperate. I was ready to pray to the Easter Bunny or the fat man who pretended to be Santa at the mall. Anyone but Cupid, it was all that stupid baby angels fault, the bastard.

The rest of dinner was finished quickly and quietly, thankfully my prayer seemed to have helped. The parental units did turn down the flirting and I only saw the bedroom eyes a few more times.

"Would you like some help clearing the table and with the dishes Esme?" Alice asked. No doubt she was trying to earn some points and make a good impression on my mom, but it was still a very sweet gesture.

"Thank you for the offer dear, but no, you kids go and have fun at the movie." Mom replied getting up and handing Jasper keys and some cash, while giving dad a look that I wish I didn't have to witness.

"Yeah, let's go ahead and leave. We can check movie times from the car and find the best theater." I suggested, wanting to get the hell out that house before I saw something I would never, ever be able to unsee. There are something's that can be bleached from your brain and I was sure what my parents had planned shortly would be one such thing.

We said our goodbyes and made a very hasty retreat from the house. Since we weren't really ready to leave yet, we waited outside in the driveway until we had a plan. My parents didn't give Jasper and I an exact curfew. I knew since it was summer to be home by at least midnight, but I was sure I would win an argument coming in as late as one, if need be.

"I'm glad we got out of there when we did." Alice said fanning herself "I thought the sexual tension from your parents was going to make me start ovulating." We all burst out laughing at how my parents were acting, I was glad no one was too weirded out by it.

"Yeah, Edward, what is up with those two?" Jasper asked clearly a little frazzled from his first encounter with 'romantic' Esme and Carlisle.

"Let's just say while I was happy to have moved out of the house and into the pool house, my parents were even happier." I replied hinting at what I'm sure they all realized.

"I think it is sweet your parents still have sex." Bella said.

"Yeah it is cute, Edward." Alice added.

"Sex between my parents is neither sweet nor cute." I replied, shuddering, trying to shake the nasty thoughts from my mind.

"Go Esme! Let your freak flag fly girl!" Bella cheered, laughing, and then it dawned on me what exactly I had said.

"I can totally see why Rose calls your dad Dr. McHottie now." Alice admitted. I was about to comment about how wrong that was, but Jasper was quick to jump in.

"So are we all riding together?" He asked, quickly changing the subject from learning any other possible disturbing nicknames, looking at the Range Rover. We did have three cars and only four teenagers. I was hoping to get to ride with Alice but I didn't want to presume the girls wouldn't ride together.

"How about I ride with Jasper in the Rover, and you and Alice and take your car Edward?" Bella suggested and I wanted to thank her for voicing what I wanted to, so I gave her a little nod and she smiled.

"Sounds like a good plan." Alice said and I suddenly felt a little less nervous, but only a little.

**BPOV**

"I can't believe Esme let you take the Rover." I told Jasper once we had gotten settled in the car. I was itching for a cigarette, that turbo charged hormone dinner was a little too much to handle. I knew Esme would kill Jasper and I if her car smelled like smoke so I decided not to. Although it was still really sweet, and awesome that Esme and Carlisle had passion and love in their relationship, it reminded me of the all the things I didn't have at home. Seeing two parents who loved their kids as well as each other was great, but it made me wish I had just one who did that.

"I think she just wanted to get us out of there so her and Carlisle could be alone." Jasper admitted, visibly shuddering, making me laugh. "It's not funny!" he insisted.

"It's a little funny." I told him, still laughing, and even harder when he shot me a dirty look. "oh, baby." I teased, sticking my tongue out at him.

"Yeah, yeah." he rolled his eyes playfully at me.

"So, do you guys have a curfew?" I asked, biting my bottom lip, suddenly a little bit nervous.

"I don't think so, as long as it's not too late, or at least as long as we don't get caught coming in too late." He winked, his tattoo's peeking through his rolled up sleeves. He was very sexy, just his attitude, and style. It made me want to lick him.

Yes, lick him.

"Well, uh, after the movie, do you want to come with me somewhere?" I asked, playing with the ends of my hair.

"What exactly did you have in mind?" he asked, looking over at me as he stopped at a red light, curiosity etched across his face.

"Well," I shrugged, "I wanted to take you to my favorite place in Newport, it's where I go to be away from all the bullshit this town has." I told him, "I thought we could hang out for a little while, just me and you..." I trailed off. I didn't want to seem presumptuous, but I was tired of someone always being around when I was with Jasper.

"You aren't going to rape and murder me or something, are you?" he asked, mock horror on his face.

"You couldn't get that lucky on the rape part. Besides if I was planning on murdering you I would have drove." I winked, pushing his shoulder playfully.

"Why Bella Swan, do you think I'm easy?" he teased, a devious smirk appearing.

"Fine, I'll just ask Cullen then." I crossed my arms over my chest and looked out the window, faking being mad.

"So you think my cousin is easier than me?" He asked, "Wait until I tell him!"

"Jasper!" I whined, giggling.

"I'm kiddin, I think I'll take my chances." he chuckled, and I looked back at him and laughed as well. We made small talk until we got to the theater, strangely arriving before Alice and Edward, so we were able to each smoke a cigarette, of course getting dirty looks from both of them when they arrived, since neither of them smoked, and clearly neither of them liked it as well.

As we walked into the theater, it seemed as though everyone had the same idea about going to the movies, it was packed, I recognized a lot of people from school, and smiled and waved when needed, kind of like autopilot, like I did at events, or school. I never tried to be rude to anyone, unless they deserved it, but none of these people were really my friends, in this town, it was all about how much money you have, and what you can do for people. Those weren't the kind of friends I needed, or wanted.

Once we bought our tickets, and were waiting in line for popcorn, I noticed Mike Newton walking out from one of the theaters, holding his stomach, and his face was a little green. "Mike?" I asked, holding back laughter, "Are you all right?" He looked up at me, and smiled, he had always been a good buddy, despite the crush he had on me, we ended up dating for like, a week in middle school, yeah, we weren't right for each other, even my twelve year old self could tell you that one.

"Don't go see Facepunch." he said, and before I could ask why, his eyes bulged out of his head, he slapped his hand over his mouth and he ran towards the direction of the bathrooms.

"Wow, I'm glad I'm not his date." Alice laughed, as the attendant gave her, her Gummi Bears. She always got those, always. That's all that girl needed, was more sugar.

"Dude, we should have seen Facepunch." Edward sighed, looking sad, as he paid for his nachos and icee. They waited as me and Jasper got our snacks. We ordered large popcorn to share, and I got a diet Dr. Pepper. Jasper got a root beer and insisted on paying for the snacks. He claimed it was on Esme so I let it slide.

"Yeah, no." Alice told him, rolling her eyes as we made our way to the theater.

"I like the back." I said out loud.

"No! The front! Come on Bells!" Alice whined.

"How the hell can you like the front?" Jasper asked, "You are basically looking directly up, and then after two hours of doing that, your neck is killing you." he shook his head. "I'm with her, in the back." he gestured to me with his head, since his hands were full.

Alice looked like she was going to burst into tears, "It's okay, I'll sit in the front with you, Alice." Edward said, saving the day, and if I wasn't too busy doing and internal happy dance that I didn't have to endure Alice's constant questions during the movie, I would have kissed him.

"All right guys, see you in a few." I told them smiling, as we broke off and went our separate ways.

**APOV**

The movie turned out to be pretty good, it was your typical love story. The two main characters have a crazy amount of issues and drama to overcome before they can be happy together. But in the end it worked out, like usual. What I thought was really great was that Edward sat in the front with me! Not many people ever did that, and he didn't even get annoyed when I asked him about a million questions. He was always so sweet.

"Did you like it?" I asked him as the ending credits rolled, and we stood up, I smirked when I saw him roll his neck back and forth as we walked to meet Bella and Jasper.

"It was alright." he shrugged, and smiled at me.

"How was the front?" Jasper asked, chuckling as he threw the remainder of the popcorn at Bella who rebutted by throwing her empty soda cup back at him. I swear sometimes you can't take you're your friends anywhere without them acting like kindergarteners, these two were no exception. I can hear my mom now _"When a boy is mean to you that means he likes you."_ Which I always thought was crap, when a boy was mean to you it mean he was a douche bag.

"It was great." I told him, sticking out my tongue.

"So what is the plan now?" Edward asked as we made our way back out into the lobby.

"Actually," Bella began, smiling at us, "Jasper and I kind of have plans." I smiled at that, I was glad they made plans, and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't glad me and Edward would be alone, I mean, if he wanted to continue to hang out with me.

"All right then, we'll see you guys later, maybe?" Edward said.

"Have fun!" Jasper said, waving as we made our way to our separate cars.

"Do you want me to take you home?" Edward asked, and my heart fell a little bit, "or do you want to hang out for a little while longer?" I smiled at that, my heart back to normal.

"Let's hang out, I don't want to go home just yet." I told him as we made our way to his car. He opened the door for me, which was very sweet of him, not many guys do that these days.

"So, what should we do, then?" he asked once he climbed into the driver's seat.

"Actually, do you want to go to the pier?" I asked him.

"The pier, really?" he smiled, his eyes lighting up.

"Do you want to go somewhere else?" I asked, a little confused as he started the car and began driving.

"No! I love the pier, I just wasn't sure if you did." he told me, and when I didn't respond he continued, "I know this is going to sound weird, but you're an actress." he stated dumbly. Duh?

"Uh, I'm not sure what you mean." I told him, curious to see where this was going.

"Ugh, I sound like an idiot." he sighed, shaking his head. "It's just, I thought most celebrities, hell even most girls around here don't like low key things like taking a walk on the pier and stuff, so I wasn't sure what you were going to want to do. I'm glad though." he smiled at me, and I couldn't help but laugh, he was so innocent sometimes.

"Edward, me being an actress means nothing, I'm like the girl next door." I told him, and he looked at me with wide eyes, and I laughed, "Well not like your girl next door, she's way above your average." we laughed at my reference to Bella.

The ride to the pier was nice, we talked about summer, and the fourth of July festivities that were coming up, and it was comfortable, and nice, it was nice to be able to have easy conversation with someone.

"I love it here at night." I told him as we began to walk along, smiling at the few people who had the same idea as we had, "Bella and I used to come here a lot."

"I remember." he smiled down at me, as he took my hand into his, and I smiled up at him. It was a cute gesture, it was a cute walk.

We walked until we were in front of one of those game booths, with the stuffed animals. "Why'd we stop?" I asked him curiously, as he took his hand from mine and dug threw his pockets.

"I'm going to win you something." he told me, winking as we walked up to the booth, there was basketball hoop placed on a wooden backboard, and Edward paid for three tries. "Bare with me," he told me, chuckling, "Baseball is my sport, not basketball."

He wasn't kidding. After about twelve tries, and a ridiculous amount of money, he finally won me a Tinkerbell stuffed animal, almost as big as me, it was really sweet. No one had ever won anything for me. When he finally won, I definitely squealed like a five year old, but he laughed, so it was okay because Edward didn't seem to mind.

"Let's go on the Ferris wheel!" I exclaimed as we walked up to it. Since it never snowed in Newport, the wheel ran all year long, it was especially nice at night because you could see all the lights in Newport, as well as the ocean, and in the distance you could see Catalina Island.

We carefully stepped on, and I was able to squeeze Tinkerbell beside me, which worked out in my favor because I was able to sit closer to Edward. As we rode to the top, Edward looked around like he was taking it in for the first time.

"You've ridden the Ferris wheel before this, right?" I asked him, curious. He looked at me and smirked, his eyes glossed over, like he was a thousand miles away.

"Alice, the last time I was on this, I think I was like, 11 or 12." he laughed, shaking his head. "I had my first kiss up here, actually." he admitted.

"That's really sweet!" I giggled, "Middle school Edward was a smooth operator, wasn't he?" I teased. He laughed at me, as we both took in the scenery, it really was beautiful, and I couldn't believe he hadn't been up here in years.

"Oh, of course I have always been regular Casanova. Can't you tell by the way I have to beat the girls off with a stick?" he chuckled, and took my hand again, as we fell into the comfortable silence.

Once the ride was over, we walked back to the car still holding hands, until he dropped my hand to open my door for me and store my Tinkerbell in the backseat. Edward was thoughtful enough to even buckle her in, when I giggled at his silliness he assured me it was for safety reasons.

Conversation flowed easily between us all the way back to his house. I admit I was a little sad when he opened my car door for me to drive home.

"So Alice, I was wondering, would you allow me to be your date to the 4th of July thing coming up at the Beach Club?" Edward asked quickly, I could tell he was nervous.

"I would love that Edward, thank you." I replied.

"No, thank you." Edward said and leaned down and gave me a gentle peck on the cheek "Good night Alice" he added before shutting my door.

I might have squealed like a five year old girl again, but I did wait until I had backed out of the driveway and was heading home. I can control myself, sometimes.

**Jaspers POV**

"I'm having second thoughts that you're not leading me out in the middle of nowhere to either take advantage of me or kill me." I said to break the comfortable lull in our conversation.

"You couldn't get that lucky on either count Jasper." Bella replied as she hit me again. For a girl she hit kind of hard.

"You keep saying that, yet you have me driving way out into the middle of nowhere, where no one can hear me scream." I shot back.

"Shut up and park here." Bella said sternly, making sure to give a dramatic eye roll.

"Yea ma'am!" I said with a laugh.

We got out of the Rover and I realized we were at the end of the water but not at a beach. We were much higher up along a rocky cliff face. I had to admit it was quiet and very beautiful out here, especially at night. I could see the appeal of the solitude and scenery this oasis offered.

"It is really nice here" I said as I looked out in front of us, the ocean seemed to go on forever, but off towards the side you could see the lights from the peir, and from the town, the Ferris wheel looked pretty amazing from our spot,

"Thanks, this is where I come to get away from, life, I guess. When school, home, or just everything becomes too much I usually take Em's Jeep and come up here. I can scream or throw things and no one cares. But I can also just sit and stare out into the ocean. I don't know why but the sound of the waves crashing into the rocks below seems soothing" Bella explain while climbing up to sit on the hood of the Rover.

"I can understand that" I admitted, joining her on the hood.

We sat comfortably, just staring at the stars when I felt Bella reach over and took my hand in hers. It was a simple gesture but at that moment I felt like she was letting me in.

"The Ferris wheel looks awesome from here." I told her, figuring if I didn't put any pressure on her, she would open up on her own.

"I know, I love the Ferris wheel." She said softly, "I had my first kiss up there."

"Oh ya?" I chuckled, "How is a guy supposed to top that?" I joked, but when she didn't laugh I turned to look at her and she was biting her bottom lip, looking really cute. I reached over to push some of the hair that had blown loose back behind her ear, from the ocean breeze. Bella's eyes shot up and looked into mine like she was searching for something as soon as our skin made contact. I don't know what it was, or if she found it, because the next moment her lips were attached to mine and, well, I was distracted from my previous train of thought.

The devious contrast between her soft lips and the fierce pressure she was using was wonderful. I let go of her hand and reached around and gently placed it behind her head. This caused Bella to open her mouth and slide her tongue along my bottom lip. I opened my mouth and gladly intertwined our tongues. Each was battling the other for dominance and control. Bella reached her arms around my neck, pulling me closer to her.

We continued kissing and deepened the kiss for some time, it could have been hours or minutes, I wasn't really sure at that point. Our tongues kept exploring each other's mouth's while our hands started exploring each other's bodies. I might have accidentally grabbed her boob, and then once I realized that she had her nipple pierced, which I heard hurt like a bitch, made me realize how bad ass she really was, and that was totally hot, so of course I did it a few more times not so accidentally before we finally broke the kiss. I had to verify the information you know for fact checking purposes.

"Whoa." I said after a moment, yes, I'm smooth, very smooth, like Joey Lawrence back on Blossom.

"I agree." Bella breathed, fixing her hair, and smoothing out her shirt.

"So, you did plan to take me up here to take my virtue." I teased.

"Yeah, I mean you seem so virtuous, I had to corrupt you a little." Bella replied with a laugh.

"Come on, we need to get back. I so don't want your brother coming out here and finding us." I said as I helped her down off the hood.

"Sure." was all she replied and got back in the passenger seat. Damn I think she's pissed.

"Bella that was amazing, thank you." I said trying to get back in her good graces as I got into the car and started heading back towards home.

"Yeah." she replied as she crossed her arms over her chest.

Yep, she is definitely pissed.

"What's wrong?" I asked, confused, things were just good, better than good, and now she was giving me the cold shoulder.

She shrugged, not looking at me, letting her hair fall into a curtain between us, "Bella, hey, talk to me babe." I reached out and brushed her hair back behind her ear again.

"Do you not want me?" she asked, bluntly, her face looked as if she just had been rejected. I pulled the car over to the side of the road and put in park so I could talk to her.

"Bella, come on, what made you think that, especially after what just happened up there?" I asked, confused.

"Well, usually guys don't just stop something like that." she pouted, and I didn't know whether I should laugh at her ridiculousness, or feel bad because she obviously dated shitty guys.

"Come here." I told her, pulling her over to me, which surprisingly she came easily, leaning her head on my shoulder. "Of course I want you, but, I'm not just going to take you on the hood of my aunt's car, and I mean, we haven't even gone on a real date or anything yet." I explained. She seemed to have softened up a little after hearing my explanation.

"A date?" she asked, furrowing her brow, looking adorable. I chuckled, it was now or never.

"I was wondering if you would like to go to the 4th of July thing with me?" I asked her, playing with her hair, waiting for her response.

"I don't know." she trailed off, trying to hide a smile.

"Oh, come on, don't make me beg." I laughed, pushing her playfully back to her seat.

"We wouldn't want that now, would we?" she shot back, and giggled, "Of course I'll go with you." and with that, it seemed that all was forgiven, I was glad that we could talk about any issues instead of her just being mad at me for months and me having no clue. I started the car, and pulled back onto the road.

"Awesome, well let's head back home. I'm sure it is getting close to curfew." I said and grabbed her hand and she gave mine a squeeze and we fell back into our comfortable silence the rest of the ride home.


	8. Hot Nerd and Jazzhands

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters, I just make them say dirty words.

So Dani and I worked our asses off and this is the longest chapter to date and we did it in 24 hours (started yesterday morning, finished this morning then edited again). I think this is one of the funniest chapters we have ever written and I hope you enjoy.

* * *

**Edwards POV (July 3****rd****)**

I had a date with Alice Brandon.

I had a date with the world famous, award winning, movie star, Alice Brandon.

And then it dawned on me, I had a date with Alice Brandon, to a huge event that nearly everyone in Newport would attend, where I was known as the socially retarded neighbor of Bella Swan.

Fuck my life.

I sighed and walked out of my bedroom to see Jasper in the common room watching TV. I plopped down on the couch beside him.

"So, I have a date with Alice to the 4th of July party." I say hoping to break the ice.

"Awesome, I'm taking Bella to the same party." Jasper replied. I was glad he and Bella are getting along so well. I was happy for both of them.

"Cool, but see, I have to take a famous actress who is cool as hell, to a party where I don't fit in. You don't understand Jasper, everyone at school hates me and thinks I'm a freak, and I don't want Alice to think the same thing. I could use some help." I admitted to my cousin in a moment of self doubt and weakness, and even though it had been a few weeks since we had our Ferris wheel ride, and we had been hanging out almost every day since, I was still really nervous.

"Do you want me to call the guys from Queer Eye and see if they can do a makeover on you?" Jasper asked jokingly. I wasn't about to admit to Jasper that I knew said show was canceled and typically only filmed in New York.

"God, my first date and I'm going to look like a freak and once Alice realizes how uncool I am she will bolt" I said, instead.

"Why don't we go over to Bella's and see if she can help. I mean, she is Alice's best friend and should be able to give you some pointers on the date." Jasper suggested. In that moment my cousin was Ghandi, Jesus, and Yoda all rolled into one.

"You're a genius!" was my reply, because I didn't want to give Jasper a big head with all the talk of him being my Yoda and Jesus and stuff. So we grabbed our stuff and headed to Casa de Swan. As we walked along the small worn path that separated our houses, I realized it had been a long time since I had used it. We walked up the steps to her house, and I rang her doorbell, it didn't take long before the door swung open, revealing a very unhappy looking Rosalie. I never understood her, for someone so sexy, she always was so bitchy.

"What do you want?" she asked, her tone even, not in the least bit friendly.

"Is Bella home?" I asked meekly. Dumbass, we should have texted or called first.

"Yeah, come in." Rose said and allowed us to enter the foyer. "BELLA! you have boys here to see you!" she bellowed towards the kitchen.

"Hey Edward!" Bella said as she entered the room and went straight for Jasper and embracing him in a hug. "Hey Jasper, what do I owe the pleasure of this little visit?" she asked with her arms still wrapped around Jasper's waist.

"Edward needs your help. He's freaking out about his date with Alice, and being around all the people from here." Jasper replied, wrapping his own arms around her, and pretty much summing up my angst and nervousness into a simple sentence. Christ, was it really that easy?

"So, what can I do to help you?" Bella asked finally removing herself from Jasper and coming to stand in front of me, almost inspecting me.

"I could use a haircut, maybe style it into something. And maybe clothes?" I replied in more of a question than I meant to sound.

"So you want a makeover?" Bella inquired with a devious smile on her face.

"Yes oh goddess Bella, please give me a makeover so I can at least seem like someone worthy enough to be seen with Alice Brandon." I replied and was really only half sarcastic, maybe not even that much.

"Did I hear the word makeover?" Rose asked, before Bella could even respond, as she came back with what looked like a sparkle in her eyes.

"Yeah Rose, Edward wants us to get him ready for his date with Alice to the fireworks celebration tomorrow." Bella explained.

"I'll go get my scissors. Oh, and I think I might have some dye left so we can even out the color in his hair a bit. Maybe we can get him to a salon and see if they can do something with his nails it looks like he gnaws them to death." Rose said hastily as she floated from the room.

"What have you gotten me into Bella?" I asked, worried now.

"Nothing too bad Edward, just remember that beauty is pain and you should be fine." Bella said with a laugh.

"Well, I was planning on bailing, but this is going to be better than TV so I'm staying." Jasper added.

"Sounds good, come on Edward let's get you to my bathroom so the beautification process can begin." Bella ordered while grabbing my hand and leading the way.

If I was nervous before it was nothing compared to the anxiety I felt now. I had just silently agreed to let Bella and Rose give me a makeover. I didn't even think guys got those, but what the hell did I know anyways? Jeans and a shirt with a snarky phrase were high fashion to me.

Bella grabbed a chair from her desk and I set down with my back to the mirror. "No looking until you get to see the finished project" Bella teased.

I sat there while the girls cut, colored, and styled my hair. I'll admit it, it was very nice having two girls, two hot girls fussing over me. Plus the occasional boob graze was a nice distraction. I swear I felt metal on Bella's nipple and I would have to think of a sly way to ask Jasper if he knew about that later.

"Oh my god, you turned Edward into a life sized Ken doll." Emmett boomed, laughing, when he discovered where everyone went.

"Yeah, Edward's flat in front too, just like Ken" Jasper joked which had everyone laughing. I gave him a dirty scowl, but I may have been singing "Barbie Girl" by Aqua in my head at that point, so I soon joined in the laughing. Come on, you can't listen to that song and not laugh at it, it's hilarious.

Suddenly, it sounded like there was a slap, and all things being done to my hair were momentarily stopped, which was kind of depressing, "No Rose, not like that. I think his hair would look better like this." Bella said and brushed my hair back in a completely different direction before applying more beauty products to it.

I swear if I ended up growing a vagina from all this girlie stuff I was going to be pissed.

"Okay, I think we're done now." Rose said a few minutes later as she dropped all the instruments of torture she had previously been using on me down on the counter top.

"Yeah, he looks better." Bella decided.

"Wow dude." Jasper said, nodding his head in approval.

"My two girls know what they're doing, they can make anyone look good." Emmett boasted, giving me a thumbs up, as Bella turned the chair around so I could see.

It took me a minute to realize that it was my reflection staring back at me. I looked like a completely different person. My normally flat, unattractive hair was shorter and kind of spiked, it looked like bed head, but my color looked more vibrant than it ever did, and it looked smooth, shiny, and touchable.

"Wow." I said, repeating Jasper.

**RPOV**

So, Bella and I rock, because dorky Edward Cullen didn't look so dorky anymore. Granted, we still had a lot of work to do, but just with the changes to his hair, he looked hot. Just, don't tell anyone I admitted that.

"What next?" He asked, running his fingers through his hair, it was probably going to take him a while to get used to short hair, as long as I had known him he had always had long greasy looking hair.

"We need to go to the mall, to the salon so they can do something with your nails, and probably a facial so they can adjust your almost unibrow." I told him, earning a chuckle from the two boys and an eye roll from Bella.

"Ignore Rosalie, I always do." Bella told him, patting his shoulder as the five of us made our way out of the house, and into Emmett's jeep, Emmett and I were in the front, and Bella was in the back between the two boys.

I spent the entire ride to the mall trying to figure out which boy it was that Bella had her eyes set on. Neither was her normal type, and all the years that I had been around, I had never seen her and Cullen speak to each other at all. She seemed to give equal attention to both of them, and they both made her genuinely smile, which was a nice change. It was obvious there was something between her and Jasper, they had obviously tongue wrestled, but there was definitely something between her and Edward as well. Leave it to Bella to follow the term 'Keep it in the Family' in this sort of way.

"Let's roll bitches; I can't wait to see Cullen get his eyebrows waxed." Emmett laughed as he pulled into a spot in the mall parking lot.

"Thanks." Edward groaned as we made our way into the mall.

"So, you and my little cousin, huh?" I asked as I fell into step next to him, Emmett and the other two walking in front of us. Edward looked at me like he was going to throw up.

"She's a great girl." he told me, and it looked like he tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace, which made me laugh.

"Calm down kid. I'm not going to bite you." I told him, as we rounded the corner to the salon.

"Is this really going to hurt?" he asked as Bella and Jasper went up to tell the lady what we needed done.

"Dude, girl's do this shit like... every week or something, you'll be fine." Emmett told him, laughing, as he slapped a hand on his back, he didn't look too reassured.

"You should consider yourself lucky we are only waxing your eyebrows and not your junk Cullen." I said just to see the look of horror on the poor boys face.

"Fuck dude, could you imagine that scene from 40 Year Old Virgin, except the hair is being ripped from your nuts instead of your chest?" Jasper laughed and covered his junk in mock discomfort.

"Edward?" The woman called, and motioned for him to follow her, which he did.

"So Bells, which neighbor boy are you after?" I asked, out loud, causing her to blush furiously, and Jasper just stood there uncomfortable.

"That's my Rosie, always so blunt." Emmett chuckled, kissing my head, I kept my gaze on Bella and Jasper though.

"Jasper." she said quietly and rolled her eyes at me.

"Yeah, me." Jasper laughed, throwing his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into him. I waited for Emmett to start on the over protective father stuff, but he didn't.

"Really, you're not going to lecture him?" I asked, curiously, looking up at my gorgeous hunk of man meat.

"Jasper and I already had a talk. He knows what's up." Emmett told us, and made sure to point to his eyes with his index and middle finger and then point to Jasper, causing us all to laugh.

We all talked until Edward came out about a half hour later. He definitely looked better, his eyebrows were still thick, not a unibrow anymore, and groomed. His face looked cleaner, smoother, and his nails were even, it was a lot better, now we just had to get his wardrobe fixed.

"Edward, you look good." Bella told him, looking over him approvingly.

"All we have to do is get you some clothes, and Alice will be the one to bite you." I winked, chuckling a little.

"Nah, I think Alice will want to lick him." Bella said, looking him over again, "yep, definitely lick him." she decided, laughing when his face burned red. Those two and all their damn blushing.

"All right, off to find Edward some clothes." Emmett said, uncomfortably as he literally pulled me from the salon, the others following close behind.

After we had gone in about three or four stores, we finally found a good compromise, one with good clothes, that Edward actually liked. He was a picky son of a bitch, and kind of whiny like a little girl when he didn't get his way.

Once he had picked out a handful of things we sent him into the dressing room to try them on, I could get used to this whole makeover thing, and it was fun.

"Listen Babe, me and Jasper are going to go get something to eat, I'll call you when we're finished so we can meet up, okay?" Emmett told me, leaning down to kiss me.

"All right baby, your sister and I will be here working our fingers to the bone helping the fashionably challenged." I laughed, and noticed that Jasper and Bella were having their own sweet little exchange.

"Ha ha, well have fun girls, We'll see you soon!" He called out to us, as he and Jasper walked out of the store and into the main area of the mall.

"Bella, here." I shoved another armful of clothes into her chest, "tell him to try these on, and then come back out here, I'm going to keep browsing." I told her, not giving her a chance to respond before I dismissed her. Making sure to blow her a kiss on the way. I loved that girl like she was my own, she knew that, but she also knew how I was, and she loved me for it. The Swans couldn't resist my charm.

**BPOV**

Glamazon was such a bossy bitch sometimes. Well, more like all the time. It was her way or the highway. I'm surprised she let me change Edward's hair earlier. She always was the Three B's; bitchy, bossy, and blunt, but that's why I loved her. Even when her bitch ass called me out in front of Jasper, whore.

I was on my way to deliver Edward another armful of Glamazon-approved clothes, and my mind wondered to how good he looked. It's not that he was always bad looking, but his hair was always unkempt, and hiding his really awesome green eyes, and his unibrow was laughable, but now that Rosalie and I had taken care of it, he looked... good. I sighed as I neared the dressing room, and shook the thoughts from my head, I couldn't start thinking about him that way, things had just started going with Jasper, how fucked up would that be?

"Edward." I called, not bothering to knock, by far one of my worst habits, "Glamazon sent mor-" I stopped in my tracks. Edward stood in front of me holding a pair of jeans in his hand, and only wearing a pair of boxer-briefs. _Holy shit_. He literally had washboard abs, and his package- wow- the bulge in his pants was a lot bigger than I thought it was capable of being. I probably stood there ogling him for a good ten minutes before either of us decided to find our voices.

"Uh, Bel-" he started.

"Shit, Edward, sorry!" I said at the same time, all but throwing the clothes at him, and hurrying out of the fitting room, shutting the door, and running back out towards Rosalie.

When the hell did Edward get so fucking- so fucking, sexy?! I palmed my face as Rosalie walked over to me. "Bells, you look like you just saw someone naked." she said, and grinned "you totally just saw Edward's junk, didn't you?" she asked, laughing. Leave it to Rosalie, the anything naked/sexual/dirty radar detector. Bitch.

"Shut up Rose." I groaned, not wanting to think about how awkward I had just made everything, again.

"Ha ha!" she laughed, "I knew it!"

"Say a word, and I will tell Emmett about that time-" I began, threatening her about the time me and Alice had walked in on her watching the Hannah Montana movie and reciting it word for word.

"My lips are sealed." she said quickly, and handed me her purse. "Hold this, I gotta pee." she told me, and disappeared from view. I laughed at myself, and tried to think of anything but Edward and his washboard abs and ginormous package less than fifty feet away.

"Stop thinking dirty things about Cullen." I told myself, repeatedly. Until Rose's vibrating purse snapped me from my failing attempt of trying not to think dirty thoughts about Edward.

_My Dick bigger than a bridge  
your dick look like little kids  
my dick rush like the Chargers  
the whole team  
your shit look like your fourteen_

The shrill, horrible, loud ass ring tone on her phone went off, and let me tell you, that shit was loud. I felt my face instantly redden as everyone in the store turned to look at me. "Oh my god." I said, as I searched through her Mary Poppins purse, I looked on the screen to see Emmett's name, of course it was my brother. "I'm so sorry!" I announced to the store, "It's just my brother." I said silencing it, before it could repeat again, not realizing until I heard a collective amount of whispers, what exactly I had just said.

I flipped open the phone, but Emmett started talking before I could say hello, "hey baby, can we hurry up and get home?" he asked, and once again before I could tell him it was me, he continued, "I'm so horny, I can't wait to get home so we can-"

"Oh god, my Virgin ears! Emmett! stop it, you're so going to hell!" I interrupted him, before he continued with his disgusting train of thought, and before I threw up my breakfast.

"Bella?!" he exclaimed loudly, "oh my god, disgusting! What the hell are you doing answering Rose's phone!?" he asked, I could hear the horror in his voice.

"How do you think I feel?" I groaned at him, leaning against the clothes rack, "her fucking ring tone for you is that fucking My Dick song, and I just announced to the store not to worry, because it was only my brother." I told him, trying to sound angry, even though I could never stay mad at him.

"Ha!" he laughed, "that's awesome! But for real B, don't answer her phone anymore, are you guys still where we left you?"

"Yeah, we're just waiting for Edward." I said as I began playing with the men's accessories.

"All right, see you ladies soon." he said and hung up. I threw the phone back in her purse, and smiled when Edward came back out with a huge armful of clothes.

"These are all good, please, can we be done, please?" he begged with a cute pout on his face, I couldn't help but laugh.

"One more thing." I told him, and he looked at me with a pained look, which made me laugh again, "calm down, just this." I told him holding up a black leather wrist band. "Get this, it'll make you look bad ass." I winked as I put it on the top of the pile and followed him up to the register.

"So, can I keep my old clothes?" he asked, curiously.

"I guess so, but only wear them around the house, if you plan on going anywhere Glamazon has you covered for everything." I told him, and he nodded as we both watched the sales lady ring everything up, and of course ogle him, bitch. Wait, what? Where did that come from? Since when do I feel territorial about anyone? Ohhh, right, since I saw his- "Edward?" I asked, shifting my weight, as he looked at me. "I'm sorry about uh- earlier.. It's a bad habit, I've walked in on Alice, and Rose so many times, and I've been trying to work on that..." I rambled, like an idiot.

"Hey, it's fine, same as seeing me in a bathing suit, right?" he said, nudging my shoulder, laughing.

"So you liked everything?" Rose asked as she joined us at the register, "good, Alice is going to be excited."

"Dude, you guys so should have came and ate with us, the waitress pretty much drooled on J-Dawg!" Emmett boomed as he came up behind us.

"J-Dawg?" I asked, looking at Jasper who just shook his head and shrugged. "Emmett, you are ridiculous." I groaned, moving over to be next to Jasper, who snaked his arm around my waist and slid his hand into my back pocket.

"Oh, Rose, never, ever let my sister answer your phone again." Emmett told her, running his fingers through his hair. "I think I damaged her virgin ears." he looked at me sadly, and I had to hold back laughter, I was far from a virgin, and I'm pretty sure he knew that.

But as always, Rosalie had that covered, she snorted loudly, "Virgin ears? Bella?" she barked out a laugh, and stopped laughing when Emmett glared at her, "Dude, your sister has the mouth of a sailor, but I guess her ears might be the only part of her that is a virgin." she explained. BITCH. "I'm kidding guys, chill." she rolled her eyes, getting herself out of trouble and hopefully not causing Em's blood pressure to sky rocket too high.

Luckily, before any of us could get ourselves into any more trouble, Edward was done, and we made our way out of the mall and back to the jeep.

**Jaspers POV (July 4****th****)**

"Damn it Edward, hurry up in there. You're not the only one who has to look respectable for your special lady friend!" I yelled, banging on the bathroom door. I swear, I think Rose and Bella had a vagina installed on him yesterday with as much time he was taking to get ready. I mean really, you shower, put on the cool new swim trunks and a shirt, make the hair look just out of bed, and brush your teeth and you're golden.

I have no idea why it was taking my cousin almost an hour to get ready, but it was pissing me off.

"Fucker, no matter how long you spend in there you still aren't going to meet Prince Charming if you don't get your ass to the ball!" I said and kicked the door to get his attention since banging didn't seem to work. Plus, I figured with his newly acquired vagina, he would appreciate the Disney Princess reference.

I paced around the room until I knew a way to get his ass out of the bathroom. I just needed to find the right CD. I rummaged through our joint collection, which honestly was mostly Edwards. He was a fucking music fanatic. If he liked a band he had every studio album, b-side, and live show bootleg ever made. It was awesome for me because he was the fan boy while I got to reap the benefits.

I went to the CD player, put the unholy disc in, cranked the volume up and hit Play.

_Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,__  
__So tell me what you want, what you really really want,__  
__I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want_

The bathroom door jerked open and Edward finally emerged, honestly not looking that much different then when we went in there. I wondered what my cousin was doing in the bathroom for nearly an hour, but then I decided I didn't really want to know.

"Dude I'm out, I surrender. Please turn that shit off." Edward said holding his hands up in surrender.

"About damn time." I scowled and entered the bathroom to finally get ready myself while Edward turned off the stereo. I think I heard him breaking the Spice Girls disc, but I couldn't be sure.

A quick shower, shave, and brushing of the pearly whites later, and I was ready to go.

"Shall we go next door and pickup our ladies?" I asked Edward when I emerged.

"Come on Pony Boy, let's go" Edward replied.

We walked over to the Swans and rang the bell. I hoped Emmett didn't answer, I knew he was going to give me the whole 'I am watching you' thing and honestly it wasn't funny anymore.

"Gentleman please come in, your ladies will be down shortly." Emmett said nicely and gestured for us to enter. I don't know which made me more uncomfortable, overprotective Emmett or nice Emmett. Nice Emmett was kind of creepy.

"So where's Renee?" Edward asked.

"Renee is in Cabo this week, or maybe it was Milan. Who knows, her drunk ass isn't here so I'm happy." Emmett replied. It took me a minute to realize Renee was their mom, I didn't think I had seen her since the Cullen's barbeque the first time I had met Bella.

"Aren't the girls just putting on their bikinis and something to cover up until we get in the pool?" I asked wondering why it was taking so long. This wasn't prom, did they need to make sure they each had enough nipple tape?

"You got a lot to learn about the ladies J-Dawg. They take however long they take to get ready. You wait patiently, tell them they look gorgeous and maybe if your luck... you know what, never mind. Just tell Bella she took her sweet damn time getting ready and left you waiting." Emmett said his face going from grimace to smile quickly, like he just had a really good idea.

Thankfully, the bedroom door finally opened and Rose emerged and walked down the staircase. It was like that scene in that chick flick with the guy from Scooby Doo all over again. She walked all slow and dramatic to make an entrance. She had on a skirt with just her bikini top and she went straight to Emmett once she cleared the last step.

"Damn Rose, you look hot babe." Emmett said and threw her a wink, the cocky bastard.

"Thanks hon." she replied and gave him a hug and I think rubbed her boobs against his chest a little more then was proper, not that I was paying attention or anything.

Alice was next to be descending the staircase in the same manner as Rose. She looked pretty, very pretty, in her pink sundress.

"You look pretty Alice." Edward said and he blushed a little before he gave her a quick peck on the cheek.

Finally, Bella came out and practically ran down the stairs and I was stunned. Bella had on short shorts and a hoodie unzipped and I could finally see her side tats, along with another one peeking out from the top of her shorts. It was fucking hot.

"You look amazing." I said when she came over and gave me a quick hug and kiss before Emmett cleared his throat. I swear, we weren't making out or anything, and he goes all crazy protective already, damn.

"Are we ready to walk to the party and get our grooves on?" Rose asked.

"Hopefully no one will be getting any grooves on at the country club." Emmett said and gave me the stink eye.

We left the house for the short walk to the beach club. God, how do people get so lucky to live not only on ocean front property, but ocean front property within walking distance of the exclusive Newport Beach Country Club as well? lucky bastards. Oh wait- I lived in a pool house bigger then my old house on said property, I guess I was one of the lucky bastards now. The walk was quick and we all fell into talking about what we wanted to do. I had no idea since I hadn't been there before, so my plan was to stick with, Alice, Bella, and Edward and avoid Emmett if he kept acting like a douche.

"Edward, please keep anyone from molesting my sister, including your cousin Jazzhands." Emmett said as he and Rosalie took off for parts unknown.

"Jasper, I'm going to go claim us some lounge chairs by the pool, will you go get us some soda please?" Bella asked and gave me the pouty lip even though she didn't have to.

"Sure, Diet Dr Pepper right?" I asked even though I already knew the answer.

"Yes, please." Bella replied and gave me a quick kiss before she was off with Alice and Edward.

I headed to the concession stand and asked the guy behind the counter for a root beer and a diet Dr Pepper and waited while he filled my order.

"Oh, you must be Edward's cousin Jasper, right?" A blonde girl asked as she walked up to me, and I wasn't sure how to answer. My mom had always told me never talk to strangers ,and the look in this girls eyes made her look very fucking strange to me. I had sudden flashes of my face on posters that read "Have you seen this boy?"

"Umm,yeah?" I answered, more like a question then a valid response, but so what? I was a little scared.

"Hi, I'm Lauren Mallory. I'm in the same grade as Edward, we aren't really friends, though ,you and I definitely should be." she said as she reached her arm out and her fingers ghosted over my ink. Then it hit me. Lauren Mallory… Wonky Boobs, and I had to tighten the muscles in my neck to stop it from whipping down to check out the legendary horrific boobage that was Wonky Boobs.

I wanted to say something witty and snarky to piss her off and get her to leave me alone but I was struggling too much not to look at her chest.

"Jazz, there you are honey. Did you get our drinks yet? Oh hi Lauren, I see you met my Jazzy." Alice said and came up, grabbing me in a fierce hug.

At that moment I loved Alice Brandon for saving me from the clutches of Lauren Mallory.

**APOV**

"Oh, you're with her?" Lauren asked Jasper looking me over, giving me a dirty look. Bitch was lucky I just got a manicure.

"Yes, now shoo fly, go find your own." I shooed her with my hands, and she frowned, sending a wink to Jasper and stalking off, angrily.

"Alice, I could fucking kiss you right now, thank you, so much." Jasper breathed a sigh of relief as the man behind the counter handed him the drinks he had ordered.

"Don't worry Jasper, that girl and her minions are always after what they can't have, it's pathetic, really." I rolled my eyes as we made our way back to our friends.

"She scares me." he admitted, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"If you can deal with Emmett and Rosalie, then Lauren is child's play." I giggled.

"Speaking of Emmett, what the hell is up with him?" he asked seriously, "He's the one who told me I needed to be upfront with Bella if I liked her, and now he's being creepy."

"Bella and Emmett are very close, all they have is each other, Charlie, their dad, left them years ago, and Renee, she's a drunk, and she's really only home once or twice a month to make sure they are still breathing. Most of the time, Emmett acts more like Bella's father then her brother." I explained, "But you're a lot better than her exes, just show Emmett he has nothing to worry about."

"Thanks Alice." he smiled down at me as we found Edward and Bella sitting on side by side beach chairs, laughing about something.

"Hey friends!" I smiled, plopping down next to Edward, patting his knee. He was looking sexy, I definitely wanted to lick him, from head to toe. My girls did an amazing job with this boy. And I wasn't the only one who had noticed.

"Hey Al," Bella said, smiling sweetly at Jasper who had brought her the usual drink, Diet Dr. Pepper, she lived off that stuff, and booze. "How was the commercial shoot yesterday?"

"It was awesome!" I exclaimed, and launched into the day I had shooting a restaurant commercial.

"That sounds like you had a lot of fun!" Bella smiled, leaning against Jasper who was playing with her hair.

"It was a lot of fun." I agreed, scanning the crowd for any nice, familiar faces. I saw Lauren Mallory, Jessica Stanley, Mike Newton, and Tyler Crowley across the pool, laughing with each other, about god knows what. Jess and Mike weren't that bad, but Tyler and Lauren were evil. I did my best to avoid them both. Angela Weber, Ben Cheney, Victoria Knight, and Heidi Sands were at a cabana, the girls were sun bathing, and Ben was sitting with his legs in the pool. They were cool, I liked all of them, especially Angela, she was so cute, and sweet.

I continued scanning the crowd to see Rosalie and Emmett with some kids they both graduated this year, Emmett was obviously describing something because his hands were moving wildly, Rose was sipping some pretty looking drink gossiping with the girls around the table. Not to far from them were Carlisle and Esme Cullen, with a big group of most of the parents, and the more elite adults of the town.

It was the same thing every year, but there was always some kind of scandal, it never did disappoint.

"JASPER! NO!" I heard Bella scream, bringing me back to reality. I looked up to see Jasper holding Bella over his shoulder, ready to launch her into the pool. I giggled, watching her thrash around, begging for mercy.

I looked at Edward and winked, he gave me a questioning look, and I stood up and with a running start, pushed Jasper in the pool, sending all three of us in.

"Alice! You bitch!" Bella exclaimed coming above water.

"Yeah, I was totally joking!" Jasper laughed once he emerged, shaking his shaggy hair.

"Oh, lighten up!" I giggled, rolling my eyes at the two babies.

"Cullen! You better get your ass in here!" Bella called to Edward who was laughing shamelessly from his dry spot on the chair.

"I think I'll stay right here." he smiled at us.

Bella swam next to me, and we exchanged glances, and swam to the edge, climbing out of the pool, we both climbed on top of Edward, hugging him to our soaked bodies.

"Hey!" he whined, "these are new clothes!"

"Come on Princess, don't be so lame!" Jasper called from the pool, and Edward groaned as he grabbed both me and Bella and jumped the three of us into the pool.

We spent a while in the pool, swimming, and splashing and laughing, and enjoying our time. Rosalie and Emmett even swam with us for a while, it was a great time. But then it started getting dark, and chilly, and the fireworks were going to start soon.

"I wish I wore more clothes." Bella shivered as Jasper wrapped a towel around her and held her close to him.

"Yeah, you whore." I teased as Edward did the same for me, they were so sweet.

We decided to grab some food, and there was an announcement shortly after that the fireworks were going to begin, so we made our way to the beach, and sat on some rocks, where we sat every year.

"Wow," Jasper said once they started, "they're so awesome on the water."

"Aren't they though?" I asked, agreeing, but I didn't hear his answer.

Edward gently pulled me up from the rock and we started walking down the beach holding hands. We had walked a few minutes and were getting far enough away that I couldn't see the rest of the group, I turned towards him, and just as I was about to ask what he was doing, his lips were suddenly on mine, in a sweet kiss. It wasn't rough, it wasn't demanding, it was soft, and sweet, and only when I opened my lips did he slide his tongue into my mouth. And let me tell you, it was- wow, Edward's tongue had some skills, I was not expecting that from my hot nerd boy. But, it was probably the sweetest first kiss I had ever had.

We pulled apart, and he smiled down at me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders pulling me close to him. We walked back to the group and took our previous seats and watched the rest of the fireworks in that position. It was perfect, except for Emmett shooting us the occasional glare like he knew what we had done.

**Emmett's POV**

"O-M-G, did you guys hear that one of the waiters caught Mr. Bellows in the parlor making out with someone who wasn't his wife?" Rose asked as we started heading back towards the house.

"Yes, but since when is a cheating husband news in Newport?" Bella responded.

"Well when you're caught making out with another guy, its news worthy" Rose said with a squeal.

God, my girl loved the gossip and drama. As long as it didn't involve my little sister I was okay to let her go on about who was caught with whom and who recently had work done. Rose didn't watch soap operas because she says our community and the people in it are better than most of the one's on TV.

"Did you see what Kim was wearing Bella? I swear it looked like she raided your closet and stole that sweater dress from you." Alice asked Bella who suddenly stopped walking.

"What's wrong B? did she steal your dress?" I asked my baby sister.

"No, but I just remembered that dress is at Jake's house, along with some of my other stuff." Bella explained and looked up at Jasper who was still holding her hand. I was okay with their PG displays of affection, but only PG mind you.

"Call him and tell him you want your shit back." Edward said as he put his arm around Alice's shoulder after she shivered. Edward was a good guy, and if he and Bella weren't going to be together, I was happy to see him with Alice.

"Yeah Bella, just call him and we'll go with you to help you get it." Jazzhands added. I know I gave him shit for being with my sister, but honestly, so far he had been good for her. I hadn't seen Drunkella since she was in L.A with Alice after her and Jake first broke up.

"Okay, I'll call him, but you two-" Bella said pointing at Edward and Jasper, "are not going with me. Last time you guys ran into Jake you got in a fight. I can get my stuff on my own." she explained dialing his number manually in her phone. Good girl, she had already removed him from her contacts.

We all stopped and stood around while Bella made the call, until she screamed and threw her phone down, "Motherfucker!" I reached down and grabbed her phone, giving Rose a look, she she went and put her arms around Bella, trying to calm her down, while I called back Jake's number and put in on speaker phone.

"_Hey, this is Jake, leave a message- unless this is Bella you can just come over and apologize by putting my dic-"_ I hung up the phone, not wanting to hear the rest of the voice mail. I wanted to throw it so fucking bad, I knew it could survive little Bella throwing it, but if I tossed the damn thing we likely would never even find all the pieces.

"I'm going to kill that fucker." Jasper said angrily, and I felt proud that he was almost as fiercely protective of my sister as I was.

"Yeah, Rose and I are going with you to get your shit from his house tomorrow. Jake and I need to have a conversation about what is and isn't appropriate to put on his voice mail about my little sister." I said, cracking my knuckles for effect.

"Emmett, you don't have to do that. I'm a big girl and I can do this on my own." Bella whined as she hugged Jasper.

"Bella, you really shouldn't be in his house alone with him, let alone his bedroom, where I'm sure your stuff is. We will go with you." Rose said, but honestly it sounded more like a command which normally I would find very fucking hot, but I was distracted by my sister's drama at that moment.

"Fine, we'll go over tomorrow afternoon." Bella relented.

"You'll text me when you're done so I know everything is cool, right?" Jasper asked her as he bent down and gave her a kiss.

"Yes, now can we just get home, my feet hurt and I am suddenly very tired." Bella whined.

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Reviews make us write not only faster but better as well and it might get you a teaser sent to you.


	9. Bad Dog

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, I just make them drop the F-bomb alot.

Dani and I did a shorter chapter this time, but some of the drama is starting to unfold more, so it works. Honestly it keeps getting better (or so we hope).

We are slightly disappointed between the both our posts of over a 7000 word chapter we got 2 reviews...sadness. Oh well you can make it up to us now.

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**Emmett POV**

"Wake up Bella, it's the afternoon, and I want to go get your stuff from Jake's so Rose and I can head to the beach later. I'm going to try and teach her how to surf." I explained to Bella as I tried waking her up.

To say my sister is not a morning person would be like saying cats don't like water. Bella and mornings, they weren't friends, and they didn't pretend to be. In fact, she had always hated them, getting her up had been a dreaded chore since middle school.

Bella's response was grunting and pulling the covers over her head more.

"Very lady like Bella, come on. Let's get up so we can get this over with." I said and plopped down on a section of unoccupied bed. I might have bounced a few times just to annoy her. She was my little sister after all, so that was in my job description.

Bella threw a pillow with one arm and gave me the finger with the other, but that was progress. She was multitasking ,which meant she was slowly waking up.

"Damn it, Bella get up." I bellowed and start bouncing on the bed more forcefully, causing the covers to come down to her knees, exposing my old tank top, and shorts Bella wore to bed. Thank god she wore clothes. I don't think mini-Em would ever work again if I saw Bella's underwear. But it did give me an idea.

I stood up, pulled the covers down more and whipped out my phone.

"Come on give me angry, you are a lioness on the prowl for food." I joked while taking pictures of my sister in her current state of disarray.

I snapped a few pictures moving all around the room.

"Now, give me sweet and innocent, you are a little lamb all snuggly and cute." I teased taking more pictures.

I kept repeating this process hoping it would wake her up but no avail. It was timime to bring out the big guns.

"So, what's J-Dawg's number? I think he would find these pictures amusing. Or actually, never mind, I'll just send them to Edward and ask him to forward them." I opened a new picture message and started attaching all the pictures I had just taken. Bella shot out of bed much quicker than even I thought possible, and wrestled my phone away from me and then deleted all the pictures and handed it back.

"For fucks sake Em, I'm up. Give me a few minutes to shower and get dressed and we can go." Bella said as she started looking for clothes.

"You got ten minutes B." I replied, deciding not to mention the smell of alcohol coming from her. I figured dealing with Jake and his bullshit would cause her to need a little help from her buddy Jack, so I'd let it slide this time.

"Fine, I guess I'll just have to go over to Jake's naked." Bella shot back and started taking her shirt off.

"Fuck B! just come down when you're ready." I yelled and beat a quick retreat for mini-Em's and my own safety.

"Em, it's only a bra. I'm sure you have seen one before. Hell, I think I have pics of you wearing one of Rose's!" Bella shouted through the now closed door.

"Just get ready I'm going downstairs to check on Rose and grab a bite." I sighed, shaking my head as I made my way down the stairs.

When I entered the kitchen, I noticed Rose had set out two bagels smeared with cream cheese waiting on the counter for me. Damn, that woman was perfect for me, I'm going to have to do something sweet for her soon. Maybe there's a car show coming up I can take her to. Rose loved classic cars.

"Thanks babe." I shouted hoping she was close enough to hear me, and I dug into the bagels.

"Welcome hon." Rose replied walking into the kitchen, and damn if she didn't look fucking hot. Rose could look hot wearing a sack, without makeup, having just rolled out of bed. But Rose when she got dressed up could look forty different shades of fuckhot.

She smiled as she walked over and dabbed a napkin around the corners of my mouth, apparently I had missed some cream cheese

"Thanks." I replied, because I'm smooth like that.

"I couldn't let your sister come down and see drool all over your face." Rose laughed, God she was perfect.

"I'm ready." Bella announced, not entering the kitchen. Seems my sister is worried what she might have seen and I honestly couldn't say I blamed her. Rose and I tried not to be too public, but when you're used to having the house to yourself it's hard to take it somewhere more private when the mood strikes you.

"Coming B." I replied, grabbing Rose's hand and headed towards the front door with Bella following behind, she had obviously dressed up for this. Instead of her usual jeans and a tank top, she had a pair of white shorts, and a bright pink shirt thing, she looked cute.

Once we were in the Jeep and on our way, Bella decided that she needed coffee so we hit a Starbucks to feed her White Chocolate Mocha addiction. I happened to catch her pouring little from her flask into her cup. I swear I needed to find where she hid that magic flask, and make it disappear.

"Really B, talking to Jack already?" I asked.

"Shut it Em, I need this if I am going to put up with Jake and his shit today." Bella replied and took a swig straight from the flask before it disappeared again. She's like Houdini with that thing I swear.

**BPOV**

To say I wasn't looking forward to getting my stuff from Jake's house was an understatement. I would rather have never seen him again, but I knew I had to get my stuff, and I knew I would have to face him eventually.

Luckily, I remembered my flask, and it made this whole thing seem less horrible, even though I knew in the back of my mind it wasn't.

I was glad Em and Rose were with me, instead of Jasper and Edward, Jake was toxic, and I didn't want him around them, especially after he fought Jasper, ugh, Jake was such a dick.

The ride seemed to take forever, a dark cloud looming in the distance. When we got there his parents car wasn't there, but his was parked in the driveway, which meant he was home. Which is what I was hoping wasn't going to be the case. Fuck.

I took another large drink from the flask, and grabbed my empty duffel bag and hopped out of the jeep, it was now or never.

The three of us walked up to the door, and I rang the doorbell, waiting for the face I didn't want to see.

About a minute later the door swung open, revealing a shirtless Jake, with a blunt hanging out of his mouth. He was such a Bastard.

"What do you want?" he asked, looking at me, and then at Rose and Emmett, who were standing on either side of me with their arms crossed over their chests. The dangerous duo over here.

"I just came to get my stuff, Jake." I told him, keeping my voice even, not wanting to piss him off, or to make him think he could sweet talk me, either. He crossed his own arms over his chest, and his face was stone, he clearly wasn't going to make this easy for me.

"Let her in, Jakey, we have to talk." Emmett boomed from next to me, I could see the change in Jake's attitude, as he sighed heavily, and moved to the side of the door, letting me in. I didn't bother sticking around to hear the conversation, I wanted to get my stuff as fast as possible and never look back.

I entered his room, and opened the bottom drawer of his dresser, throwing all of my things into the duffel bag, once I emptied out the drawer, I walked over to the closet, and grabbed anything I had from there, and then looked around the room for anything that I may have left strewn about carelessly. I noticed a few things in the corner, and grabbed those, as well as some jewelry on the nightstand.

I made sure I doubled, and even triple checked the room, I didn't want to have any excuse to why I would have to go back there, ever again. And once I knew there was nothing left of mine in his room, I zipped up the duffel bag, threw it over my shoulder, and slowly made my way down the stairs, as I got closer to the front door, their voices got louder, and louder.

"- fucking away from my fucking sister." Emmett boomed.

"You know as well as I fucking do, Swan, she'll be back, she always comes back." Jake said smugly, that boy really had no sense of preservation, at all.

"She has a new boyfriend now, mother fucker, she'll never come back to you, and you better believe I'll make sure of it." Emmett seethed, I could hear the anger in his voice, there wasn't much longer until he decided to get physical.

"All right, let's go." I said, pushing by Jake, and back out onto the front steps, where the three of them were staring each other down, it was pretty intense.

"Bells, wait- can you just hear me out for two seconds?" Jake pleaded, giving me the puppy dog eyes he knew I couldn't resist. Mother fucker.

"B." Emmett warned.

"Just. Ugh! Fine, you literally have one minute." I told him, and turned to Emmett and Rose who were shooting daggers at me. "Can you guys just stand there for one minute and keep your mouths shut? Please?" I asked them, very fucking grateful that I had brought my flask along.

"One minute." Emmett warned. I smiled at him, thanking him, and turned back to Jake, putting my hands on my hips.

"Start talking."

"Can't you just give me one more chance baby?" he asked, his eyes pleading with me, "I promise, I'll treat you so much better than I ever did, I learned my lesson, I swear, you can't tell me you feel for anyone else, the way you feel for me." he practically begged, boy, was he laying it on thick, I almost caved, that is until I remembered the things he had said to Jasper, and the voice mail message he had on his phone.

"Really?" I asked, feigning like I believed him, as I dug out my phone from my pocket, and dialed his number, "then, tell me what the hell this is." I put it on speaker, and luckily he didn't have his phone on him, and his voice mail played through the air, officially ending any chance he had, and he knew it too. "is that your idea of treating me better?" I asked, shoving my phone back into my pocket, angrily.

"Ya know what Bells? Whatever, I tried to give you another chance, but you obviously would rather slut it up around town, and get your whore ass pictured on the front of magazines, whatever, I deserve better than you." he snapped, instantly switching from sweet Jake, to the douchebag that I had grown to hate. "And, you weren't even that good in bed anyways, which is why I cheated on you in the first place." he added, smirking.

"Fuck you." I said angrily, pulling my arm back, fully prepared to punch him, but before I could swing my arm forward, Rosalie was in front of me, and threw a mean punch, sending him flailing backwards, his nose gushing blood, and he immediately raised his hands to his face.

"You bitch!" he yelled, clearly in pain. I looked between him and Rose in disbelief, I had never seen her get physical with anyone, ever.

"Holy shit." I muttered trying to pick my jaw up off on the floor.

"If I ever see your sorry face ever again, I will cut off your balls." She seethed, shaking out her hand, "that is, if you even have any." she chuckled.

Before I could say anything, my phone rang, I looked to see that it was Jasper, and I picked it up quickly, I couldn't even say anything because I was in shock, and still staring at Jake who was holding his head back, trying to stop the bleeding, and Rosalie still telling him off while Emmett tried to hold back his laughter.

"Bella? What's going on? Are you okay? Did that fucker do anything to you?" Jasper rambled.

"Okay Alice," I teased, "Calm down, I'm fine, but I definitely have a story for you." I giggled, ignoring Jake's eyes shooting open to watch me intently.

"You can tell me tonight, on our date." he said, I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Date?" I asked, smiling, Jake's entire face was red now, and he was completely ignoring Rosalie's rant.

"Just say yes, it'll be worth it babe, promise." he chuckled.

"I'll see you tonight then." I smiled again. We said our goodbyes and hung up. I looked at Jake and smirked. "We're done here guys, let's go."

The three of us walked back to the jeep, and as soon as we pulled away, I sighed in relief, it was as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I was so glad I didn't have to deal with any of his bullshit anymore.

"Rosie! That was fucking AWESOME!" Emmett laughed loudly, a huge grin spread on his face, he was stupid happy.

"I've wanted to do that to that mutt for a long fucking time." she admitted, and smiled smugly. She turned to me and grabbed my duffel bag, "So what did you have at his house?" Rose asked, and before I could tell her no, she had already opened the bag and started pulling lingerie out. Fuck. I immediately looked to Emmett, who I could see from the rear view mirror had a look of horror on his face.

The only thing he said as we stopped at the red light was, "Fuck my life." as he banged his head on the steering wheel.

**Jaspers POV**

"Esme, do you think I could borrow the car today?" I asked my aunt hoping she didn't have plans since I wanted to take Bella out later. I needed to make sure I had a car first.

"Sure honey, I don't have any plans later, so you're free to take it whenever you need it." she replied and handed me the keys.

"Thanks." I replied and started to leave before she stopped me.

"Are you going to tell me why you need the car this evening?" Esme asked.

"I wanted to take Bella to play mini golf and maybe race go karts." I told her, Given I didn't add 'and hopefully make out some more afterward' but she was my aunt, she didn't need to know that kind of stuff.

"That sounds like fun, you know maybe we should get you your own car." Esme suggested.

"I don't really have the funds to buy a car right now." I answered her. My mom had left everything she had to me and Carlisle had put it in a trust fund, but I wanted to save that for college.

"Sweetie, Carlisle and I will get you a car." Esme said with a sweet smile.

"I can't ask you guys to do that on top of everything else you have given me." I responded. I didn't want to seem ungrateful because it was a very kind and generous offer, but at the same time I wasn't used to people spending that kind of money on me.

"Jasper, we adopted you. We bought Edward a car when he turned sixteen. It would seem rude and discourteous to not do the same for you. I'll talk to Carlisle, and we'll all go look for something soon." Esme replied in her mom tone and I knew this argument was settled. I could go along with her plans and get to help pick out my future car or I would wake up one morning to whatever Esme wanted me to have parked in the driveway.

"Thank you, Esme, whenever you guys are free I would love to. Again thank you, for you know... everything." I said and gave her a loving hug because while she wasn't my Mother, now she was my Mom and I loved her.

I headed towards the pool house hoping Edward knew of a place that I could take Bella later for mini golf and go karts, because I hadn't see one. Of course, I hadn't seen much of Newport besides the beach, pier, and clothing stores since I got here.

"Edward?" I shouted once inside, a little louder then I intended but he was a deaf bastard sometimes.

"What Jazzhands?" he answered from the couch not ten feet from where I stood. Great, Em's nickname was not only sticking, but it was catching on.

"I need your help for once. Do you know a good place that has mini golf and go karts? maybe an arcade too?" I asked.

"I like Sir Looney's, they have mini golf, go karts, an arcade, and even laser tag." Edward answered.

"Sounds good, where are they?" I asked.

"Not far, ask Bella she's been there before. We used to beg the parents to drop us off when they had wine tastings and such at the house" Edward informed me.

"So, what are your plans for the night cuz?" I inquired, trying to not just make everything about me.

"Alice is picking me up soon and we're going out, but I am not sure where. She said it was her turn to pick" Edward replied and looked a little nervous.

"Don't worry Edward, I'm sure she just wants to share something she likes to do with you." I responded hoping to give Edward a little confidence boost.

"Thanks." Edward said.

"It's cool, anyways I am going to shower, grab lunch, and call Bella. See you later." I told him and walked out of the pool house.

**Edwards POV**

"Wow Alice, that was awesome, thanks." I said shyly but leaned in and gave her a chaste kiss to show my appreciation.

"I'm glad you liked it Edward, thanks for letting me surprise you." Alice replied and flashed me her perfect smile.

"Who knew a picnic lunch in the park could be fun?" I asked a little surprised by how comfortable I had felt around Alice.

"Yeah it seemed like a fun idea. I did call Bella and ask what type of sandwich you prefer." Alice admitted with a grin. "I mean, I would hate to have made you egg salad and you be allergic to it or something." Alice continued rambling.

"Well I'm glad you did seek her sage like advice. Your crunchy peanut butter and raspberry jelly was delicious." I said while giving her a smile but internally freaking out.

Bella and I had barely spoken since the whole 'Changus Interuptus' Incident. I was sure she had seen more of the... uhm, bulge in my boxer briefs then I was comfortable with. Now she probably thinks I'm a perv for ogling her and Rose while they were trying to help me.

"You know, Bella also mentioned a dressing room mishap that happened on your day of beauty." Alice said giving me a mischievous grin.

Oh shit. Bella told her I was a complete pervert and was still hard over an hour after Rose and her had been tempting me by rubbing their boobage all over me while fixing my hair. I mean, come on! I'm a teenage boy, it doesn't take much to get me excited. Two beautiful girls working you over, in whatever sense of the word would do it.

"I'm sorry about that Alice." I stammered out.

"It's okay Edward. I know how Bella is. Trust me she has busted in and seen the girls more times than I can count." Alice said gesturing toward her own boobs.

"So you're not mad?" I asked, just to be sure. You could never tell and I figured the direct approach was the best.

"No I am not mad, in fact I think it's funny. I mean your friend calling up and apologizing for seeing a guy your dating in his undies before you is pretty damn funny." Alice said and laughed, not like a girly giggle but a full on belly laugh.

"I was so embarrassed." I admitted.

"Bella was too." Alice replied. Which surprised me, Bella wasn't the type to be embarrassed, ever.

"So how about we get this cleaned up and head out and do something else? It's still early in the day and I want to take you somewhere special." I told her checking my watch, yep, just enough time.

We packed up the leftover food and threw the trash away on our way towards Alice's car. I got in the passenger seat but not before saying another silent prayer. It wasn't that Alice was a bad driver, per say, but it seemed the speed limits were more suggestive of minimum speeds to Alice. I swear, I had never seen someone get a Porsche on two wheels coming out of a parking space. Not the parking lot, but the parking space. How do you even get that much power in such a tiny car?

Alice started the car and No Doubt's 'Just A Girl' came blaring through the speakers. It was fun and poppy with good dose of attitude. It seemed very fitting for Alice.

"So where am I driving to?" Alice asked as we pulled out of the park, thankfully at a semi normal speed.

"The swap meet, its awesome there, you'll love it." I replied, hoping to get her as excited as I was.

"I've never been, so it should be fun to check out, just tell me where to go." Alice replied.

We drove while talking about plans for school. Interestingly enough Alice wanted to join the drama club, so she could keep up her 'acting chops' she claimed. I think she still needed some attention from fans, even if it was just a high school auditorium. I told her about my plans with the music program, how I had been begging the head of the department to include guitar classes instead of just piano and other classic instruments.

"Turn left here and it'll be up on the left." I explained.

"So what exactly do you do at a swap meet Edward? I mean we have nothing to swap." Alice asked seeming a little shy.

"Well you can buy stuff, they just call it a swap meet because it sounds better then flea market. Basically people sell stuff that they don't want anymore, its pretty cool, because sometimes you'll make a rare find and its awesome." I said.

"You ever find something rare?" Alice inquired.

"Well yeah, when I was a kid and my mom brought me here I found a Pacman shaped chair and I loved it. It cost me five dollars and I used that thing until the frame broke and the fabric was more duct tape then actual fabric. Mom said we had to toss it out since we couldn't even donate it." I said with a sigh, remembering my freaking awesome Pacman chair.

"Wow, that does sound special. No wonder you like this place." Alice said as we pulled into a parking spot.

We got out and walked around the booths hand in hand looking at all the merchandise. I found a few books I was looking for, some comics I was missing, and a cool The Crow action figure by Todd McFarlane still in the box. Overall it was a good haul so far.

Alice had found some clothes she called 'vintag'e and said would go with her next look. She also found some kind of antique lamp. I thought it was nice, but she said it was wonderful and paid way more than I thought it was worth, to each their own.

Eventually, we came to a booth that had some rare and even some imported movies. I was excited. Seth, the tall gangly guy who ran the booth seemed to know his stuff but he was fixated on the rare kung fu imports from Hong Kong he kept trying to sell me. But, I preferred the bootlegged concerts.

"So you want the NOFX DVD's. I can make you a good deal on them. Fifty bucks for the lot." Seth said.

"That is a bit more then I think they're worth how about twenty five, since they are just burned DVDs and you can make more?" I haggled, not being a swap meet newbie.

"Come on man, my wife, Summer, said I have to get rid of the movies or the comic books and I love the comics too much. Have a heart." Seth whined, he was pretty damn whiny.

"I have an idea for a nice compromise," Alice suggested, "How about I sign these movies here," she held up three of her flicks Seth happened to have, "and since you can sell them for way more, you cut Edward a break on what he wants. You can even take pictures of me signing them so you can prove it's legit."

"I think we can work with that." Seth said and seemed excited like he just realized who Alice was.

"Thanks." I said and leaned over and gave her a sweet kiss.

"Welcome, besides you said sometimes you have to haggle. I haggled with what I got." Alice explained, winking.

After we checked out the rest of the booths which belonged more in a dirt mall than a swap meet, we called it a day and headed back to the car with our stuff from our trip.

Alice was back at my house in no time with her crazy fast driving. I really needed to check and make sure I had plenty of life insurance before getting in the car again with her, its fucking scary.

"Bye." I said and gave her another quick kiss before exiting the car.

"Call me tomorrow." Alice requested as I shut the door.

I walked back to the pool house excited to share the concert DVDs with Jasper. I was pretty sure he would get a kick out of NOFX passing around an inflatable sheep at one of their shows and encouraging the crowd to violate it, that was just hilarious.

When I opened the door to the pool house I didn't see Jasper. I saw Bella and a lot more of Bella then I had ever seen, she was straddling Jasper without a shirt, and Jasper's hands were on the back of her bra, unclasping it, but when he realized I walked in, he put his other hand on the front of her bra, holding it to her boobs, to help cover her up.

"Fuck." I wasn't sure if Bella, Jasper or I said it louder, but it seemed we all had the same thought at the same time.

**BPOV**

Holy Shit. Holy Shit. Holy Shit. Edward, fucking Edward of all people had to walk in on me and Jasper dry humping, and him taking my bra off. It couldn't have been Carlisle? Esme? Or even Emmett? I would have rather any one of them walk in over Edward. The universe really fucking hated me.

I wrapped my arms around my chest, holding my bra to my body and literally jumped off of Jasper and ran into the bathroom. Once I got there, and re-secured my bra to my body, I put both of my hands on either side of the sink, and looked at myself in the mirror.

I was a mess, my hair was a wild around my face, it looked like sex hair, even though I hadn't had sex. Fucking Jasper and his amazing mouth. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to straighten myself out, trying to calm down.

All I could think of was how I just made things awkward, again. Edward and I had been down this awkward road before, and it turned out shitty, I had just gotten his friendship back, and not a month later and I was already fucking it up again, and not only with Cullen this time, but with Jasper, my sort of boyfriend, and Alice, my BEST FRIEND. Only Bella Swan could be capable of this much fuck up.

I plopped down on the edge of the tub, looking for my shirt, which I shortly realized I had left everything near the couch, my cell phone, my shirt, even my flask which was in my purse. I sighed, apparently hiding in the bathroom was my only option for a while.

But suddenly, a knock on the door interrupted me from my panic, "B?" Edward's voice called from the other side, definitely not the guy I thought was going to come after me. "are you okay? I have your shirt..." he trailed off, and I felt like even more of an ass.

I opened the door, and gave him a small smile as I grabbed my shirt he was holding out for me. I slid it over my head and stood in the doorway, awkwardly, staring at Edward who was standing in front of me, just as awkwardly. Fuck my life.

"Are you okay?" he asked again, raising his eyebrow.

"Babe?" Jasper called, coming around the corner, "everything okay?"

I bit my bottom lip, and nodded. What else was I supposed to say? 'No, I was dry humping with you and your sexy self, but then as soon as your sexy cousin walked in I felt too embarrassed and guilty to just laugh it off?' Oh yeah, and your sexy cousin also happens to be my best friends boyfriend, and my first kiss, which you don't know about. Fuck. Me.

"You sure?" Edward asked, his eyes were searching mine for something, but I did my best to hide whatever panic I was feeling.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I should probably go, you guys know how Emmett gets." I lied, grateful for my overbearing brother for once.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll walk you." Jasper offered, and I shook my head quickly.

"No, it's cool, I need to get my head straight, if Emmett thinks even for a second I was doing something bad, he'll freak, and not only on me." I laughed, awkwardly as I walked past the two into the common room to grab my purse, which I could care less about, really, I just wanted my flask.

"Uh, all right, text me later?" Jasper asked, hopeful.

"Of course." I smiled, and turned back to them both and waved, "see you guys later." I didn't wait for any response, I took off from the pool house and towards my house. Once I was hidden from both houses, I pulled out my flask and took three or four large gulps.

I couldn't believe what I had done.

**Jaspers POV**

"Well that was awkward," I said, not sure what the hell just happened. It went from a very nice, very hot make out session with Bella, to her leaving three minutes after Edward accidentally caught us.

"I'm so sorry about that Jasper. We need to come up with some kind of code, like a sock on the door, maybe a tie? Hell I would settle for a sign that said 'if the pool house is rockin don't come a knockin' when you have, uh, company" Edward replied all blushing and shit.

"Edward it's cool. Well, not really, I mean it was great, but I think it was going a little too far for me." I replied. I liked Bella, she was awesome, but I think we had went as far physically as I wanted to go, for now.

"So I take it your date went well?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, Sir Looney's was cool. I won the go kart race but Bella beat me at mini golf. I think she kept distracting me. She was all bending over and wiggling her ass before I hit the ball each time." I told him as I remembered the mental pictures, vividly.

"Sounds like fun. Alice packed a picnic lunch for us and then we went to the swap meet. I got some awesome NOFX concert bootlegs." Edward told me.

"So you and Alice, how is that going?" I asked my cousin.

"Alice is a great girl." he replied.

"It sounds like there should be a but there..." I answered.

"But, I don't know man, honestly Alice is so awesome and so great, but why does it feel like I'm kissing my sister when I kiss her?" Edward asked.

"How do you know what kissing your sister feels like?" I asked, kind of confused by his question.

"I don't know, maybe I'm just in shock from finally seeing Bella's nipple ring." He replied.

"How'd you know she had a nipple ring, Cuz?" I asked, very curious now.

"Oh, well when Rose and Bella were working their magic on me, their boobs would occasionally graze my arms or back. I thought I felt metal on hers." Edward explained with a blush.

"Damn, pervert!" I joked with my cousin. I mean, I couldn't really fault him for accidental boob grazes.

"Shut up, you need to call and check on Bella soon. Be sure she made it home and everything is cool with Emmett. I'm going to bed" Edward said and headed towards his room.

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Reviews = Teaser


	10. Hello Kitty

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters, I don't.

Long ass chapter, ugh it took us like 2 days to knock this out. Before adding the AN its was over 9000 words so please enjoy and review.

We posted pics of the tattoo's and piercings mention in this on our Photobucket account. There is a link on my profile if you want to see them. We recently added cars, which we did change around a little.

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**Chapter 10.**

**BPOV**

"All right girls, good job today, see you tomorrow for practice." I called to my team of cheerleaders. I had worked my ass off to become co-captain with Angela. We had always helped the captains years before, and we were both co-captains in middle school, we always tried to be over achievers, and the best at the routines, we deserved it, and everyone knew it, except, of course, Jessislut and Whoren. But, who cares about them anyways.

"Bye Bells! See ya tomorrow, early again so we can continue working out this routine." Angela smiled at me, giving me wave as she walked into the locker room. I really liked Angela, she was one of the few real people in this school.

I stayed back, and stretched out my muscles as I sent Emmett a quick text to come pick me up. I was really sore, and let me tell you, it wasn't the good, I – was – up – all – night – fucking – my – boyfriend – senseless kind of sore. It was more like, I drank wayyy too much last night, so I had a pounding headache, and body aches, and jumping, lifting, throwing, and yelling with girls was not a good way to nurse the hangover.

It had been about two weeks since Cheerleading tryouts, and a week since the team had been formed, and we started doing two-a-day practices. Our school took everything serious, all of the fall teams had started practicing as well, it was good to see some people, and others I could really give a fuck about. But it gave us about two and a half weeks to get our shit together before school started up, something I was certainly NOT looking forward to.

It had also been over three weeks since Edward had walked in on me and Jasper, and caught me in a really awkward position, to say the least. I had been doing my best to avoid Edward, which unfortunately meant I hadn't seen much of Alice, or Jasper either. Of course I still texted Alice daily, Jasper too, and we still saw each other, just not as much, and never at his house anymore. He could probably tell that something was weird, but he didn't push me for an explanation, which I was more grateful for than he probably knew.

I had pretty much been hanging out at home with Emmett and Rose, and Alice whenever she came over, which wasn't much because she had been hanging out with Edward and Jasper a lot, they always invited me, but I always had some kind of excuse to get out of it. I couldn't face Edward again, or Jasper, and I couldn't face Alice either, even though I wasn't even sure she knew what happened. It was just easier to stay away. So when I wasn't with Em or Rose, I was at cheerleading practice, or at the gym trying to think of new moves for our routine. Or, I was having very deep conversations with my flask. Hence the horrible hangover I was still dealing with this afternoon.

"Heyyyy Sis!" Emmett boomed as he pulled up in front of the school, where I had walked out to wait for him. I really needed a car, relying on other people sucked.

"Hey." I grumbled, throwing my bag into the backseat, and climbing into the front.

"How was practice?" he asked, Emmett loved that I was a cheerleader, Rose was a cheerleader in high school, and he played Lacrosse and football, he loved being the 'IT' guy, and he wanted me to be the 'IT' girl like Rose was, even though she was bitchy, she was well liked, respected, and looked up to, and envied of course. I loved cheerleading, as believable or unbelievable as that sounds, I loved the little outfits, and the flips, I loved choreographing the moves, and I loved being thrown in the air, especially that part, not knowing if someone was going to catch you or not, it was a rush.

"It was good, Ang and I have a pretty good routine worked out this year." I told him, grinning, he grinned back, he was proud of me for becoming co-captain, especially because I was so young, but I knew what I was doing, and I was good, as cocky as that sounds.

"So, you gonna hang out with Alice and the guys tonight?" he asked, raising his eyebrow at me, "She said they were going to go to dinner and then some bonfire on the beach." he told me, which I already knew, both she and Jasper had texted, asking me, I hadn't responded yet, they knew I was busy with these two- a- days.

I shrugged, playing with the edge of my shorts, "I don't know, I gotta be up kind of early for practice tomorrow." I told him, knowing he probably wasn't going to buy that, not at all.

"B." he groaned, not looking at me, "What's going on with you lately?" he asked seriously, I hated serious Em, that meant he was worried, and I hated making him worry. Fuck. "First, you got all crazy and drunk when you broke up with Jake at the beginning of summer, and then you started hanging out with Cullen and J-Dawg for the middle of the summer, and you were my little happy sister again, you were smiling, and staying out of trouble, and you rarely drank. Then all the sudden now at the end of the summer, you don't hang out with anyone unless they come over, or they happen to be at cheer practice, and I can smell the booze, B, I know you've been drinking again." he lectured, and I internally groaned. How did he know? How did he always know?

I shrugged again, "Nothings the matter Em, I promise," I lied, feeling like a horrible fucking person, I wanted to tell him, but I couldn't, he would freak out, and plus we had an unspoken rule, we don't tell each other about our sex lives. Disgusting. "I just wanna be a great captain; I wanna prove to everyone that I can do it, that I can be as much of a legend as you are." I told him, which was the truth, just, with some omission. I was already going to hell, anyways.

"I don't know if I buy that." he frowned, furrowing his brow, trying to decide if he should believe me or not.

I sighed, grateful as we pulled into the driveway, "Would it make you feel better if I went out with them this weekend?" I asked him.

"Yes, go and have fun, these are the best years of your life." he grinned at me as he shut off the car and we got out. It was an awesome day out, I was thinking of walking down to the beach, or maybe borrowing the jeep and taking a drive to the cliffs. I needed a drink; it'd cure this shitty hangover.

"Alright Em, I'll text them all and let them know I'm down to do something this weekend." I smiled at him as we walked in the house and I jogged up the stairs towards my room to take a shower and to change.

Once I was finished, I grabbed my flask from my purse, and walked out my french doors, and onto my balcony that overlooked the beach and the ocean. I sat on the edge and slid my legs through the rails dangling them as I sipped my Jack. I could see Edward's old balcony to my right, when we were kids we used to sit out here and talk to each other late at night, until usually Esme, Carlisle, Charlie or Emmett would yell at us to go to bed.

The memory made me smile, Edward and I used to get each other, and ourselves into a lot of trouble. Our families would call us 'Double Trouble' or 'Team Trouble,' usually any kind of nicknames that ended in trouble.

As I took another sip from my flask, movement from the pool house caught my eye, I looked down to see Edward, Jasper, and Alice walking out, they were all laughing, genuinely laughing, and Alice and Edward were holding hands, Jasper was playfully bumping her shoulder. I sighed as I watched them disappear into the main house, and took another large gulp.

**Edwards POV**

I was an asshole.

I had driven Bella away, again, not only from myself, but Jasper and Alice had barely seen her either. She was so pissed at me seeing her semi-nude she all but refused to hang out with me anymore, again. I feel like I broke up our little group, hell our happy little family.

"Well Bella's text said she would see us at the bonfire, so that's some progress." Alice whined, shutting her phone and snapping me out of my brooding mood.

"Yeah, so where do you guys want to go for dinner? I'm thinking Mexican." I said.

"All Mexican food outside of Texas sucks ass, but whatever dude." Jasper replied kind of surly.

"How about Bandito's Burritos, they have the best salsa ever!" Alice said bouncing on the heels of her feet. Damn that girl gets excited over anything, sometimes it's cute, other times it can get on your nerves.

"Sounds awesome, come on Jazzhands let's go." I said and grabbed Alice's hand as we exited the pool house.

We headed towards the main house. Yes, I know it's lame to admit to telling your parents when you come and go, but I liked my allowance so I did it. We were all laughing at Jasper grumbling about his nickname Em had given him. I noticed when Em was happy with Jasper his nickname was J-Dawg, when he was pissed or in brother mode it was Jazzhands. I wonder if Jasper noticed this yet. I hoped not, it was kind of funny to listen to him grumble about it.

Dinner was wonderful, I had tacos, Alice ate her weight in chips and salsa, and I think our waitress Maggie slipped Jasper her phone number in between shoving her boobs in his face.

"Do you think Bella will show up?" Jasper asked with a sigh. I think he might have thought Bella was pissed at him instead of me about this whole thing, and I felt bad for him.

"We invited her Jazz, that's the best we can do." Alice explained.

"So it's just Jazz now, what happened to Jazzhands?" I questioned, kind of shocked they already shortened Jasper's nickname.

"Jazzhands makes him sound like a dandy, which he is clearly not, so Jazz sounds better." Alice explained to us.

"I like Jazz better then Jazzhands, or J-Dawg, thanks darling." Jasper said laying his southern charm thickly on poor little Alice.

"No problem sugar." Alice shot back in the same drawl.

"Kids don't make me get the hose." I said a little louder then I needed, their exchange was making me uncomfortable.

We finally arrived at the beach not too long after, and unloaded the cooler Mom had packed with some snacks and sodas for us. Yes, we were taking sodas to a beach bonfire where everyone else would likely be drinking, we were nerds but that was okay, we were happy.

I was carrying the cooler while Jasper had the chairs and Alice was, well, 'supervising' is what she called it, I called it bossing us. That's when I was approached by the two biggest sluts in the school. Seriously, if sleeping around was an Olympic sport their faces would be on condom box and they would do sex shop openings after tying for the gold medal every damn year.

"Wow, Edward looking good." Lauren said as she eyed me up and down. I felt violated by her eyes, it was that disturbing.

"Yeah Edward, did you get your haircut or something?" Jessica or Bimbo #2, as I'm sure she would be cast as once her acting career took off after a few years in the porn business, asked.

"Edward has always been hot, just some people don't look deep enough to see it." Alice said as she stepped towards me and got up on her tip toes to run her fingers through my hair and give me a deep kiss. Subtle Alice, real subtle, but it got the Skank Sisters to leave so I was okay with it.

"Damn dude, I thought those girls were going to eat you alive, literally. They looked famished!" Jasper exclaimed, chuckling.

"Thanks for the save Alice." I said and gave her a firm hug, shooting a glare at Jasper over her head.

"Oh, shit! look who decided to finally show up and hang out with her friends! get over here and give me a hug!" Alice squealed, breaking our hug and running in the direction behind me, I turned around to see Bella, she didn't look like she was sober.

"Hey guys, let's get this fire started and party!" Bella said after Alice released her and she took a big swig from her flask. Oh hell, drunk Bella showed up, this can't end well.

"Joy, we hardly see you for weeks and when you do decide to grace us with your presence it's as Drunkella." Alice lectured.

Bella just rolled her eyes and took another swig from her flask.

"Yeah nice to see you Bella." Jasper said coldly. I think he was pissed she was avoiding him as much as she was.

"Hey Jasper, I missed you." Bella whined and went over towards him, unsteady on her feet.

"Well you know where I've been, trust me, even though you've avoided being there like the plague." Jasper said as Bella gave him a hug, but when she went to give him a kiss her lips only connected with his cheek since he turned his head.

"Jasper don't be a little bitch just because Cullen caught us dry humping and he got to see my boobs." Bella slurred and pushed herself away from Jasper.

Ugh Bella. I sighed and grabbed the bridge of my nose. I had caused all this fuckery for our group and I didn't even mean to. Fuck my life.

"Come on Alice, you should just show Jasper the girls so we can all be even stevens and put this shit behind us." Bella suggested as she moved behind Alice and started raising up her shirt.

"Whoa there Handsy McGee, if I want to show the girls to anyone I won't do it at the beach in front of an audience." Alice said and she removed Bella's hands.

"Bella why don't we take a little walk and try and find you some water?" I suggested and handed the cooler over to Jasper and gave him a look.

"But I have my flask, duh." she replied, rolling her eyes.

"Then lets just take a walk." I tried again, knowing both Alice and Jasper weren't happy.

"sure cutie." Bella replied and walked towards me losing her balance. I quickly grabbed her around the waist to steady her.

"You okay?" I asked as we started walking.

"My hero." she replied as I put my arm around her waist to keep her upright so we could walk, I needed to get more water than alcohol in her and get her to sober up.

"We started drinking a little early today didn't you B?" I asked hoping if I kept her talking she would drink less.

"It is never too early for a cocktail… heh I said cock." Bella giggled.

Well, at least Drunkella had a good sense of humor, a bit immature, but I could deal with giggles over ignoring us any day.

"How many drinks have you had today?" I asked concerned about just how drunk she was.

"I don't know, Jack and I have been conversing often these past few weeks." Bella responded, completely avoiding the question I had asked.

"B, look, I'm sorry I interrupted you and Jasper. If I had known I would have went in and talked to Mom and Dad or something until you left or were finished, whatever." I said becoming flustered.

"Oh Edward," she paused as she stumbled along, "I was just embarrassed to be caught by you and then the look on your face. You looked so hurt, like you were disappointed in me." Bella explained.

Okay, so Drunkella is funny and honest, maybe there was something to this drinking thing.

"Is that why you've been avoiding us the past few weeks, because you were embarrassed?" I asked.

Bella just nodded and looked down at her feet.

"God B, I've been thinking that you've hated me these past few weeks. And then you wouldn't hang out with Jasper or Alice which sucked, but you barely spoke to me so I thought you hated me again." I admitted.

"I never hated you E, ever." Bella said and before I could ask her more about it I heard the voice of Jake, the asshole.

"Already moved on to the cousin, Bella?" Jake sneered as he walked in front of us.

"Fuck you Jake, go away." Bella spat back, I could feel her body tense.

"I always knew you were a drunk like your Mom, but I didn't realize you had inherited her slut gene as well, such a fucking whore." Jake said and started laughing, "since you're such a slut, that means you and I can go for another round." he laughed, and grabbed Bella's arm, jerking her towards him, and of course since she was drunk she didn't hold her ground very well.

"Fuck you" she spat, literally, in his face.

"You little bitch." Jake growled.

I'm not a violent person, in fact the last time I got into an actual fight was with Emmett when I was six and he thought he caught Bella and I playing doctor, but I wasn't going to let Jake talk like that and man handle Bella.

I launched my right fist and connected with his nose and then brought left around to connect with his eye. I'm not sure about what happened next, I think I had what everyone called a rage blackout.

"Edward! are you okay?" Bella asked, seeming a lot more alert and sober then before.

"Yeah I feel fine, are you okay?" I asked back.

"My arm hurts where he grabbed me but your hands, they are all cut." Bella explained.

I looked down and sure enough my fingers were cut and bloody.

"Jake?" I asked not really sure to ask if he was okay or dead or what.

"You beat on him pretty good and then some guys broke it up and brought you over here to cool down , you just sort of seemed out of it." Bella said explaining why I didn't recall anything.

"I just got so fucking mad at him, and what he was saying about you and then he grabbed you and that was the last straw Bella. I didn't think about it, I just hit him and once I started I couldn't stop even if I wanted to" I said.

"That was kind of hot Cullen." Bella said seeming a little drunk like she was before.

"You know me, a regular teen heart throb. The photographer for Tiger Beat should be here shortly." I said with a smirk.

"Shut up Cullen, no one likes a smart ass," Bella said and then added "except maybe me."

"Let's head back to Alice and Jasper. I need to go home and get my dad to look at my hands, they fucking hurt." I said and Bella helped me up since I was sitting on the sand.

Funny, I was helping lead her away from our friends she had pissed off, and now here she was leading me back to them after I beat down her shitty ex. Odd how everything got all reversed in just a few minutes time.

**APOV**

"Perfect timing." I smiled at myself as I pulled the Porsche into Bella's driveway behind Emmett's jeep, where he and Bella were just climbing out, she was wearing her workout clothes, which meant she just got back from cheerleading, which meant I had awesome timing. She looked like hell and was probably very hung over with the amount of alcohol I can only imagine she had consumed last night.

"Hey little one!" Emmett boomed, smirking at me, his dimples prominent on his face. He was such a teddy bear, I loved him like the brother I had never had.

"Hi Em!" I waved at him as I set my sunglasses on the top of my head, "Hey Bells!" I smiled skipping over to her, she looked sick watching me, which made me giggle, she was definitely hung over.

"Hey Al." she smiled at me as we made our way up to her room, she grabbed the things for the shower, and I followed her into the bathroom, sitting on the sink, my back to her so I wouldn't see her naked, we had done this since we became friends, it started off as a way to talk about boys without anyone listening.

"So, do you have plans for the rest of the day?" I asked her, "cancel them, you have better ones now." I continued, not bothering to let her reply as I typed out texts to the boys to meet us here in ten minutes with a car with backseats.

"Uhh.. okay." she said starting the shower, "What are the plans?"

"Well, you know how I've been saying I wanna get something pierced, but I couldn't figure out what exactly I wanted pierced?" I asked her, "Well, I finally figured it out! I want to get my belly button pierced, and I thought, who better to bring along than my best friend!" I told her, "And plus, with your tats, you've been to the shop before, so the people will know you, and they won't try to haggle me or anything." I explained to her.

"Awesome, I've been wanting to get another tattoo, I'm not done with my design yet, but I've been thinking about getting my tongue pierced." she replied.

"Your tongue, really?" I asked, not really surprised, Bella was into the crazy stuff, anything to set Renee off, when she first got her Music note tattoo, well, it might have been because it was basically on her vajay, but Renee totally freaked out, and tried grounding her. And then not too long after when she had gotten her side tattoos, Renee freaked out even harder. Bella loved pissing Renee off.

"Yeah, are the boys going to come?" she asked, shutting the shower off.

"I texted them, they're meeting us here in a few minutes, so hurry up lady." I joked as I hopped off the sink and walked into her room so she could dry off and change.

She was ready in about ten minutes, she had on a jean skirt, a white tube top, white Chanel converse, and she had thrown her wet hair up in a bun. "Ready, let's go." she said, grinning. I laughed, as we walked out of her room and down the stairs.

"EM! Going out with Alice! Be back later!" Bella bellowed, exactly like her brother would, as we walked out the front door to see our boys leaning against Edward's shiny silver Volvo in deep conversation.

"Hi boys!" I said happily, making my way to Edward, standing on my toes to give him a peck on the lips. I smiled when I saw Jasper and Bella holding hands and kissing, it seemed that all was forgiven.

"So what exactly are we doing today?" Jasper asked as he pulled Bella back into his chest, resting his chin on her head.

"We," Bella pointed to the two of us, "are going to get pierced, and I think you," she pointed to the two boys, "are getting something done." she smiled.

"I've actually been wanting a tattoo." Edward admitted, which took me by surprise.

"I want to get something for my mom, as well." Jasper told us, his face sad for a minute, which made my heart break a little bit, I knew the feeling.

"First, do you guys have fakes?" Bella asked, looking between them, I doubted it.

"Fakes?" Edward asked, me and Bella laughed as we both pulled out our ids. I handed mine to Edward, and she did the same to Jasper.

"Bella McCarty, born May 20, 1987" Jasper laughed, "so that makes you twenty two?" She nodded proudly as she took it back and slid it into her wallet.

"Alice Hale, born September 23, 1987" Edward read, "you're about to turn twenty three." he laughed, handing it back to me.

"Those are really good; they don't look fake at all." Jasper said, approvingly. "How do we get one?"

"We go see Jenks." I said, looking at Bella who already had her phone out dialing.

We got in the car and once Bella had confirmed with Jenks that we were on our way, I gave Edward the directions. Jenks had graduated about two years ago, and he had made a very nice living off of making fake id's, and giving the answers to tests. No one knew exactly how he was able to do all of this, and no one asked.

"Bells! Ali! So good to see you!" he said opening his door after we had knocked, he was wearing his usual basketball jersey, and jeans. He opened his arms and hugged us both at the same time.

"This is Edward, and Jasper, they need I.D's." I directed him as we walked inside, the guys shook hands and Jenks immediately got to work, taking their money, and doing his magic.

"Don't be strangers girls! Text me, we should be having a rager soon!" Jenks called when we walked out about an hour later, we waved and hopped in the car.

"Let me see!" Bella said as soon as we were leaving. They handed us our I.D's.

"Edward Masen, born April 1, 1987" I read aloud, laughing.

"Jasper Cullen, born July 24, 1986" Bella read, and giggled. "old man!"

"Hey now!" Jasper teased, taking his I.D back from her.

"Off to the Tat shop!" I ordered, grabbing Edward's free hand as he drove.

Jaspers POV

Having a good fake id was going to make getting work done a lot easier. While I didn't think Esme and Carlisle would really fight me over having more ink added to my body since I already had so much, still not having to ask was nice. What is the old saying 'it's better to ask for forgiveness then beg for permission' yeah we would go with that.

I wasn't sure how I felt about Edward getting ink done. If his parents found out, they might blame me and then get pissed.

"So where are we going exactly?" I asked Bella since she was leading us on this trip.

"We are heading to Blink Tattoo and Piercing Shop. They did all my ink and I love the guys there" Bella explained and seemed to almost glow.

"Sounds good to me" Edward chimed in.

"Is Emmett going to be pissed if you get another piercing?" I asked.

"Nah, Emmett is cool with whatever, as long as I'm safe and happy." Bella explained.

"That's cool of him." I said trying to say something nice about Em who found every chance he could to give me shit.

"So I was thinking about grabbing something to eat after this, anyone else interested?" Edward asked.

"Yeah." I replied.

"Good plan Cullen." Bella added.

"We're here, and sure." Alice as we pulled into the parking lot.

We all got out and piled in the worn down looking shop. I will never understand how all the shops look like hell on the outside but are all cleaned and neat on the inside.

"Welcome to Blink, I'm Roxxx-e, what can I help you with today?" the chipper girl behind the counter asked while pointing to the ink on her bare shoulder. Yeah it was spelled with three x's then a hyphen and an e.

"I want to get my belly button pierced. What all jewelry do you have to go in it?" Alice asked clasping her hands together and almost vibrating with excitement.

'Sure right over here on top of this display, and just so you know I'm piercing, so I will take it easy on you" Roxxx-e said and gave Alice a little wink.

"I want to get something to remember my Mom, I think Mom in cursive script with something under it maybe?" I suggested.

"Why don't you sketch it out and we can give it to Zeke and see if he can work out an outline." Roxxx-e suggested and handed me a pencil and paper.

"I want a tongue stud." Bella said sharply.

"Come on here and pick one out and we'll get started once I'm done with the little one's belly button." Roxxx-e said and pointed Bella to the correct display, "And what can I do for you sweetie?" She asked Edward in a sickly sweet voice.

I noticed both Alice and Bella head's shot up and glared at her. Neither seemed happy by her flirting with Edward. This could get really interesting.

"I want to get my last name, Cullen across my back in Old English script like the guy on the cover of that Sublime album." Edward explained.

"Oh, that would look so hot on you honey!" Roxxx-e practically purred.

"I want this one" Alice said, holding up the piercing she wanted.

"Follow me and we'll get started, Zeke or Buzz should be done shortly and be out to help you guys with the ink" Roxxx-e said and led Alice into the piercing room.

"Hey Bella! what are you doing here?" A burly man asked as he came out of the back room.

"Hey Zeke!" Bella said and went over and gave him a hug.

"So time for more ink?" Zeke asked.

"Not for me, my friends here want some. Jasper is still working on his design, but Cullen here knows what he wants." Bella said and gave Edward a bump with her hip.

"Yeah, I want Cullen across the top of my back in Old English, like on the Sublime cover." Edward explained again.

"I can do it. Can I see some I.d first?" Zeke asked.

Edward showed him his I.d. Zeke looked and it and frowned. Oh no we are busted.

"Another Jenks special, huh Bella?" he asked.

"Yeah," She answered.

"I guessed since he wanted Cullen, but his I.d says Masen. Oh well. I did my part and asked and he had proper I.d so let's head to the back kid and we'll get started." Zeke said and opened the curtain for Edward to follow.

Edward looked like he was second guessing himself, he looked like he was going to puke.

"Come on Cullen, if you want I'll hold your hand while the mean man pokes you with needles." Bella giggled and grabbed Edwards hand.

'Can I have a lollipop when we're done?" Edward asked.

"Only if you're a good boy." Bella replied as they vanished behind the curtain. Those two and their crazy banter, always amusing, I went back to working on my design hoping the tat guy could get it to look close to what I had drawn.

"What do you think Jazz?" Alice asked lifting up the hem of her shirt to show me her piercing. It was very cute and had a small jewel almost looking like a diamond and with a few strands of dangling stars. It was sexy even on Alice's taunt stomach.

"It's hot darlin, very hot." I said.

"Thanks Jazz." Alice said almost blushing.

"Hi I am Buzz, Roxxx-e said you are looking to get a custom job done, is that the piece?" Buzz asked.

"Yeah it's pretty simple and I want it on my left inner bicep." I explained showing him my design.

"Looks doable, want to follow me back and we can get started?" Buzz asked, I nodded and followed him back with Alice was right behind me.

"I'm not staying out there with Slutzilla, I swear she kept asking about Edward the whole time she was doing my belly button." Alice exclaimed.

"Heh its okay darling, I think Bella is holding Edward's hand so you can hold mine if you want." I said with the best drawl I could muster. I liked Alice she was feisty and fun.

**BPOV**

Okay, remember how I said Cullen was hot? Yeah, after sitting in the tattoo shop, holding his hand, for a few hours, watching his sexy, muscular back being tattooed makes him about fifty times hotter. I was so fucked.

"Only a little while longer, kid." Zeke said as he wiped the excess ink, and blood from his back.

"How ya doin?" I asked, kneeling over a little so we were even with each other. I squeezed his hand reassuringly; his face was contorted in pain. He was really ballsy, usually, the normal person anyways, starts out with something small to make sure they can handle the pain, not Edward, obviously.

"All right, it's... different than I thought." he admitted, and looked down at our joined hands, "thanks." he smiled, as the door opened and slutty salll-e, or whatever the fuck the girls name was walked in, with the piercing stuff. Of course she'd wanna do it in here.

"Hey girl, you ready for your piercing?" she asked, setting up her stuff on the chair next to the one I was sitting in.

"Hell yeah!" I said, squeezing Edward's hand nervously, even though I had my nipple pierced, I was always a little nervous before getting any work done, and especially by this girl.

"Your little friend out there picked out your stud, she told me not to show you until it was already in, you cool with that?" she asked, grabbing my chin, a little tightly for my liking. I nodded sticking out my tongue. She had the clamp in one hand and my tongue in the other as she centered it, and made sure it didn't go through the vein, thank god, I didn't feel like dying.

When she rubber-banded the clamp shut, that shit hurt, like a fucking bitch, I squeezed E's hand, a little worried for the pain.

"B, you sure?" he asked through clenched teeth as Zeke continued on his back. Esme was going to kill him.

I saw Skankzilla run her hand up Cullen's arm as she walked by to get whatever she needed next. I swear I would cunt punch this bitch if I wasn't afraid of the diseases my fist would get from her cesspool of a coochie.

I gave him the thumbs up sign as I watched Roxxx-e sterilize everything. She was taking her sweet fucking time, the little whore. She turned back towards me, full of concentration.

"All right, on the count of three I'm going to do it." she told me. "One... Two..." and suddenly I felt the needle pierced through my tongue, and oddly enough, it didn't hurt, it was probably one of the weirdest feelings I had ever had, but it didn't hurt, even though that little whore had lied to me, bitch.

I half listened as she explained everything I couldn't do, and how to take care of it. Wow, the first few weeks would suck, that is, if I decided to actually follow her weak ass rules. I looked in the hand held mirror she gave me and stuck out my tongue, to see Hello Kitty staring at me, ugh, Alice, what a bitch, I showed Edward, who laughed at the ridiculousness of it.

"All right kid, you're all set." Zeke told Edward as he rubbed A&D lotion on his tattoo. Edward stood up and put his back to the mirror, and that shit looked awesome, it was bad ass.

After he was covered up, and Zeke explained to him how to take care of it, we were walking back out to the lobby, it felt weird not holding his hand anymore, I missed the warmth. As soon as the thought entered my mind I immediately cursed at myself, I was not with him, I was with his cousin. I was such a mess.

Jasper and Alice were in the main room waiting for us, Jasper had a bandage on his arm, I was curious to see what he got, and hoped he would show me.

"Hey guys, ready for dinner?" Alice asked, immediately lifting up her shirt to show me her new piercing, it was adorable, per usual. I stuck out my tongue while giving her the finger, and both her and Jasper laughed at me, assholes.

"Great fucking idea." I mumbled to them all, "eat food after we've all been poked with needles." they laughed at me, but no one said anything, because they knew I was right.

I slid my hand into Jasper's as we made our way back to the car, Edward drove us to Daniella's, and I decided not to eat, I could feel the pain a little bit now, and I didn't want to chance biting my tongue ring, or my tongue. As the three of them ordered, I just got a water, and felt my phone vibrate in my purse. I grabbed it and saw a text from one of the other Cheerleaders, Ashley.

_Hey girls! Party tonight at my house! Multiple Kegs, & plenty of hard shit! Bring friends! The more the merrier! See ya soon! 3 Ash_

I smiled, this would be a great way to make things up to Jasper for avoiding him the past couple weeks. And it would be a great way for him to actual get to know some of the people we'd be going to school with.

"Hey, do you guys wanna go to Ashley's party tonight?" I asked them, setting my phone on the table, leaning into Jasper.

"My back hurts, I'm just going to go home, and just lay on my stomach. It really fucking hurts." Edward admitted, almost sadly.

"I'll go with you, we can watch movies!" Alice said excitedly, always so excited.

"Babe?" I looked up at Jasper, working my puppy dog face, "please come with me, let me introduce you to my friends, you'll wanna meet people, and, let it be my apology for being a bitch lately." I leaned up and kissed his chin, hoping he'd say yes.

"I'll go, sounds like it'll be fun." he smiled down at me and kissed my nose playfully.

After they were done eating, we drove back to my house, Edward let us take the Volvo, and he and Alice walked back to his house.

"Are you sure you should be drinking with your new piercing?" Jasper asked as we made our way to Ashley's. I shrugged, not too worried about it.

"It'll be fine the alcohol will help keep it clean, ohh! Let me see your ink!" I said, feeling stupid for forgetting. He grinned happily as he lifted up the arm of his shirt, and peeled back the covering, it was really nice, and sweet.

"You got it on the left because it's closer to your heart, right?" I asked.

"How did you know that?"

I lifted up my shirt, displaying Emmett's name down the left side of my body. "That's why his name is down my left." I told him.

"So, why did you get those tats?" Jasper asked curiously, "I mean, mine is pretty obvious,"

"Emmett and I have always been close, he's a pain in the ass ninety percent of the time, but when it comes down to it, he's the only person who has always been there for me, in a lot more ways than one, and a lot of times where I didn't deserve it." I started, "he and I have different dads, he doesn't know his dad, Charlie is the only father he knows, but he never actually adopted him, Renee had given him her last name, McCarty. But, when things got shitty, we were worried we would be separated, and because we're really only half siblings, it'd make things more complicated. So literally, the day Emmett turned sixteen, he appealed for a name change, and changed his last name to Swan." I explained, smiling.

"Wow," Jasper said, "that's really awesome."

"I know, after I got my music note," I slid my skirt and band of my underwear down to show him the music note, "I knew I wanted to get something for him, and I wanted it to be close to my heart." I told him.

"How long have you had your nipple pierced?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows playfully.

"Around the same time as the Emmett/Bella tattoo's." I laughed; he joined me as we pulled into Ashley's driveway, which was filled with cars.

We walked in the house and I wasn't surprised that it was packed with people. Kids in Newport loved parties.

"Wow." Jasper said, taking it all in. I laughed as I grabbed two beers from the fridge handing him one and opening my own. As we walked around saying hi, and of course I did a shot with most people I said hi to, I introduced Jasper to everyone, giving him a brief explanation to fill him in on the Newport hierarchy.

He seemed to get along with most people; everyone seemed to like him, especially the girls. Which annoyed me, but I had my red cup filled with Jose, who always knew the right things to say to make me feel better.

I'm not sure how long later, three beers, another cup full of Jose, and more than few shots for me, Jasper was nursing his second beer, and clearly Not drunk at all, Whoren and Jessislut walked over to us. You see, Jessislut wasn't as bad as Whoren, although she tried to be, but they were both annoying as fuck. I categorized them with Renee.

"Hi again, Jasper." Whoren said, waving, and pushing her crooked boobs out, I laughed when Jasper tightened his grip around my waist, obviously not impressed, I was very concerned for the mental state of all the guys who had unfortunately had to see those things.

"Girls." I said curtly, sipping my beer, hoping they'd be on their way.

"Wow, so at the 4th of July party, you guys, Edward, and Alice were all over each other, like, all four of you. Then at the bonfire last night Alice was all over both of them, and you were all over Edward, and now you're here with Jasper?" Jessislut asked, laughing. I felt Jasper grab my side, knowing I wasn't going to react well to that.

"Are you guys practicing swinging or something? You dirty slut!" Whoren added, smirking.

I'm pretty sure Jasper mumbled something about disgusting Wonky boobs under his breath, and I laughed out loud, trying not to let what the Slut sisters said bother me.

"You're just jealous because you girls can't get in on the action." I spat. "I've seen the way you always ogle Alice's ass in gym class." I added.

"Ew Bella, you're so nasty." Jessislut said, scrunching her face in disgust.

"You just want to have your cake and eat it too." Whoren said, "You can't choose, so you want both Cullen boys." she added, and admittedly hit a nerve, the exact feelings I had been fighting for the past month.

"There is only one Cullen; this one here is a Whitlock." I said, putting my arm around Jasper's waist, telling the girls to fuck off without saying a word.

"You can't have them both Bella, even if you are kind enough to share with Alice." Jessislut said "You have to let us have a shot too you know." she added.

"Bitch, I swear to god, if you don't fuck-" I began, fully prepared to give them what they deserved, but was interrupted.

"Oh look! There's Tyler!" Jessislut said, and with that the Tramp Twins were off to terrorize someone else.

"Stay away from them," I warned Jasper, rolling my eyes as I searched for some more hard shit, "unless you want to get some funk that will rot your dick off." he laughed, leaning against the counter as I found an almost empty bottle of vodka, I poured two shots, and offered him one, but he turned it down, so I did both, and then just decided to finish the bottle.

And that's the last thing I remember.

**Emmett's POV**

Just as I was about to climb into bed, I heard a weird noise from outside, and groaned as I made my way back down the stairs, wondering what the hell the noise could be, I swear if Mike Newton was trying to toilet paper my house again I was going to beat thirty different shades of pain onto his ass.

Sweet baby Jesus, mini-Em would never work again! I thought as I opened the door to see my baby sister almost completely nude and being chased around by Jazz-motherfucking-hands.

"Really dude, in the driveway?" I yelled and walked over to them, trying to figure out the best case scenario of what was going on right now.

"Em, please help me get her inside.," Jasper suggested. Yeah like that was going to happen.

"Emmy, Jasper won't fuck me!" Bella whined trying to take off her panties, thankfully Jasper was able to grab them, and hold them up. Oh, this was so not my fucking night.

"Jasper whatever you do, do not let her pull her underwear down. I don't think my heart or eyes can take it." I told him.

"I've been trying to keep her in her clothes for the last ten minutes Em, but she went all Showgirls on me. Damn, drunk Bella is a force to be reckoned with." Jasper said and looked defeated. I almost felt sorry for the guy until I recalled that we were trying to keep my sister in clothes and get her almost naked, drunk ass inside. This was all Jasper's fault.

"Why did you let her drink so much?" I asked.

"Dude, I was her date, not her babysitter." Jasper shot back.

"Sometimes with Bella her date has to be her babysitter." I explained trying to chase down my sister and not see or touch her lady parts, she was pretty fast for being wasted.

Now, I knew Bella had tattoos and I wasn't thrilled about them since they just attracted more eyes and attention towards her body, but I liked them. They meant something to her and I thought it was sweet she had my name down her left side. But, I didn't know about, nor approve of, her nipple ring. I swear mini-Em was going to leave me after all this fuckery tonight. Stupid fucking Jazzhands.

"Why are you holding her clothes instead of her wearing them?" I asked trying to catch my sister and figure out what the fuck happened.

"She was all over me and when I said I didn't want to have sex because she was drunk, she flipped out and started stripping asking if I thought she was fuckable." Jasper explained. I wasn't sure if I was happy or more pissed at this information. Dumbass did not refer to my sister and the term fuckable in the same sentence. I swear as soon as I got Bella inside and clothed Jasper was dead. D-E-A-D. Dead. I'm sure Carlisle would be upset, but I think if I could explain the situation, he would see that it was justifiable homicide.

"What the hell is-why isn't Bella wearing her clothes?" Edward asked shifting gears in his head as he and Alice came up the path.

"Ask your cousin" I replied, not wanting to explain this shit, because honestly I didn't even understand it myself.

"What the fuck did you do Jasper?" Edward accused, clearly pissed. Good, he could help me convince Carlisle that Jasper had to die. I think we could probably get Alice to backup our story, yeah we could do this.

"Damn it, I'm sick of explaining myself. We went to a party. Bella got shitty drunk. I got tired of all the fuckhead guys trying to get her into a bedroom even when she said no, so I brought her home. She was all over me in the car and then when we got here she wanted sex. I said no, and she got upset and started stripping and running around the yard. Then Emmett can out and started chewing my ass out, for trying to be a good guy." Jasper explained again. Well, maybe I wouldn't be digging a shallow grave out in the woods tonight. Jasper seemed like he was telling the truth and since he was a good guy I could give him the benefit of the doubt. I mean he was trying to catch Bella and get her clothes back on her.

"Bella, honey, look what I found, it's your flask! Do you want your flask sweetie? Come over here and you can have it." Alice said and held up the flask.

I'll be damned if Bella didn't go to Alice and the flask like a dog to a treat. Alice was the Drunk Whisperer and I loved Shorty for it.

"Em, you go inside and get a blanket. Jasper, just hand me her clothes." Alice started bossing.

I ran inside and grabbed an afghan off the back of the couch and rushed back outside to see Bella curled into Alice so I threw the blanket over them both.

"Can you get her up to bed okay Tiny?" I asked Alice.

"I got her Em." Alice replied already leading Bella towards the door.

Just one more thing to sort out and then I could go deal with my drunk sister, again. I walked over to where Jasper and Edward were talking only catching the last bit of their conversation.

"Edward, I swear I didn't try anything with her. Hell that's what I was trying to protect her from at the party until she started stripping and saying she wanted sex." Jasper said, clearly tired of explain himself to everyone tonight. I couldn't even say anything, not that I had to, Edward seemed to be chewing his ass out good enough for both of us.

"Jasper, you should have gotten her inside first, or hell came and got Alice and I." Edward spat.

"Edward calm down, I believe J-Dawg. I'm not happy with how things went down tonight, but he seemed to try and do the right thing for Bella." I said, kind of apologizing for jumping to conclusions, but I knew he wasn't going to like this part, "but, I think Bella and Jasper need to take a break from each other because clearly they are not operating on the same level, but tonight is Bella's fault, not his." I explained and while I wanted to beat Jasper down I know my sister, it was always her fault.

Jasper nodded, his lips in a tight line, he was clearly not happy I was bossing him around, but he didn't protest, which was good.

I headed back into the house to see how Bella and Alice were doing. I walked up the stairs and was at Bella's door when I heard the all too familiar sound of Bella puking her guts up, and she was still wrapped in the blanket from earlier.

"How goes the purging of the vile liquor?" I asked as I entering the bathroom, seeing Bella bent over the toilet with Alice holding back her hair.

"We said three Our Fathers, and I think we're on our sixth Hail Mary." Alice replied. That's why I loved that little pip squeak, she got me.

"I'll get her hair do you think you can find her some clothes? Rose and I did the laundry but I think it's still down stairs." I instructed Alice and took over her hair holding duties. I had seen enough of Bella and her panties for one evening, thank you very much.

"Sure Em, I'll be right back" Alice said and gave me shoulder a squeeze.

Bella wretched a few more times than seemed to be better, she laid her head on my lap and I stroked her hair.

"So what brought this on B?" I asked curious what actually caused her exhibition earlier.

"I like them both Em, well more one than the other I think, no I'm sure." Bella rambled on.

"What them are you talking about B?"

"I like Edward more then I like Jasper." Bella admitted and started to cry. I didn't know why that was a reason to cry or to try to hookup with Jasper, but I have never claimed to understand girls and their logic, especially Bella.

"Have you talked to any of them?"

"Who Edward? Yeah I'm sure he wants to talk all about getting involved with me after tonight, same goes for Jasper. Oh, Alice god! Her and Edward are so cute together. I can't fuck this up for everyone Em, not again." Bella sobbed, sounding so sad.

I just held her and let her get it all out and then after she was done and likely passed out Alice entered the bathroom and helped get her dressed and I put her in bed. It had been a long night.

* * *

Reviews = teaser (when its done, which isn't yet so be patient)

Also we have a group date with all 3 couples coming up soon...what do you guys suggest for the activity. Dani and I have plans but if yours are better we will change them and credit you in the author notes.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	11. Bellamonster

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, I do not.

Slightly shorter chapter this time, but this is more our normal length. Thanks to everyone who added a Story or Author Alert. Special thanks to those who reviewed.

Just so you just realize this is the 6th chapter Dani and I have posted in 12 days I believe.

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**Edwards POV**

"Come on Jasper, wake up, Alice will be here soon to take us to breakfast." I said as I shoved the sleeping form typically known during his waking hours as Jasper on his bed.

"I'm up, gimme five minutes and I'll be ready to go." Jasper said shooting up off the bed. I guess breakfast is the magic word to wake his sorry ass up in the mornings, usually it takes forever.

As promised, Jasper was ready to go before Alice got here, which was sort of amazing to me.

"Dani's for breakfast?" Alice suggested coming through the pool house door without knocking. I recall what it was like to be able to just come in without first knocking and waiting at least three minutes before entering. Yes, my previous experience had traumatized me slightly, but I was dealing with it.

"Sure let's go." I replied, following Alice and Jasper out the door to the car.

The whole trip no one talked about last night. I wasn't sure if we were all in shock, or just wanted to put it behind us, and never speak of it again, I was good with it either way.

"How's Bella this morning?" I asked, as we sat around a corner table eating our breakfast at Dani's, hoping Alice would know.

"I don't know, I haven't checked on her yet. She was pretty hammered last night, so I figure she's still asleep." Alice replied, finishing her pancakes.

"We should check on her." Jasper suggested.

"Good idea, why don't we get some French Toast for her to go? It used to be her favorite." I added and got up to go place the order at the counter.

"Add extra bacon, she'll need the grease!" Alice shouted to me as I placed the order with Marge, our favorite waitress.

After we finished breakfast and paid, we made our way back to Bella's house.

"Is Emmett home?" Jasper asked nervously as we pulled up the drive.

"Rose took him to 'calm down,' which means they should be gone for a few hours and he should come back really happy." Alice answered with a giggle.

Oh, so that's what you do for Emmett when you piss him off, good to know. I would have to remember that later.

We walked up to the front door, it was locked, but luckily, Alice had a key and unlocked the door and we headed up to Bella's room. It had been years since I had been up here, it had definitely changed, instead of the neon pink walls with some fairy princess design all over them, the walls were now dark blue with white trim, and had posters of bands, barely clothed guys, and crazy art randomly around, and she had clothes everywhere. Bella was not the little girl I grew up with anymore.

"Morning sunshine!" Alice yelled as she jumped into bed beside the now awake and grouchy Bella.

"Listen here Rainbow Brite, not all of us like waking up to your bony ass bouncing on our beds." Bella grumbled angrily as she sank deeper into her blanket cocoon.

"Come on Bella get up, you need to eat something." Alice said shaking the bed and the Bellamonster again.

"Fuck off." Bella replied, such a morning person.

"Come on Bella, it'll help soak up the alcohol." Jasper suggested.

"No." came from deep within the Bellamonsters cocoon.

"Well I guess I'll just throw this plate of French Toast and bacon away." I said and put on my sad pouty face, even though she couldn't see it.

"Fine Cullen, give me the damn food and I'll try to eat some of it." Bella relented as she finally emerged from her nest of blankets and sat against her headboard. Her waist length brown hair was a mess, it looked almost like a lions mane, and her eyes were red and puffy, like she had been crying all night.

I handed her the take out box and she opened it with a smile, clearly happy I remembered her favorite.

"What are we going to do about Emmett?" Jasper asked as he plopped down on the bed next to her.

"What do you mean? There's something we need to do about Emmett?" Bella asked, confused, as she took a small bite of french toast.

"Well, last night Emmett said we need to take a break, but his 'need' sounded an awful like a 'have to.'" Jasper explained.

"Ugh, Emmett." Bella sighed, looking sad.

"Bella, if that isn't what you want, say something and we'll talk to Emmett and explain things." I said trying to make her happy again.

"I just don't want to break up the group, we all have fun together." Bella whined, yes whined, like a small child. It was almost cute, okay, it was cute, especially when she pouted out her lip.

"I have an idea." Alice said with a wicked smile.

This was either going to be very good or very bad, which, I wasn't sure of yet.

**APOV**

I had the best idea! I mean, granted, I always had the best ideas. But I was pretty sure this one took the gold metal of all of my ideas, ever.

"Why am I suddenly worried?" Bella grumbled, pushing her food around the container. Yeah, after the liquor store's worth of alcohol she not only drank, but threw up, I don't think anyone would want to eat. My stomach hurt just thinking about it.

"You guys have so little faith in me, it's kind of depressing." I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest, "but anyways, do you want to hear my idea, or not?"

"Yes Alice, tell us." Jasper said, winking at me. Oh, he was sexy when he winked, all the more reason why my idea was perfect.

"Fake Dating." I said simply, and looked at the three of their faces to see confusion on all of them. Ugh, was it really that hard to keep up with me? God. "Emmett said you two need a break, right?" I asked, and they nodded, so I continued, slowly, so they could understand of course. "Well, me and Jasper just won't come around for a few days, at least while Emmett and Rose are here, and you two-" I pointed at Edward and Bella, "need to hang out, a lot in front of them, and then in a few days, me and Jasper will come back around so they'll see, and we'll pretend in front of them that Jasper and I are dating, and you and Edward are dating." I explained, watching as they took in the information.

"Alice, what are you-" Edward began.

"Yeah, I don't think Em will buy that..." Bella replied after a second.

Jesus Christ those two. They were meant to be, and the only two who didn't know it was them. They had been meant to be for their entire lives, it's like they were made for each other and fate made sure they lived next door to each other. They were handed their soul mates, unlike most of the rest of the world, and both of them were too blind to see it.

And, I had also kind of known since the second I saw Jasper at the Cullen's barbeque that he was my soul mate, but Bella was my best friend, and she was into him, and she needed to get away from Jake, so I didn't stand in her way, and I definitely didn't hold it against her, because I knew it wouldn't last. Jasper and I were meant to be, and Bella and Edward were meant to be. This fake dating was going to help everyone see that they had been with the wrong person.

I just hoped it didn't backfire on me.

"Let's give it a shot." Jasper said, shrugging, "what could it hurt?"

"As long as Emmett doesn't find out, I don't like lying to him." Bella admitted, playing with her swollen tongue, her food forgotten.

"Edward?" I asked, all of us focusing our attention on him.

"All right, as long as Emmett doesn't kick my ass." Edward agreed, with a frown.

**JPOV**

So, I got to hang out with Alice alone for a few days to establish our fake relationship while Edward got to deal with Bella and all of her drama-rama. Sounds like I was getting the better end of the deal.

Don't get me wrong, I really liked Bella, but sometimes she was extra strength crazy and came with a brother who could rip me apart with his bare hands, I was concerned, no, I was downright scared. I mean Bella gets drunk, and Bella strips, yet Jasper gets yelled at for it, bullshit, complete and utter bullshit.

I cared for Bella, really, but the girl needed help and I was not in the right place in my life to give her the help she needed, but maybe Edward could. He was like a middle aged man already, maybe he could straighten her out while she loosens him up. Yeah, I think those two spending more time together would be a good thing, for both of them.

"So... we're just going to swap boys?" Bella asked seemingly trying to catch up with Alice.

"Yeah, it's simple. You and Jasper took a break, and since Jasper and I conveniently aren't around for a few days, you decided you liked Edward better, vice versa for Jazzy and I." Alice explained, slowly. I wasn't sure if she was trying to talk down to Bella since she was clearly hungover, or just trying to slow her own mouth to a speed which normal humans could understand.

I liked it when she called me Jazz or Jazzy, it was cute.

"This is so not going to help the rumors about us and our swinging lifestyle at school." Bella groaned.

"Oh well, they'll get over it, besides who we date is our business, not theirs." Edward replied.

"What are we going to do about the physical stuff?" I asked.

"What physical Jazz? It's not like you have to pass a physical to date." Alice answered, giggling.

I rolled my eyes, smirking, "No I meant like kissing and stuff, isn't that going to be weird?" I asked my question in a different context trying to explain my concern better.

**BPOV**

This fake dating stuff might actually be a good idea. I mean, I've been having trouble figuring out which boy I liked more, and acting like we're dating could help me decide who I like more. Or, it was just going to make my life even more complicated, it could go either way at this point. But, I had nothing else to lose, literally. Everyone at school thought we were swinging, everyone had seen me almost naked last night, and I'm pretty sure I threw up my intestines last night while I cried into the toilet, my dignity was flushed down it as well.

"Well, I mean, we'd only have to do that in front of Rose and Emmett, and it'd not like you can get hot and heavy, especially in front of Emmett." Alice pointed out, she had a good point. Everyone seemed to nod in agreement. Em would freak and someone would likely lose a testicle.

"Plus, it's not like Cullen and I haven't kissed before." my fucking dumb, hung over, still sort of drunk ass said, before I could stop it. Fuck. Shit. Fuck.

"What?" Jasper asked, he and Alice looked between the two of us.

"When?" she asked, mirroring Jasper's shock but with a funny look in her eyes.

"Ugh, well, he tried kissing me when we were six, but I slugged him it was gross, but then again when we were like twelve, nothing serious." I backtracked, "and you've all seen me naked as of last night, no big deal now." I threw in, hoping to distract them.

"Why did you never tell me?!" Alice whined, and I was a little pissed my diversion didn't work, but relieved because she seemed more upset about missing out on the details than the fact that I had kissed the guy she was dating, although, he had seen me almost naked, she couldn't get mad at a kiss.

"Because, there wasn't even any tongue." Edward told her.

"Really?" I asked, "I thought there was?"

"There might have been some church tongue." He admitted,

"Yeah, maybe a little bit of church tongue." I agreed, giggling.

"What the heck is church tongue?" Jasper and Alice asked in stereo, confused. Clearly they had never heard of it before.

"Church tongue is like a wedding day kiss, where you open your mouth and your tongues touch but they don't wrestle for dominance or enter your partners mouth." I explained and Cullen nodded, see- he got me. Dumb and Dumber still looked confused.

Before I could explain further or perhaps demonstrate with Cullen, Emmett burst through the door, his face going through a few different emotions before finally settling on anger.

"Jazzhands!" he seethed, eyeing Jasper. "What are you doing here? I thought I made myself clear last night. You two need a break, this doesn't look like a break to me damnit."

**Edwards POV**

Bella was now my pretend date, and we could kiss without hurting or pissing off Jasper or Alice.

Best. Fucking. Day. Ever.

Then Emmett came in and looking like he was going to castrate my cousin. "Em calm down." Bella said slowly, as she got up from her bed, and clearly not showing any signs of fear or weakness, much like you do with wild animals, good tactic.

"Like hell I'll calm down B, I told his ass and he did-" Em barked before Bella put her hand over his mouth to shut him up. Emmett looked only slightly more shocked then pissed. Bad move B, don't put your hand that close to the animals mouth, you're liable to lose a finger.

"Jazz, who did you come here to visit?" Bella asked and gave Jasper the look that said he better answer right or she would castrate him. Poor Jasper's junk, it seemed the Swan family had put a hit out on it today.

"Uhh Alice." Jasper replied and Bella looked at him like she wanted to give him a treat for being such a good boy.

"And why are you here Cullen?" Bella asked.

"To see you, B." I replied and honestly wasn't lying.

"See Em, no need to kill, maim, or dismember anyone here. Jasper is visiting Alice and Cullen is visiting me." Bella shot at Em with more sass then I would have, he still looked pissed.

"Bullshit, you guys are just fucking with me. Are you telling me since last night Jasper is now with Alice and your wth Edward?" Emmett asked, clearly seeing through our façade; damn, it was fun while it lasted.

But instead of answering, Bella walked right over to me, grabbed my face in both hands and gave me a deep kiss. It was nice, with just a little church tongue. Yep, definitely best day ever.

I'm not sure how long the kiss lasted, but when it ended Bella had her hands in my hair and mine where on either side of her hips. I counted myself lucky that she seemed to have brushed her teeth after puking because all I could taste was maple syrup.

"Happy now Em?" she asked while planting her hands over mine on her hips.

"Sure, sure B, tell you what. We have some half lunch, half dinner thing with Renee next Sunday. Bring your new boyfriend, if you guys are still 'together,' " he used finger quotes for together, "in a week. I'm sure she would love to meet him." Emmett replied with a smug grin.

"What? Renee? Why? She already knows Cullen." Bella huffed, anger replacing her once happy features.

"Yeah well, you two love birds are going, unless that means you're lying?" He said, looking between us, clearly still not buying it, and when no one responded, he smirked and walked out.

Lunch with Renee? Oh, fuck.

**RPOV**

I really couldn't stand Renee. I hated that lush with a passion, and I'm pretty sure she knew it, whenever she was in Newport I avoided her like the walking STD that she was. That alone was one of the huge reasons I had always helped Em out with Bella, she would never turn into that, over my dead body.

My parents had been alcoholics, which is why I chose to come live with Alice, and my aunt and uncle. And it was also the reason why I rarely drank. And the main reason I avoided the horrible woman that my beloved Emmett and Bella had to call their mother. Actually they typically referred to her as Renee until she got pissed then they would begrudgingly call her Mom.

Going to this lunch was not something I wanted to do, but, I loved Emmett, with every fiber of my being, and he wanted me to be there, so I'd be there. And apparently Edward Cullen was was coming, because he and Bella had been "dating" for a little over a week now, instead of her and Jasper, and him and Alice. I'm not sure how much I believed it, Emmett definitely didn't, but we were waiting it out to see where they were going with it.

I looked over at Emmett, who was sitting next to me in the driver's seat, drumming on the steering wheel, which made me smile, he was so adorable. He pulled into a parking spot and parked the car, turning to face me.

"Thanks for coming Rosie, I know you don't like my mom, you're the best." he grinned and grabbed the collar of my shirt, and pulled me forward, kissing me softly. "I love you." he murmured against my lips, and I couldn't help but smile.

"All right you porn freaks, get a room." Bella's familiar voice shouted, we pulled apart and I turned to see her standing next to the jeep, with her hands on her hip, looking very nice in a purple summer dress, and her hair was straightened, and she had heels on, Edward was standing next to her looking nervous as hell.

"Don't throw up, kiddo." I told him, laughing.

"Yeah, don't do that man, I actually want to eat, this place is amazing!" Emmett said, excitedly, as we hopped out of the jeep, I pulled Bella into a hug, and she smelled a little like alcohol, but not as strongly as I would have thought.

"When is the last time you talked to Renee?" I asked Edward as the four of us walked into the restaurant, Bella and Emmett were holding hands, she hated Renee, it was his way of letting her know he was there for her, it seemed to relax her a little bit.

"Uh... maybe when I was like, ten." He said, looking worried, "is this going to be bad?" he asked.

I snorted, "Just hold on tight, baby." I warned him as the host led us over to a table in the back, where Renee sat, all over some old looking man, and not old like her, old like Grandpa Hale. Oh fuck.

"My babies are here!" She cooed, standing up, catching her foot on the leg of the chair and stumbling a little, but she caught herself and quickly grabbed the table so she didn't fall. Fucking train wreck.

"Hi mom." Emmett said as he hugged her, but pulled away quickly, taking his seat.

"Hi Rosa." She smiled fakely at me. Bitch.

"It's Rosalie." I corrected her, as nicely as I could, and smiled at her as I took the seat next to Emmett, but left two seats open next to him, so Bella could sit with him.

"Isabella! Baby, you look so nice! Although, you could have worn that Dolce and Gabanna dress I had delivered to the house last week, which is what I why I had sent it in the first place, but I suppose this will do." she drunkenly slurred as she tried to pull Bella in for a hug, but Bella wasn't having it, and jumped back next to Edward.

"Renee, you remember Cullen, right?" she asked, grabbing his hand. Renee looked at him blankly like she was trying to place him. "God!" Bella sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose tightly. "Our neighbor, Carlisle and Esme's ONLY son."

"Of course I remember him Bella, don't be ridiculous." she fanned Bella off, "My how you've grown dear." she placed her hand on Edward's chest, and he immediately tensed up.

"Mom, who's the guy?" Emmett asked, trying to distract Renee from trying to molest Edward, who looked scared as hell right about now. Poor kid wasn't ready for the Tsunami known as a Renee.

"Fucking drunk bitch." Bella mumbled under her breath as she sat down, pulling Edward with her.

"This is Winston, we're getting married!" she said happily, "Winnie, these are my babies, Emmett and Isabella." Winnie, really? God, he could be Renee's father, his balls were probably like raisins. I shuddered at the thought. Ew, fucking gross, go to your happy place Rosalie, just you and mini-Em. Renee seemed to have a thing for old, wrinkled, rich, and half dead. It was some obscure fetish of hers.

"Really? You're getting married again? What does this make your fifth marriage?" Bella snapped, glaring at him, poor old man.

"Oh honey, how many times do I have to tell you, that Cabana boy incident was annulled?" Renee sighed, rolling her eyes. Ugh, did I mention she was a slut?

"Mom, she does have a point..." Emmett trailed off, he was always a lot better at being around her than Bella was.

"Baby, this means I'll be home more, we can be a family again." Renee told him, as the waiter came over, thank god, and we all ordered, I looked over at Edward who looked extremely uncomfortable, poor kid, if he wanted in the Swan family, he'd better get used to this.

"So, are you going to be my new daddy?" Bella asked Winston, who looked like his eyeballs were going to pop out of his sockets.

Oh, this was just getting fun.

**E POV**

I laughed. I couldn't help it. Bella asking Father Time over here if he was going to be her new daddy was fucking hilarious. Bella smiled at me after I laughed. Rose and Em looked amused. Renee didn't look pleased, and Old Man Winter looked either confused or constipated, I wasn't really sure which.

The waiter came and took our order shortly after saving me from an even more awkward conversation. I would just keep my mouth shut, eat, and hold Bella's hand to keep her from murdering her mother or inducing Old Man Winter into cardiac arrest.

I ordered the Chicken Marsala, Bella got tortellini soup, claiming her tongue still hurt. I wasn't sure what Emmett ordered because it was so much food, I thought he was ordering for Rose as well, but it turns out it was all for him. How they fed his massive appetite without going broke, I would never understand.

"Winston, sir what do you do exactly?" Emmett asked trying to be diplomatic. It was clear Renee's dear Winnie was having a good day if he woke up in the mornings anymore, everything else was just extra.

"Well, I made my money in the import and export business years ago, so now I just enjoy each day to its fullest." Winston replied.

"Winnie, what was it like to ride dinosaurs?" Bella asked which made me a laugh, just a little. She was clearly enjoying this way too much.

"Beg your pardon?" Winston replied.

"It's just her Tourettes acting up sir." I replied and gave Bella a look to knock it off, or at least tone it down. I didn't want her mouth to put poor Winston in the grave at the table; they hadn't even brought the entrees yet.

"What are your plans for the rest of the day my darling babies?" Renee said with a voice that reminded me of all the evil wicked witches in the Disney films. Mental note: don't take apples from Renee.

"My parents are having their anniversary party tonight and we're all going there. Dad is having dinner catered in." I answered hoping to somehow figure out a way to not have to invite Renee and Father Time, Mom would be pissed.

"Sounds lovely, too bad Winston and I have previous engagements or else we would love to join you, but Edward, please send my congratulations and love to your parents." Renee said and seemed almost sincere, almost.

I heard Bella next to me mumble something about 'must be a Matlock marathon on'. She was just mumbling her digs at Winston now, which was progress.

"Isabella, your birthday is coming up soon dear. What do you want?" Renee asked.

"A car." Bella replied shortly and gave Renee a look for using her full name, she hated it and everyone in Newport knew that. Luckily, we were saved from this awkward conversation, if it could even really be called that, when the waiter appeared with the food, thank God.

Okay Cullen, your mission is to cut the food slowly, chew even slower, and try to avoid more crazy conversations with Renee while trying to keep Bella from doing the same, yeah, good luck with that.

"Rose, when are you and Emmett going to get married and make me grand babies?" Renee asked, since she was having a liquid lunch and didn't bother eating. I guess when you got older you could condition your body to run on vodka alone.

Emmett started coughing which quickly turned into choking at Renee's question. I was mentally trying to recall how to attempt the Heimlich, when Rose, who was a shade of red I had never seen on her before, swiftly smacked Emmett on the back unclogging the stuck food.

"Well since we have been-" Rose started before Emmett quickly kissed her which seemed to distract her and she lost her train of thought.

I would have to remember that trick, it seemed useful.

"Emmett, I didn't mean for you to start here at the table. I raise you better then that son." Renee scolded him. Which earned a snort and more mumbling from Bella.

"Sorry mom, you just got me thinking that's all." Emmett tried to cover up the fact that he just saved Renee from an ass chewing from Rose. Emmett was a hero, like a man who jumped in front of a bullet to save someone else, except he used his lips.

"Isabella, what happened to Jake dear?" Renee asked, her words really starting to slow as the amount of empty cocktail glasses in front of her increased.

"Jake was a giant asshole to me and Cullen kicked his ass, so I'm Cullen's girl now." Bella explained without really answering her question at all.

"When did you kick Jake's ass?" Emmett asked.

"At the bonfire." Bella replied before I could.

"Good job Edward." Rose said and gave me an approving nod.

"Thanks Edward." Emmett said and tilted his glass in my direction.

"How long have you two been together?" Renee asked. God, she was a question asking bitch when she was around. I guess it made sense since she had no idea what went on in her kids lives, might as well pretend to care.

"Not too long, but we have been friends since we were little Re-Mom, or don't you remember?" Bella answered.

"I just can't believe Jake was mean to you, he was such a handsome boy." Renee added ignoring Bella's question, and clearly having some kind of fantasy about the asshole since her eyes were glossing over.

Emmett looked uncomfortable. Bella looked pissed. I realized Winston had been quiet for awhile, he looked to be napping, but I was tempted to put my spoon under his nose to verify he was still breathing.

"Mommy?" Bella asked in her sweet innocent voice. Oh god, this could not be good. Danger Will Robinson, Danger!

"Yes baby." Renee replied clearly not sensing the blood in the water, or the fact that Bella was about to attack.

"When you get me a car for my birthday, can you make sure it has a big backseat so Cullen and I can get started on making you your grand babies? I mean, it is family tradition to get knocked up in the backseat, right?" Bella asked with smirk.

Emmett started choking again; poor guy would never be able to eat again. Thankfully Rose was smacking his back but he was turning red.

**Renees POV**

That ungrateful little bitch, after all I have done and the sacrifices I have made for her she pulls this shit with me.

"I'm sure we can find something you will love sweetie." I replied not letting Isabella know how pissed I was. Poor Jake, no wonder the poor kid snapped and was mean to her, given her attitude. I could see him not wanting to deal with her violent mood swings and not to mention the drinking. She thought I drank like a fish; well maybe she should look in the mirror sometime.

"Thank you Mommy dearest." Isabella replied with a smug look that I wanted to slap off her face, but couldn't. I had Winston to think about and I doubt he wanted to see me bitch slap my spawn, even if she did deserve it.

That made me wonder, did I have Winnie take his blood pressure medicine before we left the room? I couldn't remember, it was okay he can just take more later. I swear his medicine was so confusing to figure out as well as the hiding place for his damn Viagra. I hated those little blue pills with a passion.

"Well, we must be going. Winnie here needs a nap before we head out to the Yacht Club tonight to meet some of his oldest friends." I said while I helped Winnie sign his name to the bill and made sure to leave the cute waiter a nice tip.

I swear I heard Isabella mumble something about 'no one can be older than him' under her breath, but since it wasn't aloud I could let it pass.

**BPOV**

Lunch with Renee was a disaster. A fucking complete disaster. I couldn't believe she was getting married, again. She was totally pulling an Anna Nicole Smith right now, Grampa W didn't have much time left, and her drunk ass would probably cause early death anyways. I almost felt bad for him, almost.

I sighed as I walked into my walk in closet to try and figure out what the heck to wear tonight for Esme and Carlisle's anniversary thing. I really wanted to drink, but I knew showing up there drunk would be fucking stupid.

I smiled as I received a text from Jasper, and quickly typed out my reply. And then ran my hands through my hair as I realized this fake dating thing so far wasn't really helping yet, they were both great, but now I just had both... which may not be a bad thing, but if after over a week I couldn't decide, nothing probably would.

"B." I heard from my room, it sounded like Edward.

"In here." I called, looking down, I was just in my bra and panties, which was fine, he'd seen everything the other night anyways.

"I just came to see i- oh god, sorry." he said turning his head, I laughed at his innocence.

"Cullen, its fine, stop being a baby." I smirked at him when he turned back to face me. He looked really good. He had a pair of nice jeans on, and a plain black t-shirt, it looked like he had attempted to style his hair so it wasn't completely unruly, but it looked good, he looked good. "Help me find something to wear."

"Uh. I'll try." he shrugged, and plopped down on the oversized circle couch in the center of my closet.

After four different outfit changes, we both finally agreed, on a pair of black dress pants, and a white dress shirt. I walked over to the other side of my closet to find a pair of appropriate shoes, and a matching purse and the right accessories. Between Renee, Rosalie, and Alice, I had enough clothes, shoes, and accessories to open my own store, it was pretty awesome.

"So, how long have your parents been married?" I asked him as I pulled my bangs back on my head to make a little bump in the front.

"I think like 18 years or something ridiculous like that." he replied.

"Damn, I don't think Renee's ever been married longer than 18 months, other than to, you know." I said, not wanting to think about my dad and the mess of a family he left behind.

"Yeah, Renee is..." he trailed off, I could see him in the mirror looking like he was searching for the right word, which made me giggle.

"A drunken slut?" I finished for him as I straightened out the hair that had gotten a little crazy from the day. He laughed awkwardly, flashing a smile at me, making my knees feel a little bit like jello, cliché I know, give me a break. "Sorry about lunch, that was all sorts of fucked up, Emmett shouldn't have made me bring you." I apologized, genuinely feeling bad, which scared me a little. Cullen made me feel things, something I had tried to stop doing with alcohol, and guys like Jake.

"Well, we have to make him believe we're together, right?" he smiled at me, and shrugged, "Its fine B, I didn't mind, in fact it was kind of funny."

"I'm glad I entertained you." I giggled, applying eye liner, mascara, eyeshadow and a thin layer of lip gloss. I spun around to face him, "Well, do I look okay enough to be parent approved?" I asked him, holding my arms out, elbows bent, with my palms flat up in the air.

"You look amazing B, you always do." he told me, blushing a little bit. "You ready to go?" he asked, and I simply nodded, biting my lip, worried that if I moved my mouth at all, it would be to kiss him. Damn it.

"Let's go get Em and Glamazon." I said, grabbing his hand and leading him out of my closet and room. I probably didn't need to grab his hand, he obviously could have just followed me, but I was being selfish, I liked holding his hand, it made me feel, calm, relaxed, whole, something I couldn't remember ever feeling before. Cullen scared the crap out of me.

We walked down the hall to Emmett's room, I knocked twice and opened the door, he knew better than to be naked with me in the house.

"Ready?" I asked them, Rose was wearing a black skirt, and a red sleeveless blouse. She had curled her long blonde hair, and put on the right amount of makeup. Where do you think I learned? Sure as hell wasn't from Drunkella De Vil aka Renee. Rose looked awesome, she always did.

"Hold on, Should I wear jeans, or slacks?" Emmett asked, he was still in the outfit he had worn to lunch, and he was looking at Edward's jeans and T-shirt outfit, to his own, frowning. Emmett and I were definitely related, we'd rather wear jeans than dress up. Granted, I loved my department store sized closet full of clothes, but jeans were my favorite.

"You look fine." I told him, and he did, he was wearing Khaki shorts, a button up blue t-shirt, and fresh white sneakers. He looked fine.

"Yeah, that's fine, it's not a huge thing. Just us, mom and dad, Jasper and Alice." Edward told him, shrugging.

"All right, let's go then, I can't wait to eat some of Esme's homemade cooking." Emmett grinned, grabbing Rosalie's hand as we walked out of his room.

"You just had a four course meal for lunch." I mumbled, shaking my head.

"I know, but after I choked for the fifth time, I stopped eating in order to stay alive." he grumbled, clearly unhappy about dinner as well. "You look really nice by the way, Bells." he said smiling at me as we walked out the front door, making sure to lock it behind us.

"Actually, Dad's having it catered." Cullen corrected, "Sorry Em."

"It's all good, I just can't wait to eat, again." Emmett said happily.

We made our way over to Cullen's, Emmett and Rosalie disappeared into the main house, and Edward and I made our way to the pool house, where we could see Jasper and Alice talking. When we reached the door, we dropped hands, which slightly saddened me, and we walked in.

"Hey guys!" Alice chirped, making her way over to Edward, and I made my way over to Jasper.

"Hey." I smiled up at him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Hey babe." he grinned, wrapping his arms around my waist, and leaning down to kiss me. I kissed him back, ignoring the nagging feeling in the back of my mind that it was completely different then kissing Cullen.

**Carlisle POV**

I swear if another nurse asked me to give them a pelvic exam I was going to scream. Do these 'ladies' not have any sense of decency. I have been happily married for twenty wonderful years today to my darling wife and I was not a gynecologist, thank God!

I finally pulled into the drive and I saw Bella and Edward head into the pool house. Good maybe I had a few minutes with Esme before I needed to get changed and head downstairs, a man can only hope.

"Honey I'm home!" I shouted as I entered the house. Yes, I was a 1950's sitcom father, well not really, but I found it funny.

"Upstairs dear." my beautiful wife replied. I hastily made my way upstairs, I would like to be able to notably admit it was just to see my dear wife after another long shift at the hospital, but if I was being completely honest, I was hoping she wasn't completely dressed yet, or at all.

"Damn, you're dressed already." I said as I opened the door to find my wife looking stunning.

"Carlisle, behave! no need to be all Hot Doctor C tonight in front of the kids. I think we disturbed the boys at our last dinner." Esme said sweetly, god, she was hot. I couldn't imagine ever never wanting her and it made me happy to know that.

"Yes dear." I answered slipping back into good husband mode. Pervy Doctor C could come out later, after dinner hopefully.

I changed quickly out of my scrubs and put on some black slacks and a white button down. I wanted to look nice but also be comfortable after it all it was just our family and the Swans for dinner tonight. Alice was over here or at the Swans enough, I considered her a Swan.

I came downstairs and saw all the kids hanging out around the kitchen island.

"Caterers are setting everything up now." Edward said before I even asked.

"Good, I'm hungry." I replied.

"Here Daddy C, have an apple." Bella said and tossed me an apple from our fruit bowl on the island.

"No!" Alice said, snatching the apple from my hand. I was confused, and looking around so was everyone except Alice.

"Apples keep the doctor away, and we want Carlisle to be here." Alice explained. I didn't really understand her, but I liked her she was sweet and seemed a good fit with Edward.

"Dinner is ready!" Esme called as she stepped out of the dining room, no doubt making sure the caterers had everything just the way she wanted it, she was a perfectionist.

We all entered the dining room and once everyone sat down, I took in the room and was a bit confused. I was at one end of the table and Esme at the other. I expected to see Alice sitting by Edward and Jasper by Bella, but they seemed reversed.

"Do we need to get more chairs? or a bigger table or something?" I asked hoping someone would clue me in.

"Don't worry about it Carlisle it seems in just a few days time the kids decided to engage in some form of couple swap, so for the past week and a half, Jasper has been with Alice, and Bella's with Edward." Emmett explained, rolling his eyes, clearly not believing any of it.

"Is this true?" Esme asked, clearly just as confused as I was.

"Yes." all the kids answered at once.

"Someone care to explain this to me, beside Emmett?" I asked hoping for something to make sense of this. Sure they were kids and they did weird things. I couldn't count the "items" I had removed from teenaged orifices over the years when I was on the ER rotation at the hospital.

"I have had a crush on Bella since we were six and she hit me when I kissed her, and then again when we were twelve and she didn't hit me when I kissed her again on the Ferris wheel down by the pier. Then we drifted apart in middle school and high school but since we've been hanging around each other again, the same feelings resurfaced and we talked about it and since Jasper had a thing for Alice since they first met, and none of us were very serious, we thought we would try dating who we felt we were meant to be with." Edward said in one long breath.

"Damn! I knew you two were playing doctor in the tree house!" Emmett exclaimed. I was still confused, so Edward has always liked Bella this whole time? Esme looked pleased, I don't know if the risotto was to her liking, or she was happy with Emmett's joke, but anything that put a smile on her face couldn't be that bad.

"Ok, I think I understand, sorry to put all of you on the spot, this will take some getting used to." I apologized to our guests and family.

"High school sure has changed, huh Doctor C?" Rose asked me with a laugh.

"Yeah Rose, it sure has" I answered, chuckling.

* * *

Reviews = Teaser

We have a group date coming up with the three main couples (ExB, JxA and EmxR) Suggestions for ideas ?


	12. The Test

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight and its characters I don't. all songs used later in the story are owned by their copyright holders as well.

FF says this is 11.276 words before any AN was added. That is insane and please don't expect that every time. Honestly usually 7000-8000 words should be tops anymore. Too much more then that is just to hard to proof. Any mistakes Dani and I apologize for beforehand we proofed as best we could.

I hope you enjoy and please review. We have posted a chapter every 2 days for almost two weeks straight now and have gotten very little love back for our efforts and that is sad.

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**Jasper POV**

I was so glad Edward and Bella didn't come in the pool house a few minutes earlier last night. I know we all agreed to do this fake dating thing so that Bella and I could stay together, but Alice and I just sort of clicked hanging out alone for the past week. We might have been kissing with more than the approved "church tongue" moments before they came in. I felt bad, I mean, I know Bella and Edward had kissed when they were kids, but I was pretty sure they were kissing only when they had to make it believable, and only with church tongue. And I'd like to say that kissing Alice was no big deal, but kissing Alice was a very big deal, monumental even.

I was interrupted from my thought of debating if Alice tasted more like cotton candy or bubblegum when someone knocked on my door, probably Edward.

"Come in." I answered.

"Hey Jasper, I figured we could clean the house up for Mom as an anniversary present, since Dad sent her out shopping this morning." Edward explained his plan.

"Sounds good, let's go." I replied and got off the bed and headed towards the pool house door. Cleaning up Esme's house wasn't really a chore. She didn't have a maid but somehow the house always looked nearly perfect. So that was what Edward and I were doing, making it look perfect.

"I'll go grab the garbage out of the down stairs bathrooms; can you grab the two upstairs?" Edward asked. Cleaning with him was a breeze, the kid always had a plan.

"Sure." I replied. I quickly headed upstairs and collected the trash bounty and went back to the kitchen. No Edward. I checked outside, maybe he had more trash and already took it outside to the cans, nope. I went to check the bathroom, maybe he fell and hit his head and woke up in some alternate universe, not likely, but a guy can dream sometimes.

"Edward?" I asked knocking on the bathroom door since it was closed, and I didn't want to interrupt his ugh…private time, yeah, private time, that's what we'll call it. He opened the door less than ten seconds after, looking ghastly pale and slightly sick to his stomach.

"You okay dude? Did the trash make you puke?" I asked.

"No, but the positive pregnancy test I found beside it almost did." Edward replied dryly. He sat on the closed toilet seat and I saw the pregnancy test lying on the counter, yeah someone had a bun in the oven.

"Whose test is it?" I asked still confused about what the big deal is, so someone was going to have a baby, that was a good thing right?

"Jasper, name the females at the party last night." Edward asked, being snarky.

"Alice, Bella, Rose, and your Mom." I answered and then it hit me; Alice, Bella, or Rose had snuck in here to take a pregnancy test and they were pregnant. Fuck. I quickly went down the list: I rarely talked to Rose, so I knew I wasn't her baby daddy, Bella and I had barely made out since we started this whole fake dating thing, so I was good there, Alice and I had just made out like three times the past week or so. Yeah, I was good, no teenaged fatherhood for me, whew.

But, wait, if I didn't knock up Alice, Bella, or Rose than… "You fucked Bella or you fucked Alice, you fucker!" I spat at Edward, a little mad he had sex with either of them, and more pissed he didn't use his head and take some precautions.

"Dude! I haven't fucked anyone... yet." Edward shot back , which made me realize my cousin was a virgin. Not that it was shocking since he was dating his laptop when I moved in, but still not something you see often.

"So you and Alice never…" I trailed off letting him get the idea, because I couldn't ask it.

"No we kissed, and made out like twice maybe." Edward replied and I believed him.

"Bella and you haven't had sex either?" I asked wanting to cover all my bases.

"No, church tongue, that is all." Edward said and I felt he was telling the truth.

"Rose?" I asked just to be really sure I didn't need to get him a car seat as an early Fathers Day present.

"Dear God, don't even joke about that. I don't know if Rose or Em would kick my ass worse." Edward replied and laughed a little, a very little bit.

"You and Bella never…" Edward asked needing to hear my answers to the same questions I asked him.

"No you saw how far we have gone." I replied knowing he would accept my answer.

"You and Alice haven't had sex?" Edward asked.

"No, we have made out with more than church tongue, I will admit since we are being honest, but that is all Cuz, I swear. And no to Rose before you even ask." I answered and chanced a glance at Edward and saw that he looked happy.

"If neither of us have had sex with Alice or Bella, then the test has to be Rose's. As much as I am dreading this, I think we need to go talk to Emmett." Edward said.

Oh great, the Incredible Hulk of a man, who seemed to blame me for his sisters actions was going to be the man I told was a proud baby daddy. Yeah, I hoped today was a good day to die because I didn't see myself living long enough to explain to Emmett that we think the test is Rose's and we didn't have sex with Alice or Bella. It took forever to just explain that to my cousin and he liked me. Fuck my life.

Edward left the bathroom while I mentally went over my last will and testament in my head. By the time I was finished Edward returned with a plastic bag and gloves. He put on the gloves, picked up the test and put it in the bag.

"Now it's less gross." He explained as he removed the gloves and threw them in the trash bags we had collected. Edward carried the pregnancy test and I got the trash we dropped off outside before hitting the path to the Swans.

Off to see the Wizard I guess.

**Emmetts POV**

A nice relaxing afternoon just me and the Wii hanging out getting our tennis on. The girls were all out shopping or something, they were out together having safe fun, and that is all that mattered. This is how life was supposed to be; calm, relaxing, drama free. I enjoyed these moments because around here they were few and far between.

I was channeling my inner Federer when I heard the doorbell. Damn, double fault on my serve. I got up and made my way to the front door. "What?" I asked as I swung it open.

I'm now convinced my doorway is the gateway to hell, and I was never opening it again. Weeks ago I open the same door to find my drunken sister frolicking naked in the front yard being chased by Jazzhands. This time I'm greeted with the sight of Jazzhands and Edward Cullen, the boy my sister claims she is now dating, standing in my doorway with his arm outstretched and holding a baggy. At this point in time I wished the baggy had pot, even coke, but not a positive pregnancy test. Fuck my life; I am going to be an uncle before I turn twenty.

"Edward, I like your parents, they're cool as hell, and I'm too pretty for prison for murdering your ass, so you have one minute to explain this to me before I kill you." I said calmly, and I really don't think I was joking, but right now my brain wasn't working, so I'm not too sure of anything.

"The Short, please-don't-fucking-kill-me version is that I found the test in my downstairs bathroom today. Only the girls used that bathroom last night." Edward paused to be sure I was following along. I nodded my head for him to continue, I wasn't a genius but I was following along with where this was going. "Jasper and I talked. Neither of us have EVER had sex with Alice or Bella, so we're thinking it is Rose's." Edward explained quickly, really putting the emphasis on the 'ever.'

"So, you think Rose is pregnant?" I asked my heart might have stopped along with my brain for a few moments as well. I think one or both of the two jackasses in my doorway answered me, but I didn't really hear them.

Rose and I had talked about kids someday, when we were married and had established careers. I don't think either of us planned on being parents before we graduated college more than we already were, we had already had a drunken teenager to deal with. But don't get me wrong, Rose is my forever; she is the only girl who gets me. Rose doesn't just put up with my shit she understands and hell she has helped me practically raise Bella ,so I know she will be an amazing mom when the time comes.

No, Rose couldn't be pregnant because she would tell me first, I was sure of it. We were open and honest with each other, hell we had been together for years and practically lived together.

But if it wasn't Rose's test then that means it was either Bella or Alice's. I didn't want to think about it, Bella was my sister and Alice was practically the same, and the thought of one of the two dumb asses in front of me knocking them up in high school was enough to have me seeing red.

Wait, what if it wasn't Jasper or Edward's kid?

"Boys come inside we need to talk." I told them and went to the bar in the living room. I needed a drink to calm my nerves and deal with this shit.

**BPOV**

"The sale today was amazing!" Rosalie exclaimed as I juggled my shopping bags to let the three of us in the front door so we could play with our new clothes.

"I know, I can't believe I got that Coach purse for almost half off!" Alice agreed, just as happily as we walked into the living room where Edward, Jasper, and Emmett sat quietly on the couch. The T.V was off, and they weren't even talking, something was wrong.

"Em?" I asked, setting my bags on the floor, looking at Alice and Rosalie who were equally as worried.

"What's going on?" Rose asked, as she and Alice both set their bags down as well.

"Why don't you guys tell us?" Emmett asked, finally looking up for the first time.

Okay, this was really scary.

"What are you talking about?" Alice asked, nervously.

"Did you guys buy baby stuff on your shopping trip?" He asked, Edward and Jasper seemed like they were choosing the silent road, which was probably smart, because this didn't sound like it was going to go well.

"Baby stuff, what the fuck are you talking about? Did one of you guys knock someone up?" I asked, looking between the three.

"Well, somebody did." Edward mumbled. Which made my eyes bulge out of my head.

"Wh-" Alice began, until Emmett held out a plastic bag with a positive pregnancy test. Everyone was silent for a minute, I think trying to figure out whose it could be.

I turned to Alice, "You had sex with them?" I asked, pointing to the boys.

"Bells! You know I'm a virgin!" she defended, which seemed to relax Rosalie, a little bit. "You had sex with them?" she mirrored my question. Holy fucking awkward with Emmett right here. I could feel his eyes burning into me.

"No, and I have my period!" I shot back, crossing my arms over my chest as we both turned to Rosalie. "Am I going to be an auntie?" I asked her, and then took a giant step back because it looked like she was about to slap the makeup off of me.

"Of course not, Emmett and I always use condoms! We have to raise you; we don't need a baby to throw into the mix." She snapped, and walked over to Emmett, "Baby, I would tell you, we already talked about waiting." She told him, sitting on his lap.

"So then, whose is it?" I asked, confused.

"Well, there's still a possibility." Emmett said, looking at me, everyone was looking at me. And then in dawned on me, Jake. I didn't think I was pregnant, we always used condoms, and if we were drunk and forgot, I was on the pill, so I couldn't possibly be pregnant.

"You think I... with Jake? Damn it Em, do you need to see my bloody tampon to believe me?" I asked him, a little hurt that he didn't have more faith in me. Where was my fucking flask? And maybe three cigarettes.

I noticed all the guys in the room cringed at my offer to prove I wasn't knocked up to my moron brother. "Well, you did throw up an awful lot that night, and you were crying, and you haven't been eating much..." he trailed off, looking as hurt as I felt.

"I was wasted Em!" I insisted. What. The. Fuck. "That explains both the crying and the puking. And I haven't been eating much because my tongue still fucking hurts!" I was getting really angry now.

"B, calm down." Cullen said softly. Fuck that.

"No." I told him, and walked closer to Emmett. "Em, you think I'd make that mistake? While I'm in high school? Do you really think I'm Renee?" I asked, he began to say something, but I kept going. "Well, for your information, I use condoms, and I've been on the pill since I was fourteen." I huffed.

"Fourteen?" Emmett asked.

"It's true, I took her." Rosalie told him, backing me up, finally.

"Fuck my life." Emmett groaned, putting his head in his hands.

"Asshole, it was to regulate my periods." I sighed, laughing in relief, feeling better that he seemed to forgive me.

"Okay, so none of us are pregnant, but there's still a positive pregnancy test." Alice stated.

"The caterers were there when we arrived." Cullen reminded us all.

"Yeah, I bet one of those slutty catering whores got knocked up at a party and chose the Cullen's bathroom as the place to take her test." I decided I liked that idea, a lot.

**Edwards POV**

"Let's take this test back to my house. Dad can call the company and file a complaint or something. We have tons of leftovers if anyone is hungry?" I offered hoping maybe some food would calm the moods around us.

"Sounds good, that food last night was awesome!" Emmett said before turning to B "Sorry sis, didn't mean to imply anything, I'm an ass, I know." he added, hugging her.

"It's cool Em, but just ask me and I'll tell you. You know I'm always honest with you." Bella replied and I felt a twinge of hurt. I wasn't sure if it was because I felt like we were lying to Em with the whole fake dating idea, or if it was because she used to always be honest with me too.

I carried the pregnancy test back towards my house when Bella broke the silence. "Cullen what is with you carrying that damn thing around like that?" She asked.

"I don't know I feel like it's my Precious." I said in my best Gollum voice. Everyone looked at me. Yeah I know it's weird to refer to a stick with some stranger's pee on it as your Precious, but I was happy none of us or the girls were having babies so it felt, I don't know, special to me. "No one else has seen Lord of the Rings?" I asked since no one got my joke, people rarely did.

"Is that the movie with the two gay guys on the mountain with their little gimp thing?" Bella asked.

"Yeah baby, that's Lord of the Brokeback Mountain." I replied and gave her a little hip bump. Bella smiled, which was nice. She might not get all my jokes but she seemed to get me and that was enough.

We all walked into the kitchen and got started on getting lunch ready. I pulled the food out of the fridge, Bella took it from me and warmed it up in either the stove or microwave, Alice got utensils to serve with while Jasper got plates and cutlery for everyone. We moved and worked as one unit and it felt nice, it felt right.

"Damn, I think this is even better the next day." Emmett added as we were all sitting around the island picking at various dishes.

"Having that in the middle of the table is kind of freaking me out." Bella admitted pointing to the test, making a disgusted face. The girl has no shame in not only admitting she was on her period, but offering to show her brother her used tampon, but a pregnancy test in a plastic bag gave her the willies, odd girl.

"Calm down Bella, I just don't want to lose it. It's evidence." I explained.

"Evidence some skank couldn't have her lover wear a condom, wasn't smart enough to be on the pill, or to take Plan B the next day if it came to it." Alice replied, suddenly with a wealth of contraceptive information.

Everyone started laughing and continued eating and making jokes. I think everyone was happy to let the tension and anxiety from earlier melt away.

"So Jasper, any thoughts on why type of car you want to get?" I asked knowing Mom and Dad wanted to get him his own wheels and it made sense. I liked my cousin but I did not want to be his chauffeur forever.

"Honestly no, I don't have a clue." Jasper replied looking a little defeated.

"What kind of cars do you like?" Alice asked reaching over and giving his hand a squeeze. I know that should probably bother me on some level but since I had been holding Bella's hand since we sat down it didn't, we had to keep up the pretense in front of Emmett and Rose.

"I know a guy Eric at my old school had this old Camaro he had fixed up, and it looked awesome." Jasper said.

"A guy had his old Camaro in the shop getting new tires few weeks ago, he said something about selling it. It looked beautiful and since it was a show car it was in great shape. I can give him a call and see if he still has it," Rose offered. I think that was the most she has ever said to Jasper at a time.

"That would be cool Rose, thank you." Jasper replied. That one always had the manners.

"No problems, since you're practically family," Rose said as she leaned over and nudged Alice with her shoulder causing Alice and Jasper to blush.

We finished lunch and just cleaned up our mess and were sitting around the kitchen island just chatting when Mom walked in. She looked from the pregnancy test to me, from the test to Jasper, from the test to Bella and she continued until she had completed it with the rest of the group, with a look of horror on her face the whole time, wonderful. Great we get to once again explain that none of us are going to be teen parents.

"Mom, breathe!" I ordered her when I noticed she hadn't inhaled any oxygen in the last few moments.

"Where did you get this test Edward?" Mom demanded.

"It's not any of ours. We found it in the bathroom while cleaning up. We figure it must be one of the catering companies' peoples." I explained.

"It doesn't belong to anyone at the catering company, Edward." Mom spat at me, clearly pissed.

"Mom, I swear none of us are pregnant nor have impregnated anyone, depending on gender." I said trying to make a little bit of joke, but Mom was mad.

"Of course not Edward!" Mom replied with the anger gone from her face, but now she looked sad.

"Then why are you getting so upset Mom?" I asked.

"Because this is not how I wanted you to find out about your little brother or sister." Mom replied with a slight smile.

I knew somewhere in the deep, deep, dark heavily buried part of my brain that my parents had sex. I didn't want to admit it, but I acknowledged the physical act was possible between them and might have occurred on occasion. What I did not realize was that my parents could still make babies. I figured once you reached a certain age your baby makers stop working, were removed, or just retired quietly to a nice condo in Florida like my Nana Cullen.

"Congratulations Esme!" Alice squealed and ran and hugged my mom. Bella and Rose soon joined the estrogen party and had one big group hug, it was kind of touching.

Maybe I watch too much TV or just have never been around a real human baby in my life, but I kept picturing my Mom giving birth to Stewie from Family Guy in a few months. Stewie Cullen would hate Mom and try to kill her, so I of course would have to counter plot against him to keep our Mother alive. What happened when I went to college and no one was around to defend Mom from Stewie Cullen?

Suddenly I couldn't breathe and the room with getting dark. Everyone's voice started sounded farther away like they were talking through a tunnel; eventually all I saw was black.

I heard voices; they seemed to be my Mom and Dad. Hopefully they would wake me up and tell me what just happened was some crazy fever dream brought on by bad burritos or something. Anything would be a better explanation than I was going to be a big brother soon.

"Esme that is wonderful news, but why is Edward passed out on the sofa?" My dad asked.

"He found the test while I was at the doctors getting confirmation. He didn't take the news so well. He kept muttering something about 'Stewie Cullen' and then fainted. Luckily Jasper caught him before he hit the floor, and he and Emmett put him on the sofa." Mom explained.

Fuck it wasn't a dream.

"He fainted like a little girl." Jasper teased. The ass didn't even know I was awake and was giving me shit.

"He didn't faint, he passed out." Bella defended me. Thank you, at least someone was on my side.

"Yeah, I passed out, it sounds less dandy then fainting." I replied, surprising everyone as I opened my eyes.

"Edward, honey, I'm so sorry you found out like this. I didn't think anyone would find the test before I got back from the doctor's office and knew for sure." Mom said with tears in her eyes.

"It's okay Mom, it was just shocking news, that's all. But I'm happy for you and Dad, really congratulations." I said and meant it. My parents were awesome and I was already sharing them with Jasper, so what was another one? they always had plenty of love to go around.

"Come on! I say we go out to dinner and something fun maybe karaoke or something, my treat." Emmett offered. I think he was glad we finally solved the mystery of the pregnancy test once and for all. Great we were turning into the fucking Scooby Doo gang.

"Sounds good." Rose said.

"I am craving Hibachi!" Alice added.

"Oh, hibachi sounds good." Jasper chimed in.

"You really okay with this Cullen?" Bella asked as she helped me up off the couch.

"Yeah B, I think it'll be great and thanks for having my back." I said as I gave her a kiss. Yes, it wasn't just for our cover, it was because I was a selfish bastard and wanted to kiss her.

"No problem." she replied with another smile, I missed her smiles she didn't seem to smile often enough. I would have to make it my mission to get her to smile more.

**APOV**

Hibachi! Yum! Today was a good day, none of us girls were pregnant, Esme was pregnant! We were eating Hibachi, and, this fake dating idea was working out wonderfully.

Jasper and I had spent a lot of time together, we had even kissed a few times, which I felt really bad for because Edward was the guy I was dating, and Bella was my best friend who was really dating Jasper. But then I would look and those two together, and the way they orbited around each other, and were obviously the missing pieces they both needed, I didn't feel as bad, still a little bad, but not as bad.

"I can't believe there's going to be a little baby Cullen this time next year!" I announced to the oddly quiet car. I was sitting in the front of the Volvo next to Edward, who was driving, and Bella and Jasper were sitting in the back, she was leaning her head on his shoulder, but they weren't talking.

"Can we not think about my mom being pregnant for right now?" Edward asked, winking at me, I smiled back, but his wink definitely didn't have the same effect that Jasper's wink had.

"Bells, you okay?" I asked her, she seemed to be off in another world, staring at the back of Edward's head. She was so obvious.

She seemed to jump out of her trance, and looked at me with a lost look on her face, "No, I'm fine, just thinking." she smiled at me, and kissed Jasper on the cheek as Edward pulled into the Bonsai Garden's parking lot, and found an empty spot. It didn't seem too busy tonight, which was good. Just as we got out of the car, Emmett's jeep pulled into the spot a few spaces down, so I gladly walked over to Jasper and grabbed his hand, we looked at each other and smiled. I turned to look to see Edward wrap his arm around Bella's waist and kiss the top of her head. I should have felt jealous, but I couldn't help but smile, they looked so right together.

"I cannot wait to have some Sake!" Bella said excitedly as we entered the front doors, and I swear, if looks could kill, Bella would have dropped dead from the look Emmett was giving her. "Oh stop, I'm not trying to get wasted, but you know what they say "no Sake no happy!" and you don't want me to be no happy, do you big brother?" she pouted, pushing out her bottom lip.

Emmett groaned, but didn't say anything; he turned his attention to the woman who was leading us over to a grill. He and Rosalie slid in first, followed by Bella and Edward, and then Jasper and I. After the cute little waitress took our orders, Rosalie, ever so blunt, started the conversation, "So we all dodged the bullet huh?" she chuckled, and Emmett smirked and shook his head at her.

"Thank god." he said, still narrowing his eyes at the boys, which made me giggle.

"I'm so happy for Esme though!" I said excitedly, clapping my hands together, I couldn't wait until she had her baby shower and we could go shopping for cute, tiny little, outfits.

"I know, that's so awesome." Jasper agreed, and we all turned to Edward, who looked pale again.

"I'm fine with it," he grumbled blushing a little, "I just kind of freaked out for a second back there, that's all." he shrugged, taking a sip of his water.

"Aww baby, it's okay." Bella teased, giggling as her shoulder bumped him, and he smiled up at her.

"All right, you guys need to fucking come clean already, I'm not buying this partner swap thing." Emmett bellowed, calling us out.

"Whatever are you talking about?" Bella asked innocently, cuddling up to Edward's side.

"Cut the shit B, what happened to our honesty pact?" Emmett asked her, clearly unhappy.

"How much more honest can this get?" she asked, grabbing Edward's face and kissing him, again. I looked at Jasper who had turned away from his kissing cousin, and I put my hand on the back of his neck and pulled him down to me, kissing him. Those two didn't get to have all the fun.

"All right. Fuck. I want to fucking eat, god damnit." Emmett whined, causing us all to laugh, and stop kissing, for now.

The chef came over and grilled our food, and gave us a lot of sake, so everyone was happy, even Emmett. "So, we should totally do something after we eat." I said in between bites of my chicken hibachi, words could not describe how much I loved Hibachi, not only was the food amazing, but the atmosphere was great too, and the chef's were always so fun, and they each had their own unique way of cooking the food and making it fun. My favorite was the volcano made out of onion. The fire was a little scary but I just snuggled closer to Jasper when the flame flared over the cooking surface.

"I agree, I'm not ready to go back home." Edward admitted as Bella fed him a piece of her shrimp. Sometimes I thought that they forgot they weren't really dating, either that or they were making me rethink my acting skills.

"Okay, so we're all down to do something, but what should we do? Anywhere we won't run into kids from school, I don't want to chance another run in with Whoren and Jessislut." Bella said taking a sip of her water.

"Let's go to a club! I want to go dancing." Rosalie suggested in between bites, the boys and Bella collectively groaned, they were all such fun suckers.

"I've got it!" Emmett beamed, his dimples big on his face, "Let's go to a karaoke bar!"

"Hell yeah!" Bella agreed, laughing,

"Do you kids have your Jenks' Id's?" Emmett asked which made me giggle, he hated Jenks and all of his fake I.d's, aside from the two he and Rosalie had, of course.

"Oh Emmett, you know better than to ask us that." I smiled at him, both Bella and I laughed.

"All right, sounds awesome!" Emmett boomed, excitedly.

We finished the rest of our dinners pretty quickly; everyone seemed excited to do something different, and fun. We were sure in for a night full of laughs. I already had a few thoughts brewing in my mind, I could barely sit still. I felt Jasper's hand rest on my knee, and that helped me stop bouncing, but I was still excited, there was no stopping that.

Once Emmett paid for the dinner, on Renee's card of course, but none of us argued, we made our way outside.

"See you guys at Karaoke!" Emmett yelled as he and Rosalie jumped into his jeep. I climbed in the back next to Jasper, gladly taking his hand, and Bella took the front seat with Edward.

Tonight was going to be so much fun!

**Emmetts POV**

I was not buying this whole couple swap thing, at all. Sure Bella told me she liked Edward when she was drunk and puking, but she had also told me she was done with Jake at least a dozen times before she actually was, so I was taking a more wait and see approach. I liked Edward, I really did, he was a nice guy and honestly Bella seemed happier lately then she had been in years. She seemed to smile more, and drink less. Hell, I don't think I had seen her flask in awhile and the best part was- no more public nudity. I liked the no more public nudity part of her the best, I didn't think my heart could take it anymore, or my libido.

"Come on B, let's go pick us out a song to do as a duo to get this party started!" I said and threw an arm my sister, leading her inside The Broken Fiddle.

"Sure Em, how about we do 'I got you babe?'" Bella suggested.

"Nah, I need something old school." I replied.

"You don't get much older than Sonny and Cher." Bella commented, mumbling something at the end that sounded like 'except for Winnie,' But I didn't say anything, because I agreed.

"Come on let's go look through the book. You guys find us a table, Rose order me a beer please babe?" I asked.

"Sure." Rose said and gave me a kiss before we were off. We walked on stage and flipped through the song selection book, coming across a few good ideas.

"How about we sing 'Just the Two of Us'?" I suggested.

"That's more a father and son kind of song Em, damn, you'd think you would listen to a song before you selected it." Bella said giving my arm a punch. Sometimes I regretted teaching her how to properly hit with force.

"I got it B, the perfect song." I pointed and she nodded.

"Okay but we need to cut out the high note parts, I can't hit those." Bella admitted, and she was right, that girl was okay with normal singing, but if she tried to hit a high note, stay away from glass. We game planned on how to cut out some of the more singing parts of the song and just decided to either say another chorus instead or repeat a previous verse.

The emcee, Mack, took the stage and announced we were up next. We came out on the stage and the music started so I started off with the first line, throwing in some old school dance moves for good measure.

_Anything you can do,__  
__I can do better._

Bella did her part, also adding some of her own old school dance moves, neither of us could dance, and it was probably pretty clear.

_I can do anything__  
__Better than you__._

We kept going back and forth singing the silly song, and doing ridiculous dance moves. I had chuckle to myself when I sang:

_I can drink my liquor__  
__Faster than a flicker_.

Because Bella's part was.

_I can drink it quicker__  
__And get even sicker!  
_We finished the song to a thunder of applause and cat calls, most of which came from our table, but still it felt good to just have fun with my sister and our friends.

"You were great babe!" Rose said as we got back to the table, and rewarded me with a kiss. I was hoping to get rewarded with more, but that would have to wait until we were home later.

"You guys were both good." Edward said and gave Bella a kiss. He kept it PG this time, and for that I would allow him the pleasure of living a little longer.

"I have the best idea EVER!" Alice shrieked. Surely the girl realized at a certain decibel level she was talking to dogs and not humans any longer, right?

"What's this great idea darling?" Jasper asked while trying to clear the ringing out of his ears.

"A boys versus girls karaoke off." Alice explained.

"Sounds cool, but how are we going to judge it? and what does the winning side get?" I asked, always up for some healthy competition. I was interested but wanted to hear the terms before I agreed.

"Audience applause determines the winners. We go girls, then boys singing, since ladies go first. Winning team gets to pick a song for the whole losing team to perform." Alice explained. "but we'll wait until after everyone has had a chance to get up there alone."

Everyone nodded their heads in agreement. Seemed like a nice friendly game and besides if we lost worst case scenario us guys would be up there singing 'All The Single Ladies' or something equally dumb to try and embarrass us.

"Game on girls game on." I said and huddled with the boys over at our own table nearby.

We were discussing song choose strategy. We all needed to pick something unique and make it our own but also something most people at the karaoke bar had heard. Alice and Bella came back for discussing our plans with Mack who seemed cool with the idea since he gave us the thumbs up sign.

"Good luck Cullen." Bella said and she sat in Edward's lap and gave him a kiss. My sister was a traitor trying to take out one of my guys with her feminine wiles. Well she did learn winning from the best, me.

**RPOV**

"All right guys, I'm going next, I already know which song I'm doing." I grinned, kissing Emmett, and making my way on stage. I heard some cat calls as I spoke quickly to the emcee, who thought my song choice was a perfect idea. Duh, it would work perfectly for me, Emmett was going to die.

I walked to the center of the stage, and grabbed the mike, tapping my foot to the beat, and swaying my hips seductively as the music started. Once the crowd recognized the song, they all began bobbing their heads, and making cat calls. Emmett, Bella and Alice were the loudest three of course.

I winked at them, and the words came on, and I began singing:

_Love is like a bomb  
baby come on get it on  
livin' like a lover  
with a radar phone_

I swung my hips back and forth as I busted out some sexy dance moves as Def Leppard poured out from the speakers.

_Sometime, anytime  
sugar me sweet  
little miss ah innocent  
sugar me, ya_

I continued to dance around the stage, keeping my eyes on Emmett the entire time, pretending it was just the two of us in the room, preparing for the chorus:

_pour some sugar on me,  
ooh, in the name of love  
pour some sugar on me,  
c'mon, fire me up_

I continued dancing around, and pumped out some sexy moves as the song came to a close

_Pour some sugar on me,  
get it, come get it  
pour your sugar on me,  
ooh._

I smiled widely and winked at Emmett as the music came to a stop, the entire audience applauded, and whistled their approval at me, I thanked Mack and made my way back to the table.

"Holy shit Rose." Bella said, smiling at me from her spot on Edward's lap, she probably wasn't smiling about my performance, from what she had told me about walking in on Edward changing; he was packing some heat in that area.

"Seriously." Jasper agreed, nodding.

"You were so fucking hot!" Emmett boomed, wrapping his arm around me and giving me a kiss.

**Jaspers POV**

"Paper, rock, scissors to see who has the follow my blonde bombshell." Emmett suggested since none of really wanted to follow Rose. Em picked paper; Edward picked paper; and stuck me, I picked rock. Damn, I lost.

"What should I sing?" I asked clearly having no idea how I got talked into this stupid karaoke contest, oh that's right, Alice suggested it.

"Achy Breaky Heart?" Em suggested, I just hung my head.

"God Bless Texas?" Edwards suggested, and I considered it but was afraid no one had heard of it.

"I'll just go look through the catalog." I said.

It took me a few minutes to find the song I wanted. Sure it was a popular band, but wasn't a huge song of theirs but I liked it and it seemed to fit how I was feeling. I let Mack know the song and took the stage.

The drums set a nice tempo and I tapped my foot with the beat as the guitar kicked in.

_Walking off that stage tonight__  
__I know what you're thinking__  
__He stands alone because he's high on himself__  
__But if you only knew.._

I sang and tried not to butcher Fall Out Boy's 'Pretty in Punk'. I couldn't help glance at the girl's table when I sang.

_I was terrified and would you mind if I__  
__sat next to you and watched you smile__  
__So many kids but I only see you__  
__And I don't think you notice me_

I noticed as I completed the lines I wasn't looking at the girls. I was looking at Alice. I finished the song since it was mostly a chorus repeating the same line over and over and ducked off the stage, before the applause started. I did notice Alice standing and cheering louder then anyone and that made me smile.

**APOV**

So, Jazzy did amazing, and I couldn't help but think he was singing to me, I glanced over at Bella and Edward to see if they had noticed it, but they were too busy in their "relationship" mode to notice anyone else.

"Bells, it's down to me or you, babe." I told her, breaking her Edward induced trance.

"I was just up there with Em, you can go." she smiled at me, and I think she just wanted to stay in Edward's lap. But I didn't mind, I already had a song in mind, and I was pretty sure everyone knew it, I mean, it was Joan Jett, who hasn't heard at least a part of her songs?

"Okay, I have a good idea of the song I want anyways." I grinned, kissing Jazzy, more because I wanted to than for show, but it was for good luck. I hopped off my seat and made my way up to Mack, I told him what I wanted and he grinned, but looked a little skeptical, I didn't think he thought tiny ol' me could come close to Joan Jett's voice. Granted I wasn't the greatest singer ever, but when you're an actor, you have to be the jack of all trades, so I knew what I was doing.

As I walked to the center of the stage, I loosened out my lips, and mentally prepared myself. When the music started, immediately the crowd knew which song I had chosen, and they all began to sing along, I looked over at my table and they were all cheering me on. I was a little nervous because neither Edward or Jasper had heard me sing before, but it was now or never.

_I saw him dancin' there  
by the record machine  
I knew he musta been  
about seventeen_

I belted out the lyrics, causing an uproar in the crowd, and even Mack, I couldn't help but giggle a little, that's the thing about being so tiny, no one expected me to be able to have anything but a tiny voice. I danced around stage, getting pretty into it.

_Singin' I love Rock n' Roll  
So put another dime in  
the jukebox, baby  
I love Rock n' Roll  
some come an' take your time  
and dance with me_

I danced around the stage, totally getting lost in the song, when the music stopped, it took me a few seconds to realize that I had completely jammed out to the entire song. I flushed from embarrassment a little bit, but that quickly faded away with all of the applause and cheering coming from the audience. I handed Mack the microphone and made my way back to the table.

"Tiny! You're voice is awesome!" Emmett boomed messing up my hair, I would normally have given him hell for that, but I was still pumped with adrenaline.

"You were amazing." Jazzy whispered into my ear as he wrapped his arms around me, and I couldn't stop the smile from spreading across my face. Everything was perfect.

**Emmett POV**

"I got this one Edward." I said and made my way to the stage. Yeah, I noticed this song when Bella and I looked through the catalog earlier. It has a nice beat plus it had my nickname in it, and I totally dug Asher Roth. I went over and shared my song choice with Mack. He laughed, I guess it wasn't his favorite style of music.

I took the stage and waited for the song to start. The bass kicked on the opening notes and it rattled my bones a little. Damn those were some good monitors at the edge of the stage then.

I let the backing vocals of the songs cover Chester's part.

_Take me as I am my friend__  
__aint gon change, wont be no end__  
__rock these songs, rock these shows__  
__only good life I know_

Then I jumped in:

_I was in 7th grade when I heard the slim shady LP__  
__Ya my mom brought it down when I was ironing, Irony__  
__Getting out the wrinkles, Just a little kid in middle school_

I moved with the lyrics channeling my inner white boy rapper, which wasn't hard, I rocked rap music.

_Ya I wish I could agree, but I've already had enough__  
__I've already given up, from playin the same game__  
__Every interview, feel like I'm sayin the same thang__  
__Like Em was great, ya he paved the way for me__  
__He was inspiration for everybody from a to z_

I admit it was hard to keep the rhyme and flow of the words coming from my mouth while moving around the stage trying to live up to the stage presence of those who performed before me. But I did my best.

_So long to all the blogs, could swore they knew me__  
__If you have no further questions I cant think of other thoughts__  
__Then id like to introduce you to Asher Paul Roth_

I stood when the song ended in the middle of the stage with my arms crossed over my chest giving my best bad ass scowl. As soon as I exited the stage Rose jumped on me and wrapped her legs around me. My hands quickly found their home, on her ass. We might have went a bit beyond PG with our enthusiastic display, but we kept it at a good solid R rating.

"Em you rocked babe!" Rose said when she finally peeled her lips from mine and stood on her own two feet.

"Yeah Em, you did great. Guess it's my turn now" Bella said and gave me a quick hug.

Edward pulled her down and whispered something in her ear. It made her smile and that made me happy, but I hoped it wasn't dirty. Yes, I was a hypocrite, I could make out with my girlfriend in front of anyone but he had to keep it clean. You know why? because his girlfriend is my sister and that shit just isn't cool.

**Edwards POV**

"You'll do great beautiful." I whispered in Bella's ear before she left to go pick out her song.

Emmett was giving me the evil eye and I was a little wary of him, but Jasper seemed too wrapped up with Alice, who was literally wrapped in his arms in his lap, so I seemed safe. I watched Bella as she looked through the catalog; she was biting her lip so I knew she was having trouble picking the perfect song. I had an idea of a few songs I wanted to do, but would wait and choose after Bella performed.

"It is rude to stare Edward." Rose reminded me and I tried to pull my attention away from Bella, but it was hard. I thought I heard Emmett growled at me, of course, it could have been his stomach since he hadn't eaten in the past hour.

"Why don't I order us all some nachos to snack on?" I suggested knowing food would distract Emmett and with that him nor his belly could growl at me if he was eating nachos. I got up and placed the order with Joy who quickly filled it.

I was walking back to the table with when I was assaulted by the opening chords to my favorite Weezer song.

_Somebody's Heine' is crowdin' my icebox  
Somebody's cold one is givin' me chills  
Guess I'll just close my eyes_

I couldn't help myself I was rocking along to the music and amazed by the little songstress on stage. I admit, she didn't have perfect pitch, but she rocked on this song and made it her own.

_Flip on the tele'  
Wrestle with Jimmy  
Something is bubbling_  
_Behind my back  
The bottle is ready to blow_

_Say it ain't so  
Your drug is a heart breaker__  
Say it ain't so  
My love is a life taker_

I swear Bella looked right at me as she sang the last verse and it made me a little nervous, or excited, or both, yes, definitely both.

_I can't confront you  
I never could do  
That which might hurt you  
So try and be cool  
When I say  
This way is a waterslide away from me that takes you further every day  
So be cool_

Bella started to wail the last verse and I could see her eyes tear up, I wasn't sure if it was from straining her voice, or because the words that she was singing:

_Dear Daddy,__  
__I write you in spite of years of silence.__  
__You've cleaned up, found Jesus,__  
__things are good or so I hear.__  
__This bottle of Steven's__  
__awakens ancient feelings.__  
__Like father, stepfather, the son is drowning in the flood_

The song ended and the audience went crazy, but Bella was quickly making her way off of the stage, so I rushed to meet her and scooped her up into a big hug.

"Baby, you were wonderful." I whispered in her ear.

"Thanks but you're up next, and I need water, my throat feels like I swallowed sand." Bella said breaking our embrace and heading towards the table. I made my way up towards the song book to pick out the song having a clearer idea of what I wanted to sing now.

**BPOV**

As I got back to the table, no one said anything, Emmett pulled me into a tight hug, and I was grateful. I tried not to think about my dad, and how much his leaving really hurt me, but when I saw the song, I had to do it, I thought I could handle it. Apparently, I was more affected than I thought, and for once, I was glad I wasn't drunk. But I could definitely use a cigarette.

Emmett let me go as an all too familiar Cute is What We Aim For song came blasting through the speakers, I looked up just in time to see Cullen put the microphone up to his lips, and I found myself wishing I was the one he was holding that close.

_I got birds in my ears  
and a devil on my shoulder  
and a phone to the other  
and I can't get a hold of her  
and what's a crush to do?  
And what's a crush to do?  
When you can't get through._

I took my seat, unable to break the trance Cullen had over me, his voice was amazing, smooth, melodic, and calming, he sang it better than the actual group did. I hated whiny emo bands, but he was changing my mind on that point.

_I'm obsessed and stressed  
with this mess  
I can't think of things  
to write down, to type down  
and these fingertips are  
moving faster than these lips_

Cullen sang beautifully into the mic, searching the crowd until his eyes finally found mine and his signature crooked; fucking adorable smile graced his face as he continued:

_Grammatically speaking  
you're adorable  
and from what I hear  
you're quite adorable_

The rest of the song played through, and we didn't break eye contact at all, I felt like he was singing to me, and only me, and I got that jello-ish feeling in my knees again. What was this boy doing to me? I bit my bottom lip as the crowd applauded and he walked back to the table, everyone told him how good he did, I gave him a quick kiss.

"You all right?" he asked, taking my hand in his. I nodded, smiling as I turned to look at Jasper and Alice, who hadn't even noticed me and Edward. I couldn't help but feel bad, sometimes I forgot we weren't really dating, and it made me feel bad for Jasper, and wonder what would happen to our real relationship.

"So, I think it's clear that us girls did wayyyy better than you boys!" Alice chirped, grinning evilly.

"Devil woman." Cullen mumbled under his breath, which of course made me burst out into a fit of giggles, which I did my best to hide by nuzzling my face into his chest.

"Ya, ya." Emmett grumbled, never a happy loser, "So what do you intend on torturing us with? 'Single Ladies,' 'Back that ass up,' we're prepared for anything, right boys?" he bellowed, chuckling.

"Nope." Alice said simply, popping the 'p,' I couldn't help but giggle again; she was going to drag this out, just to torture them.

"Damn Alice," Emmett said, frustrated, "tell us, or we're not doing it."

"You are such a petulant child sometimes." I informed my oaf of a brother, rolling my eyes.

"Well, damnit B." he grumbled.

"Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody.'" Alice said, ending his temper tantrum.

"damnit, You have a heart of stone." Cullen sighed, shaking his head, which made everyone laugh.

"Have fun!" I called to them, squeezing Edward's hand before we let go and the boys made their way up on the stage, and told Mack what they were performing, and Mack laughed his ass off as he handed them three microphones.

Emmett was front and center, and Edward and Jasper were on either side of him, pushed back a little bit. The three of them all began at once:

_Is this the real life?  
Or is this just fantasy?_

They all started moving around in different directions, each doing different things. Jasper was shaking his hips awkwardly, Edward was bobbing his head, and Emmett was raising the roof. It was hilarious, I looked at Rose and Alice who were cracking up, and I turned back to the stage, laughing myself, not wanting to miss anything.

_I'm just a poor boy  
I need no sympathy  
Because I'm easy come, easy go  
Little high, little low  
any way the wind blows,  
doesn't really matter to me_

Emmett was belting out the high notes, and let me tell you, it was god awful, but it was fucking hilarious. Edward and Jasper were doing some weird ass dancing in the background, they had the entire crowd laughing, my stomach hurt from laughing so hard, but it was like a train wreck, as much as you wanted to look away, you couldn't.

_I see a little silhouetto of a man  
Scaramouch, Scaramouch  
will you do the Fandango_

During the fast part I was laughing so hard I almost fell off my chair, I looked to see that both Rosalie and Alice were gripping the table, presumably holding themselves up. The three boys were doing the 'A Night at The Roxbury' head bob, but extremely fast to keep up with the beat. It was fucking funny.

The song ended with Emmett on his knees and his arms extended above his head, and Edward and Jasper were each doing their own silly poses. The crowd stood up erupting into applause, all of us girls did catcalls to our men as they bowed and left the stage.

"That was awesome!" Rose laughed as they rejoined us at the table.

"Yeah Em, who knew you could hit those high notes?" I giggled, leaning into Edward's sign, and grimaced as a tiny voice in my brain whispered 'home.'

"You boys were awesome!" Alice agreed, bouncing on her toes.

"So what now? This night is too good to end." Jasper admitted.

"Let's go to the pier, I'm craving a corn dog." Rose said, eyeing me and Alice oddly, I couldn't help but feel like she may have known the truth about this, I wasn't sure.

"Ahh, craving?" Emmett said, "are you sure that test wasn't yours babe?" he asked, and the rest of us collectively groaned, "What, too soon?" he asked, grinning, as we made our way out to the parking lot and to the cars.

Edward drove to the pier, and we were quiet for the drive, not an uncomfortable silence, but more like a content, and relaxed, two, or four, couples driving together somewhere. Yeah, it wasn't awkward at all. Fuck my life. I couldn't help but think this was my fault. When we got to the pier, there was an empty spot next to Emmett's jeep, so Edward pulled in and parked, we climbed out to see Rosalie and my brother eating each others faces in the car. Really? I couldn't date someone, but they could display R rated public displays of affection anytime, anywhere? I groaned and banged on the window, and opened the door.

"Emmett." I said, crossing my arms over my chest, "seriously?"

"Sorry B, do what I say, not what I do." he scolded as the six of us made our way down the pier, towards the corn dog stand.

"So, how's your tongue feeling?" Edward asked me, putting his arm around my waist.

"it's still a little bit sore, but not as much, and I think all the swelling went down." I told him, sticking my tongue out, so he could see it.

"it's really..." he trailed off. "cute, yeah, cute." he decided, I giggled at him as we waited in line for Rosalie and Emmett to get their damn corn dogs.

"Let's go on the Ferris wheel!" Alice squealed, leading us towards the one thing I didn't want to face again, especially not with Cullen, I really wasn't ready for this.

"Uh, I uh, I..." I sputtered, sounding like a giant fucking moron.

"Come on B!" Emmett said, oblivious. Damnit. "You used to talk about how much you loved this thing all the time!" he continued to salt the wounds.

"We don't have to, if you really don't want to." Cullen said quietly, a hurt look on his face. God, motherfucking, damnit. The universe really does hate me.

**Edward POV**

I swear some people hated the Dungeon of Terrors and other lame "scary" rides, but to me right now getting on the Ferris wheel with Bella was terrifying. I was trying to think of a good excuse to make up for me to haul ass to the bathroom. Not sure if I needed to puke or piss more but I was sure I had to expel something from me to prevent doing it on the Ferris wheel with Bella.

Rose and Emmett got on the bucket before us, Bella and I on the next, and Alice and Jazzhands on the last.

They say something's are awkward but I don't know, this just felt beyond that. We sat there silent, in a very awkward uncomfortable depressing silence for a while, it was killing me.

"A penny for your thoughts B?" I asked, since she seemed to be lost in thought looking over the edge of the bucket.

"Even you don't have that many pennies Cullen." Bella replied back without even looking at me. Well this is going great, thanks Rose and Alice for your great fucking ideas.

"I do have a large piggy bank I have been saving for years, so why don't you try me." I snapped back, trying to get something similar to a civil conversation flowing.

"You don't want to know." Bella answered.

"Fuck B, quit locking me out. Just open up and tell me what's going on. Did I do something wrong?" I asked running my fingers through my hair. God, this woman was frustrating the shit out of me.

"Fine you want to know Cullen? are you sure you really want to know?" Bella asked and she turned to look at me, so that was an improvement.

"Please." I practically begged, God I was pathetic.

"Okay but once I unlock the door and let all the crazy out and your brain melts in your skull don't say you weren't warned." she sighed, "I'm so tired of this fake dating bull shit. I'm a selfish bitch and did it because I liked Jasper and then I liked you. Well, no, I guess I liked you, then Jasper, then back to you again, but you get the point. I thought this would make it easier. I could be with both of you, but not really, and everyone would be happy and I wouldn't fuck up our happy little group, but I can't do it anymore, I'm just more conflicted than ever now." Bella said, exasperated, as she broke down.

"So you don't want to pretend to be my girlfriend anymore? You decided you liked Jasper better?" I asked and I might have sounded just a tad like a whiny little bitch, but only a tad.

"No." Bella replied simply.

No? all I get is a damn no?

"No what, Bella?" I asked, slightly confused. Bella inhaled deeply and I tried to calm my heart down. It would not be cool to faint in front of her again.

"No, I don't want to be your fake girlfriend anymore and no I don't like Jasper better. " Bella said and looked me right in the eyes. God she had beautiful eyes.

"So what do you want then Bella?" I asked clearly still confused by this beautiful, nerve racking girl.

"You." Bella said barely above a whisper and before I knew it her lips where on mine.

Her mouth pressed against mine with a fiery passion I had never felt before and I found myself trying to match it so she would know I felt the same way. Yes, I couldn't say it, but I could show her, I would show her. Bella opened her mouth and her tongue swept my bottom lip asking for entrance, and who was I to deny her? I opened my mouth and released my tongue into hers. I instinctively put one hand on her neck and the other on her hip and was rewarded by Bella running her fingers through my hair. I liked when she did that. Kissing Bella like this was against what we told our friends we would do, but damn, it just felt so right, like it was meant to be. Kissing on our Ferris wheel after all these years again, it was fate. We kept the kiss going, deepening it and exploring more of each others mouths with our tongues than I thought humanly possible. I Finally needed to break away for oxygen, stupid being human and needing to breathe.

I looked at Bella and her lips looked slightly puffy and raw from the kiss we had just shared. Did that count as one kiss or kissing? Oh, we would debate that later.

"Whoa that was- you are amazing," I said because we all know I'm smooth like that especially when Bella Swan has once against scrambled by brain.

_**BPOV**_

After we pulled away from the kiss, I couldn't take my eyes off of him, he was perfect in that moment. Everything was perfect in that moment. Everything felt so right, Edward had been my first kiss all those years ago, the first boy to make me cry, the first boy to hold my hand, the first boy to stop my tears, and the first boy I ever liked. He should have been my first for everything.

"B-" he began, but I interrupted him, I had to say what I needed to say now, or I never would.

"Cullen, I'm scared." I admitted, and he looked surprised, "You scare the shit out of me." I told him truthfully. "Why do you think the first time you kissed me in the tree house I hit you? Or how about the second time you tried, right here, on this exact Ferris wheel?" I asked him, he remained silent, knowing he wasn't really supposed to answer. "and I stopped talking to you the day after. Because you make me feel things, and with my family being so fucked up, with my dad," I paused, knowing I had to choke the part about my dad out, "when he left, and Renee started drinking every single day, instead of just five days a week, I was so fucked up, everything was so fucked up." I told him, not even sure if I was making sense, I don't know why I was even opening up, it was that fucking Weezer song, it got me like this every time. "Cullen, you're too good for me, you always have been, me and my life, it's a disaster." I mumbled the end, breaking eye contact with him.

"B," he said softly, pushing my chin up with his hand, "You're not a disaster." he said, truth covering his face, I bit my bottom lip. "I always thought I did something wrong, that I did something to make you hate me." he explained.

"I never hated you, ever. I knew I would hurt you." I told him as he interlaced his fingers with mine. "I just couldn't deal if I ever hurt you."

"I missed my best friend all these years." he said and leaned in, kissing me softly. And while I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I couldn't help but feel like I had still hurt him anyways.

Leave it to Cullen to always forgive me for constantly fucking up.

* * *

Chapter 13 isn't started yet, but reviews=teasers.

Please review thanks.


	13. Blue Balls

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, I do not.

So a bit shorter of a chapter but we got in everything we needed and ended it nicely I think. So Dani is liking the make out scenes I have been writing (ever notice they all are from the guys POV?) and I am glad. What do you the readers think of them ?

* * *

**BPOV**

It had been about a week and a half since Cullen and I had kissed again on the Ferris wheel. School had started this week. And Edward and I had been sneaking around the entire time. I felt horrible. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was amazing being with Edward, and part of the fun was sneaking into janitors closets at school, and sneaking between our houses, never knowing if we were going to get caught, it was kind of hot. And that boy and his tongue, oh. my. God. If he could do such wonderful things to my mouth, I couldn't wait until he did those things to my lady business.

But, I felt bad because of Alice and Jasper. And because we were still lying to Emmett. It was a huge mess, basically a ticking time bomb, and I was waiting for it to explode in my face. Everything was going too good to last for very long, shit always had a way of biting me in the ass in the end.

School had been all right, I had all AP classes, Renee and Emmett were both thrilled, but it was a lot of fucking work, and I hated it. Luckily Edward, Jasper, Alice, Victoria, and Angela were each in a few of my classes, so I always had someone to talk to, and partner up with. It worked out well.

Cheerleading had been awesome, the vice principal Jane, and Headmaster Aro, had both told us that they saw a lot of potential, and they both agreed that if Angela and I kept up the amazing job, we could make it to Nationals, which was fucking awesome. Plus how cool is it that teachers and staff let you call them by their first names?

School had ended for the day, Alice had drama rehearsal, and Rosalie and Carlisle had taken Jasper car shopping. Emmett was taking a late class at UCOC, so I was on my way to Edward's, still wearing my cheerleading uniform because he seemed to really enjoy it, which in turn made things better for me. I made my way into the pool house, not bothering to knock, that was still a bad habit, clearly.

"Cullen?" I called, kicking off my sneakers, and walking towards his room. I rounded the corner, and stood in the doorway, watching him as he played his guitar. He was really good; part of me wondered how I had overlooked everything over the years. The last I knew, Esme was making him take piano lessons.

He looked up, and smiled, putting the guitar pick in between the strings to hold it in place, and set the guitar back on its holder. "Hey beautiful," he crossed the room in two steps, and his lips were on mine as his body pressed mine against the wall.

"Well hello." I laughed when the kiss broke, walking over to his bed, flopping down on my back.

"How was practice?" he asked, sitting beside me, playing with a strand of my hair. Even that sent chills down my spine. Only Cullen could do this to me, make me feel like some giddy little school girl and I fucking ate it up.

"Good, Aro says we may make it to Nationals this year." I told him, happily. He smiled at me, excited for me. Which was new, Jake usually accused me of being a cheerleader to meet guys to fuck.

"That's awesome, B." he grinned, still playing with my hair.

"So, the back to school carnival is this weekend." I told him. He rolled his eyes, from what I remembered, he never went to the carnival in the past, that would change as of now. "I signed you up for the dunk tank." I giggled, "But don't worry, Alice signed Jasper up for the cotton candy booth with her."

"So, you're working the dunk tank with me?" he asked with a grin, "You're going to be dripping wet?" he asked, his eyes glossing over like he was imagining it. I punched his arm, and he winced. Sometimes Cullen was my bitch and I really fucking ate that up.

"No you ass, I'm going to be working the Kissing Booth, like I do every year, with the rest of the cheerleaders." I rolled my eyes at him. Duh.

"The what booth?" he asked, his face growing serious.

But before I could answer him, Jasper and Alice came in.

"Hey guys!" Alice chirped, jumping on the bed, almost in Edward's lap, I looked away quickly as Jasper came to sit on the other side of me, giving me a kiss.

"Hey." I said to his lips, feeling like the worst friend and girlfriend in the world. Awesome.

"Did you pick out a car?" Edward asked him.

**Edward POV**

"Rose helped me get a great deal on an awesome classic Camaro." Jasper explained jiggling his keys at me. I had my Volvo, what the hell would I do with a classic aka old Camaro? Silly cousin, muscle cars are lame, Volvo's are freaking awesome.

Jasper went on about horsepower, torque, and wheel span, I think. I don't speak gear head car guy shit, so I was honestly zoning out. Yeah I had seen _The Fast and the Furious_ movies, which was the extent of my car knowledge. I was so glad Dad and Rose went with him, I would have been able to tell him it looked nice, and that would be pretty damn embarrassing. Not that I wasn't happy for my cousin I was, but Bella mentioned a Kissing Booth she would be working at, I think, and that shit just didn't sit well with me.

I was going through possible ways to either get Bella out of having to work the Kissing Booth or ways to be her only customer. I mean, yeah I could buy an ass load of tickets and then just wait until Bella was working and just sit there exchanging tickets for kissing until her shift was over, but I don't know, that seemed a little stalker-ish to me. Not to mention Bella would likely kick my ass, she was scary when she was wanted to be, and to be honest it was kind of hot. I mean, I'm not into the whole "hit me, whip me, spank me, fuck me" sex, I don't think so anyways, I would have to have it first, but Bella bossing me around was a turn on. I would have to find a way to keep Bella's lips off any random guys, sharing with Jasper was annoying enough right now, without pissing her off. Oh shit, Jasper was looking at me like I needed to say something. Fuck.

"Sounds awesome Jazz, when can we take a ride?" I asked hoping not to make an ass out of myself.

"Now! Come on let's all go cruising'." Jasper replied and looked pretty damn happy. Whew, said the right thing, go Cullen, damn it Bella has me even calling myself that now.

We all left the pool house and went to see Jasper's black Camaro in the driveway. I let out a nice long wolf whistle, to try and keep up the front that I knew what was so damn special about this car. It was older than any of us, but it did look kind of bad ass so that was pretty awesome.

We all piled in and I ended up in back with Alice, who looked like she was glaring at Jasper and Bella, probably upset she was sitting up front when Alice should have been, pretenses and all.

"So how was drama club? Aren't you guys doing _Picasso at the Lapin Agile_ for the winter play?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm going to be Suzanne, who is a more minor role, which will allow me to help assist the director. I swear Taylor doesn't know a shit about staging." Alice explained and I could feel the excitement flowing off of her when she started talking about acting and directing, it really seemed to be her dream.

"Sounds like it'll be great. I know Steve Martin is a genius, so I imagine his play would be entertaining." I added and was excited to see it. Wonder if Bella would go with me?

"Where exactly are we going?" Bella asked and I realized we never selected a destination for this little road trip.

"No idea, I barely know how to get anywhere in Newport." Jasper replied and I suddenly felt pretty damn nervous about his driving. Not that he was a bad driver, I just was starting to freak out being in the back of a car when the driver had no idea where we were headed.

"Let's grab some coffee and some snacks and head back. I know school has just started but AP Geometry is already kicking my ass." I suggested. Okay so maybe it was a lie, but it was only a little lie. I could do the homework in my sleep. I might have just wanted to give us a valid destination or maybe just wanted to get back to the pool house so maybe during breaks from homework I could find a way to kiss Bella more.

Luckily Jasper knew the way to Starbucks so we got our caffeine fix. Bella and I both got Venti White Chocolate Mocha's, Jasper got a black coffee, and Alice got some Chi Tea stuff I wasn't too sure about. I feel few greater things in this world are as perfect or as rewarding as a properly made White Chocolate Mocha. After we got our coffee's, we stopped at Philly Pete's and grabbed some pizzas. Extra meat lovers for Jasper and I, and Spinach, Mushroom, and Garlic for the girls, yum.

We got back to the house and ended up slipping our junk foods quickly and unseen into the pool house and flopped down and started working on homework. Thankfully no one had much, but I did go over notes with Bella on our AP Bio class. It wasn't too much but it gave us a chance to huddle together and get a few stolen kisses from one another while no one was looking.

After a little while, the girls got up to leave and I offered to walk Bella back to her house, while Jasper took Alice home, you know, to keep up appearances. Thank god, I was able to really kissed her on the path between our houses.

"Fuck." I groaned when she sucked on my bottom lip as we parted. God, this woman was driving me insane. My hands roamed her hips as I captured her lips with mine again. Our tongues immediately intertwining, I started pressing my thumbs into her taunt stomach, causing Bella to giggle slightly so I stopped poking and just started rubbing circles with them, which caused her to moan, God Bella making noises like that drove me insane. I had to break the kiss.

"We are going to need to be someplace where we can lie down if this is going to continue," I exclaimed.

"Promise?" Bella asked and I could see the lust dancing in her eyes.

"Yes I want you more than you know, we just can't seem to find enough alone time together." I explained. I mean I REALLY wanted more alone time with Bella, but we just couldn't seem to work out being able to do more than kiss and grope a little, not that it wasn't awesome, but I think we both needed more.

"Maybe we can make an early exit from the Carnival without telling anyone, which should buy us some time." Bella said her devious plan as she placed my hands on her boobs. Fuck, she had awesome boobs.

"Sounds good baby, I'll see you later." I said and gave her one last kiss before heading back to the pool house to dream of my time with Bella after the Carnival.

**APOV**

Tonight was the back to school carnival! I was so excited, Bella and I worked it together every year, she always did the kissing booth, and I usually did the easy things, like games or cotton candy. This year Bella signed Edward up for the dunk tank, which was going to be hilarious, except that he had to work it with Whoren, which I don't think he knows yet. I signed Jazzy up to work with me, I was excited for that.

As I drove up Bella's driveway, I couldn't help but feel bad, Jazzy and I had been sneaking around, a lot, behind her and Edward's back. I felt horrible, she was my best friend, I didn't want to hurt her, and Edward was so sweet, and Jazzy's cousin, I didn't want to cause family tension either. I would tell Bella. Right now. It would be better this way, it'd be out in the open.

As I opened the front door and jogged up to her room, seeing her put the final touches on her cheerleader uniform, a knot twisted in my stomach, I felt horrible, but I knew I couldn't tell her, I wouldn't ruin her time at the carnival. I'd tell her tomorrow. Right, tomorrow sounds good.

"Hey Bells! You look so hot in that cheerleading uniform, I know that's the only reason you don't bitch about wearing it." I giggled as she rolled her eyes, flipping me off in the mirror. "Someone is extra strength bitchy today."

"Renee is making my party out-fucking-rageous." she admitted, grabbing her pack of cigarettes and shoving them in her purse.

"Did you expect anything less?" I asked her, "She does this to you every year."

"I know, and every year I tell her to cut the mother fucking bullshit." Bella was such a classy girl. "But this year she has gone completely over the edge. Do you want to know what the theme is?" I nodded, biting my lip to stop the giggles I thought would for sure be coming when she told me. "Fucking circus themed." she snapped, and I was right, I erupted into a fit of giggles. "Bitch, this is far from funny, I fucking hate clowns, hate them, ill kick him in the junk if he even looks at me!" she insisted, "And what am I, seven?" she huffed.

"You know how Renee is with her themes..." I trailed off, and it was true, for Emmett's birthday, she had done a monster truck theme, and last year for Bella's was a Barbie party. They seemed to get worse every year, it's like Renee's vodka induced brain thought Bella and Emmett were forever eight year olds. I swear sometimes I thought all the alcohol had pickled Renee's brain, and this was one of those times.

"Oh, but don't worry, she has enough alcohol to sedate a fucking elephant though." Bella snapped as we made our way down the stairs, into the kitchen where Emmett, Renee and grandfather Winston were eating lunch. Renee was already sipping on whatever drink of choice she was having for the day, and good ol' Winnie looked like he was having serious problems getting his food transferred from his plate to his mouth, poor guy.

"oh hi Alice!" Renee smiled, hugging me, and kissing both my cheeks. I plastered a fake smile on my face, and did my best not to choke from the scent of alcohol waving off of her.

"Hi Renee." I smiled at her, and looked at Emmett who was rolling his eyes at her, and giving Winston weird sideways glances, he seemed to be a little spooked, I bit back my giggles.

"Where are you girls off to?" she slurred, I heard Bella sigh, she had probably told her already three times today.

"The back to school carnival. The one I help organize every single year." Bella sighed, balling her hands into fists at her sides. Renee really got under her skin.

"Have fun!" Renee smiled, swaying a little bit, "kiss a lot of hot boys Bells, I know you're dating neighbor boy, but you're a pretty girl, you shouldn't limit yourself to only one." she lectured, such motherly advice.

"Yeah, right, okay. See you later Em?" she asked, obviously done with Renee.

"Yeah, Rose and I are going to head there when she gets off from the shop." he grinned, "and, don't kiss any boys except Edward." he grimaced at the thought.

"Jesus fucking Christ, let's leave before these two make me combust." Bella grumbled as we walked out of the house and to my Porsche. We listened to music the entire way to the carnival, and then once we got there, we parted ways, Bella wanted to stay by the car and smoke a cigarette, and probably drown herself in her flask, and I had to head towards the cotton candy booth to get it all set up before I could steal time with Jasper away for a awhile before our shift started. I had sent him running some crazy errands so I knew he would be going into the cafeteria soon. Since no one was in the cafeteria I figure we can have a little evening delight before our shift in the booth.

**JasperPOV**

Alice was driving me insane, how someone so small could be so damn bossy was beyond me. I mean I liked her bossy sometimes it was a turn on, but when she had me running errands like a little lost puppy it pissed me off a little, okay maybe more than a little, but it was Alice asking, or maybe telling, me what to do so I would do it, but not happily.

I walked to the cafeteria frowning, I had to somehow transport bags of sugar to the cotton candy booth. No one was in the cafeteria so I went into the back where I figured the ladies kept the sugar. I was walking around looking for the damn sugar when I heard someone behind me.

"Holy shit!" I yelled not like a scared girly yell but a tough manly battle cry, yeah it was more like that then a yell.

"Calm down Jazzy it's just me" Alice replied with a giggle.

'What are you doing here Alice, please for the love of all that is holy tell me you don't have more errands for me?" I asked a little freaked out. I mean I was her public boyfriend and her friend in private but lately it had been more public boyfriend and private well even more boyfriendier if that is possible, but she was working my like she was my pimp and that was not cool.

"Silly Jazzy why do you think I gave you that list and was waiting in the empty cafeteria backroom for you?" Alice asked, answering my question with one of her own.

I had to think about that, my first instinct was to reply 'Because you are an evil devil woman who finds amusement in my torment' but I quickly put that aside. I mean we were here, all alone, hidden from everyone else and not needed at the booth for another almost twenty minutes.

"You planned all that to get us some one-on-one time. God Alice you are amazing." I said as I strode over to her and picked her up and set her tiny ass down on a nearby table.

I cupped my hands around her face and brought our lips together before she can answer me. Yum, she really does taste like cotton candy now, and it was amazing.

Alice's arms quickly went behind my neck and pulled my lips against her harder which caused my whole body to press against hers. God, she smelled so good, like sweet fruit, and it was driving me crazy. I could always smell her on my clothes hours after we had parted ways and I hoped tonight was no exception.

I moved my hands from her face down to her sides, she giggled slightly so I guess my ghosting my fingertips over her ribs had tickled a little. I let my hands rest on her hips. Damn, she had sexy hips.

I lost myself in the softness of her lips, the taste of her tongue, and the curve of her hips. I swear when I was kissing Alice everything else melts away and swirls into a puddle of nothingness that just backdrops us.

"Alright Cowboy, as much as I would love to stay here kissing you all night we need to hurry up or else we will be late for our shift." Alice said breaking the kiss.

"Okay darlin' but I plan on picking up where we left off later. Maybe we can sneak back to the pool house while everyone else is enjoying the carnival." I replied.

"Sounds like a plan Jazzy" Alice said as we exited the cafeteria and made our way to the carnival walking hand in hand.

Good glad we had plans for later that would make spinning colored sugar less depressing. Of course with Alice around nothing could ever be depressing, it's like her will would not allow it.

**Bella POV**

I normally had fun at the kissing booth previous years. I mean how fun was it that guys paid to get a simple kiss from you, right? Well this year I was all sorts of fucked up. For starters, I was still pissed off at Renee and her circus theme bullshit. Like really, I didn't get her themes, she seemed to fucking forget that I was in high school, not elementary school. And of course Winnie didn't fucking help shit, he just went in to some ancient story about a time where he got to ride a damn camel. What the fuck? Damn maybe I wasn't that far off about the whole riding dinosaurs joke.

And plus, I had been kissing both Edward and Jasper these past few weeks, I was pretty sure my lip's plate was full for now.

And not to mention I could see the Dunk Tank from where I was and Whoren was shamelessly flirting with Cullen, and it was taking every ounce of strength that I had not to go kick her scrawny, fucked up boobed little ass. Bitch.

"I swear, if Mr. Robert's comes back again, I'm resigning." Victoria said from her spot next to me, her face crinkled in disgust, which caused me to laugh, "for real Bella, it's creepy, first of all he's like thirty, and second I used to babysit for him when I was like thirteen. Gross." she shuddered.

"Yeah, that's the only thing about this damn kissing booth, if they have a ticket, you have to kiss them." I sighed, and it was true, even though it was a school run function, since we put the money together and hired all the venders and everything, the school had very little pull in what happened, I mean yeah, the dean's were here and everything in case something got out of hand, but they couldn't stop people from buying tickets, and plus we needed all the money we could get to help pay for things through the year.

"So, I got the invitation for your birthday party in the mail this morning." She told me, smirking. Everyone in Newport knew that Renee and I never saw eye to eye, and they all fucking knew I hated her god damned ridiculous themed party.

"I swear, my mother is a damn moron." I told her, sighing. "I've been scared of clown's since I was like four and she made me go to that Ringling Brother's circus thing, and she got drunk and forgot about me, so Loopy the Clown had to babysit me until my dad showed up." I frowned at the memory, "I swear he was looking at me funny and he smelled like feet. Don't even get me started on the fucking clown from 'IT'. I had nightmares for a month after Em tricked me into watching that shit."

"Bella, clowns are just real people who wear makeup." Victoria laughed, shaking her head at me, her fiery red curls bouncing wildly.

"Dude, could Whoren be more of a whore? I swear I want to go smack the skank off of her but it would take all damn night." I groaned, watching as she brushed her nasty tits along Cullen's arm.

"So, what's going on with that, are you dating Jasper, or Edward?" Victoria asked noticing where I was looking, and I groaned.

"It's kind of complicated." I told her, "The thing is, Me and Jasper are really dating, and my brother told us we needed to take a break, so me and Cullen started fake dating as a cover, but now it's all sorts of fucked up."

"Ah, I'm glad I can't tell you I know how you feel." she laughed, "It sounds complicated."

"Yeah, it is." If she only had an idea of just how complicated my shit was, it would melt her brain.

"But, if it helps you at all, I always thought you and Edward were meant to be, even when we were little kids, he was all about you, even back then," she smiled, I smiled back. I liked Victoria; she was a sweetie, one of the few people I liked in this place.

"Yeah, he's a good kid." I agreed, not wanting to say too much, she was friends with Alice too, after all.

I sighed, thinking about Alice, I was the worst friend EVER. Really, if they made awards for that, I'd win without a challenge from anyone. I was the ultimate friend fail, damn it.

"I have a ticket for a kiss." a voice said, I looked to see, James, he was a newer, younger teacher at the school, he was definitely hot, and he insisted everyone call him by his first name, that calling him Mr made him feel old. I got a weird vibe from him though, he really creeped me out.

"Faculty can't buy tickets to the kissing booth." I told him, crossing my arms over my chest, that was one of the few rules, because seriously? Who the fuck wants to kiss their teacher? and of course there were rules and regulations and all that bullshit.

"Well, I did, and I want my kiss." he said playfully, but I didn't like it.

"James. No." I said, standing my ground.

"Don't be like that, Miss Swan." he pouted, and I'd be lying if I said it wasn't cute, but still, kissing a teacher just seemed all sorts of wrong even if he did look pretty damn good. Damn it Bella, do you really need to add anymore fuckery to your dating life right now? Sure, while juggling Cullen and Jasper, we'll just add a teacher to the mix too, sounds bloody brilliant.

"We're actually breaking for awhile, if you come back in an hour we promise someone will have a kiss for you." Victoria told him, her voice sweet, as she put up the gone for lunch sign. He frowned, but nodded, seeming to be okay with it, as he walked away.

"I'll grab Headmaster Aro on my way back." She told me, and waved as she put her phone to her ear, probably calling her boyfriend to meet her.

I grabbed my purse, putting a cigarette to my lips and lighting it as I walked toward the dunk tank.

"Lauren, stop rubbing your crooked tits all over Cullen." I told her, putting my hands on my hips. She looked at me and frowned, about to say something but I turned to Cullen, not bothering to listen to her. "Give me three balls."

"Yes ma'am." he grinned, giving me three of the blue throwing balls with a slight giggle. Yes my boyfriend just giggled because I asked him to give me balls, God, he is such a nerd, a hotnerd but still a nerd. I took another drag of my cigarette, trying to ignore the dirty look Cullen was giving it, and then grabbed one of the balls, missing, which made Whoren laugh. She had yet to get wet, but I would for sure fucking change that. I missed my second ball too, which made her laugh harder. I took a deep breath, and centered myself, trying to remember what Emmett had taught me about pitching, but it didn't really help me, so I threw the ball hard, and with dumb luck, hit the target dead on, sending Whoren directly into the tank of water.

"Cunt." I grumbled, and turned to Edward who was grinning from ear to ear.

"Thanks for saving me, baby." he said, kissing me quickly. Which made me frustrated, sneaking around was fucking shitty and we were double sneaking around. I was sneaking around to see Jasper behind all of the parents' backs, and then I was sneaking around to see Edward behind Alice and Jasper's back. All sorts of fucked up.

I hung out with him until my hour was up, enjoying every time Whoren was dunked, and then headed back to the booth, where Emmett was sitting with Rosalie, eating balboa bars.

"Thank god your here, there were definitely some creepers." I told them as I sat behind the counter again.

"No need to worry about that now, B." Emmett grinned, and held up the entire roll of tickets.

"Emmett, you stole the tickets?!" I exclaimed, even though I was a little bit grateful, we needed that money for equipment and traveling and whatever else the school spent money on.

"Nope, I used Renee's black card, and bought them out." he grinned, Rosalie rolled her eyes at him, but she smiled, she thought it was sweet.

I laughed, and noticed the shirt Emmett was wearing, it was his school shirt. We always joked that University of California in Orange County was a great school name, because it got shortened to UCOC. Emmett loved to swear his school sweater everywhere like some fucking 1950's jock.

"Nice shirt seems very fitting for you Em," I said smartly and smacked at his arm.

"That's what she said". Emmett replied and laughed, I really didn't get it but I laughed anyways. I imagined Emmett would always be like this, making stupid jokes. At least until he had kids, especially if he had a little girl. Oh my fucking God, she would be fitted for a chastity belt hours after her birth. I giggled at my own thought.

"God, if you guys ever have a daughter she's so fucked. He is going to be all Papa Bear over her from day one." I laughed, and he nodded agreeing with me. "Good thing she'll have awesome Auntie Bella." I grinned, and they both frowned, which made me giggle.

"All right B, since I have nothing to worry about here, we're going to go walk around." Emmett told me, and I waved goodbye to them, and watched as they walked away. I saw them stop at the dunk tank to talk to Cullen, and it made me smile, I was glad Emmett approved of him, but then it made me grimace because of everything really going on. I looked back up to see Edward stuff something in his pocket, which made me wonder, and make sure to remember to ask him about that later.

**Edward POV**

"What did Em hand you earlier?" Bella asked as soon as I walked up to the booth to pick her up.

"Oh he handed me about-" I pulled the huge role of tickets out of my pocket and guesstimated "two hundred tickets for your booth." I replied.

"Whoa, planning on kissing a lot of girls there Hot Lips?" Bella asked playfully. Oh I liked Playful Bella, she was sweet, feisty, and fun.

"Just one girl babe and you're the one in case you were wondering." I said giving her a sweet kiss on the lips and handed her a single ticket. This could end up being a lot of fun.

"Cullen, maybe we can work out some kind of package exchange rate of some kind. Seems a shame to just trade in this many tickets and only get some simple sweet kisses." Bella replied giving me a kiss and taking another ticket.

"I like the sound of that babe." I said and Bella lead me away from the booth and to my car.

I never let go of her hand during the whole walk to the car or drive to the house and she kept running her other hand up and down my arm and it felt damn good. As soon as we parked, her lips were on mine and I was in heaven.

Bella and I stumbled into the pool house door and somehow managed to fall back on the couch without our lips ever breaking contact. Yeah, I'm not sure how we managed that other than just sheer willpower to never separate our lips since they seemed to be made for each other. It would have been cruel to make them part ways, they were meant to be together and who were we to separate them?

God, there are not enough adjectives to describe making out with Bella. Her mouth was fiercely attacking mine and I wanted more. I always seemed to want more, it could be more kisses, more tongue, more touching, and more friction. The only thing I could have wanted less of was clothes, but I felt like we were working towards that. Yes, I wanted Bella, but I also wanted it to be right and special, she deserved that.

I felt Bella's hand graze my stomach under my shirt, scraping her nails across my abs, which was making it hard for me to think, or even really breathe at that point. We continued kissing and touching. Bella's hand and nails making patterns on my stomach as I softly caressed hers with my thumbs, it was awesome. But then I felt Bella's hand traveled lower inside my boxer briefs and grab my dick. Now this was beyond awesome, and it took all the self control I had to not explode all over her as her soft hand pumped my dick.

"Bella, what the fuck are you doing? Not that I mind, it feels amazing." I asked not really sure why I was even speaking, since it just took brain function away from enjoying the feeling of Bella's hand on my dick.

"See Cullen, when a boy and girl like each other and they are horny they-" I cut off her smug explanation.

"Yes Bella I know about sex, but why are you doing that to me now?" I asked clearly not thinking because if I had been I would've just enjoyed the wonderful feeling and kept my damn mouth shut.

"Damn it Cullen, while I like you being a gentleman and treating me like I'm something special, sometimes a girl has needs, and right now-" she squeezed firmly for emphasis, "I need to do this." she answered and honestly I was in no position to argue.

"Yes baby." was all I could think to reply, since blood flow was clearly being redirected.

"Good boy Cullen, you're learning" Bella replied and then attacked my lips with her mouth.

Who was I to argue with logic like that? I mean seriously, some hot as fuck girl tells you to shut up and let her play with your dick, what are you suppose to say? No, hahaha fat fucking chance.

To say her hand job felt good would be asking a dehydrated man if he was thirsty, yeah ,really not a need to do that. So I relaxed and let Bella do what she wanted while my hands wandered up her shirt to her bra covered boobs. I flicked her nipple ring twice quickly which earned me a low moan from Bella. I would have to remember that spot because that sound was now a close second to Bella's laugh as my favorite sound in the world.

We both continued kissed and fondling each other and I was enjoying it, like really enjoying it. Like enjoying it so much I was about to embarrass myself, and probably be forever shamed in Bella's eyes. So, since she wasn't so keen on stopping last time, and I was a little scared of her honestly, I decided to try a different tactic.

I flipped Bella so she was on top of me, and straddling my groin, which caused her to remove her hand from my pants, which thankfully solved the 'about to get sticky' problem, but now I could feel the heat from her pussy directly over my dick and that might have been worse, but I went with it because she seemed to enjoy the friction we were both creating. I kept moving my hips up and down enjoying the sensation hopefully as much as she was.

"Fuck, Cullen." Bella exclaimed breathlessly, her hands running through my hair. Damn, I felt proud.

"God Bella, you feel so good baby." I said lowly into her ear, kissing her neck.

"Oh! Alice!" Bella said. Now I was a little confused.

"Bella?" I asked hoping I hadn't broken something in her brain.

"Fuck Jasper!" Bella answered.

"Damn it Bella this is getting fucked up." I groaned pausing what I was doing for a second, and looking up at her, which is when I noticed Bella's eyes were locked on the pool house door which when I followed with my own I noticed it was where Jasper stood with Alice attach around his waist and her ankles hook just above his ass.

Busted, fuck my life.

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So a wee little bit of cliff hanger, sorry.

If we didn't end it here the chapter would double in size and the long chapters have taken it's toll on us (idea poor now) sorry.

Review=Teaser.


	14. Handsy The Clown

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, not sure who owns the song we used in this chapter exactly so we'll just say its own by its copyright older.

So we were a day slow on this chapter, sorry. Dani and I had some stuff we had to do and wanted to end it in a special way and it took us an extra day. So we have our first ever real lemon-y piece in this chapter and I hope you like it. Thanks to 71Star who let me bounce some ideas off her as well, thank you again.

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**BPOV**

I was convinced; this damned pool house was cursed. First Edward catches me straddling Jasper, and now Jasper and Alice, who were in a compromising position themselves, just walked in and caught me and Edward really going at it. Although, I was grateful they had walked in now, and not ten minutes earlier when I had my hands in his pants, or ten minutes later, because I'm not sure what position they would have seen then, but it'd probably have less clothes involved.

"What. The. Fuck." Jasper said, slowly, his eyes bulged out of their sockets.

"Seriously, does no one know how to fucking knock anymore?" I asked, "Fuck." I groaned, running my hands through my hair as Edward gripped my hips and slid me off of him so he could sit up.

"Dude, what are you guys doing?" Edward asked as Jasper finally seemed to realize he was still holding Alice up, by her ass, because he set her down to her feet.

"What are we doing?" Alice mirrored, putting her hands on her hips, "What are you guys doing?"

"This is all sorts of fucked." I groaned, palming my face as I stood up, straightening myself out. "Jasper. You and I need to talk, now." I all but growled at him, and I turned to Alice, "You and I will talk after, but for right now, you need to talk to Cullen." I stalked down the hall and into Jasper's room, and sat on the edge of his bed, a little weary, as he followed behind me, shutting his door once he was inside.

We looked at each other in silence for a minute, and then we both started at once;

"Bella- I'm sorry, I never-"

"Jasper, I'm really sor-"

We both paused, and laughed awkwardly.

"You first." he told me, sitting next to me on the bed.

I sighed, and started from the beginning. "Jasper, I'm really, really sorry, I never meant for this to happen, and I especially never meant for you to find out this way." I told him, grabbing his hand, and to my surprise he didn't pull away, "I really did like you at the beginning, you are hot, and fucking sweet, and you never pushed me when I was being closed off, and I'm really fucking sorry you got pulled into my train wreck of a life, and I'm also really fucking sorry that you had to deal with Emmett. And I don't blame you for turning to Alice, she's amazing, you deserve each other, you're both amazing."

"Bella." He sighed, his eyes looked sad. "I want you to know that I never meant for this to happen either, I really wanted to be with you, it was all worth it, I promise you that, Alice and I, we just click, you know?" he asked, and seemed to feel bad he even went there, which made me smirk a little, "I don't want things to end all fucked up between us, Bells, because I still want you in my life, I know we had kind of a rough run, but you mean a lot to me. Besides you are one of the few real friends I have in Newport." he admitted, "I just, no offense, but I can't deal with all the baggage that you carry with you, I'm trying to deal with trying to be okay after my mom and everything, I'm really sorry." he sighed.

"Hey, J, it's fine, I know I come with baggage, a lot of fucking baggage, actually more like a whole matching luggage set, and I should never have dragged you into all my shit." I sighed, "Both Cullen and I, we never meant to sneak around or anything like that at all." I shrugged, "Cullen just well I don't know how to explain it J really. It's like he understands me, accepts me and all my shit, and just gives me what I need even when I don't know what the hell that is."

"I understand." he nodded, completely truthful.

"Jasper, I want you to know that I'm glad you still want to be friends, because I really opened up to you, believe it or not, no one knows about my secret cliff spot, not Emmett, or Cullen, or Jake." I smiled at him, "and, you're the only one ever to get me away from Jake, to realize that he's a complete fucking douche." I told him.

"Bells, I know we're not dating anymore, but if you ever need someone to talk to, a shoulder to cry on, I'm here for you, kid." he grinned.

"The same goes for you, kid." I mocked, and wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling almost a hundred times better, he was a lot more understanding than I thought he'd be, and things went a lot better than I had thought.

Now all I had to do is clear things up with Alice and things would be good, no more lying and sneaking around with anyone.

"So, I think you and Edward being together is a good idea." He told me as we pulled apart, he was smirking, "He is too quiet and unsure of himself, you help him out of that, it's already obvious."

"He is kind of a nerd, huh?" I laughed, leaving out the hot part, I was sure Jasper didn't want to hear about how sexy I thought his cousin was. Jasper laughed at me, and nodded.

"And, I think he'll be good for you too, he always seems to know how to handle you a lot better than I really could." He started, and I must have looked pissed off, because he quickly added, "Not that you have to be handled or anything like that, Edward just gets you, and how you work, something I never figured out." he back peddled, and I giggled. I kind of liked that guys were scared of me.

"You know I feel like this is the most we've talked in weeks." I told him, and it was the truth, we had barely spent any time together since the fake dating started, and even before that, it really wasn't hard to see this type of ending coming.

"I know," he nodded, and squeezed my shoulder, "I'm glad we're cool."

"Me too." I agreed. "Now, you don't think Alice is going to hate me do you?" I asked. I didn't want this to all be about me if I was going to be his friend, it had to be a two way street.

"Nah babe, I think, well I hope, she is more than okay with our fake couples turning into real couples." Jasper answered.

"Well then let's go see how our other halves are doing," I said and we exited the bedroom. I felt better than I had in weeks. No more guilt over hurting Jasper, now just Alice left to deal with and I knew exactly how to handle her tiny ass.

**EdwardsPOV**

"Alice I'm so sorry, we never meant to hurt either of you, but we just sort of happened." I explained to Alice who meant more to me than anyone, except Bella or Jasper.

"Oh Edward, you don't know how bad this whole thing made me feel. I just, I care about and wanted Jasper so much and I felt like such a horrible person for betraying you and Bella." Alice said as she sat down on the couch and started crying.

I can't stand to see a girl cry, it's like my kryptonite. I swear, I would buy her a puppy, flowers, even a fucking pony if she would just stop the waterworks. Girls crying always broke my heart and made me feel like a schmuck. I mean if my Mom and Dad walked in here I'm sure Mom would kick my ass, especially with her crazy pregnancy hormones. Dad would be disappointed and give me that 'You could do better' look I hated so much.

"I guess none of us were really made for fake dating." I said which made Alice giggle a little so I continued "Alice, you know I'm not upset you found happiness with Jasper because I did the same with Bella and I hope to God she feels the same way, so don't be so hard on yourself." I said as I sat down beside her and wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close.

"Edward, you have been such a great person, and not just to Jasper and Bella but also to me." Alice exclaimed and she cried harder. She looked so pitiful with her whole body shaking.

"Alice, sweetie, it is okay. I'm not mad at you, Jasper clearly isn't upset with you, and Bella well she loves you. Trust me if she didn't, Jasper and I would be helping you pick up the teeth she had knocked out." I explained, making another joke, sort of. I mean Bella had a temper and if you pissed her off, she was capable of beating the shit out of you, Emmett had seen to training her well.

Alice laughed at that, not like a little giggle, but a full on body shaking belly laugh. It made me happy to hear her laughing like that. I guess she thought I was joking more so then I was, well I wouldn't burst her bubble.

"Edward please promise me that no matter what, we will always be friends okay?" Alice asked as she dried her eyes. Thankfully the water works had stopped, that was a good sign.

"Always Alice, always." I said and I meant it. While I might not want to date Alice, I still cared for her and wanted her in my life, and she was Bella's best friend so she could be a good ally to have on my side.

"We will always be friends, right Edward?" Alice asked and it kind of spooked me, like she was reading my mind.

"Yeah Alice, I mean, Bella and I are together, and Jasper and you are together, so we will always be around each other. I'll always be here if you need me, and I hope you'll be there if I need you." I explained.

"You got it Edward." Alice said and gave me a full on hug.

"Get your hands off my man, skank." Bella's sharp voice snapped my attention from Alice to where she stood in front of Jasper in his doorway.

"Oh, you have been locked up in my man's bedroom, spreading your sluttiness all around, and you call me a skank over a hug?" Alice shot back and before I knew it she and Bella were having a standoff in the middle of the living room.

"My sluttiness? Psshh, if I recall you're the one who was getting her ass manhandled on the way to the pool house. I at least kept my whoring around contained within the pool house walls." Bella explained and I could see the blush flash up in Alice's cheeks.

"Listen here Slutzilla, every man in this room hasn't seen my boobs, so I would not be the slut calling the good girl a slut if I were you." Alice said and it lost me a little, but it was sort of funny. I was too afraid of Bella to laugh because she seemed kind of pissed, and she scared me at times like this.

"So are we going to settle this conflict our usual way then, Skankette?" Bella asked closing the distance between her and Alice.

"Sounds good to me, bring it!" Alice replied as she stepped closer to Bella.

Now, I don't think of myself as a pervert, really, but I was so totally picturing them wrestling in a small kiddie swimming pool. The filling was changing by the minute; jello, mud, pudding, the possibilities were nearly endless. I looked over at Jasper and saw a similar look in his eyes. Good, at least if I'm a pervert I'm not the only pervert, and that had to count for something.

"I love you Alice, and I am so sorry if I hurt you." Bella said as she hugged Alice.

"I love you too Bella, and I never meant to hurt you either." Alice replied hugging Bella back, just as hard if not harder.

I looked at Jasper again; yeah, he didn't see it going down like that either. Pretty damn anti climatic and no wrestling of any kind, but I am glad the girls had made up with each other.

The girls hugged and professed their undying love for one another and how they never meant to hurt each other and were both sick with guilt but just couldn't seem to give up on us guys. It was touching in a very break your heart, confess your deepest sins on Oprah sort of moment. It was sweet. And it made me feel kind of great, knowing that Bella likes me enough to go against Alice, I had never really thought about it until now.

"We good man?" I asked Jasper.

"Yeah, I mean, how can I be pissed at you for doing what I was doing too?" Jasper asked and stuck out his hand.

"Good, glad to have my cousin back." I replied and shook his hand.

"I'm so glad that shit is over." Bella said.

"Me too, let's go out and celebrate!" Alice exclaimed.

**EmmettPOV**

Renee is a moron, I know she's my Mom, and I love that she birthed me and gave me life and all that plus she did give a kick ass sister like Bella, but still she was pretty fucking dumb.

Although, Bella was putting up a much better front than I thought she would, so I guess it wasn't as bad as I hoped. Sure, this was better than the Disney Princess themed sweet sixteen from last year. I swear, I thought Bella was going to have a heart attack when Renee had her dressing like Cinderella. This year's Circus them was better, but only by a little bit since there were clowns. Yes, not one clown or two clowns, but four clowns. Bella was avoiding those guys like they carried a deadly plague, which to her they kind of did.

She had put up with them like a real champ so far. Given, I think she was cutting off the circulation to Edward's hand she was squeezing it so tight at times, but she wasn't freaking out or bitching Renee out yet, which was good. Just a few more hours and this horrible sham of a party would be over.

"How you holding up B?" I asked as I went over to Bella and Edward, whom she was dragging around with her everywhere, but he seemed okay with it. Edward always seemed to just go with Bella's flow and she liked that.

"Honestly Em, the clowns are freaking me out. Jackass 1, Jackass 2, and Assjack," she explained pointing to the clown that corresponded to each nickname "aren't so bad, they are leaving me alone. But Handsy the Clown keeps giving me eels and snakes. I swear if that fucker hands me another penis shaped balloon I'm going to get Renee's Baby Jesus butt plug and violate him with it." Bella finished with a huff.

I couldn't help but laugh, the visual of my sister violating a clown was just too funny.

"Don't laugh Emmett, it is so not funny. He hands me a balloon and grabs my ass, and I'm tired of being treated like a piece of meat." Bella said with a pout.

Oh, it was on like Donkey Kong, no one grab's my sister's ass. Well, I guess maybe Edward did but he was her boyfriend and I was so not trying to think about that right now, ain't no clown going to do that to my sister at her own birthday party.

I started to storm off towards the clown to give him a beat down when Edward grabbed my arm, stopping me. "Bella, tell Emmett that Handsy didn't really grab your ass so he doesn't kill him. We don't want to have to bail him out of jail on the night of your party babe." Edward said still holding my arm and looking at Bella.

"Okay, maybe he didn't actually grab my ass, but I know he was thinking about it." Bella said and pouted even more. Damn, Edward knew her well enough to know she was just messing with me to start a fight with a clown. Devious little devil woman, I taught her well.

"Thanks Edward." I said and shook his hand. He was a good kid, I liked him and he already understood me and Bella too.

"No problem Em." he nodded at me, and turned back to my sister, "So Bella how do you know Renee has a Baby Jesus butt plug?" Edward asked. I laughed but let Bella tell the story, it was her story to tell after all and it was crazy knowing your Mom had sex toys, but this one was hilarious.

"Oh, I know because I bought it for her last Mother's Day." Bella said. Edward gave her a look and his eyebrows shot up.

"You are making that up. There is no way someone made a butt plug that looks like baby Jesus." Edward said in disbelief.

"It is real dude, and yeah she did buy her one. Go home and Google it." I said to Edward.

"Anyways since Renee she always goes around like she has something shoved up her holier than thou ass, I figured I could kill two birds with one stone and then at least she would have a reason for it." Bella explained.

Edward and I both cracked up laughing, and Bella giggled. It was great distraction from the fuckery of Renee's party.

"Come on B, let's go thank Renee and Winston for the party." I said and lead her, and the Cullen attached to her, towards our mother and I guess future step father. Thoughts of that made my skin crawl, dude was old enough to have hung out with Grandpa Swan back in the day, and he was going to be our step dad, that's just weird.

"Sure thing, Em." Bella replied and since Edward winced again, I figured she might have tightened her death grip on his hand.

"There is the birthday girl, are you enjoying your party sweetie?" Renee asked and gave Bella a hug. To Bella's credit she only sneered a little bit. I was happy that it seemed some of Edward's manners were rubbing off on her, and that damn well better be the only thing of his rubbing on her.

"Yeah R-Mom the party is great, especially the clowns." Bella replied with a fake smile on her face.

"Oh I knew they were your favorite baby, so I had Winnie order plenty of them!" Renee exclaimed like she was giving her Mother of Year acceptance speech, sometimes she was clueless to Bella's sarcasm.

"Thank you Winnie, so what was it like to have invented dirt sir?" Bella asked and Edward and I were fighting to hold back the laughter.

"What did you say dear?" Winnie replied.

"She said you look nice in that shirt, sir." Edward answered, louder so poor Winnie could hear him. Damn, the kid was good at covering for Bella, and even took the elbow she shot into his ribs like a champ.

"Bella baby, Winnie and I have your present outside, if you, Emmett and your little friend will follow us." Renee said and started the long process of leading Winnie outside. I hoped we got there before Bella's next birthday because I was hungry and I saw a caterer with those little mini hot dogs and those things were damn good.

**BPOV**

So, after about an hour, we finally made it out to the front, and I think I had to blink about twenty times before anything registered in my brain, but sitting in the driveway, with a ginormous, hideous, bright pink and green polka dotted bow, was a brand new, all black, with black tints, and black rims, BMW X5. It was fucking beautiful.

"For real?" I asked, turning towards Renee and Gramps.

"Of course honey, I told you that you would get a car." She said sweetly, almost too sweetly, as she handed me the keys. I separated myself from Cullen as me, him and Emmett all ran over to check out the car. It was fucking amazing, all leather interior, heated seats, automatic starter, and a sunroof, and it had a roomy backseat, which made me giggle, she must have thought I was serious about making her grand babies. Although, I'm sure Cullen and I could figure out something to do in the back seat for entertainment.

"Thank you, mom." I said, and for a second I thought that maybe she finally got me and that all her alcohol consumption hadn't rotted through her brain, but, of course since she's Renee, that second ended fast.

"You're welcome sweetie," she smiled at me, and kissed both my cheeks, I let her go; it was the least I could do. "But now Bella, you need to thank your new daddy for the car." she told me, motioning to Winnie who was fucking stargazing, he had no fucking clue what was going on, let alone that he had bankrolled the car sitting in front of him.

"Thank my new WHAT?" I practically screamed, my eyes for sure bulging out of my head, Edward's hand was back holding mine before I even finished the sentence, and Emmett was at my side, warning me to calm down, but I didn't fucking care, all I could see was red.

"Be-" she began,

"He is NOT my new daddy, my new GRAND daddy maybe, but not my fucking new daddy." I spat at her, squeezing Cullen's hand, I was fucking glad he was here. If I couldn't have my flask at least I had Cullen.

"Bella, now you-" she began, but I cut her off again, she did not get a chance to speak.

"NO!" I yelled at her, trying to control my anger, I didn't want to give Winnie a heart attack, he was looking around scared, like he was having a war flashback or some shit. Last thing I wanted was to have Winnie thinking it was back storming the beachhead at Normandy and flip out on us. "Do you not remember that I have a fucking father?" I growled, silencing Emmett immediately, I continued to squeeze Cullen's hand, wishing away tears I knew were about to come.

"Oh Bella, he hasn't even called, or written a letter, a postcard, anything baby." she tried to comfort me, and I stepped back from her, gripping both my hands tightly, poor Cullen, I hoped I didn't break any bones.

"Fuck you." I spat at her, "Renee, fuck you, I would have rather left with him than stay here with you." I was burning with anger, my body was shaking, "The only reason I fucking stayed here was for Emmett." I screamed, Winnie jumped, and both Emmett and Edward were telling me to calm down, but I could see I was starting to break Renee, and I wanted to, she fucking deserved it.

"Swee-"

"No, you can keep the fucking car, keep the closet full of clothes, and keep the fucking house, and you can go back into your mother fucking themed party, that by the way MOM, if you knew me, or Emmett, AT FUCKING ALL, you would know that we outgrew themed parties when we were fucking nine years old." I barked at her, moving so I was only inches away from her face, "And by the way, I fucking hate clowns, ever since your drunken ass left me with Loopy the fucking kiddy groper when I was fucking four." I continued, I could see her start to shake, "You've never been a fucking mother to me, or to Emmett." I hissed at her, standing my ground.

"You little bitch." she seethed, and slapped me hard across the face, I had to give it to her, it fucking stung like a cunt. "Don't you DARE-"

"MOM!" Emmett yelled, jumping in between us as Edward pulled me back away from her, wrapping his arms around me, as he tried to calm me down, I was trying to let his velvet voice soothe me, and his hands rubbing my back relax me, but it wasn't working, I was so fucking pissed off.

Every year she did this to me, she threw a fucking stupid themed party every year, and she sent out the invitations to the entire town, whether I wanted them there or not, and then she would get wasted, and make an ass out of herself, and of me. But we never talked about my dad, me and Emmett did on rare occasions, but that was fucking rare, Renee never did, I don't fucking know why she thought she had the right to talk about him now, and try to fucking replace him. I didn't care if I never talked to my dad again; none of her flavor of the week husbands was going to be my new daddy. Fuck her, and fuck that shit.

I heard Edward and Emmett talking, but I was too wrapped up in my own head, and still radiating with anger, so I couldn't make out what they were saying, and I was suddenly transferred from Edward's comforting arms, into the safe arms of Emmett.

"Cullen? Wait, where is he going?" I asked, looking up at Emmett, and then quickly to Cullen who was walking away, and panicked feeling starting to rise in my chest.

"B, I'll be right back, okay baby?" he said, his eyes softening, "You need to talk to Emmett, I'll be back, I promise." he said, and winked at me and then walked away, towards his own house.

"Come on Bells, let's go for a ride in your new whip." Emmett grinned, grabbing the keys which I had long forgotten about, I nodded and followed him towards the car, he helped me get into the passenger's seat, and I watched him rip off the bow from the hood, rolling his eyes at the hideous thing, and then he hopped in the front seat.

"Did Renee pick this out, or did you and Rose?" I asked him as he started it up, and pressed on one of the already programmed radio stations.

"Renee told me she wanted to get you a car, so I told her to let me and Rose go pick it out. We got it fully loaded with. I showed Renee the pictures and she gave me Winnie's card agreeing, and Rose and I made sure it was blacked out, and would be safe and all that." He explained, smiling widely at me. I should have known, Renee would have never picked this shit out.

"Thanks Em." I said softly, watching out the windshield as he drove.

"B, I know Renee makes you mad, and she says fucking dumb shit, but you got to calm down, you can't let her get under your skin like that. Lashing out at her isn't a good or healthy way to deal with your emotions." He said, grabbing my hand.

"I know Emmett, and I really try not to let her get to me, but why the fuck did she have to bring dad up?" I asked him, still trying to fight back tears, dropping my face in my hands. She had really hit a nerve with that, and I was trying really hard not to break apart.

"She shouldn't have, that was fucked up, but you got to just ignore her and her shit, that's what I do." he told me, parking at Cullen's house, Rosalie's, Alice's, Jasper's and Cullen's cars were all in the driveway.

"I know Em, I promise, I'll try harder." I told him, and shook myself out, feeling better that I talked to Emmett; he always knew how to make me feel better, and how to approach things with me.

"I love you, sis." he grinned, wrapping me in his massive arms for a hug. I hugged him back, finally letting myself completely relax.

"Love you too, big bro." I replied, giggling. "But, you do know we're at the wrong house, right?" I asked him as we pulled apart and got out of the car.

"Edward and I kind of planned something for you, because I knew Renee would probably do something to fuck your party up, so we planned a backup party." He admitted and threw his arm around my shoulders and led me into the main house.

We walked into the dining room, and sitting around the dining room table was Esme, Carlisle, Rose, Jasper, Alice, and Cullen. The head of the table had a cake with candles in front of the empty seat, with an empty seat next to it for Emmett. There were presents piled up next to the seat.

"What? You guys didn't have to do this; I'm used to Renee and her antics." I told them, but my traitor tears proved that I was lying.

"Sweetie, you deserve a real party." Esme said, standing and walking over, wrapping her arms around me, in what I would assume was a motherly hug, "A girl only turns seventeen once you know." she smiled at me as she kissed my forehead and pulled away, wiping away my tears.

"No need for those sweetheart." Carlisle told me, as he was next to wrap me in a hug. I went down the line until I got to Cullen, who waited until last minute.

"Thank you." I whispered in his ear as I hugged him. "I can't believe you were able to hide this from me." I giggled. He kissed me when we pulled apart, and led me over to my seat, and took the seat on my other side, across from Emmett.

**EdwardsPOV**

"Make a wish dear." Mom said to Bella once she finished lighting all the candles. Bella closed her eyes for a few moments and then blew out all her candles. What I wouldn't give to be able to read her mind and know what she wished for.

As Mom and Dad cut and served the cake Bella kept eyeing the stack of presents. I could tell she was anxious to see what we had gotten her. Sure Renee had given her an awesome car, but I think Bella was more thrilled that it was a means to escape Renee when she got on her last damn nerve, which was typically about a minute after Renee first opened her mouth.

We are our cake which was wonderful. I didn't know if Mom had made it or picked it up at the bakery, but it was really good marble cake with both vanilla and chocolate swirled together. Emmett seemed to enjoy it since he was finishing up his forth piece before Rose elbowed him and gave him a mean look. Guess it was time for Em to quit being a pig or else Rose was going to smack him, again.

"So now that the cake is done, let's move on to presents. I want to see which of you love me the most by lavishing me with the best gift." Bella said with a laugh, she was so cute when she laughed. Although, I hoped she was joking about the lavish gift thing because my gifts were more personal and less lavish.

Bella grabbed the first present from the stack and opened it. It was a nice leather bound journal. I knew it was from my Mom and Dad, they always got weird things like that.

"I remember you always used to make up stories Bella, so we figured we would get you something so you can write them down and keep them forever." Mom said, and started crying. I swear her hormones were so out of whack since the pregnancy, I usually internally referred to her a Pregsme since I was scared to call her that out loud. An angry pregnant Mom was a force I did not want to tangle with, no sir.

"Or you could just use it as a journal for your thoughts or dreams." Dad suggested, now comforting and trying to calm down Pregsme.

"Thank you both that was very thoughtful, I love it." Bella said to my parents.

She opened her next gift which was a book on the history of tattoos. I knew that was from Jasper. He always seemed to like to learn about the history of things. It seemed he was more taken with how things progressed to where they are at now rather than how they stayed the way we know them.

"Thanks Jazz." Bella said using Alice's new nickname for my cousin. Damn, I was hoping it would stay Jazzhands for awhile, I thought that one was funny.

"You're welcome." Jasper said from his seat where he was leaned back with his arm over the back of Alice's chair. They really were cute for each other. I think Jasper's calmness balanced out Alice's Energizer Bunny like energy. Alice was like a caffeine addict who was hooked up to a triple espresso IV sometimes, bless her.

Bella opened a small envelope next. I was thinking it was cash or a gift card but it turned out to be a confirmation for a swanky hotel in LA for the whole weekend in two weeks.

"Alice?" Bella asked clearly needing confirmation on what exactly she had been given. Good, I wasn't the only one slightly confused by her gift.

"I booked us all rooms in LA in two weeks. I figure we can go to a concert, maybe a club, whatever you want to do sweetie. I already cleared it with the Cullen's and since Emmett and Rose are going to chaperone they agreed Jazz and Edward could join us." Alice explained all in the same breath. How someone so tiny held that much air I would never understand. Hopefully she was planning on donating her body to science to they could figure some shit like that one out later.

"Thank you Alice, that sounds great and I'm sure we will all have a blast!" Bella replied and gave my hand a firm squeeze.

Bella's next gift was in a velvet jewelry box and I noticed she looked over at me with a curious look before she opened it. I pointed to Emmett and Rose. "That's from them, not me babe." I answered.

Bella opened the box up and inside was a very nice silver heart shaped locket, when she opened it up there were pictures of her and Emmett on each side.

"Thank you Em, for letting Rose pick out such a nice gift." Bella said giving her brother a little bit of hell, knowing he wouldn't have picked out something as thoughtful as that. Everyone cracked up at Bella's joke and Em looked a little embarrassed but he laughed as well.

Finally Bella grabbed my gift and I admit, I was nervous and hoped she liked it. She opened the iPod and gave me another quizzical look. I flipped it over for her to see the engraving I had done on the back. Sure, I could have put something romantic or sappy but I choose something that seemed to fit Bella and I more personally. In a very nice cursive script was "_All who wander are not lost_" by Tolkien. Yes, I'm a Lord of the Rings nerd, but Bella didn't seem to mind since she hugged me and whispered in my ear. "This is the best gift Cullen, thanks."

"You're welcome, but I have something special for you in the pool house, which I will give to you after everyone else has left." I replied back to her ear.

Bella looked at me and I swear I could hear what she was thinking, and it caused me to blush. Silly Bella, no, _that_ was not the surprise.

We all sat around and talked, and just had fun, this felt so right. Just all of us being together was wonderful. I liked that my parents were not all over each other tonight, thank God, and Jasper and Em weren't giving me too hard a time about the gift I gave Bella.

Finally everyone started to depart. Rose and Em left first to see the damage Renee had left their house in. Jasper and Alice left next claiming they were going to some book store. Yeah, a book store, right, those two would spend the majority of the time in the spacious backseat of Jasper's car. Mom and Dad left next after cleaning up the kitchen, so I led Bella to the pool house where I had her other present setup.

I took her hand and led her to my bedroom where my guitar, amp, and mic were setup. I had her sit on the bed and said a silent prayer I wouldn't embarrass myself in front of Bella before I started playing the now familiar chords due to my constant practicing.

_It's too late baby, there's no turning around__  
__I've got my hands in my pocket and my head in a cloud__  
__This is how I do__  
__When I think about you__  
__I never thought that you could break me apart__  
__I keep a sinister smile and a hold of my heart__  
__You want to get inside__  
__Then you can get in line__  
__But not this time_

_Cause you caught me off guard__  
__Now I'm running and screaming_

_I feel like a hero and you are my heroine_

I paused to look into Bella's eye and they were starting to tear up. I was hoping it was moving her and she wasn't crying to try and hold in her laughte,r because then I would never hear the end of it from her, and she would surely tell everyone so the mocking might stop around my fortieth birthday, maybe, if I was lucky.

_I won't try to philosophize__  
__I'll just take a deep breath and I'll look in your eyes__  
__This is how I feel__  
__And it's so surreal__  
__I got a closet filled up to the brim__  
__With the ghosts of my past and the skeletons__  
__And I don't know why__  
__You'd even try__  
__But I won't lie_

_You caught me off guard__  
__Now I'm running and screaming_

_I feel like a hero and you are my heroine__  
__Do you know that your love is the sweetest sin?_

I ended the song there because honestly, it just got repetitive after that. I set the guitar down and grabbed a bottle of water and took a sip to douse the fire in my now scratchy throat.

"Happy Birthday Bella, I wanted to formally ask you, will you please be my girlfriend?" I asked as I took her hand and looked into her eyes, awaiting my fate.

**BPOV**

Cullen was so silly sometimes. Of course I would be his girlfriend, I thought that's what I already was, but Cullen wasn't like Jake or the others, our relationship was never going to be based on just assumptions, which was new for me, but I kind of liked it. Fuck, he was turning me into a fucking girly girl.

"Silly Cullen." I giggled pressing my body against his, grabbing his face in my hands, "of course I will." I brought his lips to mine, and kissed him softly at first, but it eventually became more passionate, our tongues intertwining, and I would occasionally drag my tongue ring across his bottom lip, which caused him to moan.

We broke apart, and I pushed him down so he was sitting on the bed.

"No one has ever sang me a song before." I told him, standing so I was in between his legs, and running my fingers through his messy, gorgeous hair, he wrapped his arms around me, placing them on my ass.

"So, you liked it then baby?" he asked, his eyes closed, enjoying our closeness. Instead of answering, I leaned down and kissed his neck, sucking softly, causing him to moan, I giggled, and then kissed along his jaw line, and back to his lips, biting his bottom lip playfully, causing another moan from him, he squeezed my ass firmly.

I got down on my knees, and began undoing his pants, once he realized what I was doing, his eyes opened, and nearly bulged out of his head. I slid his pants and boxers down his legs, and began to ghost my fingers over his dick, he moaned softly, so I wrapped my fingers around it, stroking it.

"Bella." Cullen moaned, his eyes closing again. I brought myself closer to him, and ran my tongue along the tip, not stopping my hand. "Fuck. B, what are you- why?" he sputtered.

"Cullen, you ask way too many damn questions." I groaned, pausing everything I was doing. "Do you want to stop? I can just go home." I told him, raising my eyebrows at him.

"Sorry Baby, don't go." he said quickly, and I smiled at him, patting his knee as I got back to my original focus. I ran my tongue up and down his shaft, and ran my nails along his inner thighs, before bringing them back to his dick. I swirled my tongue around the head as I wrapped my fingers around the base. He moaned loudly, and bucked his hips, so I continued, moving my hand up and down.

"B, Fuck." He groaned, his hands found the back of my head, playing with my hair. I looked up at him as I took the rest of him in my mouth, his eyes bulged out of their sockets as he watched me, one hand on the back of my head, the other fisted in the blankets on his bed.

I held our eye contact as I made sure to run my tongue ring along his shaft, he moaned loudly, bucking his hips up, "B, I'm, Fuck, I-" he sputtered, his knuckles white from grabbing the covers. I moaned, which earned another moan from him, and caused his thighs to tense, and his eyes to close.

I knew he was close, so I began to suck harder, grabbing the base of his dick firmly, he moaned loudly as he thrust his hips, losing control, I made sure he was finished before breaking our contact; I bit my lip, staying on my knees as I looked up at him. For some reason, doing this, with him, made me nervous, I didn't fucking know why.

"B, baby. Fuck. That was-" he sputtered, running his hands through his hair as he pulled his boxers, and pants back up his legs. I giggled softly at his jumbled words as I sat on the bed next to him. "You, thank you." he said, grinning from ear to ear.

"Cullen." I laughed, rolling my eyes at my innocent boyfriend, he was way too fucking cute for his own good.

"No, really, thank you." He said, nodding, kissing my nose, which made me smile. "Do you want water? Let me get you a bottle of water." he said and was up and walking out of his room before I could say anything. I giggled, and made my way to the bathroom, cleaning myself up, and fixing my hair quickly.

I looked in the mirror, and the strangest feeling washed over me, after hooking up with other guys, even Jake, I would always feel... wrong, dirty, or guilty even. But looking at my reflection, she was smiling back at me. I was glad I could make Cullen feel good, make him feel happy.

That admission in itself made me a little nervous, Cullen was doing things to me that I had never felt before, and it wasn't just sex, or a thrill or some kind of fucked up bad boy attraction. That scared the shit out of me.

I dried my hands, and smiled to myself as I made my way back out to my boyfriend.

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Reviews = Teasers

Please tell us how we did, we are nervous about the lemony bit. If you want more let us hear it, less let us hear it as well.


	15. Lulu and Ginger

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, songs used are owned by their copyright holders.

So yeah sorry for the delay but real life really got in the way lately and made writing this a challenge. But here it is and hopefully 16 would be so delayed though I doubt we will ever be able to keep up with every other day like we were we are hoping 1 chapter a week postings from now on.

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**Jaspers POV**

"I swear I am going to fucking kill Emmett if he doesn't quit with this bullshit." I said throwing my book bag down beside the couch after I entered the pool house.

"What did he do this time?" Edward asked looking up from his homework.

"Alice and I were doing homework, literally homework, no making out or anything, at the damn dining room table and the dick just kept giving me the Meet the Parents 'I'm watching you' gesture for like a half fucking hour." I exclaimed and pulled out my homework so I could finish it in peace.

"That is pretty funny." Edward said, laughing until I glared at him, "but I agree we need to do something to get back at Emmett, you know he came in B's room every six and a half minutes last time I was over. Bella finally got him to stop by promising if he did it again she would be naked, she even started taking off her shirt until his ass ran out of the room like a little bitch." Edward explained.

Yeah we needed to knock Emmett down a notch, but how?

"You know we can't embarrass him. I mean we could pants him in the middle of the mall and Emmett would just strut around and attract more attention to himself." I explained. Clearly Emmett was a force to be reckoned with.

"What the hell are we going to do to get back at him Jazz? make him wrestle a bear or something?" Edward asked. Emmett wrestling a bear, now that was an interesting idea. I thought about it and it seemed Emmett would stand a fair chance, I mean he was freaking huge so he had a good shot. Now where did you find a bear for someone to wrestle without going into the woods and trapping one?

"Nah, I don't know how to work a bear trap." I mumbled expressing my inner thoughts out loud. Edward laughed at me, clearly amused with my ramblings.

"He lives next door so we can't really do anything to his car, house, or yard. I'm dating his sister and you're with his practically adopted sister so we can't piss him off too much, plus he's really a big scary guy when he wants to be, so I don't want to get my ass kicked by him." Edward added, working through our options.

"Yeah, he would never let you live down him beating your ass." I said.

"I'm more worried about B; her teasing would be the worst." Edward explained and we both chuckled because it was true, Bella would so make fun of him for being a bitch and getting beat up by her Hulk of a brother.

"Strippers, we need to hire strippers. Then his ass will get in trouble with Rose, because you know she wears the pants in that relationship." I said.

"Strippers, really? We are just going to show up with strippers at their house?" Edward asked.

"Yeah, we can go over and hang out and then they can show up and we'll say we got them for his birthday and we can text the girls who will bring Rose home and bam, he's busted getting jiggy with some strippers." I explained.

"Midget strippers." Edward added.

"Midget strippers?" I asked.

"Yes Jasper, midget strippers. I mean think about it, they can use Em's legs as freaking poles." Edward said and we both started laughing.

"We need the girls help, they have to get Rose out of the house for a few hours and then bring her back at the right time to get him busted, then maybe he will be too busy begging Rose for forgiveness to give us shit for awhile." I explained.

"Let's head over to the Swan's and we explain the plan to them, I'm sure they would be glad to help." Edward added grabbing his wallet and keys off the table. I got up and just left my homework laid out, I would finish it later. For now we had to plot the downfall of Emmett. Midget strippers sounded pretty ridiculous, but I think we could make it work. Besides, I don't think Rose would kick a midget stripper's ass if she caught her grinding up on Em's knee cap. Well maybe she would, but you never knew with her.

We walked briskly along the path back to the Swan's house, and knocked on the door. "Oh it is just you two, the girls are up in Bella's room" Emmett said when he opened it.

We made our way to the stairs and Emmett cleared his throat, so we turned back and looked and he was doing the fucking 'I'm watching you' bullshit again, ass.

We opened Bella's door and greeted the girls with hugs and kisses, damn Alice smelled good. "So we have a plan to put your giant ass brother in his place babe." Edward said while positioning Bella into his lap as he sat on her bed.

"Please explain Cullen." Bella replied. We went over our plan to have the girl's take Rose out and we would hang out with Emmett. We would order our midget strippers and have the girls bring Rose back to bust Emmett with said strippers, ensuring he would be too busy kissing Rose's ass to pester us for awhile.

"Wow, that sounds freaking hilarious." Alice said, she was always avoiding cussing much. Damn, I guess I would have to start watching my mouth around her.

"Yeah, we figured it's so crazy it might just work." Edward explained.

"You need to get the strippers to be dressed like Oompah Loompah's." Bella added.

"That's effing brilliant B." I said. It really was an awesome twist to the fuckery we had planned.

"Excellent idea baby." Edward said as he gave Bella a kiss as a reward.

"So when are you boys pulling this grand debauchery off?" Alice asked.

"As soon as you girls can convince Rose you need a girls day." I said.

"Let's do it Friday after school, I don't have cheerleading practice, so I'm free." Bella added.

"Where do we find midget strippers willing to dress up as Oompah Loompah's?" Edward asked.

"I know a guy, I'll make a call." Alice said and we all looked at her. I have no idea who Alice knew that would know strippers, but if she could help pull it off I was not about to question her.

"Thanks babe." I said and gave her a kiss reward too.

Emmett cleared his throat, again from the doorway. Fucking ass, I'm glad we were going to give him something else to occupy his time soon. Friday could not get here fast enough.

**Edward POV**

"How the hell did you get detention from James? I mean he doesn't even teach any of your classes." I asked perplexed, but knowing when it came to Bella anything was possible.

"I dunno Cullen, he may have possibly heard me threatening Newton that if he tried to look down my shirt when I bent over again, I was going to take one of his testicles as a prize and make it into a nice pendant." Bella replied and I couldn't hold back the laughter.

"Detention on a Friday should be illegal." Jasper added while wrapping his arm around Alice's waist as we made our way down the hall.

"That's my girl." I said with a huge smile just for her.

"Now I'm you're girl?" Bella asked with a mischievous smirk on her face.

"Yep." I replied and threw my arm over her shoulder.

"Okay, glad that's settled." Alice said, rolling her eyes as we all walked towards the cafeteria.

"I'll talk to Mrs. Cope and see if I can't get you out of it B." I said, no need to have my girlfriend spending precious make out time sitting in detention. Besides, we had plotted against her brother today so I needed her.

"So you're going to what- offer sexual favors to the schools elderly secretary in order to get me out of detention?" Bella asked.

I swear I heard Jasice or Aliper whatever they were when combined mumble something about me being a man whore.

"No baby, I'll just ask really nicely." I replied and gave B as chaste kiss on the lips.

"And if that doesn't work Cullen?" she asked.

"Then I might have to offer sexual favors." I answered honestly. I mean, I really didn't want to but I would take one for Team Bella if need be.

"That's fucking sweet Cullen; you'd bang the elderly so I don't have to stay after school." Bella replied this time giving me a kiss. I heard the Wonder Twins mumble about me man whoring again, so I gave them the finger while still being attached to Bella's lips.

We all had lunch together, as usual, and it was fun. Jasper had some taco salad. I'm not sure what type of salad exactly has ground beef, sour cream, and cheese in a deep fried shell but I'm not a culinary expert. Alice had a Chef's salad. I grabbed a turkey and Swiss sub and Bella got a meatball sub. B of course ate most of mine claiming it tasted better then hers, but whatever.

I headed towards the office after lunch was over since I had study hall so I could talk to Mrs. Cope and get Bella out of this stupid detention. I mean really, if everyone who threatened Mike Newton with bodily harm got detention that room would be full every day until we all graduated, or someone killed him, whichever happened first.

"Hello Mrs. Cope, such a lovely day today, is that a new haircut?" I asked giving her my dazzling smile. Yes, I was flirting with the secretary, who was almost as old as my Nana Cullen, but I was a man on a mission and so therefore it was acceptable.

"Yes it is Mr. Cullen, thank you for noticing. So what can I do you for today sweetie?" Mrs. Cope replied while primping her hair slightly.

"My dear friend Bella Swan, got detention from James for possibly saying something mean to Mike Newton and I was wondering if you could have her excused from it for me please?" I asked as sweetly as I could.

"I don't know Mr. Cullen, being rude to another student is grounds for detention so James was within his right." Mrs. Cope explained.

"Yes, but see Mrs. Cope, I don't think James had all the information. Mike said something horribly inappropriate about Bella which James did not hear and besides she broke down crying to me about how she just felt so awful doing it, but with her on her period her hormones are all out of whack and she just snapped at him." I said figuring Mrs. Cope could relate to 'female issues'.

"Oh that does sound like Mr. Newton. Sure, I will go into the computer and have Bella's detention dropped right now." Mrs. Cope said while going to work on her keyboard.

"Thanks." I said and gave her another smile as I exited the office.

**APOV**

"Ready for our girls night, bitches?" I squealed as I bounced into the Swan house where Emmett, Rosalie and Bella were sitting around the kitchen, picking at a bowl of fruit salad in the center, Bella of course was covering every inch of her fruit with Nutella. She was a Nutella fiend, it was a little crazy.

"Where you guys going?" Emmett asked, and I fought back the giggles when I imagined tiny little oompa loompas using his body as stripper poles.

"Ya know, mani's, pedi's, and dinner and drinks, the usual." Bella grinned, taking a breather from the Nutella.

"Please don't get your ass wasted and on any more magazine covers." Emmett sighed, rolling his eyes at his sister.

"Don't worry Em, I'll be good." Bella told him sweetly, too sweetly, I bit my bottom lip and glanced at Rose and Emmett who both were giving her funny looks, I had to intervene. Dammit Bella.

"Let's go, our appointments at the spa are in ten minutes." I said, luckily distracting them.

We said good bye to Emmett, and as we were walking out I made sure to elbow Bella in the ribs. She mumbled something that sounded like 'rawr' at me, and we got in my Porsche and I headed towards the salon.

"I miss you bitches." Rose pouted as she checked her makeup in the mirror.

"I miss you too Rose, you're never at home." I frowned at her. She was always at the Swans, not that I minded, I was always there too, but sometimes I missed our sisterly bonding time, and morning arguments in the shared closet.

"Well, you two are always with Jasper and Edward. Aren't you going by Jalice and Bedward now?" Rosalie quipped.

"Sorry Rose, you're just always attached to my brothers lips, not something I need to see." Bella said from the back, not looking up from her iPhone, texting Edward I'm sure.

"What about you miss Bella, finally admitting your feelings for Edward?" Rose said.

"I know, it took a lot of shit, but Cullen's great, I'm glad shit all worked out." Bella replied.

"And how are things with Jasper?" Rose asked, looking at me, a grin spread across her face, always one for details.

"Things are really good. Jazzy is amazing, he's so sweet all the time, and I love his accent, and he is always calling me cute nicknames. He's perfect." I told her, my mind wandering about Jazzy, and his amazingness, and how happy I was to have found him.

We pulled into the parking lot, and got out of the car and made our way into the salon. By the time we picked our colors, Pink for me, Red for Rosalie, and navy blue for Bella, they were ready for us. Luckily we were next to each other, so we were able to talk and laugh. Bella texted until Kim Lee basically ripped her phone from her hands, and it took everything in me not to say something about what we had planned for Rose to walk into.

After we left the salon, we headed to dinner, we decided on Mexican food because since Jazzy had banned all non Texan Mexican food, we hadn't had any in months.

"God I love Tacos!" Bella moaned in happiness as she took a huge bite out of it. I giggled at her silliness, she was so unlady like, I really wasn't sure who wore the pants in her's and Edward's relationship, but something told me it wasn't him.

"Almost as much as you love Nutella?" Rose asked, taking a sip of her margarita, "You almost ate half of the jar earlier."

"God, Nutella is so good." Bella replied, her eyes glossing over. She would probably use it as Taco topping if they offered it.

"What is it with you and Emmett and that stuff?" Rose asked, laughing.

"It's nasty." I replied, wrinkling my nose in disgust as I ate my taco salad, another thing Jazzy got me hooked on. Bella rolled her eyes at me, and we laughed.

We finished dinner rather quickly, so we ordered another round of margaritas, and then we got texts from our boys, so we were ready to bring Rose home for the show.

"I love Margaritas!" Rose announced as we pulled up the Swan's driveway. I was squirming with excitement, and I could tell Bella was as well, she was barely keeping still in the back seat.

"Whose car is that?" Bella asked, louder than needed, god she was a shitty actor.

"I've never seen it before..." Rose trailed off, her curiosity peeking. I parked, and we made our way up the front steps quickly, Bella and I were all but running. We opened the door, and made our way to the living room, and both Bella and I buckled over in laughter at the scene playing out in front of us.

**EM POV**

"Oh yeah freaky oompah loompah girl swing around my -Oh fuck Rose." I said as I saw who had now entered our house. Great just fucking great, not only do I get caught with strippers but they are wearing what looks like perverted Oompah Loompah clothes and are midgets.

Fucking Jasper and Edward, those little bitches' better sleep with one eye open and maybe a hand guarding their junk because if this shit causes me trouble with Rose, they are going down.

"What the fuck Emmett, is the damn circus in town?" Rose asked and glared and Lulu on my left and Ginger on my right both of which were using my legs like stripper poles. Fuck My Life.

"Rose baby it is not what you think," I practically whined, yes I Emmett ain't to proud to grovel when need be "the guys thought it was my birthday and ordered strippers and somehow we got the Oompah Loompah twins here and since we didn't have a pole they used my legs. I swear Rose it was good harmless fun." I explained.

"Just harmless fun?" Rose asked and cocked her eyebrow. I might have covered my own groin because I knew that look, no I did cover my groin because I knew that look.

I looked at Bella and Alice silently begging for help with my eyes, but they were too busy giggling to notice. Fuck they were in on it too, damn was everyone out to get me today?

"Yeah Rose, it was just harmless fun and there was no touching, right ladies?" I asked and looking to Lulu and Ginger, hoping for some backup from someone.

"The kids here ordered us for the big guys birthday. We just dance." Lulu said with a little concern in her face. Yeah Rose pissed isn't pretty sight, especially when she is pissed at you.

"Just dancing that is all" Ginger added in.

God bless their little hearts, they were trying to save me from a beat down so I was thankful.

"So just dancing? No grinding, humping, bumping or anything else?" Rose asked.

"Nothing but dancing ma'am." Lulu said. I was giving her a big ass tip as soon as she was where Rose couldn't see. I would mail it to her if I had to.

"Okay well how much longer has Major Dumbass and General Dipshit booked you for?" Rose asked gesturing to douchebag's sometimes known as Edward and Jasper, but who would be known as Victim A and Victim B soon enough.

"About another hour ma'am." Ginger replied and looked to Lulu who nodded her head in agreement.

"In that case I want you to dance for me" Rose replied pointing to Lulu "and you to dance for my girls" she said indicating Ginger.

"Rose, baby what about me?" I asked and maybe sounded like a little kid who just lost his favorite toy, well not my favorite, but Lulu and Ginger were fun toys and Rose took them away.

"Consider this the first part of your punishment for having strippers over while we were out." Rose said and sat back to watch Lulu dance for her.

Ginger started dancing in front of Alice and Bella. I am so going to fucking kill Asstard and Jazzhands, we are talking like strangled to death then fed through a wood chipper.

I looked over at the too soon to be dead and wood chipped bastards and saw they didn't look as amused as they did a minute ago, so that was a start.

I had to sit there and watch as my girlfriend was dry humped by a midget for the next hour. It was hot in a weird deviant sort of way, I can't explain it so don't make me. But then I had to see a similar scene happen with my two little sisters and that was just wrong on so many levels. I swear Rose planned that so that I couldn't get excited watching her with Bella and Alice having the same thing done to them.

"You upstairs now." Rose snapped at me and I took off after her up to our room, well my room but she was in it as much as I was.

I entered the room and she closed and locked the door behind me, fuck this was going to be bad.

"Rose look I am sorry but the boys came over and first it was all Cheetos and Guitar Hero and then there was a knock at the door and I opened it up and there were two oompah loompahs baby, and you know how much I love me some Willy Wonka. They came in looking all cute and all the sudden music came on and clothes started coming off-" I started rambling until Rose grabbed my lips and closed them for me.

"So you like strippers Em?" Rose asked with a playful look in her eyes.

Now this could go either way. It could mean Rose was going to strip for me, which would rock, or it could mean she is going to strip for someone else and make me watch, which would be fucking hell. Fuck.

"Yes." I answered truthfully.

"If you like strippers so much why don't you strip for me?" Rose asked but it sounded more like a command to me.

So she wants to play dirty, okay I can play dirty real damn like triple r style dirrrty.

I went to my mp3 player and put on 'I Wanna Love You' by Akon and moved to the middle of the room and started dancing to the music.

I started by taking off my shirt which I threw at Rose.

I continued dancing to the music and unbuttoned my jeans and slowly unzipped them.

Rose smacked my ass.

"Hands to yourself baby, no fondling the dancers." I said teasing.

"I will remember that Em" she replied and I realized I had just screwed up big time.

"Well it's okay if the dancers touch you first." I stated trying to salvage this somewhat.

"Good to know, now take them off stud." Rose said and pointed towards my half down pants.

I dropped the pants and straddled her leg between mine so she could feel me rubbing all over the tops of her thighs.

I continued grinding and dry humping against her until the song ended.

"So am I forgiven Rose?" I asked.

"Not yet but I think if you change your no touching rule we could work towards forgiveness." Rose replied.

And we did work towards forgiveness, twice.

Maybe, just maybe, I owed Edward and Jasper just a wee bit for that, maybe.

**Edward POV**

"So you're coming to the game later to watch me cheer right baby?" Bella asked biting her bottom lip nervously. It was cute really, she was worried I wouldn't go to the game, because I never had before but my girlfriend also wasn't cheerleading before.

"Sure I will even wear my shirt Rose got me that says Bella's Bitch across the back for you." I said and gave her a sly smile, I really would wear the shirt but more so everyone would know she was mine then that I was hers.

"Sounds like a plan I wouldn't want to have to drop one of my cheerleaders just to beat the skanks off you Cullen." Bella replied and she grabbed my hand and we continued walking towards the cafeteria for lunch.

"I will wear extra skank repellant babe." I answered and would consider it if I could find it honestly. I only had eyes for B.

We went through the line and I grabbed a chicken Caesar salad, which Bella has insisted I try one day and I fell in love with. Bella grabbed an apple, a granola bar and a Red Bull, which was an odd lunch combination for her.

I looked at her lunch choice and cocked an eyebrow.

"What? I don't like to eat a lot on game day. Trust me jumping, flipping, and flying through the air with too much in your stomach makes you want to puke. I eat light before then binge on pizza afterward." Bella said and gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"Okay but we are going out for pizza together. Emmett has been nicer to me lately and I don't want him getting pissy because I haven't been feeding you properly or something stupid." I said as I paid for our lunches and collected my change from lunch lady Doris, she was always so nice.

"Proper feeding to Emmett is about every fifteen minutes, sometimes less." Bella said and I laughed as we made our way towards the table Alice and Jasper was already seating it.

"Bella are you excited about the game tonight?" Alice practically squealed and jumped off Jasper's lap and headed towards Bella.

"Sure, Alice always excited to prance around in a short skirt and spandex for the whole town to see." Bella replied.

I might have had to stifle a groan at the thought of Bella in her cheerleading outfit. Yes she was wearing it now, but we were at school, I was thinking about her in my car, the pool house, my bed, and her bed….fuck these thoughts need to stop before I get myself into trouble.

"You'll do great babe." I said to her and grabbed her hand that was toying with the tab on the can of Red Bull.

"Thanks." she replied and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"What are we doing after the game?" Alice asked as she been back to her seat. By her seat I mean Jasper's lap.

"Food, I will need food, lots of food." Bella said and we all laughed.

"You really are Emmett's sister, you know I had my doubts until now." Jasper replied while which made us all laugh harder.

"I heard the school paper is looking for a photographer after Eric got kicked out the paper. I mean really who doesn't check the memory card to be sure their more personal photos aren't removed before returning the camera to the teacher?" Alice asked, once we had all regained composure.

"I heard it was shots of him modeling for gay porn." Bella added.

"I heard it was photos of him and some random hooking up in a hotel." Jasper said.

"I heard we are some gossipy bitches." I said which earned me a sharp and swift elbow in the ribs from Bella.

"Jasper, you like to take pictures, why don't you see if you can get the assignment." Bella suggested.

"Great idea Bella! come on Jazz we could have it after school together on Tuesdays!" Alice exclaimed and started bouncing in his lap.

"I will talk to Mrs. Finch after school today darling, but you have to stop bouncing please" Jasper said and gave Alice a look. She rewarded him with a more then polite kiss considering we were in the cafeteria at school, which did not end until the bell sounded that signaled the end of lunch.

I threw Bella and I's trash away and pulled her in for a hug and a short kiss.

"See you in Bio babe?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"Sure thing, I'll be the one wearing the cheerleading outfit sitting by the hot guy near the back." she replied and walked away.

I know it's cliché but while I was sad to see her go, I loved watching her ass in that skirt. She turned around and noticed me noticing her and gave me a sly smile and then put more sway in her hips as she continued down the hall. Yeah, Bella Swan was going to death of me, and soon.

**BPOV**

"Ready for the first game ladies?" I called as the squad did the final touches on our face paint and pig tails, and sparkles, and all that other girly crap.

They all started chatting away excitedly, and I rolled my eyes, but smiled, as I began to put my own finishing touches on.

It had been a week since the Midget Stripper's plan, and Emmett had definitely eased up a little bit, but who knew how long that was going to last, it might have just been because he was distracted with Renee and Grampa Winnie. Didn't really matter to me either way, I was able to get some quality make-out time with Cullen. Emmett and I hadn't really been seeing much of each other lately, which made my heart hurt a little bit, I missed him, and needed to spend some quality time with him soon.

"All right ladies, we're going to do awesome out there, we all know the routines, we've been working on them since before school started, just stick with your partners and groups for the flips, and when you basket toss Bella and I, please watch your spots, we don't want anyone getting kicked in the face, or either of us to be dropped." Angela said as we made our way out to the field. They all nodded and we made our way out to the field, we each did our own things to pump ourselves up at first, but once we got in front of the crowd, our adrenaline kicked in and we didn't need to look for reasons to be excited.

Over all, the game went pretty well, we cheered, and screamed, and flipped, and jumped, and no one was injured when they threw me and Angela into the air, which was my favorite part, it was like I was flying, it was the free-est I had ever felt before. The game ended, and we won by a lot, our guys were fucking good.

"Bella, you were awesome!" Emmett said as he and everyone else rushed into the cheerleading area to see me. I smiled and hugged him, I liked when he was happy with me, it was a lot better than fucking being yelled at by him.

"Yeah baby, awesome!" Edward echoed kissing me quickly as he put his arm around my shoulders.

"Thanks guys, but I'm fucking starving." I whined, causing them all to laugh.

"The two Swans are always eating." Alice laughed as we made our way to the parking lot, I cringed a little as we walked by James and a few of the other teachers who were talking off to the side, he watched me walk by, and I smiled at him, to be friendly, he had been giving me detentions left and right lately, or trying to anyways, I always managed to get my way out of it, whether Cullen used his smooth moves on Mrs. Cope, or I just found a way to work off the detention with another teacher. I had practice every day after school, I gave the other girls shit when they missed one, or were even late, I couldn't in turn not show up.

We arrived at the pizza place, and it was packed with kids from school, so it took us a while to get through the crowds, of course stopping to talk about the game, and how the cheerleaders did awesome this year, and finding an empty one big enough for the six of us. But we finally did, and ordered two large pizzas, one was meat lovers, and the other was a white sauce with chicken and broccoli.

"So, our L.A trip is next weekend!" Alice squealed, taking a sip of her iced tea from across from me, between Rosalie and Jasper. I was sandwiched between Emmett and Edward.

"I know! I'm pumped!" I exclaimed, equally excited. Edward and I would be sharing a room, I didn't care how we were going to get by Emmett, but we were going to, I didn't fucking care.

"There's so many awesome places to go shopping." Rosalie said, "So, we are definitely hitting some of those areas at some point in the weekend." She stated, her tone made it obvious that it wasn't up for negotiation.

"Yes ma'am." Emmett saluted, as the pizza came. We all dug in, happily, and quietly, making a few comments, but mostly focused on the food and curing our hunger.

Once we finished the pizza and Emmett paid with Renee's card, we all went to our separate cars and Cullen drove us back to his house.

"You okay B?" He asked once we pulled into the driveway, I had been silent the entire way.

"I'm fine, just spacing out." I told him honestly, I wasn't sure if I should bring up the fact that James had been totally creeping me out yet or not, he hadn't done anything too creepy, more annoying than anything, I knew I wasn't an angel, but I didn't think I deserved daily detentions from him, and I knew telling Cullen would make him protective, and worried.

"All right." He said, looking at me funny but I smiled and gave him a kiss to distract him. It never failed.


	16. The Sleepover

**Disclaimer;; **we own nothing Twilight, and nothing O.C ... sadly.  
**A.N;;** heyy guys, I know we promised one update per week, and we both feel like giant jerks for not getting it up last weekend like it should have been. We've both got a lot of personal stuff going on, and it's really messing up with our writing, and we both hate it because we love this story, and all the great ideas we have for it. Thank you for baring with us, hopefully we can start working out a regular routine when things calm down a little, we're sorry. =]  
This chapter is a little bit shorter than the others, but this is a pretty.. big chapter in events wise.. so forgive us.. and let us know what you think.  
Also - ideas for halloween costumes? pleaseee.

* * *

**Chapter 16**

**BPOV**

"B, you're not ready yet?" Emmett called walking into my closet as I scrambled around it, balling things up and throwing them in my already over flowing suitcase. I frowned, looking up at him.

"I was up all night doing laundry, and then my alarm didn't go off on time this morning, it's all a fucking mess." I grumbled, grabbing some more clothes.

"You're packing job looks a lot like mine." he laughed, shaking his head at me.

"You taught me how to pack." I reminded him, our first family vacation when I was five and he was seven, Renee was too drunk to remember that she hadn't packed for us, so Emmett packed both of our bags by rolling everything in balls and stuffing it into our suitcases. No one had ever really taught me to pack any differently, well, Alice tried, but this was quicker, and you could fit more. He grinned at that, tugging on my pony tail as Alice and Rosalie burst through the doors, Rose rolling her eyes at my suitcase, she'd been with Emmett long enough to not be surprised at most things, Alice on the other hand, looked absolutely horrified.

"Bella!" she exclaimed in horror, "Clothes are your friends, you can't do this to them!" she told me, pushing me away from the suitcase, and dumping it onto the floor. Both Emmett and I groaned.

"Dude, she was almost done, we need to get going, like... ten minutes ago!" He whined.

"I'm just going to repack her suitcase, the right way. I promise, it won't take me long at all." Alice reassured him as she quickly began to fold.

"Baby, can you go load our bags into your jeep? And Alice's into Bella's car, and make sure if the other two aren't here to go get them." Glamazon smiled at my brother, and added a wink for good measure. He nodded, giving her a kiss and disappearing from my room.

"I hate packing." I sighed, watching as Alice refolded and repacked with ease.

"Here, put this in there as well." Rose told her, tossing her a black bag, which Alice tucked into the corner.

"What the fuck is that?" I asked, completely confused.

"Don't worry, you'll thank her." Alice giggled; I crossed my arms over my chest, waiting for an answer.

"It's something that's going to turn your neighbor boy into your neighbor man." Rose answered, waggling her eyebrows and smirking.

"Have you guys had sex yet?" Alice asked, curious, "Jasper and I are waiting." she explained, "Not until marriage or anything, but sex complicates things, we're having fun now, and we'll be together forever anyways, so there's really no rush." she rattled, continuing to pack.

"We haven't, Cullen's a virgin, but fuck, I'm dying." I told them honestly, "This has been the longest I have ever gone without sex," I frowned, "but, I think this weekend it's gonna happen."

"I'll keep Emmett occupied so you can have privacy to de-virginize the Cullen." Rose nodded, smirking, and at that moment, she was my favorite person in the world, almost.

"Okay, I'm never fucking nervous when it comes to sex, you guys know I love sex, but what the fuck - I'm seriously more nervous about taking Cullen's v-card than I was about losing my own. Dammit." I admitted to them, I did not like that feeling at all, it was fucking annoying.

"Aww, Bella has feelings." Alice mocked sitting on top of my suitcase so she could zip it. I frowned at her, she was such a bitch sometimes.

"Our little angry girl is growing up into a real person with feelings and shit." Rose added, fake sniffling while wiping a imaginary tear from her eye.

"All right you bitches, let's get the fuck out of here." I groaned, done with the conversation and grabbing my suitcase as the three of us left my room and made our way down the stairs where the boys were standing by the door talking.

"Finally." Emmett groaned, grabbing my bag and throwing it in the back of my car. I was so fucking pumped to be driving my new car.

"We'll follow you guys." I told Emmett as the four of us made our way to my car, and he and Rose walked over to his jeep.

"Call when you guys wanna stop for food or gas or anything so we don't get split up." Emmett said, and we all climbed in the cars.

"I made the road trip mix." Cullen said popping a CD into the dash. He was such a nerd. I secretly loved it, but I loved making fun of him for it more.

The trip there was fun, Cullen had actually put together the perfect road trip mix, we all had fun being silly and goofing off, singing along to the songs on the tops of our lungs, and joking with each other. Alice was snapping away with her camera the entire time, taking pictures of us, the sights, and god knows whatever else, which would end up on Facebook before the end of the day, guarenteed.

We only had to stop twice, once for gas, and once because Emmett called and claimed if he didn't eat, he was going to drop dead while driving on the highway, and he wouldn't risk his or Rosalie's life, and that he couldn't die and leave me with Renee. Yeah, he was really hungry because he was pulling all the stops.

But we made it there in one piece, and let me tell you, it was a hotel in the center of L.A, everything was in walking distance, it was perfect. I take back any bad thing I ever said about Alice, she rocked. Well, maybe not every bad thing, but most of them and that had to count for something.

**EPOV**

This hotel was awesome, it had a café, restaurant, two pools, a weight/workout room, and an arcade. It was like I had died and went to vacation heaven, because not only was I here, but I was here all weekend without parents and with Bella. Sure Rose and Em were here to chaperone, but I'm sure between Jasper, Alice, B, and I we could outsmart Emmett. Hell, we could send him on one of those restaurant tours; with the way he eats he might make it back to Newport before Christmas.

Jasper and I carried the girls bags up to their room like the nice proper gentleman that we were. The girls then followed us to our room while we dropped off our bags. Once inside the girls unfolded their devious little plan.

"Okay guys so here is how it's going down. We are going to stuff Emmett with more food than any human could possibly eat. This will make him drowsy and slow thinking. Rose is going to "help him up to bed" once he complains of a tummy ache. At the time we are swapping rooms. Cullen and I will stay in this room. Alice and Jazz will be the other room. Any questions?" Bella asked as soon as we had the door closed.

"No dear." I replied.

"Aye Captain Swan." Jasper replied. Clearly he has seen too much Pirates of the Caribbean lately.

"Come on Bella, we have to go get ready for dinner." Alice said, still giggling at Jasper's lame joke.

"Give me a few minutes Alice, I'll be right there." Bella said as she wandered around the room.

"Okay Bella see you back at the room. I need to start making myself beautiful." Alice said giving Jasper a quick kiss before leaving the room.

Once Alice left the room, and Bella was in her own world doing god knows what, Jasper and I walked to the end of the hall to gather ice and snacks to store in the mini fridge.

"Nervous?" he asked as we began to stock up.

"I never had a – uhh- sleepover before..." I admitted and suddenly my throat was dry and my palms were sweaty.

"Please Edward, tell me you are not more nervous about Bella sleeping over then you are about having sex with her." Jasper rolled his eyes as we continued to get snacks.

"Both - neither. Fuck Jasper, I'm worried I won't be what she would have expected and then everything will just get all weird and messed up between us, again, UGH!" I groaned and slammed my head into the soda machine. Ouch. Jasper laughed. I'm not sure if he was laughing at my confession or the head butt to a vending machine.

"It will cuz, sex always complicates a relationship. That's why it's a difficult step for most people to take and why they get nervous and apprehensive about it." Jasper explained. "It's also why me and Alice are waiting to take that next step."

"Thanks Jasper that kind of makes me feel better. You ever thought of a career in psychology? I could you specializing in suicidal patients." I said.

"I'm being serious and honest Edward. This will change everything about your relationship. Once you have sex there is no going back. It will be weird trying to figure out when you can do it again, is it going to happen all the time now or just sometimes? You both need to talk to each other about it before you do it. I always thought if you aren't ready to talk about sex then you aren't ready to have sex." Jasper said as cool as a cucumber.

"Okay now that's some good advice. Talk to Bella about it first and figure things out before we do it. Thanks Jasper." I said as we made our way back to the room.

"Bye babe, got to go get ready." Bella said walking out of our room, giving me a kiss before she took off in the elevator. I still wasn't sure what she needed exactly in our room, but I wasn't going to worry about it.

Alice had "accidentally" booked three rooms on three different floors. Rose and Emmett were staying in a suite near the top so that we wouldn't accidentally bump into each other or hear things that can't be unheard. I pretty much loved her for it.

"Come on Lover boy, we need to get ready for dinner as well." Jasper said and headed towards the bathroom to shower.

After we both showered, shaved, and changed clothes. I may or may not have brushed my teeth twice and even flossed, just to do something besides focus on the butterflies in my stomach. Jasper and I headed down to the lobby to meet everyone else and head to the hotel's restaurant for dinner.

**BPOV**

"Bells, you look good mama." Alice grinned at me as I walked out of our bathroom. I frowned looking down at myself. I had on a plain black tank top, with lace at the bottom, and a black floral skirt, with simple black flip flops, and of course all the right accessories. I had flattened my hair and put on a head band to keep my bangs out of my eyes.

"So do you Al." I told her, and she really did. She had a pair of purple skinny jeans, a white tube top, black heels, and her hair was in loose waves around her face. She looked adorable, as fucking usual.

"Do you kind of feel bad for what you are about to do to your dear, big brother, who always protects you and looks out for you for everything, just so you can get laid?" Alice teased as we made our way out of the room. I groaned, thanks Alice.

"Awesome. Thank you for making me feel like an even better person." I told her sarcastically, trying not to think about what she said.

"Don't worry babe, it's fine." She giggled as we got into the elevator. We were comfortable quiet on the way down, its what I liked most about our friendship, we didn't need to always fill our time with useless chatter, we just enjoyed each others company. Plus, when you see and talk to each other on a daily basis, you run out of things to talk about anyways.

We made our way to the lobby where everyone else was already waiting, Emmett rolled his eyes dramatically and lead the way to the restaurant. We decided to stay in tonight, and eat that the hotel restaurant, and then tomorrow we would venture out and do whatever. Edward took my hand in his as we followed the hostess to a table.

It was a round table, and I was in between Edward and Jasper, and across from Emmett. After we had given our drink order, I opened the menu and looked for the entree with the most amount of food to suggest to Emmett. Part of me felt bad, but at the same time, it's not like we were poisoning him or anything, just stuffing him so he would go to his room and fall asleep.

"Oooh, Emmett, they have your favorite!" I baited, peeking up at him over my menu, "Cowboy Cut Rib Eye steak, with stuffed peppers, steamed veggies, loaded mashed potatoes, and your choice of soup or salad." I continued, and bit my bottom lip so I wouldn't giggle when I saw his eyes light up, and flip through the menu until he found it.

Once I was sure that he was definitely ordering that, I decided on a chicken Caesar salad, Alice got the Asian Salad, Jasper got some southwest chicken thing, Rosalie got a grilled chicken sandwich, and Cullen settled on a burrito.

We all talked through dinner, and we all made sure to ask Emmett how certain things tasted, just so he would take extra bites. Rosalie was also giving him bites of her sandwich, and Alice and I each let him sample a decent sized bite of our salads. And of course when the waitress came over, we ordered one of each dessert. Emmett could NEVER pass up desserts, no matter how full he was.

"Oh my god." He groaned, putting a hand on his stomach as his face contorted in pain. "I never thought I'd say this, but I think I ate way too much." we all stifled giggles, as Rosalie kissed the side of his face and rubbed his neck.

"Babe, I always tell you that you need to slow down, and definitely not eat so much." She feigned innocence.

"I know, I know." Emmett yawned and groaned at the same time. "I need to go lay down, babe will you come with me?" he pouted to Rose, he was such a baby sometimes.

"Yes baby." She responded, and sent me a wink as the waitress returned with our bill. Which Emmett paid for me, him and Rosalie, and Jasper paid for him, Cullen and Alice. And we left the restaurant.

As we entered the elevator, Edward grabbed my hand and squeezed tightly, and I couldn't help the butterflies – or wombats actually, in my stomach as I realized that everything would be completely different in a few hours.

**Edwards POV**

"You wait here Cullen, I will be out in a minute" Bella said once we got back to the room, and entered the bathroom.

Fuck, we were going to have sex and she was going in there to get naked. Should I get naked too? Should I stay dressed and let her get me naked? I shouldn't get naked, maybe she just had to pee. Ugh sex is confusing.

I went over everything I thought I should, shouldn't, could, and couldn't do. Stupid inner debate had me so distracted I barely noticed when Bella opened the door and stepped out. And Damn, B looked hot. It wasn't so much she was wearing as what she wasn't wearing. A black bustier and black panties, damn my girlfriend was a Goddess and I'm a lucky bastard.

"Wow B you look..." was all my poor shocked brain could manage. I wanted to say she looked like the sexiest woman alive and I was glad I could call her mine. I wanted to tell her she looked damn good in that but she would look great in anything. I wanted to say all that and more, but my brain just wouldn't work.

"I could be insulted by that but will take your stunned silence as a superb compliment" Bella said as she made her way over to the bed and helped me close my jaw. I hadn't noticed it was hanging open but she picked it up off the floor and tucked my tongue back in as well.

"B, I think we need to talk." I managed to say, once some blood flow seemed to finally redirect itself to my brain instead of, well, other places.

"Really? I'm dressed in a bustier and thong and you want to have a talk?" Bella asked and raised an eyebrow at me questionably.

Well damn there goes what little blood flow I had managed to route to my brain. I just nodded my head, it seemed like the safest thing to do at that point.

"Okay Cullen, so what do you want to talk about?" Bella asked sitting down on the bed.

"Sex- well us having sex, not just sex in general, though I mean, I guess any discussion of sex is about sex in general-" I started rambling while I handed Bella the comforter to cover up with so I was not as distracted.

"What specifically about us and sex did you want to discuss?" Bella interrupted.

"Are you planning on having sex with me tonight?" I asked.

"No Cullen every night I sleep with my boobs practically under my chin and underwear in the crack of my ass." Bella said rolling her eyes until I gave her my sad pouty face. She couldn't resist the sad pouty face. "Fuck quit with the face, yes yes yes. I planned on us having sex tonight, hence the outfit Cullen." she answered.

"Awesome." was the only reply I could think to answer.

"Awesome? I put myself on display like some cheap porn queen and all I get is an awesome?" Bella practically spit the words out of her mouth like they had a bad taste.

"No, well, yeah, it is awesome but I just wasn't sure, and then Jasper said we should talk beforehand and how sex complicates everything. I don't want things to be complicated and I just wanted to talk to your beforehand and work everything out. Are you on birth control? Do I need to wear condoms? Is this a onetime thing or do we need to work out some sort of sex schedule? Fuck B, I want you, believe me, I want you more than you know, but I don't want sex to make things weird between us." I admitted and sat beside her on the bed, wrapping my arm around her shoulder.

Bella was quiet for a minute; normally this is a bad thing because it meant her brain was plotting something. I really hoped she wasn't planning to hurt me. Seriously Emmett taught her how to punch , maybe I could ask her not to hit me in the face or the junk. Yeah she could hit me anywhere but the face or junk. No need explaining to everyone I pissed off my girlfriend and she gave me a black eye.

"Listen up Cullen and listen well. I'm going to say this once and then it's never to be brought up again understand?" Bella asked.

I nodded my head in agreement and for her to continue.

"I am on birth control, so condoms are your preference. No sex schedule, if we want to have sex we will if not we won't. I'm kind of nervous about this shit too, because honestly, I've never had sex without being drunk or stoned. And I've never taken anyone's virginity before, so yeah, I'm a little fucking nervous, too. Do you understand?" Bella explained.

"Yes." I answered, because I did and it felt good to know she was anxious about this as well.

"What we are going to do is go with it. If it feels right we will if it doesn't we won't. Deal?" Bella asked as she dropped the comforter and straddled my lap, staring to kiss me.

"Deal." I managed to say in between kisses.

We kept kissing and our tongues were fighting for dominance in each others mouths, and I swear she bit my bottom lip a few times and I kind of liked that. My hands ghosted up her sides, trying not to tickle her but torn between her boobs and her ass. They couldn't decide which they liked better and well, neither could I.

Bella broke the kiss and helped me remove my shirt and after that was gone she seemed to grind herself on my dick harder and faster. She started running her nails lightly down my back but was getting rougher each time.

The intensity of the kisses seemed to increase. They went from sweet to more aggressive and wanton. Our mouths and lips were all over each other. We were attached at the lips with our tongues mingling and then in the next second we both had our mouths on the others neck, all the while Bella kept grinding harder and faster and my dick was aching.

Bella seemed to either sense my need for more or maybe she had needs of her own that dry humping was not meeting, but she stopped and stood up, undoing my pants and pulling down my boxer briefs. I thought my being the only naked one was horribly unfair so I reached behind her to undo her bustier.

"Good luck with that Cullen, this shit was complicated to get on I imagine it would take a locksmith or a welding torch to get it off." Bella said as she threw my pants and boxers across the room.

I laughed; leave it to B to make a joke while I am trying to get her boobs out.

I kept working and finally got the latches or whatever held that monster together, undone and as soon as I tossed it to the ground I grabbed a boob in one hand and a put the other nipple in my mouth. "Fuck Cullen that feels good." Bella moaned, so I keep at what I was doing. I wasn't sure it was right until she told me so.

While I kept up my attention on her boobs, Bella seemed to get antsy because she grabbed my dick and started stroking it. This made it hard to focus on what I was doing, where I was, or hell- even who I was. Bella had my dick in her hands so I of course turned to jelly.

Bella continued stroking me and I must have closed my eyes because suddenly I couldn't feel her hand on me anymore nor her boobs. I opened them to discover Bella had stepped back and out of her thong panties.

"You are beautiful baby." was all I could think to say to the perfect sight before me.

"Shut up Cullen." Bella replied as she returned to the bed and pushed me onto my back.

She climbed on top of me and straddled my hips and leaned down starting to kiss me. I could feel the heat from her crotch all over my dick and it was amazing. We kept kissing and groping each other until Bella lent up.

"Ready?" She asked as she grabbed a condom from the bedside drawer.

"Yes!?" I replied and it sounded more like a question and must have amused B because she giggled. She had an adorable giggle.

Bella opened the wrapper and slowly rolled the condom down my dick. She then leaned forwards and put me at her entrance.

"Go slow to start, it's been awhile and you're really big." She said and at that moment for the first time in a long time, she looked almost vulnerable.

"Yes dear." I replied with my standard reply.

I would love to be able to say it lasted all night and we each rode each other to multiple orgasms, but the truth was it was over quicker than I would have liked. Once it was over, Bella fell back onto the bed, and I kissed her forehead as I got up and tossed the condom away and washed my hands and came back to bed and snuggled a sleeping Bella into my arms, and pulled her close to my chest. She really was perfect to me in every way I could think of. She just seemed to get me and all my nerdy ways and while she teased me about it, I knew she loved me being sweet to her.

I brushed her hair out of her eyes and whispered "Good night baby, I love you." into her ear before I drifted off to sleep holding her close.

**BPOV**

There was pounding on the door. I grumbled, and went to move, but stopped when I realized there was a body next to mine.

Where the fuck was I?

I opened my eyes to see a naked Cullen next to me, and I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up, or pass out, or that maybe my heart was going to jump out of my chest as everything came rushing back to me. Cullen and I had sex. Cullen had told me he loved me. I had actually spent the night. First things first, I had never taken anyone's virginity, not that I regretted it or anything, because it felt right, it was just something new. But, the only other guy I had even heard the words I love you from, aside from Emmett, was Jake, and we were always fucked up when it was said, so I never put much stock into it, but coming from Cullen, I knew he meant it, and that made me feel... I'm not exactly sure how that made me feel, but I had never felt this way before. And the whole spending the night thing, again, I only did it with Jake because we were too fucked up for him to drive me home, and I would have rather not have died. And with Cullen, it of course meant a lot more.

Fuck.

The banging sound happened again, and I realized it was someone knocking on the door. I untangled myself from Cullen, nudging him awake as I stood up. I groaned as soon as my feet hit the ground. My vagina was hurting. Like, really fucking hurting. I was used to having sex daily, and it had been months since I had sex, and Cullen was a lot bigger than Jake. Fuck.

"Morning baby." he said, his voice filled with sleep.

"Someone's at the door." I told him, and bent down to grab Cullen's shirt which was at my feet, and yanked it over my head, it went to my mid thigh, covering up anything that needed to be covered, and I awkwardly and slowly waddled my way to the door. I flung the door open to see Jasper standing in front of me, wearing a pair of tight, bright yellow sweat pants. "Jasper, why the fuck are you wearing my pants?" I asked him, stifling giggles as he burst into the room, shutting the door quickly, I couldn't hold in my giggles anymore when he paraded past me and I was able to see 'Pink' in pink block letters written across his ass.

"What the hell took you so long, I was banging on your damn door for like twenty minutes, people think I'm totally creepy." he nearly growled as he rifled through his suitcase, Cullen and I were both doubled over in laughter.

"Sorry." I replied, and laughed when he threw my balled up pants at me. I was grateful he had worn my favorite sweatpants, I was fucking sore, and did not want to be in anything tight or restraining and uncomfortable today, I wasn't even planning on wearing underwear.

"Well, now that you guys are awake, get ready, we're going to brunch. Emmett is apparently ready to eat again." Jasper explained. I nodded, sliding on the sweatpants, and grabbing my clothes that were thrown around the room.

"See you." I said, waving awkwardly at them both, Cullen looked confused, scared, and worried when I didn't walk over for a kiss, but I had a lot to fucking process, and I just wanted to get the fuck out of there.

When I finally made it back to mine and Alice's room, which took a while, because I was really fucking sore, she was bouncing on the edge of her bed, waiting for me. I groaned, but at the same time was grateful, she would help me sort through my feelings, I hoped.

"Hey Limps-a-lot." She smiled, I flipped her off as I hobbled over to my suitcase to grab my shower stuff. "So how was it? Was it magical? And everything you hoped it would be?" she asked, following me into the bathroom.

"You do remember that I wasn't a virgin, right?" I asked her, as I turned on the water and undressed quickly, hopping in the shower, she was sitting backwards on the closed toilet, playing with her hair.

"I know, but I mean, it was your first time with Edward, and everyone knows things with you and Edward have always been... different, for lack of a better term." she continued.

"The sex was great, once I got him to shut up and stop talking, he is big Alice, my poor vajay is hurting today." I told her, rolling my eyes when she giggled.

"So, everything is good between you guys then?" She prodded, knowing me all too well.

"Alice, last night after we had sex, I was just about passed out, and he told me he loved me, and then I actually spent the night, and fucking cuddled." I shuddered at the words.

"So... I'm not seeing the problem here."

"Do you not know who you're talking to? Bella Swan, I fucking repel feelings, and cuddling totally gives me the fucking heebie jeebies."

"So, what the fuck did you do this morning then? Just run out without saying goodbye?"

"I waved..." I replied, immediately feeling like an asshole.

"What do you mean 'You waved?'" she deadpanned.

"Fuck. Alice. I just don't know how to handle all of this. I took the kids virginity. But I don't fucking regret it, I don't feel bad about it, it felt right, and when he said I love you, he fucking meant it, and that scares me, no one other than Emmett and you have ever fucking meant it. But I mean, I've never felt this way about anyone, it's always been Cullen, always, all along. I dated Jake and all those other guys because they were nothing like him, there was no way they could remind me of him. Maybe I love him too? Maybe I've loved him this entire time. Fuck. I don't know, I just, feel bad because I don't know if I'm ready to say it back yet, and he fucking deserves that, after everything, he deserves that much. And I don't do sleepovers really, I would sneak out of Jake's before he woke up every morning... I don't know how to act the morning after." I exploded.

"Bella, you need to calm down." Alice soothed, I shut off the water and grabbed a towel to wrap around my body before pulling the curtain back. "Edward is pretty understanding, you need to talk to him, let him know that while you may be more sexually experienced than he is, you have no clue how to be in a functioning relationship. He'll surprise you." She smiled at me and walked out of the bathroom, leaving me to my own mess of a mind.

I needed a fucking cigarette and my flask. Fuck where was my flask?

* * *

Some of you might remember Dani and I had this story called The Friend Game, it was a cute story we cut our teeth on writing together and well he sort of abandoned it like a bad crack addition for Newport. Well we have been working on the final chapter for it recently and should be done sometime in the next week or maybe two. We figure its been 3 months since it got updated whats a week or two more, plus we are trying to wrap thing up well so be on the lookout for that.

Review=Teaser when we get it started and figure out the part to tease.


	17. Miss Priscilla

See Dani and I can hit deadlines when we really try. There is alot of each of us in this chapter I noticed so it is very real to the both of us.

We have the next 2 or 3 chapters outlined because well stuff it going to start happening and quickly really from here on out it seems.

I hope you like this and remember to review and we will send you a link to our FB page which is on our profiles as well.

* * *

**Jaspers POV**

"Did it look like Bella was limping a little to you dude?" I asked Edward, unsure if something happened or maybe she just didn't stretch properly before physical activity.

"I'm more concerned with her abrupt exit this morning, so I didn't notice, sorry." Edward replied shortly and headed for the bathroom.

"So how did the magical night of sex go?" I asked, not really wanting the blow by blow details, but concerned Edward didn't really know what he was doing since I witnessed Bella limping out of the room.

"Good, well, no- great, uhm... wonderful. I don't know how to vocalize it into words Jazz, it was the best night of my life." Edward replied from the other side of the door.

"Well good for you cuz." I answered.

"It wasn't just the sex either Jazz, I mean sure, that was great but I think the best part was just falling asleep holding her in my arms afterward. Hell I even had a dream I told her I loved her." Edward said as he emerged from the bathroom looking refreshed.

"Damn dude you got it bad." I said as I headed to brush my teeth, Alice didn't approve of kissing with morning breath.

"This from the guy who only snuggled with his girlfriend all night." Edward shot back.

"Touché" I replied to end the discussion, because no one needed to know what was or was not happening with Alice and I in the same bed.

"Come on, I'm hungry let's head down and meet everyone for breakfast." Edward said sliding on his shoes and heading towards the door.

"Right behind you." I said and followed Edward out of the room and towards the elevator.

**Emmett POV**

"Rose, come on I'm hungry, hurry up so we can go down to breakfast babe." I said towards the bathroom for what seemed like the fifth time this hour.

Yes, Rose was a very beautiful girl, in fact, she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, but damn, it took her awhile to get that way each and every day. Now don't get me wrong- I loved my Rose just out of bed in her sweats and my old football shirt, so I don't see why she had to take the time to prepare herself like this. I loved her just how she was, but it seemed to make her happy so I could deal with it. Normally I dealt with it better on a full stomach though.

"Five more minutes Em." Rose replied.

"But baby you said that fifteen minutes ago." I complained. Yes complained, because real men don't whine like a little bitch.

"Yeah and it'll be another fifteen if you keep pestering me." Rose shot back.

I huffed and sat down, trying to find something decent on TV, yeah all crappy reality shows. Who was the stupid ass who thought it would be a great idea to have a show called 16 & Pregnant? I mean do we really need to promote teen pregnancy even more by putting the girls on TV showing other girls if they get knocked up as teenagers they can get on TV too? Gross.

"Come on babe, let's get you fed before you get cranky." Rose said as she emerged from the bathroom, looking fucking hot. Yeah I love her in anything even her sweats, but damn if she didn't look good when she tried.

"Come on beautiful, you look great by way." I said grabbing her hand as we left the room. As we boarded the elevator I pressed the button for the lobby, trying to ignore the god awful music, Why is it hotels always play horrible music in elevators? Before I knew it I was humming along and I knew it would be stuck in my head all damn day.

"Em, try and take it easy today. We don't need a repeat of last night. You need to learn to stop when you are full babe, no matter how good the food looks or tastes." Rose said as the elevator doors opened, and we walked towards the lobby to meet everyone else.

"Yes baby, I'll try, but the food always looks, smells and tastes so good and I'm a growing boy after all." I said as I patted my stomach.

"Oh, I think you are plenty big enough for me baby." Rose said, giving me a devious wink and grin. God, she was so hot when she was being naughty like that.

Thankfully the rest of the group arrived shortly, well maybe not thankfully, but damn I was hungry and my stomach and Mini Em were warring for control of my body.

"Come on B, you can sit by me." I said and threw my arm around Bella as we talked towards the table.

We got about halfway to the table and I noticed Bella was walking kind of funny.

"Did you pull a muscle in your quad or something B?" I asked as we all sat down and began looking over our menus. I figured she just slept funky or something.

"What are you talking about Em?" Bella answered my question with a question.

"You're limping Bella, what did you do? sleep wrong and wake up sore?" I asked since that was clearly what happened.

Alice giggled. Which confused me, that was the only explanation there could possibly fucking be.

"Just drop it Em, I'm fine." Bella replied, not making eye contact with me.

"You're limping Bella, just come here and let me see, I'll just give you a good deep tissue massage and it'll feel better and you can stop walking funny." I said and reached for her leg so I could feel where the muscle was swollen or tight to help her work it out.

Alice burst out laughing, like huge belly laughs I didn't think her small frame was capable of. And I was officially confused.

"Em get your damn hands away from me!" Bella almost yelled. _What the fuck? _She never acted like this around me. I was really fucking lost, my sister was hurting and she wouldn't let me help, that shit just wasn't right. I mean, I'm just trying to help her feel better, not cop a feel, eww she's my sister. _Oh fuck_, she's trying to protect Cullen, this was his fault somehow. Bastard hurting my little sister and then fucking having her try to keep the injuries from me. Hell no, Bella was not some dudes fucking punching bag.

"Edward, care to explain to me why my sister is walking funny and won't let me touch her?" I spat as I turned to face Edward, who was sitting across the table.

"Emmett!" Bella exclaimed, groaning, "Cullen- he, well fuck, he didn't mean to hurt me." she tried to explain.

I saw red, my baby sister just admitted that her boyfriend had hurt her. The only reason I even okayed their damn relationship was to keep her away from Jake Black, not so she could get herself into another shitty relationship. Edward Cullen was a dead man, he might not know it yet, but yeah it was happening and soon, slowly and painfully too.

"I am going to rip you apart with my bare hands." I growled as I got up and started towards Edward.

Bella jumped up quickly, positioning herself in front of me as I began to walk towards him, she kept herself between Edward and I.

"Dammit Emmett, Cullen didn't mean to hurt me, he doesn't even know he did." she paused, grimacing almost, "If you really must fucking know, we had sex last night and it's been awhile for me... and Cullen is very.... above average, so, well, damn it, I sprained my pus-vagina." Bella explained.

I was no longer hungry, in fact, I didn't think I would ever eat again. My sister just admitted her boyfriend and her had sex and somehow she injured her... lady business. Yeah, time to go puke. I bolted from the table towards the restroom just as the rest of our table joined Alice in their gut wrenching laughter.

**APOV**

"Are you okay, B?" Edward asked once we had all stopped laughing and her confession and Emmett's abrupt exit towards the bathroom, I swear he turned green when she told him she had sprained her vagina.

"Yeah, I'm just sore." she told him, easing herself back into her chair, making Jasper, Rose and I giggle again.

"So, let's stop talking about Bella and Cullen's dirty places, because poor Emmett will not be able to handle it anymore." I said, wanting to change the subject, because I knew that the two of them had yet to really talk about anything today. We ate our breakfast slowly as we waited for Emmett's return, which happened not too long later, he looked a little green, and not happy.

"So, what are the plans today?" Rose asked, rubbing Emmett's shoulder comfortingly.

"B, you and I are going to spend the day together, we clearly have a lot of catching up to do." Emmett said, sighing.

"It's that or a day of torturous shopping, so, that works for me." Bella agreed, smirking at me.

"There's an antique car show I'm dying to go to." Rose said, frowning, knowing she'd probably end up going alone.

"Really?" Jazzy asked, picking up interest, "Can I go with you Rosalie?" he asked, a huge grin appeared on her face as she nodded, and I felt my heart flutter a little, Rosalie was a tough one to win over, and I really wanted her to approve of Jasper, because he was my forever.

"So, Edward, I have plans to go shopping on Rodeo drive, will you come with me?" I asked him, pouting, "I promise I won't make you carry any bags, and there's a lot of vintage stores, and music stores that you will absolutely love!" I plead my case, knowing I won him over with the last part.

"Sounds good Alice." He smiled at me, but I could tell he was preoccupied.

We finished up breakfast, and while everyone went to get ready, I went outside with Bella so she could smoke a cigarette.

"You really need to talk to him, babe." I told her, standing upwind from her, I hated smelling like cigarettes, that's all I would need, some paparazzi spreading some disgusting rumor about me.

"I know, I just, I gotta diffuse the situation with Emmett first, and I gotta figure my shit out before I go make an even bigger fool out of myself." she told me, looking away from me and taking a drag of her cigarette, effectively dismissing the conversation. Bella and emotions were never a good mix, I hoped Edward knew what he was getting himself into.

"Whatever you say-" I began, but before I could continue my statement, the cutest little girl walked over to us, she had blonde hair, and big blue eyes, she couldn't have been more than five, and tugged on Bella's shirt.

"Uh, Hi there." Bella smiled, looking down at her, holding her cigarette away from her, I smiled, at least she had enough sense to keep that stuff away from children. "What's your name? Are you lost?" she asked, in the sweetest voice I had ever heard her use.

"I'm Mallory." She said proudly, beaming up at us. "I'm not lost, mommy is right there." she said, pointing to a woman who was arguing on her cell phone, clearly unaware that her daughter had run away.

"I like that name, I'm Alice, and this is Bella." I told her, kneeling down to be eye level with her.

"I was just wondering why you are walking funny." Mallory giggled, which was cute, I couldn't help giggling with her. "Me and my sisters always walk that way after horseback riding, did you ride a horse?" she asked, her big blue eyes looking up filled with wonder. I was giggling uncontrollably now. Bella glared at me quickly, but flashed a smile back at Mallory.

"Well, see, last night, my boyfriend and I had s-" she began, and my eyes nearly popped out of my head, leave it to Bella to tell a five year old that she sprained her vagina having sex.

"Last night, she and her boyfriend went horseback riding, so, just like you and your sisters, that's why she's walking funny sweetie." I told her sweetly, cutting off my crude best friend.

"That's so cool! We're like twins!" Mallory squealed, which happened to catch her mother's attention, and she called for her to come back over. "Bye Bella and Alice!" Mallory waved, and took off running back towards her mom.

"Bella Swan!" I hissed, "You need to learn how to censor yourself!"

"I was going to say sex, not fucked, thank you very much." she rolled her eyes, finishing her cigarette as everyone else walked out. I gave Jazzy a kiss, and grabbed Edward's arm and dragged him off towards Rodeo drive.

"Edward, make sure you don't walk too close behind me, I don't want to get poked." I giggled, trying to cheer him up. It didn't work, he just glared at me, "Too soon?" I asked, looping my arm through his as we walked.

"Alice." he groaned, running his free hand through his already disheveled hair. "What did I do? Why won't she talk to me." he sounded so pitiful, my heart almost broke for him.

"Oh Eddie," I sighed, "Bella has been through the ringer with her emotions. Her dad, who was her favorite person in the world, walked out of her life, her mom has been emotionally checked out for most of her life, every guy she's dated, has treated her shitty for most of her life, she's just.. fucked up when it comes to this kind of stuff, and when you told her you loved her, she-"

"Wait a minute, I didn't tell her I loved her." Edward cut me off, his eyes frantic.

"Uhh, yes you did, last night before you guys fell asleep." I told him as we walked into one of the stores.

"Shit. Alice, I thought that was just in my dream." he said, still frantic and worried.

"So, are you telling me that you didn't mean it?" I asked him that would definitely make things a lot worse.

"No Alice, I meant it, trust me, I really meant it, but I know Bella is not exactly emotionally stable, I wanted to wait until I thought that she could at least handle hearing it." he explained, and I couldn't help but smile, he meant well, it was time for Bella to realize this. "Fuck, no wonder why she won't talk to me." he grimaced, following me through the store as I looked at a few cute things.

"Don't worry Edward, give her some time to deal with Emmett, and sort out her own feelings. She'll come around eventually, just don't push." I told him, taking a few things from the rack.

"Thanks Alice." he smiled at me, "You always make me feel better, I'm sorry we haven't been hanging out as much as I promised we would, you've been busy with Jasper, newspaper, and drama, and I've been busy with Bella, and music." I waved him off, rolling my eyes dramatically at him.

"It's fine Eddie, I haven't exactly been sparing much time for you either, let's change that soon, okay?" I asked him, grinning. I had missed my friend.

"You know, you're the only one I let call me that." he grimaced, I smiled, nudging his shoulder with my own.

"Damn straight." I giggled as I went to the register to pay for the things I had picked out.

We spent the rest of the day strolling up and down Rodeo drive, I found a BUNCH of totally cute outfits, not only for me, but for Jasper, and Bella as well. Edward found a bunch of vintage silly, snarky t-shirts that he loved so much and he also found a lot of CD's he had been searching for, and had yet to find. We stopped to get lunch at a cute little bistro, and we caught up on everything that we had missed in each other's lives. Even though we saw each other daily, we never really talked about things, just the general daily stuff.

He told me how great his music thing was going, and how he was excited to come to the winter play, and that he was glad that Jasper had moved in with him, because it was like having a brother that he always wanted, which is exactly how Jazzy felt as well.

I told him how newspaper was going, and how I was going to have an article published on the front page of the next issue, and how the play was coming along great, and that I couldn't wait to be on stage again. I also told him that Jazz was grateful for him and his parents as well.

Time flew by, and before we knew it, it was starting to get dark, and we had to get back to the hotel to pack, and head home, because our weekend in LA was over, sadly.

**Jaspers POV**

I was sad to be leaving LA. The antique car show was amazing, I didn't even know half the makes and models until Rose explained them. I have never seen that girl more comfortable than when she was discussing engine size and transmissions.

I sat in the back seat of Bella's new car with Alice snuggled as close to me as she could be while still restrained in her seat belt. I pulled the arm that was around her shoulder and she came closer to me. I preferred to keep her in my lap, but sometimes, I guess if we had to sit apart, at least she was beside me.

"Hello?" Bella asked into her phone as she picked it up on the first ring, snapping me from my Alice induced haze. Yeah, talking and driving scared me, but not nearly as much as when she tried texting and driving. I swear I saw my life flash in front of my eyes last time she did that and almost side swiped a car.

"Ugh Em, already really?" Bella asked. "Fine next exit we'll pullover so you can get something to eat since you are starving." she groaned, hanging up and getting over into the right lane to take the next exit. Once we got off the highway, she pulled into the first gas station we came across.

"Bella, please come with me to the ladies room." Alice said after she gave me a quick kiss, she didn't wait for her to respond as she grabbed Bella and took off towards the store. Alice was up to something, I could tell.

I went around to the side of the car, I figured we might as well top off the gas tank while we were stopped, so I swiped my card and started filling the tank.

"Jazz, what's up with Bella dude?" Edward asked as he exited the passenger side.

I thought about it for a minute and realized I hadn't really talked with Bella one on one in a while. Between us both dating other people, school, and other activities we hadn't really just hung out without Alice and Edward around in awhile. I kind of missed her, a little bit.

"I don't really know Edward. Did Alice have any suggestions?" I asked already knowing, Alice always had suggestions on how others were feeling, especially Bella.

"Well she said Bella was freaked out about me saying I love you, which I didn't realize I did, but I meant it so I don't regret it. I just knew if I told her too soon she would freak out like she is currently by basically pretending I don't exist. Stupid sleepy Edward letting what my heart thinks slip out my mouth." Edward rambled quickly as he grabbed his hair and tugged roughly. I swear the kid was going to have bald spots before he twenty if he kept that up.

"You told her you loved her after she took your virginity? Are you fucking stupid?" I practically spat, for a smart guy he was pretty dumb when it came to girls.

"I meant what I said I just didn't mean to say it. Bella is a beautiful, amazing, wonderful girl, who while a little damaged, still has an incredible heart." Edward said and it kind of made sense in a confusing riddle-ish way.

"Edward, she's going to think you said it because of the sex. Not because you think she is so wonderful. You should've kept you damn mouth shut until like a week or so later when it would seem you were talking from your heart and not your dick". I replied to my very stupid, very naive about ladies cousin who I think could qualify for Special Ed classes taught about woman, because this boy was really damn special right about now.

"Ugh, I didn't even think she might think I was all sex brained at the time, I thought she was just freaking out because we have only been together a few months really." He said pulling at his hair again.

"I have an idea, why don't you ride in the back with Alice and I'll ride up front with Bella and see if I can't talk to her about it?" I suggested as I noticed the girls walking back towards the car, Bella still had a slight limp about her which made me chuckle and give an internal high five to Edward. Yes, the boy might not know how to talk to a girl, but he seems to have other things down really well.

"Sound good, thanks Jasper." Edward replied and got into the back seat.

I grabbed Alice and gave her a hug and a sweet kiss and whispered in her ear about my plan to sit up front with B, she nodded and hopped in the back with Edward.

I took the passenger seat, and it felt odd. Bella and I up front, Alice and Edward in the back, sort of all déjà vu and not in a good way, it seemed wrong.

"Hey Jasper, why is Cullen in the back with Alice?" Bella asked and shot one of her eyebrows up.

"I suggested I sit up here after I realized we haven't really talked just us in awhile, and I miss you Bella." I said only really technically almost half lying.

"The topic of conversation wouldn't be your soon to be lobotomized cousin would it? I don't want to talk about it Jazz, Ms. Priscilla will recover in a few days so everyone can stop laughing and we can go on with our lives." Bella said with a huff.

"Ms. Priscilla?" I asked trying to hold back a laugh.

"Yes, and don't judge me or her Jasper, or your ass will be turning tricks at the next gas station for bus fare back to Newport." Bella warned. I quickly dropped the subject, because Bella might be kidding and she might not and that just wasn't a chance I was willing to take.

"So this has nothing to do with Edward admitting he loved you then, right?" I asked and looked at Bella, trying to gauge her reaction, she swallowed hard and took a deep breath. Yep, I was right.

"Cullen was just stupid from all the sex, I have that effect on men Jasper. He didn't mean it, it was his hormones talking not his heart." Bella explained.

"Bella, do you really believe that? I mean its Edward we're talking about, the kid has loved you since the sandbox days babe. I admit his timing was bad, but I think you feel the same way about him." I said as Bella gripped the wheel tighter.

**BPOV**

I gripped the wheel, trying not give myself away. Jasper was so annoying with his stupid psychiatrist, knowing how to read people bullshit. I really fucking hated it, there was a reason why I was the 'bad girl,' because I fucking hated talking about emotions, and everyone just assumed bad girls didn't have hearts, so it was win/win for me. Until Cullen and his emo ass cousin had to come stampeding back into my life.

"Jasper, can we just fucking drop it now, I wasn't kidding about making you turn tricks." I all but growled at him. I had missed Jasper, and the ease that came with talking to him, he usually made me feel calm, and relaxed. But not right now.

I felt kind of, sort of bad, because it really wasn't Jasper's fault, it was his pea-brained cousin who felt the need to let his recently sexed brain say things that shouldn't have been said.

"Bella, I'm not trying to make you upset, I just think you feel the same way about him, and it obviously scares you because everyone you've loved had done something to fuck you over, leave you, or hurt you in some way, except for Emmett." Jasper continued, and I nearly crashed into the tractor trailer truck in front of us. Jasper was fucking good.

"Jasper." I said through gritted teeth, I really, really didn't want to fucking talk about this. Especially not with Cullen sitting in the back seat, grilling me through the rear view mirror.

"All right babe, I'll drop it for now, but I think you need to evaluate your feelings for him, because ignoring him isn't solving anything, at all, you're both miserable, it's obvious." he continued, and smiled a small smile at me.

I smiled back at him, saying a small thanks in my head as I turned the music up to prevent any more conversations I didn't want to be having. Emmett had already made me talk about feelings all fucking day long, of course, that was after the lecture about sex, and safe sex, and birth control, and condoms, and how the "pulling out" method never worked, and of course he then freaked out about me having sex at all period. And then he went on to tell me that he knew I was going to be having sex, but he didn't want to hear about it, so just not to have to be out there in the open. And then he started asking me if I loved Cullen or not, and if Cullen loved me, and if this relationship was for real.

Yeah, a lot of people thought Emmett was a dumb jock, but he was far from it. Jasper had been right, Emmett was the only person in my life who had never left me, or hurt me, or fucked me over. He was literally my everything, everyone else in my life could disappear, and as long as I had my big brother, I knew I'd be okay, but if everyone was still around, and he was gone from my life, I'd fall apart within seconds. He really was the only thing holding me together.

But, between him, Alice, and Jasper, my mind was racing with a million different thoughts at once, I felt like I was on coke, and acid at the same time. I wasn't sure if I loved Cullen, I had never really been in love for real before, I had never fully let my walls down with anyone since my dad had left, and even before that, because of Renee. I've always been closed off. Which is why I pushed Cullen away to begin with, I was bad for him, I was only going to bring him down.

And, it had already started, he had gotten a huge ass tattoo, and I had taken his virginity, I was bad for him. But at the same time, I had never felt the way in the three years that I had been with Jake, than I had been feeling in the few months that I was with Cullen. He made me feel like I had never felt before, I felt loved, and safe, and protected, and I had opened more of myself up to not only him, but to Jasper as well, and I have a feeling it was because of Cullen, because I knew that he would never let anything hurt me. Kissing him, and his smile, and just hanging out with him, made me the happiest I had been in... well, as long as I could fucking remember. I was starting to feel things again, I wasn't as raw, or as numb as I used to be.

Cullen gave me more feeling than I had been trying to hard to feel with drugs and alcohol. I used to chase the feeling of being alive, and free by getting fucked up. But with him, I didn't have to chase it, or to get fucked up to feel it, being near him every day let me feel it.

If that was love... maybe I did love him.

Before I knew it we were back in Newport. I dropped everyone back home, because Emmett had called saying Renee wanted to talk to the two of us, that it was important. So, we said our goodbyes and I pulled into the driveway to see Emmett's Jeep, Renee's Mercedes, and Winnie's Cadillac. I cringed automatically.

It's not that Winnie was bad, it was just weird seeing someone double Renee's age dating her, ya know?

I walked in, dropping my stuff in the entryway next to Emmett's pile of crap, and made my way in the kitchen where they were sitting around the center island.

"Isabella, sweetie, how was L.A?" Renee asked, smiling widly at me as she came over to hug me, reeking of booze, of course, I stood stark still, not wanting to be near her. Ugh, I couldn't fucking stand her, out of all the mothers in the entire world, why was it that I was stuck with this one?

"Good." I replied, when Emmett cleared his throat. I only spoke to her to pacify him. He's lucky I loved him so much.

"Come sit down my love, we have big news!" she said sweetly, and I sat next to Emmett as she stood next to Winnie across the island from us.

"What is it ma?" Emmett asked, taking a sip from his iced tea.

"Winnie and I are getting married!" She announced, holding up her left hand to reveal a rock the size of fucking Texas on her finger. My jaw literally hit the table, and Emmett spit out his drink, all over poor Winnie. I normally would have had a snarky comment to say to that, but I was still trying to formulate coherent thoughts into my head.

"You- What?" Emmett asked after we had been silent for a while, awesome big bro; glad to know we are on the same train of thought here.

"We're getting married, in ten days." Renee explained, patting Winnie's hand.

"Ten days?!" I squeaked, my voice finally finding its way out of my mouth. "Do you even know his fucking last name?"

"Isabella, don't be silly, and stop using such foul language, it's Snodgrass." she rolled her eyes dramatically, as if we should know this.

Emmett laughed, but covered it up with a coughing fit, and I normally would have laughed, but ten fucking days, was she kidding? Winnie must have had a huge bank account, because lets go over his redeeming qualities: …. exactly. He was older than Grampa Swan, and his last name was fucking Snodgrass.

"So.. you're going to be Renee Hill-Swan-Carson-Montgomery-Cabana Boy-Snodgrass?" I asked, not completely kidding. She had kept her maiden name which was Hill, and had kept it hyphenated with Swan, and then usually hyphenated it with whoever she was marrying at the time.

"Stop being silly, dear, It's just going to be Renee Hill-Swan-Snodgrass." she replied, "And you guys are going to be Snodgrass's as well." she continued, Emmett once again spit out a mouthful of iced tea on Winnie, who had his hankie out cleaning himself off.

"Crazy drunk mother say what?" I asked, trying to stop my jaw from hitting the table again.

"Winnie here want's to adopt you guys." She explained.

"Uhm, fuck no, we're both over sixteen mom, he can't adopt us." Emmett defended, clearly not wanting to be a Snodgrass.

"There's no mother fucking way in hell that Gramps over here, is adopting me. WHY do you always seem to fucking forget that we actually already HAVE a dad? We DON'T want a new fucking one. Jesus fucking christ, you go through husbands like I go through fucking underwear. You selfish-"

"ENOUGH!" Renee yelled, reaching across the table to slap me across the face, yet again. _Bitch_. "You little ungrateful, slu-"

"Mom!" Emmett nearly growled, interrupting her as he jumped up and pulled me away from the table. "Do whatever you want, marry whoever you want, but he's not adopting us." he motioned between the two of us with his hand, "We are staying Swans." He said sternly, grabbing my arm and pulling me to the back of the house.

I was fucking livid, I was seeing red, and I was shaking. This was the second time since my birthday that she tried forcing a new dad on me, and she already drove away my real dad, why the fuck was I going to give her the chance to drive away another one? She was such a stupid selfish drunk whore.

Emmett dragged me out to the back yard and through the gate that separated the yards from the beach. We walked down in silence until we stopped, sitting in the sand, close enough so that just our feet were being reached by the ocean. Emmett and I used to come out here all the time as kids when dad and Renee were fighting, or Renee was drunk, or she brought home a new guy to fuck, or just when we needed each other, the ocean was so serene, it always helped soothe us.

"Bella, you gotta calm down, I thought we talked about you not freaking out like that anymore?" He asked, grabbing a stick to draw in the sand with. I pulled out my cigarettes from my pocket, and it took a few tries, but I was able to get it lit, I couldn't really think of a response to his question, so I shrugged. "I know you're going through shit with Cullen right now, and that you still have hope that dad will come back for us, but you can't let her get to you like that." he continued, grabbing the cigarette from my lips and putting it out in the sand. I was too emotionally exhausted to argue with him. I just wrapped my arms around myself, trying to stop myself from falling apart.

"I just-" I started, but didn't even know where to begin. "UGH!" I groaned, unwrapping myself, and taking a fist full of sand in each hand and squeezing it tightly. "Why is our family so fucked up? Renee is too drunk to fucking care about us, she just marries for money and tries to 'replace' Dad every fucking three months. And Dad just took off, he hasn't called or anything, not a birthday card, not a letter letting us know he's still alive, not anything, why?" I asked, my bottom lip trembling, all of this emotion today was finally starting to get to me as I felt the traitor tears spilling down my face. Sometimes a girl just needed her dad, and sometimes, when a girl was dealing with her first love, her just needed her mom, and I had neither.

"Damnit B, please don't cry." Emmett sighed, throwing an arm around me, and pulling me into his side. He always held me together when I couldn't hold myself together. "I know we got a shitty deal for parents, and it sucks, it's really hard sometimes, but we have each other, and I think we've been doing pretty good, ya know?" he asked, resting his chin on my head, his voice was calm, and soothing, trying to calm me down.

"You are the only reason I even try, Em." I admitted to him, "I know I'm a horrible sister to have, and I make stupid decisions, and do bad things, and I know I don't make it easy on you, and I'm sorry, I just, It's easier." I lamely explained, hoping he'd just understand, so I wouldn't have to try to re-explain.

"I know B, and yeah, you are a handful sometimes, but you aren't bad, or stupid, we all deal with things differently, and I'd say we've both done a pretty good job, we could do worse." He chuckled.

"Thanks Em." I said simply.

"That's what big brothers are for." he responded, and we sat on the beach until the tide came in, and it got cold.

"I think I'm going to go talk to Cullen." I told him as we walked back towards the house.

"Good Idea." He told me, grinning. We walked together until I veered off on the path in between our houses, and made my way slowly to the pool house.

I had absolutely no idea what I was going to say to him, I had been acting like a child by ignoring him, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to take that next step in our relationship yet. I had been void of any emotions for so long, it was hard to just turn it all back on, and I wasn't even sure if I necessarily wanted to do that yet.

**Edward's POV**

Ugh, why couldn't things with Bella and I just be more simple? I mean, yeah, so I accidentally said I loved her, what's the big deal? I didn't mean to say it, but that doesn't mean I didn't feel it. Hell, I'd like to think I understood how big of a mess Bella really was, and while I know she couldn't reply with those words easily to me yet, it didn't mean she didn't feel it. Bella showed me how much she cared about me in a dozen little ways everyday and I hoped I did the same for her.

I lay on the couch and sighed as I put the back of my hand over my eyes. If I couldn't see how fucked up things were, it wouldn't be so bad.

"Cullen?" I heard Bella ask as the door opened.

"In here B." I replied, sitting up. Well at least she was here, that was a good start.

"We need to talk." She said and my heart sank. No good conversation had every started that way, EVER!

"Uhm okay B, what do we need to talk about?" I asked, hoping it was about the weather or maybe the global economic crisis. I was sure if Bella and I put our heads together we could bang out a solution to that and any other problem, except for the one between us- of course.

"Us." She replied flatly. Yeah, I have no fucking luck sometimes, other than shitty bad luck.

"What about us babe?" I asked, but bracing myself for the big breakup scene. I knew in my heart both Bella and Jasper would make fun of me if I cried so I was going to try avoiding that, but begging and groveling were definitely on the table.

"I'm sorry." Bella mumbled. I waited a few moments, because it seemed like the start of a longer explanation, but when one didn't come I felt the need to interject.

"Sorry for what?" I asked, but still not liking the scenarios my brain was running through for her reply. She inhaled deeply and plotted down at the end of the couch by my feet. She was sitting down so that meant she didn't plan on making a quick exit. Which I was hoping was a good thing.

"I'm sorry for freaking out on you, for ignoring you and spoiling what should have been a great weekend away. I'm sorry for not being normal, for not knowing how to process emotions like a regular person. I'm sorry I hurt you, but most of all, I'm sorry I can't say I love you back to you." Bella explained as she wrapped her arms around herself like she was trying to hold herself together.

I sat up and leaned over towards her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders and pulling her into my side. If she felt that she needed to be supported and held together, I would help.

"B, it's okay really, I mean I do love you babe. Hell, I've loved you since we were six years old and you bitch slapped me for trying to kiss you in the tree house. But I knew you would have a hard time with it so I tried to keep it inside, but it seems Sleepy Edward is more open with his feelings. So it's out there, yeah Bella Swan, I love you. Now as far as the you not being normal and regular, well I think those things are pretty damn boring and you are amazing." I replied as I pulled her in closer to my side, trying to mold our bodies together, because it just felt right.

"You think I'm amazing? Why?" Bella asked and she looked up at me with sad eyes, not tearful because Bella Swan does not fucking cry, ever, but still the playfulness I loved was missing, and in that moment I could truly see how insecure and unsure of herself she really was. On one hand, it was sweet that she finally let me see her that way, but on the other hand so heart breakingly sad that she felt that way about herself.

"You are amazing because you lo-care about me and while maybe you don't tell me you show me. Anyone can tell you they love you but it means a lot more when someone shows you. You make sure I'm up for school in the morning, you help me dress so I don't look like I'm going to a comic book convention every day. You inspire me to write music. You make me watch movies I think will be stupid but somehow with you there it's more fun than I ever had. So yeah, I think you're pretty damn amazing and I do love you for it." I said as I pulled her face closer to mine and went to kiss her, but Bella stopped me.

"I won't deny how I feel about you Cullen, but I just can't say those words to you, I'm sorry but I just can't, there's a lot of shit that comes with those words. But, I can tell you that I more than like you a whole lot." She told me as she kissed me.

The kiss was full of emotion and caring, it wasn't lusty but sweet and sickly so and I loved it as I loved her. I knew she loved me, even if she couldn't say it and that was good enough for me.


	18. TyrannosaurusRenee

We don't own Twilight characters, Stephanie Meyer does.

So we finally got this posted. Not clear when Chapter 19 will be done because tomorrow is Dani's Birthday and her party so it will delay us for a day or so so maybe same time next week.

I think we did a great job setting up future events which will slowly start unfolding the next few chapters.

* * *

**Chapter 18**

"Miss Swan?" An irritated voice snapped my from the daze I was in. I had barely gotten any sleep, yeah things had worked out well for me and Cullen, but my head was swimming with all of this fucking wedding talk, again. School was the last thing on my mind. "Miss Swan." The voice was more stern, and surrounded by the rest of the class giggling at my cluelessness.

"Fuck. What?" I snapped, focusing in on James standing with his arms folded over his chest at the front of the room. It was the last class of the day, I didn't want to deal with his shit now.

"Excuse me?" his eyebrow arched, "Detention. Tonight." he said smugly, probably glad that he finally had a legitimate excuse to actually have me in detention, "Now who can tell me the answer to this equation." he frowned at me once again before turning back to the rest of the class.

"Fuck." I groaned, banging my forehead against the cool surface of the desk.

"Bells, what's wrong? You've been weird all day." Jasper asked from his seat next to me. This was the one class where just me and him had, we used it to catch up on each other's lives, even though an hour period didn't really cover much.

"Renee is fucking marrying Gramps." I told him, not picking my head up. I heard him chuckle.

"He'll be dead before the wedding actually happens..." he tried comforting me.

"Yeah, the wedding is in nine days, so unless he's on the express lane to the afterlife, I'm not gonna count on that." I groaned.

"Nine days? What the fuck? Your mom doesn't play around." he said, shocked. I sighed, adding another groan to express my feelings on the subject.

The remainder of class passed slowly, James gave us some equations to work on with our partner, luckily mine was Jasper, and he was a whiz at this stuff, so I just copied down his work, usually he gave me a hard time, but today he went easy on me, and just let me copy with only a few snide remarks.

"Attention Students." Aro's voice boomed from the loudspeaker, "We have officially counted all of the ballots for your Homecoming Court. For the girls we have: Alice Brandon, Lauren Mallory, Heidi Ryder, Jessica Stanley, and Bella Swan." my head popped up at the sound of my name, I had completely forgotten about homecoming this year, usually Alice and I were all about it. I had been pretty distracted lately. "For the boys we have: Jacob Black, Eric Crowley, Edward Cullen, Mike Newton, and Jasper Whitlock." I wasn't surprised about Jake, Eric, or even Mike, but when I heard both Cullen's and Jasper's names, my jaw dropped, I turned to look at Jasper, who mirrored my surprise. "Remember, votes will be held when you arrive at the game, and announcements for King and Queen will be held during the following dance. Thank you, and congratulations. The first court meeting will be held today after school in the auditorium."

"Well Miss. Swan, looks like you will be missing out on the first meeting... what a shame." James' tsked, smirking at me, and then continued grading, or doing whatever it was that he was doing.

"Fucker." I mumbled under my breath causing Jasper to chuckle. "Jasper, how awesome would it be if me and you won?" I asked, smirking at him, "You know Alice and Cullen will take this serious, but me and you could totally rock it." I teased, he laughed again, shoving my shoulder playfully.

"Whitlock. Swan. Do your work, or I'll give you both detention for the week." James snapped, nearly growling at us.

"dude, James is on your ass lately, what'd you do to get on his bad side?" Jasper whispered as we worked silently.

"Fuck if I know." I replied.

The rest of the class we worked silently side by side, or more like Jasper working, me copying, but hey, it worked. The bell rang, and we all stood up quickly, Jasper smirked as I tried sneaking out, hiding behind him, but of course, since I stick out like a sore thumb, it didn't work.

"Sorry babe, I'll... take notes for you, or... whatever it is that people do at these meeting things." Jasper apologized when James called my name before I could sneak out. I gave him a smile and turned to face James, the smile immediately fading from my face when I realized he was standing merely inches from me.

"Whoa." I said, a little weirded out, as he reached behind me to shut the classroom door, never breaking eye contact the entire time. I instantly had chills, and the hair on the back of my neck stood up.

"Miss Swan, you are always getting yourself in trouble." he stated, his voice was low, raspy. I maneuvered my way around him, walking back into the middle of the room, he turned around, making eye contact with me again, my body reacting the same way, he was totally fucking creepy.

"You are always getting mad about the dumbest shit." I spat back at him, even though I had a feeling that probably wasn't the best thing to do in this situation.

He grinned, walking up to me, his ugly ass hazel eyes boring into my own brown ones, he brought his hand up to grab my chin tightly, dragging his thumb across my lips, his skin rough, and immediately making my skin crawl. "You have such a dirty little mouth." he said, his voice in almost a whisper.

"Get. Your. Hands. Off. Of. Me." I seethed, trying to sound stern, but I knew my voice had come out more shaky than I wanted it to.

He opened his mouth about to say something, but suddenly the door knob turned. And he jumped back about five feet, dropping his hand, I immediately brought my own hand up to my face, trying to wipe him off of me. I almost jumped for joy when Cullen appeared in the doorway, he handed a note to James, and looked between us, not speaking for a minute, but then seemed to forget whatever his mind was thinking, because he focused on me.

"B, Aro says you are excused from detention, this Homecoming meeting is mandatory."

I nodded, moving as quickly as I could to the door without running, not looking back at James as we left the room.

"Are you okay, Bella?" Cullen asked, taking my hand in his as we walked to the auditorium. I didn't want to tell him, I knew he would get pissed, and I really, really fucking didn't want to think about it ever, ever again, as long as I lived.

"I'm good, I just hate James." I told him as we walked into the auditorium, where everyone was waiting for us. Aro and Jane were at the stage behind the podium, talking quietly to each other.

Jasper and Alice were sitting in the front, with two seats next to them saved, Alice was bouncing happily in her chair, excited for this years festivities to start. Jake was sitting across the aisle with Heidi, Ben, and Mike. And Whoren and Jessislut were sitting behind our seats, texting on their phones.

"Detention again, Bells?" Alice asked, giggling as I plopped down in the seat next to her. I nodded, not wanting to talk about it, Jasper eyed me curiously, but I just shrugged, hoping he'd drop it.

"Bella, James really is on your ass." Jessislut said from behind me.

"Yeah, James is the coolest teacher ever, not to mention hott, but obviously he realizes you're a fuck up, just like the rest of us do." Whoren chimed in.

"James is really hott." Jessislut agreed, and that was it, I couldn't take their voices anymore. I groaned turning to face them. But before I could tell either of them to shut the fuck up Jess pushed her iphone in my face, which had a picture of some older looking, not cute kid pulled up.

"who the fu-"

"My boyfriend! Royce! He's in college, he goes to UCOC, maybe your brother knows him, he's so sweet, he texted me the sweetest poem to ask me out last week, we've texted every day since. And we're going out this weekend, and when I win homecoming queen he is going to dance with me all night!" she rambled, I grimaced, not giving a shit about her ridiculous boyfriend of the month.

But before I could say anything, Aro called for our attention, and began going over the homecoming duties. We sat silently through the meeting, Alice and I could recite this like the back of our hands, this was far from new to us.

"Jake and Heidi have been glaring over at us this whole time." Alice whispered to me, while Jane was going over the do's and don't's of rallying for votes. I peeked over from the corner of my eye, and sure enough, both Jake and Heidi were glaring at me. I knew Jake was still pissed off at me, he had called me a few times, but I ignored his calls, Jake didn't like being ignored. But I had no clue why Heidi didn't like me, she was on the cheer squad, and granted we had never actually been close, we had a friendly acquaintance like relationship. Maybe she and Jake were fucking? I sighed, focusing back on Jane, not really caring about whatever drama Jake had going on in his life.

When the meeting ended, I gave Cullen a kiss goodbye, and said bye to Jalice, and ran towads the gym, grateful I had worn sweatpants to school. Angela was already mid routine with the squad, luckily I knew this like the back of my hand, and even Whoren, Jesislut, and Heidi could keep up with the steps, so I wasn't really worried. I loved being busy during the school year, and I didn't necessarily want to go home to whatever the fuck wedding chaos Renee had going on, so staying at school was perfectly fine with me.

**Emmett POV**

Emmett Snodgrass. Em Snodgrass. Snodgrass. Ugh, yeah I really don't fucking think so. It makes me sound like some cheesy lawyer or lame real estate agent who has their face plastered all over late night TV ads or bus benches. Let me tell you my face was way too damn pretty for some crusty old bag lady to be sitting on while she waited for the 1:15pm bus to Costco so she could buy her Depends in bulk. That so ain't fucking happening, I didn't know what Renee was smoking but she needed to put the pipe down and join us back here in reality.

Speaking of my dear darling mother Renee, She had recently turned into Bride-fucking-Zilla. I'm talking full blown batshit craziness beyond anything her alcohol soaked brain had previous conjured up. I felt like she was a mean cruel vile version of Willy Wonka, and me and the other "professionals" (aka slaves) she had hired were her Oompah Loompah bitches. God I missed Lulu and Ginger, I wonder who those girls are doing?

Today, Renee had me arranging, re-arranging, and re-re-arranging the tables and chairs in the back yard, twice already. I swear, I knew B was going to lose her shit when she came home to this and knowing her, Renee might be sporting a fat lip and black eyes in her wedding photos, but damn I could really use someone's support. Rose was great but she avoided Renee as much as possible, because was even more likely to tear Renee apart with her bare hands than B was, and I couldn't have my mother killed by my future wife, that would just make family functions way too awkward.

"Emmett, how are you doing?" Carlisle asked as he entered the backyard, saving me from my torturous thoughts.

"I've seen better days Carlisle, how about you?" I asked, seeing the concern across his face.

"I forgot how much... fun Esme is when she's pregnant." Carlisle replied as he rubbed his hands across his face and down his neck.

"That bad huh?" I asked as I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Not really, just not the same thing as it was when Esme was pregnant with Edward. I'm not as young as I was and it's taking its toll." Carlisle explained.

"Surfing?" I asked, hoping that Carlisle could because I needed to get away from this place and what better place than the waves?

"I'll grab my suit and board and meet you out there in twenty." Carlisle said as he beat a hasty retreat towards his house to get ready.

I headed into my room to grab my wetsuit and board as well. I quickly changed into the suit, then I wrote a quick note for B if she came home looking for me and took off before Renee could stop me and headed towards the beach to meet up with Carlisle.

I put the board in the water and paddled out, I figured waiting in the water would be the best place to meet up with Carlisle. I stopped paddling once I was out far enough and sat up on my board and searched the beach for Carlisle. I almost immediately saw his familiar board. I swear Edward came by his nerdiness. You could never miss Carlisle and his board that said 'Dr. Feelgood' on it, even from space.

Carlisle paddled out and we rode some of the better waves, there wasn't a lot of good ones but hell it was better than being a Renee's bitch, so I was happy. I was out under the sun, in the surf, and while he was old enough to be my father, Carlisle was still very cool guy, just don't tell him I said that. We finally stopped and just sat out on our boards in the water.

"So Renee is getting remarried again and according to the invitation it's soon." Carlisle said, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between us.

"Yeah and now it seems Father Time wants to adopt Bella and I. I can't become Emmett Snodgrass, I just can't do it and God, B is more likely to kill Renee than let some half in the grave old dude adopt her." I explained in a mostly calm manner. I didn't know what it was about Carlisle, but I always felt like I could talk to him about anything, especially when we were out in the water.

"Well you're legally an adult so that choice is yours. Bella is still a minor so she does have less say in the matter." Carlisle answered. And though I had already known that was the truth, it didn't make me feel any better, we had gone through hell when I changed my last name to Swan, just so that Bella and I would never get separated or anything, I was not about to have all those efforts go to waste, and even as much as I loved B, I was NOT changing my last name to Snodgrass. Nope. Not happening.

"Yeah B isn't handling this well, I'm glad she has Edward to lean on." I said.

"Edward and Bella have become close again and I'm happy about it." Carlisle replied.

"You have no idea how close." I snapped back and immediately regretted it. I so did not want to have to explain to Carlisle that my sister had sex with his son. I mean we were close and bonded, but we avoided the subject of sex, with good reason.

"What was that Emmett?" Carlisle asked.

"Carlisle, I'm going to say something and let you know and once it's said it's over. We are not talking about it, we are not discussing it, we are not commenting on it, deal?" I explained the guidelines asking Carlisle.

"Sure." Carlisle agreed with a puzzled look on his face.

"Edward and Bella had sex while we were in L.A." I said and left the subject at that. I was not going into Bella's "injury" with her boyfriend's father. Yes, Carlisle was a doctor and all, but yeah I was not thinking about that anymore. I would soon bleach it from my brain and forever remove the knowledge of it from my mind forever.

Carlisle laughed, like full on belly laugh. I looked at him like he was insane, because he clearly was.

"Sorry Emmett, but Esme and I are not stupid. Teenage boys and girls away for the weekend with only slightly older couple as their supervision, we figured it would happen. I mean given we have always preached to Edward about being safe and using protection, but we figured it was bound to happen sooner or later."

"So... you're okay with it?" I asked.

"I always say you should only have sex with someone you love and it has been clear for years that Edward and Bella loved each other, even if they themselves did not know it." Carlisle explained. I was silent for a minute, letting what he said sink in, it did kind of make sense.

"Sometimes I feel more like a father to her than a brother. I want to just be her big brother and watch out for her and have fun with her, but I find myself trying to tell her what she should and should not do, and I really don't like being that way with her." I admitted opening myself up more to Carlisle. I didn't know what it was but I felt like I could tell him anything.

"I see your dilemma with that Emmett, you want to be more of a brother and friend and less of a parent. I understand, as a parent I want to be more of a friend to Edward and Jasper as well but we all have to play the parts we are given in life." Carlisle replied and it made sense. I didn't like it, but it did make sense.

"I just, damn, I love her so much, she's my sister and practically my whole world. I know Renee isn't around which is a good thing I think because she's a horrible role model really, and Charlie left and hasn't even looked back in almost a decade so I feel like I'm all she's got. I love that she needs me to be to there for her, but it worries me that she needs me for every little thing you know?" I asked and knew Carlisle might not really understand my situation but he always listened to me vent and it helped, he really was a great friend.

"Emmett, I can't say I know how you feel because I don't and there is no real advice I can offer to deal with your situation, but I'm here, as well as Esme, for both you and Bella if either of you need anything." Carlisle said as he put his hand on my shoulder, it wasn't awkward it was his way of showing he cared.

"Thanks," I nodded, and sighed "now I better head back before Renee notices I'm gone." I started to paddle back to shore. Carlisle and I made plans to surf and grab lunch sometime next week when our schedules allowed. I left the beach and headed back towards the house and felt better than I had when I had first got there.

As soon as I opened the front door all I heard was…

"I will fucking cut you bitch." screamed from my dear darling sister Bella.

Great, why did I leave the water to come back home again, please remind me?

**BPOV**

I was seething, shaking, seeing red, I was outside of my body watching the scene in front of me. All I knew was I meant what I said about cutting Renee.

"Isabella!" Winnie said loudly, I don't know if he was being loud for my sake, or because that's the only level he could hear at.

"My. Name. Is. BELLA." I said loudly, enunciating each word slowly, so he and my whore of a mother could understand.

"What's going on?" Emmett asked, running in the room, just wearing his board shorts. I was instantly frustrated with him, as well.

"Great, so I'm stuck here helping her fucking pick out center pieces for this atrocity, and you are out fucking surfing?" I yelled, angrily, glaring at all three of the adults in the room, ignoring all the caterers that had turned my normally quiet house into a fucking disaster, It seriously looked like David's Bridal, Tiffanys, and Vera Wang threw up inside this house, and I was dying, DYING, to get away from it.

"B, calm down I-" Emmett began.

"No, you two little ungrateful, selfish, spoiled little brats, you listen here." Renee said loudly, cutting her beloved Emmett off, "This day is all about ME, so I will not have the two of you and your little ratpack fucking ruining it. In fact, none of those little shits are invited, their parents can come, but if I see any of them, Jake, Edward and his little cousin, Rose, Alice, or any of your other little friends, I will have security kick them out. You two will help me every single step of the way, and Winnie is going to adopt the both of you, and you are going to be damn well happy about it, Do I make myself clear?" she spat, and I nearly laughed, bitch was off her damn rocker, clinically insane.

Before either Emmett or I could say anything, Alice burst through the doors, a huge grin on her face. Saved by the fucking Pixie, seriously, I could have kissed her, Emmett looked like he felt the same.

"Emmett, Rosie needs your help down at the garage, one of the guys called out or something." She informed him. He nodded and took off, she didn't need to tell him twice, Renee muttered something about a 'grease monkey' but I tried to ignore her, "Hi Miss Swan, congrats on husband number seven, I'm taking Bell's for the afternoon, we have to go homecoming dress shopping." Alice rattled, grabbing my arm and pulling me out of the room, not giving either of us a chance to respond.

"Thank fucking Christ." I sighed as I climbed into the back of her car next to Angela, Victoria was in the front seat.

"Your mom is crazy, I heard everything she said." Alice admitted, and I immediately felt bad, she smiled at me in the rear view mirror, obviously reading my expression, "Don't worry about it, nothing Renee says bothers me, and Rose didn't really need Em, I just couldn't steal you and leave him to deal with Tyranasaurrus-Renee."

"Bridezilla?" Angela asked, Victoria giggled, everyone in Newport knew that Renee was batshit crazy.

"Yeah, to say the least." I responded, sighing.

"So, I'm so excited to go homecoming shopping, you two are so lucky to be on court, again, everyone loves you girls!" Victoria said once she stopped fiddling with the radio long enough to contribute to the conversation.

"It's the same thing every year, last year Bella and Jake won, but who knows this year." Alice said, shrugging, even though I knew she was dying for her and Jasper to win, and I hoped they did. Winning with Jake was not something I wanted to repeat, and I knew Cullen didn't like a lot of attention on him. I decided laying low this year might not be such a bad thing.

After hours, and hours, and hours of endless shopping, we all had finally found our perfect dresses, Alice's was a light purple halter strapped dress, Victoria settled on a darker green spaghetti strapped one, Angela also got a spaghetti strapped fuchsia colored dress, I decided on a dark blue strapless dress. We had also gotten shoes, and accessories. I was so fucking glad when Alice declared us done.

"Let's go get mani/pedi's." Victoria suggested as we carefully loaded our purchases into Alice's barely there trunk, crinkling her nose at her hands, "I haven't gone in sooo long." We all agreed and hopped in the car, Alice drove to a swanky new place on the boardwalk.

"So Bella, you don't seem so excited for homecoming..." Angela said absentmindedly as she watched the woman work on her nails.

"Eh, it's not a huge thing for me." I shrugged.

"Care to make a bet?" Alice asked, knowing I was always up for some healthy competition; after all I was Emmett's sister.

"What are the stakes?" I quirked my eyebrow, fighting back a grin.

"Whichever one of us wins Homecoming gets to pick out the losing couples Halloween costumes." she explained, grinning at me, she thought she had the competition in the bag. I'd show her.

"Game on baby." I grinned, shaking her hand, Victoria and Angela giggled.

Game on.

* * *

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	19. Bella in Penisland

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, we do not.

So finally a new chapter, and a longer one than what we have been doing. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, favorited, alerted our story it really means alot. We even have about a dozen people who added our joint Facebook account, thanks for that too.

This chapter was delayed because we had 2 birthdays (Dani's and my oldest sons), 3 birthday parties since we last posted, and a graduation party for one of Dani's friends. Real life kind of came at us with too much to do and very little time left for writing, but I think this chapter has turned out to be one of our funniest, and in my opinion it's mainly Dani's stuff that is the funniest. She is awesome, but we all knew that right?

Anyways on with the story.

* * *

Edwards POV

"Damn it Cullen, these signs need more glitter." Bella demanded as she tripled the amount of glitter I had on my signs.

"Sometimes B, less is more." I replied.

"Yeah, but not when our target audience is teenagers, their eyes are attracted to shiny objects, so our signs need to be as shiny with glitter and sparkles as possible." Bella explained as she dumped even more glitter on our Homecoming posters.

Ugh, Homecoming court. I don't know whose idea of a sick joke it was to nominate me, but I was not amused. I mean sure I was Bella's boyfriend and she was popular, so was Alice and I was her friend as well, but that didn't mean I was popular, just purely by association. I mean, I didn't want her and Jake winning and her having to dance with that douche, but I also didn't want to win and have to dance. Singing and music are my things, not so much the dancing.

"Cullen, wake up from your day dream, we got signs to make and Homecoming titles to win." Bella said snapping her fingers right in front of my face to get my attention. I felt like a trained dog, well, slightly like a trained dog.

"Why all the work B? It seemed like you won last year and I don't recall a single sign or anything put up for you unlike the other girls who had their face plastered on any available surface in the school." I asked since I was confused why we were working so hard.

"Last year I really didn't care if I won. I mean yeah, sure it was cool and whatever, but this year I have to fucking win." Bella replied and pulled out even more poster board.

Christ, would there be any poster board left in Orange County by the time Homecoming was over? I had flashes of whole acres of trees being cut down just for our school's Homecoming contest.

"I get that, but why is winning this year such a big deal?" I asked, confused and maybe slightly high from the glue and glitter. I swear, I was seeing things, not like pink elephant things, but I know my water bottled moved at least three inches from where I last placed it already, I was sure of it.

"I feel like I have earned it more this year. I don't know Cullen, maybe I just want to be recognized as being the best at something, even if it is just being the best at getting votes for Homecoming Queen." Bella replied and for a second, I believed her whole After School Special rant, but only for a second.

"So that's the only reason you're using me as slave labor to make your damn signs… you need to feel validated and pretty?" I asked and moved in behind her and started kissing my way up her neck from her shoulder.

"Yeah, that's the only reason." Bella replied and inhaled deeply, as I continued kissing her. Oh, she was going to crack like an egg, and soon.

"Are you sure B? I mean I think there might be a little more to the story then what you are telling me right now." I said and slowly took her ear lobe in my mouth and sucked on it gently while whirling my tongue around it.

"There might also be a small bet with Alice" Bella admitted before emitting a soft moan.

"A small bet with Alice, so now the truth comes out" I said and stood up and walked back over to where I was working previously.

"You are an asshole, a distracting ass at that. Now get back to work Cullen." Bella said curtly with a glare at me.

"What did you do bet Alice to see which of you could get your boyfriends to do the most work to earn you a Homecoming crown? Just so you know B, I draw the line at man whoring. I will make posters and pass out flyers, but I am not whoring myself out for anyone." I said with a laugh only really half joking, mostly.

"Please Cullen, if I thought turning your ass out would earn me the title right now you'd be chin deep in some random girl." Bella replied, and it didn't seem like she was joking.

"You are joking right B?" I asked a little worried. I mean I would like to think I would do anything for Bella, but there was a line somewhere wasn't there?

"Get your ass back to making signs and maybe baby you won't have to find out." Bella replied and handed me another glitter pen.

"What is this bet all about?" I asked now very curious as I set about making more signs, just in case Bella wasn't joking about turning me out to win votes.

"I am doing this for us Cullen, trust me. Alice and I bet the Homecoming winner got to pick Halloween outfits for the loser. So unless you want us to be Barney and Betty to Jazz and Alice's Fred and Wilma, you better do whatever it takes to win." Bella explained and I could see her point.

Alice had a theatrical background so a costume that took six hours to get on and you couldn't remove all night even to go to the bathroom wasn't a real stretch for me to imagine. I was having horrific images of Alice dressing up like Bjork's Swan dress and it made me shudder. I am talking full on body shaking organ quivering shutter, and I then I got an idea. Yeah I have those sometimes.

"Wait, what do I get out of this?" I asked.

"Remember, Alice doesn't pick out our outfits, geez babe I know you are slow but any slower and I would have to put you in a wagon and pull you around behind me." Bella explained slowly before she laughed.

"Yeah but either Alice picks my costume or you do. I don't see what I gain by helping you win, dear." I said slowly to Bella, maybe a little slower than she did to me.

"Fine Cullen, what do you want?" Bella asked smartly, clearly not enjoying my having the upper hand.

"You know what I want B." I answered, because she did and she has yet to let me have it.

"Ugh, fine, but your cute little ass better make me some damn good signs and I would not rule out man whoring." Bella said and threw two more glitter pens at me.

"Good, so when do I get my reward?" I asked because I didn't want her to try and wiggle out of it already.

"After the Homecoming dance, now get your ass to making some signs." She replied and went back to work on her own.

**Jaspers POV**

"How many buttons does she need and when?" Herb, Alice's "button guy" asked.

I pulled the phone from my ear and looked at Alice."Alice, Herb needs to know how many buttons do you need and when darling." I explained.

"Tell Herbie, I need twelve hundred buttons and as soon as possible and he can charge extra for the rush order, half for you and half for me." Alice informed me while balancing the two phones she was holding already.

"Herb she said-" I started before I was cut off.

"I heard her Casper, and tell her they will be ready in two days." Herb said and quickly disconnected the call before I could correct him.

"Herb said give him two days and they will be ready." I said to Alice who I think nodded to confirm she heard and understood me.

Alice continued working the two phones and two conversations simultaneously without missing a beat. She seemed to have ordered fifty banners from Bruce her banner guy and was working on two hundred posters from Reggie her poster guy.

I don't know how Alice had a "guy" for everything, it seemed useful but made me feel like she was in the mafia or something. No matter what happened, Alice knew a guy and would make a call and shit always got done, and exactly the way Alice had instructed it be done. My girl was nothing if not a perfectionist in each and everything she did.

"Alice, why are you throwing so much money and muscle behind winning a plastic crown with fake rhinestones?" I asked, suddenly unsure of all the effort she was putting into winning a stupid high school popularity contest.

"It isn't just the fake crown I want Jasper, though admittedly our picture as King and Queen in the yearbook would be something we can show our children and grandchildren, but this is about winning a bet against Bella." Alice explained.

"What kind of bet did you and Bella come up with?" I asked a little nervous, I mean those two could come up with anything. I pictured myself in a Speedo serving Edward and Bella drinks and snacks pool side all summer while Alice fanned them with one of those giant leaf things.

"Nothing horrible baby, whichever couple wins Homecoming Queen and King gets to pick the losing couples Halloween costumes. I know if Bella wins she won't plan anything out for us, so we will end up getting stuck being the front and back of a horse or some other horrible costume we find like hours before the Halloween Ball at the hospital, and damn it I can't do that Jazzy, I have to look cute." Alice explained.

I could totally see us only being able to find one of those lame two person horse costumes and there was no way in hell Alice would be a horse's head or ass.

"Okay baby, we'll win the crowns and then you can pick our outfits as well as Bella and Edwards." I said as I went over and put my hand on Alice's shoulder to reassure her. I wasn't sure how we would win, but Alice seemed to have a plan and I would go with it and support her in every way possible.

"Thanks Jazz." Alice said and kissed my lips sweetly.

"So what can I do to help?" I asked, wanting to get a start on project Alice Must Look Cute.

"Why don't you go home and casually ask Edward what he and Bella have planned? Do a little recon on what our enemy is planning so we can plot our counter attack." Alice explained and had a giddy gleem in her eye that worried me.

"If that's what you need, I'll go home and talk to Edward about it." I said and gave her a kiss on the forehead and a hug before heading to the door.

I turned and saw Alice back on both her phones and dialing a number on the third and suddenly felt like I was getting the easier assignment and was thankful for it.

I made the drive home in record time; yes my foot and the gas pedal are typically intimately acquainted.

"Hey Jazz." Edward greeted me from the couch as soon as I entered the pool house.

"Hey Cuz, how was your evening?" I asked trying to be cool and not bring up the whole Homecoming thing.

"Bella worked me like cheap slave labor from a poor country that only gets two rice breaks a week on Homecoming posters. You know how coal miners get black lung? Yeah, I think I got glitter lung if that's possible. How was Alice?" Edward answered and inquired.

"Alice called her people to make her things, so I just helped her work the phones." I said giving him a little information but nothing he could take back to Bella.

"Yeah that sounds like Alice, get other people to do the work for her. So why was Bella late to the Homecoming meeting? She kept changing the subject when I brought it up." Edward asked, I was glad he changed the subject from homecoming, but this also wasn't a topic I wanted to talk about either.

"James gave her detention, again. I swear that guy either hates her or has a crush on her because he's always trying to keep her after class." I explained and was only half joking about James having love or hate feelings in regards to Bella.

"Ugh, he is such an asshat I swear!" Edward exclaimed.

"What the fuck is an asshat?" I asked, having never heard the expression before.

"It's someone with their head up their ass; hence they are wearing their ass like a hat and thus the name." Edward explained and I still didn't get it but I chuckled anyway at his humorous definition.

"So did Bella tell you about the bet?" I asked wanting my cousin to know what was going down if Bella 'forgot' to tell him.

"Yeah winning couple gets to pick the losers Halloween costumes, so you and Alice better be ready to be Betty and Barney to our Fred and Wilma." Edward said and kind of lost me again, but whatever, he was constantly referencing stuff and I had no idea what the hell he was talking about.

"Whatever dude I just want Alice to be happy and we both know she is only happy when she is in charge." I replied.

"That is true and normally I want Alice to be happy but Bella and I have our own side deal in the works on this one, so sadly you guys are going down." Edward explained and did a fist pump. Sometimes I doubted we were really related.

"Oh.. what kind of deal is that?" I asked.

"Bella said she'd give me what I wanted if I helped her." Edward said being cryptic.

I thought about it for a minute. What would a recently de-virginized nerd boy want from his cute little high school girlfriend? I stopped thinking, I really didn't like all the sick and depraved places my mind went with that.

"For fucks sake Edward you should at least be engaged before you ask Bella to-" I shouted out before being cut off by Edwards hand which moved swiftly to cover my mouth.

"Yeah it's not that Jasper, whatever you're thinking it's so not it. What I want from Bella is to spend the night and cuddle." Edward explained and he had that mushy doe eyed puppy dog look on his face so I knew he wasn't messing.

"Wait, you want your girlfriend to spend the night and just cuddle? Are you fucking retard?" I asked but I already knew the answer. Aunt Esme swears she never dropped him on his head as a child, but really I was starting to have my doubts.

"Well maybe not just cuddle, but the cuddling is what I bargained for, anything else is just extra." Edward said and well, I guess that was sweet, weird, but sweet.

"Whatever floats your boat Gillian." I said and went to my room, I did not need to think about what Edward and Bella might or might not be doing instead of cuddling.

**Emmett POV**

Today had been a great day. Rose spent the night last night and woke me up in her very special way and then made me breakfast. You would think it was my birthday, but nope I just have the best girl in the world.

After that I did excellent on my latest paper for my Music Theory class, why did someone going to college for a degree in Sports Physical Therapy need to know the difference between staccato and legato? I'll never know but whatever. I'm glad Edward helped proof the paper for me, who knew my sister's boyfriend being a music nerd would be a good thing for me?

I pulled up to the house and jumped out of my Jeep and headed towards the door. I was really hoping we had some of that pastrami from last night's dinner still in the fridge, I was hungry and that stuff made the best sandwiches.

I was sadly snapped out of my daydream of various lunchmeat and cheese combos to try on my sandwich by Renee jerking open the door before I even cleared the last step.

"Oh good Emmett, dear you're finally home, what took you long?" Renee asked taking another swig from what I guessed to be her fifth martini since she woke up at noon or later.

"See Re-Mom, I go to college and at college I am encouraged, but not forced, to attend these things called classes. Sadly the school and professors schedule these horrible classes all day long, usually with only small breaks in between. I'm sincerely sorry for not being home before now, but since its only ten after two and most of the day is still ahead of us I'm sure I'll somehow redeem myself and return once again to your good graces." I ranted to my mostly drunk mother.

"Yes you can, today is Winnie's bachelor party. So as the best man take him out and give him a proper send off dear." Renee explained.

Great… my mother wanted me to take Gramps out and do what exactly? I mean the guy was likely as old as dirt maybe slightly older. What the hell do you do to have a wild and crazy night with a geezer?

"What exactly am I suppose to do with Winnie today?" I asked hoping she had something planned.

"Take him out for drinks and dinner, maybe stop by a strip club, that's what happens at most bachelor parties." Renee said.

Crazy drunk mother says what now? I'm supposed to take Old Man River to a strip club? Yeah that shit ain't happening. There was no way in hell I was taking him, if he died from over exposure to tits that would haunt me forever. I would never be able to look at a pair of boobs without thinking about Winnie again and that shit is far from right, it ain't funny.

"You are out of your damn mind, if you think I'm taking him to a strip club. First off he is going to be my new stepfather, so that would just be weird. Secondly, he's so old I am sure the sight of all those boobs would cause him to have a heart attack."

"Fine Emmett; do whatever you want just get him out of the damn house for a few hours. The girls are coming over and we are going to have a few cocktails and enjoy my bachelorette party." Renee said but I saw a look in her eye similar to the one Bella gave me when she was only telling me half the truth.

"Okay, but I'm taking Jasper and Edward too, if I have to Gramps-sit they are coming with me." I said as I headed back out the door and towards the Cullen place.

I never did get my pastrami sandwich, fuck Renee and her bullshit.

**Bella POV**

I sighed as I pulled into my driveway, Renee and Emmett's car were there, but Winnie's was gone. Both Jasper and Cullen had cut out of the school parking lot like madmen saying something about Emmett and old man heart attacks. I didn't even care to know, all I knew was now I was stuck bedazzling posters alone now. Fucking Emmett.

I grabbed the newest purchase of posters, glitter, glue, pipe cleaners, and fucking everything else they had in the arts and crafts aisle and made my way inside, I nearly dropped everything when I made it into the living room.

It looked like the porn shop threw up. All. Over. My. living room. There was penis shaped things, lots, and lots, and lots of penis shaped things, EVERYWHERE. It seemed like everything in the whole house was now penis shaped. Small penises, big penises, medium sized penises, white penises, pink penises, black penises, purple penises, blue penises, sparkly penises, flavored penises…. I had never seen so many penises before in my life… or would it be penii? Big penii, small penii, sparkly penii? I shook my head at myself, Cullen was fucking rubbing off on me, who gives a fuck what the plural of penis was, all I know was that there was a lot of them in my living room right now, and it was not okay.

This had to have been some sort of sick joke, maybe Alice was playing some god awful prank on me to distract me from making posters for homecoming so she could buy some time and make extra posters… I definitely wouldn't put it past Alice to do something like this… but penises? Really?

Just as I was about to call Alice and freak the fuck out on her, Renee walked into the living room, drinking some awkward looking white drink, with blue penis shaped ice cubes out of a penis shaped glass, with a penis shaped straw, wearing a penis tiara, and another one in her hand, a huge smile on her face. Of course she was happy; she had a never ending supply of penis… penii… penises. Ugh, fucking Cullen.

"Rene-Mom.. what the fuck are you on?" I managed to sputter.

"Issssabella, baby!" she slurred, putting the extra damn penis tiara on my head, she reeked of alcohol, nothing out of the ordinary, but whatever white alcoholic substance she was sipping on out of that damn penis glass was creeping me the fuck out. "Isss my baschhhelorette party!" she half slurred, half explained.

"Whoa, and you're already fucking wasted." I sighed, shaking my head, taking the fucking penis tiara off. "But, why the fuck are you having it tonight? You just got engaged a few days ago, and does anyone even fucking know?"

"Noooo!" she wailed, ripping the tiara from my hands and firmly putting it back on my head. "You are the Prinssscessssss of the penissssss." She slurred, and giggled as she said penis.

"Ugh. Fuck mom." I grunted.

"Bells. Langage." She reprimanded, tripping over the word. I sighed, shaking my head, it's not like she really needed anyone to come anyways, and this was like her millionth bachelorette party. "Go upstairs and get dresssssed, I picked out a pretty dresssss for youuu." She cooed, playing with a penis balloon, which that in its self gave me the creeps so I happily agreed.

As I dashed up the stairs and dropped my stuff on my bed, I pulled out my phone and called Emmett, he picked up on the first ring, I didn't even let him get out a hello, "Emmett, where the fuck are you? And why did you leave me with the cock queen?" I snapped.

"Cock what? And what the hell are you talking about B?" he replied, and I sighed.

"That doesn't fucking answer me... you need to come home… our house is covered in cocks. And Renee is fucking wasted… and she's making me wear a penis tiara." I whined, because he was my big brother, and I was desperate.

"You in a penis tiara? Oh my God, I have to call Rose and have her come over and take pictures. And why is our house covered in penises B?" he asked, once again, avoiding my fucking question.

"You will NOT call Rose, or ANYONE, because if you do I will tell Rose about your secret stash of porn, and will you fucking just come home!" I pleaded out of frustration, and I normally never plead. "Please Em, Renee is having another bachelorette party… and this one is already starting out worse than all the others."

"Fine B, I will call Rose and see if her and Alice can stop by and spring you or at least keep all the dicks away from my little sister. Worse than all the others, god well atheist Mom didn't ask you to take Mr. Burns here out to a strip club." he answered, and I couldn't help but laugh, I guess we both had it bad.

"Nah Em, don't call them, don't call anyone, I do not want anyone to see me like this, it's like eternal blackmail." I sighed, and heard the doorbell ring, "I gotta go Em, make sure you bring back father time alive." I groaned, ending the call and throwing my iPhone on my bed. I quickly dressed in the dress Renee had picked out for me, it wasn't that bad, a white summer dress, I was glad there were no gaudy penis designs really at this point I wouldn't be surprised if she put me in a huge rubber penis costume with an offensive name tag that read Cocky on it or something. You would think the old whore had seen enough dicks in her life that she wouldn't need to fill our house with them before marrying Old Man Winter.

As I jogged back down the stairs, there was a gaggle of women wearing penis tiaras and drinking the mystery white liquid from penis glasses and penis straws, if this wasn't my mom, I would have fucking laughed. They all turned to say hello to me, Jessislut's mom, Whoren's mom, Veronica's, Angela's, Mike's, Tyler's, Ben's, Alice's, and even poor pregnant Esme.

"Esme." I sighed, hugging her, I was fucking glad she wasn't drinking that white concoction that the rest of them were drinking, I'm pretty sure she seemed relieved too. "I think Renee has really lost it this time." I told her, and she smiled, patting my arm reassuringly.

"Eshmeeee!" Renee slurred, walking over to us, with a penis drink and a tray filled with fucking penis shaped cookies in her hands. She seriously went overboard with all these fucking penises, you'd think she had never seen one before, and trust me, my mother had seen a lot of penises. "Here." She began handing her a penis drink, and before Esme could stop her, Renee seemed to catch herself. "Oh right, baby…" she trailed off, and handed off the penis drink to me, "You've had your fill of penis I see." She grinned as she rubbed Esme's baby bump, "Take these instead." She thrust the tray of cookies into Esme's hands and then swayed back to her group of women.

Esme sighed, placing the cookies on the mantle, shaking her head at Renee, fucking Renee, I had no words to describe the crazy train my mother had just made me board.

Once all the women, Esme included, were in the living room playing pin the condom on the cock… or whatever it was that they were playing, I pulled out my phone and dialed Cullen; maybe he could help me more.

I sighed, who was I fucking kidding? I was beyond the point of no return; no one could help me now after all I was the Princess of the Penis.

**Edwards POV**

My phone rang and it was playing 'Hot Mess' by Cobra Starship so I knew it was Bella calling.

"Hello babe." I said as I answered the phone.

"My crazy drunken whore of a mother just tried to give your sweet pregnant mother some kind of drink that is in a penis shaped glass and looks like cum." Bella babbled quickly.

"Wait, your mom wanted my mom to drink cum out of a penis glass? Bella, are you drunk?" I asked, clearly confused and befuddled by the images of what I thought she said playing out in my head.

"No, I fucking wish I was drunk it would make being Bella in Penisland much easier to deal with." Bella said with a sigh.

"Penisland? B what the fuck are you talking about?" I asked slightly huffy since it seemed she was talking in riddles or like I should just know what she is going on about.

"Ugh Cullen, Reneewhore is having her seventeenth bachelorette party and the theme is dicks, because she can't ever seem to get enough of them. Literally dude, everything in my house is either penis shaped or covered in penises." Bella explained and finally it sort of made sense to me now.

"Aw baby, I am sorry you mom is, well, special and makes you miserable." I said trying to be diplomatic. I didn't want to say Renee was a drunken gold digger whore of a woman who would fuck anything if she could gain something from it.

"Hahahaha, Cullen, Renee isn't anything special except maybe a special case of fucking crazy." Bella replied with a laugh. "But thanks for cheering me up it really helped. Are you keeping Gramps from breaking a hip?" Bella asked.

"Yeah we had dinner at his favorite steakhouse, which looks to have been built in the 1800s and I'm not sure some of the food wasn't left over from the same period as well, now we are having a few drinks at some pub he went to as a kid or maybe it was with his grandkid on his 21st birthday or something. Winnie doesn't make much sense when he talks really." I recapped our night so far.

"Yeah I ask him when he was born and he said 1782 when Columbus sailed the ocean blue. I don't know if he was being honest or just fucking with me." Bella said and we both laughed.

"Okay well I hope you stay as penis free as you can babe, I need to jump off here and check on Jasper. He seems to be stuck talking to Winnie about the Great War, which he keeps referring to as the Civil War." I said.

"Later." Bella said and hung up.

Well I was with a guy who might be a few hundred years old, in a place I'm not really familiar with, but I was thankful I was not in Penisland.

**Bella POV**

Right as it was my turn to play 'suck the tip'... not kidding, I was being forced to play dick sucking games with my mother, the bell rang, and I was going to kiss whoever it was on the other side of that door.

"I'll get it!" I exclaimed, excitedly as I jumped out of my seat and dashed towards the door. I swung it open to reveal four…. Cops? Well, they were obviously strippers, disguised as cops. And let me be the first to tell you that not one of them were cute, not at fucking all. One of them looked like he could be my father, the other had a snaggle tooth and a crooked nose, one in the back had a lazy eye, and the one next to him was pudgy. She must have found these ones at the discount store.

"Ma'am, we've been getting complaints about this party." Snaggle tooth said, trying to use authority. I didn't fucking like real cops; there was no way in hell I was going to take a stripper cop seriously.

"Save it, officer," I sneered, and pointed into the living room, "the party is in there." They nodded and began to walk in the house, but I stopped them, stepping in front of them, "Stay the fuck away from the pregnant one, or I will fucking rip your balls off… every single one of them." I warned, making eye contact with each one of them, and they all nodded in understanding, so I moved to the side, and let them pass.

Once the knock off strippers had their routine started, and I made sure they were far away from Esme, I grabbed my phone and made my way to the back deck, and dialed Alice's number.

"Hey Bells" it was jasper. Oh well, I didn't care who I talked to, I just needed to be saved.

"Jasper, Ugh, please come save me." I begged, apparently all you had to do to break Bella Swan was dub her Princess of the Penis.

"It's really that bad?" he asked with a chuckle.

"Well, you tell me J, I'm wearing a fucking penis tiara, drinking some unknown white liquid, out of a penis shaped straw, from a penis shaped glass, eating penis shaped cookies, and now there are four strippers currently undressing in front of poor Pregsme," I explained.

Instead of responding, the fucker just laughed. I really didn't find anything funny about this situation.

"Jasper!" I whined, yep, whined.

"Sorry babe, that's an awful lot of penises." He managed to say in between laughing and gasps for air.

"That's all I get? After all I've done for you Jasper… really?" I asked which surprisingly caused another bout of laughter from the other end of the phone. "Jasper!"

"I'm sorry Bells, but, shit… it's funny as hell." He sort of semi-apologized but not really.

"You still think it's funny even though your poor, poor, swollen aunt is enduring the same torture?" I tried, knowing I was pushing it now.

"Bella, I do not feel bad for you at all, I just spent the night with the oldest man still on the planet. You can endure some penis."

"Yeah, that old man is about to be my step-father, ass." I groaned, palming my forehead.

"B, do us all a favor and calm down, all right? It'll be over in a little bit, and then you won't have to see anymore penis, except Edward's."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." I responded, sighing, "Thanks Jasper, I'll probably see you in the pool house later."

"Bye Princess Penis." He chuckled as I hit the end call button. Fucking Jasper.

I sat outside for a little while longer, I smoked a cigarette to calm me down, and then headed back inside. Luckily, by the time I made it back inside everyone was gone, half eaten penis cookies, unfinished penis drinks, and penis tiara's lying around the room was all that was left of Renee's millionth bachelorette party. I was never more thankful to have a maid than I was at this moment. But before I went upstairs I grabbed five of the tiaras and brought them with me up the stairs.

If they all wanted to laugh at me for wearing a penis tiara, they were going to have to wear one themselves. Assholes.

Just as I was rounding the hallway corner to go into my room, Renee's bedroom door opened, so I stopped and hid myself behind the corner, just in time to see the snaggle tooth stripper, and the old man stripper walk out of the room, followed by Renee. I scowled, hoping that they had just gone in there to settle payment issues, but I knew my mom better than that, and she proved it when she kissed them each, and smacked their asses as she sent them away.

They nodded at me as they passed me and went down the stairs, I sighed as I rounded the corner, startling Renee in her post coital bliss.

"God mom, you are such a fucking whore." I spat, it's not that I particularly liked Winnie, but I didn't hate him, and I fucking hated when anyone cheated, and I just fucking hated that my mom was easier than ABC 123.

"Isabella." She patronized, tsking at me, and shaking her head. "You are seventeen years old, you are a child, you need to stop trying to get involved in grown up activities, you couldn't possibly understand what I'm going through."

"Wow, you are a fucking whore, like… there are no words to describe the amount of whore that you are, men's dicks get lost in that black hole you call your vagina." I spat at her, knowing it was going to push her buttons.

"You little fucking bitch." She crossed the hall to me in three steps, wound her arm back and slapped me hard across the face, I instantly tasted blood, and I knew I was going to have a bruise on my cheek. "I'm getting so fucking tired of your poor me little bitch antics." She continued, grabbing a fistful of my hair angrily and shoving me against the wall. "You need to cut the shit, and be thankful for all that I do for you." She sneered, and then broke out into a smile, dropping my hair, "Goodnight dear, see you in the morning." And with that she walked back into her room and shut the door behind her.

I stood there for a minute in a little bit of shock, trying to fucking absorb what had happened. My whore of a mother was literally fucking crazy, like legit lost it, it seemed like each day she was being fucking crazier, and crazier, and somehow I was being dragged along for the fucking ride.

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Chapter 20 teaser will be posted on our Facebook soon, we will no longer be PM'ing them out some please add us, we are very interactive from our own FB accounts with the readers on there as well.

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	20. Homecoming

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, we don't own anything except some weird ideas and dirty words.

Sorry for the late post, completely my fault. It has been family day all day and between driving, swimming and such we all came home at crashed out before 9pm, but since we had been going since 7 am not to bad I don't guess, but once again I apologize.

So Dani and I are not only posting Chapter 20 to Newport but also the final chapter to our first story The Friend Game, so if you haven't read it go check it out. Sadly once Newport Living took off we have barely updated Friend, but ended it nice we think.

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**Chapter 20:  
Edwards POV**

I can't believe Emmett talked us into going to Winnie's bachelor party, I mean the guy was old enough to know whether the chicken or the egg came first really. He kept going off about the "Great War" and we didn't pay him any attention until I guess Jasper took pity on him and asked if it was World War One or World War Two. You should have seen the look on Jasper's face when Winnie mumbled something about it being the Civil War. I mean he really couldn't be that old… could he?

I was just glad to be back in the pool house where life was mostly drama free. I flipped on the stereo and plopped down on the couch kicking off my shoes and stretching out my muscles. I was starting to work out in my head exactly how old Winnie would be if he was born before the Civil War when the pool house door burst open to reveal a very pissed off Bella, who was sporting a bright red cheek, oh this couldn't be good, so much for a drama free pool house.

"Fucking bitch hits me again and I swear Cullen, I'm going to cut off her tits, let's see how well she can be such a gold digging whore when she's flat chested." Bella ranted as she took a swig from her flask. Oh good, Flasky was back too.

"B, what happened?" I asked getting up off the couch and making my way towards her.

"Renee had to fuck, not one, but two skanky strippers after her penis party and when I called her on her shit the bitch hit me. Smacked me in the face like I was a cheap whore, when she's the fucking whore! Ugh what a cunt." Bella spewed and then took another draw from the flask.

This was going to get bad quick, a pissed off, drunken, unstable Bella was not someone I wanted to tangle with, especially not tonight, I needed backup. So I called Jasper.

"Hello." Jasper answered.

"Come back to the pool house now, bring Alice. Drunkella is coming out and she is fucking pissed dude." I explained quickly. I'll admit it, I'm a little scared of Bella at times, but I was terrified of Drunkella, she was too unpredictable.

"We're heading back now." He replied and hung up. Good, backup was on the way, I just had to keep her contained by myself until they got here. Suddenly I felt like a lion tamer at the circus and was really wishing I had a whip and a chair.

"Okay, so Renee fucked two strippers after the party and when you said something about it, she hit you?" I asked not really wanting to bring it up again but wanting to be sure what happened.

"Yeah, after she got her fill of skanky stripper dick she must have been feeling powerful so when I mouthed off about her being a whore she hit me. Ugh that bitch just makes me so damn mad with her bullshit. " Bella said sitting on the couch and went to take another swig from her Flask but paused and turned it upside down. Good she was out of alcohol, which was a major step in the right direction.

I sat down beside her and put my arm around her, pulling her close. But, Bella being Bella of course tried to fight and pull away, that girl hated for anyone to try and comfort her or take care of her. I didn't know if she saw it as a sign of weakness or was just too stubborn to admit that she needed it but after a few minutes of struggling she let me just hold her close and she groaned and clenched and unclenched her fists before she started crying softly into my chest and I just held her and let her work it out. Crying was better than drinking.

I kept holding her and letting her cry and it seemed to calm her down after a few more minutes. Suddenly she looked up at me with tears still in her eyes.

"If you tell anyone I cried Cullen, I'm kicking your ass." she gave me a half smile as she wiped her eyes.

"I know B." I replied and it was true, I knew she would. I wiped a tear from her cheek before I leaned down and kissed her forehead. I thought it would be a reassuring gesture.

"Bella?" Alice asked as she opened the door followed by Jasper.

"We're in here Alice." I said as Bella wiped her face on my shirt.

"Pay back babe." She said getting up and kissing me on the cheek "Thanks," she whispered in my ear as she made her way toward Alice.

"How is she?" Jasper asked as he came to take a seat next to me on the couch.

"Better, she ran out of alcohol, but it seems she and Renee really had it out and Renee popped her in the cheek." I explained and Jasper looked pissed.

"What why?" he asked.

"Renee was being a whore, Bella called her on it so she hit her." I gave him the synapses of what I had heard.

"Do you know why Bella and Renee seem to hate each other so much?" Jasper asked.

"Honestly, I'm not sure, but if I had to venture a guess I'd say Bella blames Renee for her dad, Charlie, leaving. I mean to Bella Charlie was her whole world and she was the little princess. Then Renee and Charlie starting fighting more, Renee started getting drunk, they kept fighting and it just kept getting worse until one day he just took off. I think Bella looks at Renee as the enemy, because she thinks Renee is the reason for Charlie taking off and never looking back." I explained.

"That is so messed up dude." he replied.

"Yeah I know. Hey man, where did the girls disappear to?" I asked, noticing Jasper and I were the only ones in the living room.

"I don't know but if they are being this quiet, someone is likely in trouble." Jasper replied.

"Agreed." I said and really hoped it wasn't either of us that were on their bad side, though I had a good thought it was Renee, damn she's in for it if she had Alice and Bella plotting against her.

**BPOV**

"Calm down Bella and sit still so I can make this makeup cover the bruise." Alice scolded, putting her hands on her hips and sighing.

"Sorry Al, I'm just so fucking pissed off at her, how can she call herself a mother? Let alone a fucking wife!" I nearly growled, "I don't know if she's ever been faithful, which is probably why dad left, he walked in on her skank ass fucking some other guy." I vented, tracing the engravings on my flask with my fingers as I tried my best to sit still so she could work her magic.

"I know Bells; Renee is definitely not winning any mother or wife of the year awards." Alice said, and gave me a small smile.

"What are you two up to?" Jasper's voice sounded from the doorway of the bathroom, we looked over to see him and Cullen watching us.

"I'm working out how to cover Bella's bruise so I can do it quickly before school in the mornings. This is the last week to recruit voters! Homecoming is this weekend! Bella can't be walking around with a bruised face… god." Alice huffed, as if the boys should have known this already.

"Oh, right, Homecoming." Cullen mumbled, running his hands through his hair.

"Sorry guys." I sighed, looking down at my empty flask, I was barely feeling tipsy anymore.

"Its fine, not your fault Renee is such a raging cunt." Jasper said, "She shouldn't have hit you though, that shit is bullshit."

We were all silent for a minute, it wasn't exactly awkward, but it wasn't our normal comfortable, carefree silence either. I bit my lip as I looked up at three of the most important people in my life and I felt instantly grateful. Some people were lucky if they had one person who was there for them through thick and thin, but I was lucky enough to not only have the three people standing in this room, but toi also have Emmett and Rosalie.

"B?" Emmett's voice burst through my thoughts, ironically of him, and my eyes widened as he pushed through Jasper and Cullen, Rosalie right behind him. "Are you okay? What did she do? What happened?" he asked, frantic.

"Emmett? How-"

"We called him." Cullen said, in almost a whisper, as if he was scared.

"Whyyyy?" I whined, dragging out the word.

"Fuck that B, YOU should have called me, don't be mad at them!" Emmett said, not letting them answer.

"Emmett, I-"

"Your Flask? Are you drunk?" Rosalie asked, cutting me off. I was really getting tired of being cut off. Why was I grateful for these people again?

"B, I thought you were-" Emmett began. I held my hands up to stop the chaos.

"Shut up. Let me fucking explain, god damnit." I sighed, waiting for everyone to stop talking. Once they all shut their mouths, I opened my own to continue, "After the Penis Party, I was walking up to my room, and Snaggle Tooth, and Gramps were co-"

"Who?" Emmett, Rose and Alice all asked at once, I sighed.

"Two of the strippers, they were walking out of her room, and I tried to give that bitch the benefit of the doubt, really, I figured she was paying them, but then she kissed them both, and smacked both of their asses. So, I called her out about it, and she got pissed off because she was caught, and slapped me, and not her normal slap either, she wound up for this one, and bitch made me cut the inside of my cheek, and then when I mouthed off again, she grabbed me by the hair and slammed me into the wall." I bit my lip, and looked down at my feet for a second, not wanting to see the disappointed look on Emmett's face, "But then all the sudden like someone flipped a switch, she let me go, and told me goodnight, and went into her room."

"I swear your fucking cunt of a mother doesn't deserve to have a fuck-" Rosalie started, completely heated. But I was so over this bullshit, I didn't want to have to relive it.

"Stop!" I said loudly, holding my hands up to silence them. "Can we just, ugh, let's do something?"

Emmett's face lit up, "I know what always cheers my baby sister up." He grinned, throwing an arm around my shoulders as we began piling out of the bathroom. "Ice cream cones and a walk on the beach."

"ooh! Let's have ice cream! Please!" Alice begged, clapping her hands together in excitement.

So , we set out towards Stevie's Soft Serve near the beach so we could get ice cream and walk along the beach, which was exactly what I needed to forget my hell of a night.

**Edwards POV**

"Hello there sir, and who are you planning to vote for in the race for Homecoming King and Queen?" I asked the freshman looking kid I grabbed randomly in the hall.

"Bella Swan because she is so fucking hot and I don't know maybe Jasper Whitlock, he seems cool." The pimply faced youth replied.

"Jasper? No he's a complete tool, I saw him kick as puppy just last week. You should vote for Edward Cullen, he's the better choice for Homecoming King." I explained to the clearly uneducated kid.

"Who's Edward Cullen?" The PFY asked.

"I'm Edward Cullen." I answered, not sure where this was going.

"Why should I vote for you, just because you tell me to?" The kid asked and damn he had a good point.

"Because, I'll give you a cookie if you do." Bella answered for me, coming out of nowhere with a tray full of cookies.

"Oh, hey Bella." The PFY responded and took the cookie and gobbled it down like it was made from Heaven.

"I'm sorry, what's your name?" Bella asked the PFY.

"Jackson." He replied and stuck out his hand to shake Bella's.

"Hey Jackson, listen you need to vote for my boyfriend Cullen here because I wouldn't just want to have to do the King and Queen dance with anyone and if you help me out maybe I can save you a dance too cutie." Bella said and Jackson looked like he was going to splooge right then and there, it was all I could do to stop from laughing.

"Sure Bella that sounds great, I will vote for you and Edward." Jackson responded and I swear the grin the kid wore wouldn't have even looked right on the Joker.

"Well thanks for your support Sweetie, now we have to be going and get more people on our side. Why don't you help us and put up a few of these posters around please?" Bella said as she handed him a handful of posters and sent him on his way.

"You're amazing you know?" I said but it came out more like a question instead of a statement.

"Why? because I can get horny little pervy freshman to do my bidding? That doesn't make me amazing Cullen; it makes me a girl with boobs." Bella replied.

"You are the Queen B with your beautiful smile and awesome boobs and your little worker bees doing your bidding huh?" I chuckled as I put my arm around her and we walked towards the cafeteria.

"Pretty much." Bella replied and slipped out from my arm. "Hi, would you like a cookie?" she asked offering her tray to the nearby group of kids.

"Sure." "Thanks." "You rock." Rang out from the crowd, as they devoured the cookies.

"Who made the cookies?" I asked when I suddenly recalled that Bella's cooking skills were limited to sometimes hitting the correct button for popcorn on the microwave. I was concerned we had just poisoned a portion of the student body that would now no longer vote for us.

"Don't give me that look Cullen; we are not poisoning students, Pregsme made them." B said and I knew she was reading my mind or maybe my very worried expression.

"Why do you keep calling my mom Pregsme?" I laughed, it was a funny nickname.

"I think it's funny so deal with it." B replied as she shoved a cookie in my mouth. Damn, mom always did make the best Snickerdoodles.

"Yes dear." I said and we made our way over to another group.

"Who are you guys voting for in the Homecoming voting?" Bella asked pimping us out once again.

I know I was getting something out of this if we won, but all this campaigning had me nervous. It's not that I'm antisocial, but who wants to go up to kids they never talked to and not only start a conversation but also ask them to do you a favor. Bella played to the crowd well, flirting a little when need be or just being super friendly, everyone in this school thought she was awesome. I didn't see how Bella pretended to be all Little Miss Sunshine for stuff like this when it was clear to those who knew the real Bella; this was as far from her comfort zone as could be.

We made our way through the halls until we ran into Jalice, also working the campaign trail for Homecoming King and Queen.

"Vote for Alice Brandon and Jasper Whitlock, and get free buttons, pens, a Frisbee, and we even have a few t-shirts left." Alice proclaimed handing out said goodies to a large crowd of students flocking around.

"They have freebies to give away, ugh Alice." Bella screeched and went over to Alice and Jasper.

Oh this could be very good or very bad, but either way I wanted to see how this played out.

"What do you think you are doing?" Bella asked, loudly.

"Trying to get votes so Jazz and I can be Homecoming King and Queen." Alice explained, and I thought she might have done it a little slower than normal.

"Yes Alice, I'm not a small challenged ten year old, I know what you're doing, but why are you trying to bribe the masses with free swag to win their votes?" Bella said and I laughed which earned me a smile from Bella and a pointed stare from Alice. I couldn't win either way it seemed.

"I'm just simply giving away items that will serve as a friendly reminder of who they could vote for; I don't think these people are mindless sheep. By the way are those Esme's Snicker doodles?" Alice shot back and Bella looked a little flushed. I'm not sure if she was embarrassed or pissed, either way not a good thing.

"Why yes they are MARY ALICE, and I have been giving them away, you know as a friendly reminder of who our fellow classmates could choose to vote for." Bella explained a little more slowly than Alice did, using her own words against her.

The girls kept bickering back and forth while Jasper and I stepped out of the way.

"How's it going Cuz?" Jasper asked.

"Not bad, Bella has me out trying to drum up some votes for Team Bella and Edward. I see you are doing the same for Team Alice and Jasper." I replied.

"Yeah, dude Alice has a guy for everything." Jasper said.

I shot him a look because if Alice had a guy for everything, what the hell did she need Jasper for?

"No not that like ass, I mean she had a guy make all the posters, another make the pens, and so on. It's like she is a one woman campaign headquarters." Jasper explained.

"Dude that sucks, I wish Bella had guys. I swear I have glitter in my lungs from all the posters we made the past few weeks." I said.

We turned to see the girls, who had gotten louder to almost yelling volume. They were standing nose to nose and it looked like punches would be thrown soon. These girls were so not the type who pulled hair or scratched each other.

"We need to break this up." Jasper said and I nodded in agreement and went to grab Bella.

"Come on B, we need to pass out the rest of these cookies baby." I said and I grabbed her and gently guided her away from Alice and down the hall.

"Cullen we have got to beat Alice and Jasper. I don't care about the stupid bet anymore, she is an evil little pixie and I have to take her down." Bella explained.

"Sure thing babe, if you think she needs to be taken down, then we will take her down together." I said.

"You are so my bitch Cullen." Bella said and gave me a chaste kiss.

"Yeah and I wouldn't have it any other way sweetheart." I said and took her hand and guided her to another group of students. "Would you guys like a cookie? They are some delicious Snickerdoodles." I said and kept trying to get Bella exactly what she wanted.

**BPOV**

This was finally it. After all our hard work, making posters, and talking to a bunch of random students that I honestly could give a fuck about, it all lead up to right now.

Well, about ten minutes from now. Today was the night of homecoming game, and dance. It was last period and they were making final announcements, of course, dragging the whole damn thing out to make us fucking antsy.

"And now, the announcements you have all been waiting for, and working so hard on all week, the winners of Homecoming King and Queen. " Aro announced, and then of course fucking paused for the longest god damn second of my entire life. "The runner up by a mere vote for queen is… Bella Swan!" my heart sunk a little, but only because I didn't beat Alice's evil pixie ass. I knew she had to be the winner, no one else even really tried, and she was usually the only one I lost to anyways. "The runner up by two votes for king is… Jacob Black!" I sighed in relief, Cullen didn't want to be a part of this that much anyways, so didn't feel so bad that it wasn't him that had been runner up, but I was glad that Jake and I hadn't been the winners, that could have been awkward. "And finally, the winner for your Homecoming King 2010 is… Jasper Whitlock!" I clapped along with the class, and turned to Jasper who was sitting next to me, his face red, he didn't really care for attention. He smiled at me, and shrugged. "And the winner for your Homecoming Queen 2010 is… Alice Brandon!"

"Damn you guys." I joked, nudging Jasper's shoulder.

"It was close those Bells… you lost by one vote, that's pretty awesome." He nudged back.

"The King and Queen, and the rest of the Homecoming court need to be at the game early tonight in full Homecoming attire for the halftime announcements, there will be a final meeting with Jane in the auditorium tonight to go over any last minute details, congratulations, and Newport Prep hopes to see you all at the game tonight!"

"Alice is gonna be so pumped, little bitch." I have joked, Alice and I were very competitive, sometimes we took it too far, but, we loved each other, so I I'd be at her house getting ready after school.

"You two are good, right?" Jasper asked, looking a little worried. I laughed, nodding my head, he immediately seemed to relax a little.

"We just like a little healthy competition, that's all." I told him.

"All right, Swan, Whitlock, class is still going on up here, or did you happen to forget?" James snapped, interrupting our conversation. This was going to be a long fucking year.

"Oh my goddd! I'm so excited!" Alice squealed later that night, we were on our way to Cullen's to pick up the boys for the game. We had to get their extra early because I still had to be there to coach the girls. A few of the cheerleaders from the JV squad were stepping in to take the places of the cheerleaders that were on homecoming court. We had to be on the field during halftime, and the dance literally started a half hour after the game, maybe guys could get ready in that little amount of time, but girls sure as hell wouldn't.

"I wish I brought my flask, like I did last year." I told her, I wasn't really excited, I knew Cullen didn't dance, and I just had a worried feeling for tonight, I couldn't place it, but something felt off.

"Didn't you have it tucked in your garter, and Aro caught Jake going up your dress for it behind the stage?" she asked, recalling last year's homecoming, I giggled, I had completely forgot about that.

"Yeah, Emmett and Renee were fucking pissed, I think they actually tried grounding me for that one." I shook my head as I pulled into the Cullen's driveway and honked the horn, but since this was the Cullen's, of course it wouldn't be that easy. Pregsme and Daddy C ran out, she had a camera in her hand, and he had a video camera. The boys followed them shortly after, not looking happy,

"Girls, we have to get pictures, come out of the car!" Daddy C called to us, I sighed, really wishing I had my flask as we got out and walked over to our boys.

"You look beautiful, B." Cullen told me, giving me a kiss, and I swear I heard a camera go off. I smiled against his lips as we pulled apart.

"You don't look so bad yourself, baby." I told him, winking.

After about three hours… probably only like twenty minutes, they were finally happy with the amount of pictures they took, and we were on our way to the game. Alice was happily chattering away in the backseat with Jasper about all the things she planned on doing under her reign of royalty, and Jasper looked a little overwhelmed, but happy with her in his arms. Cullen was searching my satellite radio for the perfect song, and I was driving, letting my hand hang out the window to feel the ocean breeze. We were all happily content, and if I could have picked out a moment to be stuck in for the rest of my life, I'm pretty sure this would be it.

It was weird watching the game, and not cheering, of course I was in the cheer area to help the girls when needed, and then we were all called on the field during halftime so that our names could be announced, and the winners could be properly announced, they would get officially crowned later at the dance, and then as soon as the game was over, which we won, of course, we hurried there to be there on time.

Once we arrived at the dance, Alice and Jasper had to go find Jane so they could work out when they would be presented on stage and given their crowns, and having their first dance, so Cullen and I made our way around the dance floor, saying hello to everyone, and I had to do a quick tally in my head to add up all the forgotten named freshman that I had promised dances to.

"B?" Cullen asked, when I hadn't said anything for a few minutes.

"Sorry Cullen, I promised like 100 freshman and sophomores that they could dance with me, I'm not sure you and I are ever going to get a dance." I laughed, he shook his head as he chuckled.

"Don't be mad B, but I'm glad we didn't win." He told me, kissing my forehead.

"It's fine, I won last year anyways, it's only right that I give someone else a turn." I answered, I was grateful it was Alice, she and Jasper deserved it… don't ever tell that bitch I admitted that though.

After a while of standing around, talking to people, and dancing with handsy freshman, I pulled Cullen out on the dance floor so we could finally dance.

"See, this is not so bad." I told him, resting my head on his shoulder, I smiled when I felt him rest his chin on my head.

We danced around, and for some reason, everytime I looked up, James was standing against the wall, his arms crossed, glaring at me. I really didn't know what his fucking issue with me was, I knew I didn't exactly pay attention in his class, but I wasn't mean or disrespectful to him, no more than I was any other teacher. I frowned a little, and looked away from him, only to see Heidi and Jake dancing, both of them glaring at me each time they rotated.

"Fuck." I muttered.

"B?" Cullen asked, "What's wrong?"

"It's like the Bella Swan Haters Association in the corner behind you. Heidi, Jake, his cronies, and James." I told him.

"Ignore them love, it's all about you and me tonight." He kissed my forehead gently and we continued to dance together, the B.S.H.A temporarily forgotten about.

**Edwards POV**

I loved dancing with Bella, well I wouldn't really call it dancing but swaying with her comfortably in my arms, that was as close to dancing as I got. I could care less who won or lost Homecoming, sure I wanted B to win she would be happy but I was just as happy Alice and Jasper won really.

"This is amazing." I admitted my inner thoughts out loud to Bella.

"Yeah yeah yeah, just admit it, you hate school dances Cullen?'Bella pried but seemed to mold herself closer into my body.

"I don't dance, but just having you in my arms like this is worth all the glitter and glue I inhaled, not to mention all the underclass girls you made me flirt with to try to win." I said as I held her just a little tighter to me.

"That one- what was her name, Lisa, oh she liked you." Bella said with a laugh.

"Was Lisa one of the ones who grabbed my butt as we walked away or was she in the group who kissed me?" I asked confused, because I could not seem to recall all the girls who had touched me inappropriately the past week. It was crazy, I was a walking add for sexual harassment. Girls constantly rubbing their boobs against my arm, pinching my butt as I walked away, and even a few kisses and it made me feel dirty. Bella said I had to be nice and thank them for it and I could not file charges or else we might lose votes, so I endured it, for her.

"Lisa was one of the ones who pinched your butt; I think you actually yelped when she did it." Bella reminded me and laughed.

"Oh yeah dear sweet Lisa who pinched my ass so hard I had a bruise. I swear Jasper must think I'm some sort of freaky perv since I know I was sitting down funny for a few days." I added making a joke out of the whole ordeal.

"Cullen that is hilarious, your poor bum baby, I guess if I was a good girlfriend I could still let you do that thing you wanted even though we didn't win since you tried so hard and were a real good sport about it." Bella said as she whispered the last part right into my ear.

"You mean it B?" I asked possibly a little too excited.

"Maybe baby, but right now I have to go check my makeup. I'll be back in a minute and we can leave." She said as she gave me a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Sounds good, really good." I replied, god this woman owned me.

She walked towards the girls' bathroom and I hit the refreshment table. Suddenly I was very thirsty. I grabbed two glasses of punch, well red colored sugar water they passed off as punch anyways. I gulped down the first glass and was starting on the second when Ben Cheney came over.

"Hey Edward, sorry you didn't win buddy." He said giving me an apologetic look.

"It's okay Ben, I am glad I didn't win really." I admitted as I took another sip of my punch.

"So Bella leave you to dance with more underclassman?" Ben teased knowing Bella bartered dances for votes.

"Nah I think she completed all those obligations and is in the bathroom before we leave." I replied and gave Ben a smile. Ben was a good normal guy, not too nerdy but not too big of a jock either. I was glad Angela and Ben were together and seemed so happy; it gave me faith about Bella and myself.

"Yeah Ang is in there too, you know girls always have to look their best, though I honestly think both of ours always do with little effort." Ben said and I knew he was being nice, that is just who Ben was.

"I agree sir." I replied as I took another sip of my drink. Ben and I continued to chat about school and music and how much the new Iron Man movie rocked. Ben was a closet comic book nerd, I invited him to come over to see my collection sometime when the girls had cheerleading practice.

"Edward come quick, it's Bella!" a frantic Angela said as she came over to Ben and I.

I dropped the cup of stupid punch and bolted towards the bathroom to see what the hell was happening with B that had Ang looking so worried. I busted in the girls bathroom not caring who the fuck saw me or what they said and my heart skipped a beat when I saw Bella who looked fucking pissed, she was okay, but very fucking pissed. B had Heidi pinned to the wall and it looked like she had already hit her once or twice already.

"Bella!" I shouted to get her attention.

"This bitch is going down!" Bella said angrily, and drew back her arm to hit her again.

"B, what the fuck are you doing?" I asked, confused by the whole girl fight scene in front of me, but it was kind of hot seeing my woman take care of business.

**BPOV**

"I was just about to rearrange Heidi's face." I answered, annoyed at whoever had to tell Cullen that I was in here and to come rescue me, I didn't need saving god damnit, Heidi was the one who needed it, it should be Jake in here saving her scrawny ass.

She started to say something, but I slammed her back, harder against the wall. "Bitch, did I say you could talk?" I seethed, turning my attention back on her.

"Bella! Let Heidi go!" Jake's voice boomed from behind me.

"Jake. Shut the fuck up." Cullen and I said in unison, and if I wasn't so fucking pissed off at this slut, I'd have smiled.

"You're little girlfriend here needs to stop running her mouth and think that she's big and bad." I said, not letting Heidi go, my arm still pulled back to hit her. "She tried to tell me to leave you alone! Ha! I guess she doesn't know that you've been the one calling me almost weekly. That you haven't left me alone! Stupid fucking bitches need to know their role." I rambled, my anger coming off of me in waves.

"No you stupid skank, he's not my boyfriend, Ja-" Heidi began, but was quickly interrupted.

"What is going on in here?" James' voice boomed from behind me, "Miss Swan, put Miss Ryder down right now." He said sternly. I groaned, slamming her one final time, and letting her go. "Now does someone want to tell me what's going on here…"

I turned to face him, Cullen, Jake, Ben, Angela, and everyone else had gathered around to watch the girl fight, and opened my mouth to tell him, "She start-"

"Someone who is going to be honest, Miss Ryder, why don't you tell me what happened." He cut me off.

"I was just in here doing a touch up on my hair, and makeup, and Bella just came in and started hitting me. I don't know what I did!" Heidi insisted, lying through her overly glossed, Botox filled lips, and her veneered, monthly whitened teeth.

"What the fu-"

"Miss Swan, not only will you have to leave Homecoming early again," Aro's voice sounded as he pushed his way through the onlookers, shooing them away, "But you will have office detention for the next week, with Jane."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me, she gets off scott free? She's LYING!" I said, exasperated.

"Mr. Cullen, or Mr. Black, whichever one of you accompanied Miss Swan here tonight; I'd advise you to take her home, before the punishment gets worse." Aro said, looking between the two boys. Thanks a lot Aro, way to make me feel like a slut.

"Come on B." Cullen grabbed my arm and we silently walked out of the building and towards my car. Once we were in the car I sent Alice a quick text telling her to call me when they needed to be picked up, and I headed towards the beach. I didn't want to be home yet. "Sooo, what the hell did Heidi say to get you so mad?" he asked after a little while of silence.

"She's such a bitch, so I go into the bathroom, and she's in there, and I wasn't even going to say anything to her, and she just starts going off about how I'm a slut, and how I need to stay away from her man or she'll kick my ass. So then I laughed, because, well… I'd like to see her try and kick my ass. And I guess me laughing pissed her off, so she swung at me, and that's when I pinned her to the wall and hit her, and then you guys ran in." I explained, shrugging.

"Are you still mad?" he asked, he was being cautious.

"No, I'm annoyed that she lied and now I'm stuck in detention with James, but Heidi is fucking no one to me. That's all." I told him honestly, as I pulled into the beach parking lot and parked.

"Good girl." Cullen replied, grinning. God I was dating such a nerd. I couldn't help but smile back.

We took our shoes off, hopped out of the car, and he grabbed my hand as we headed down to the shoreline.

"Let's go swimming." I suggested.

"B, we're in homecoming attire."

"Attire? What are you 65?" I chuckled as I began wading in the water, my dress getting wet. "Come on old man."

"You're crazy." He chuckled, hesitating.

"Oh come on Cullen, your parents took a billion pictures, video, and the school took pictures, I'm never going to wear this thing again, and I'll even have Renee pay for dry cleaning for you." I pouted, sticking out my bottom lip.

"Okay my crazy, frustrating, beautiful girl." He replied as he followed me in the water.

We played around in the water, splashing, swimming, kissing, laughing, and having a good time until it started getting cold.

"So, do I still get it?" he asked as we were drying off with towels I had in my trunk.

"God Cullen, what is it with you and this cuddling fetish?" I asked as I toweled off my hair.

"Cuddling is just so fucking awesome, falling asleep and waking up wrapped up with someone is great, and with you I'd think it'd be the closest to heaven I can ever get." He explained, and I sighed, giggling at his sweetness.

"You're lucky I'm feeling generous, and Renee is being a bitch." I told him, even though spending the night cuddling was something I had never done before, aside from that one time with him. It still weirded me out, I wasn't used to it… but I was trying.

"Oh, glad to know that's the only reason you're agreeing to this." He fake pouted.

"Oh, well, and because I maybe-kinda-sorta-a little bit like you." I joked back, leaning over and kissing him.

"Well, that's better than bitch slapping me in the girls bathroom like Heidi so I will take it." He smiled against my lips, and then returned to kissing me.

**Emmett POV**

"Dude this kilt is fucking awesome! I love the breeze down on my boys." I exclaimed. Yes I might have been a little pissy when the Bridezilla from Hell told me I was wearing a kilt to her wedding but now that I had it on, I kind of like it.

"Why is Winnie making you wear a kilt again?" Rose asked she was as confused as I was about the whole reason why, but damn dude; this kilt is awesome.

"I'm not sure, something about a Scottish tradition and all the Snodgrass's for like a thousand years have worn them or something." I said repeating back what I had heard, I think.

"So Winnie wore one to his last wedding then." Rose said with a laugh. I laughed too, my girl was funny.

"I guess so." I added while checking it out in the mirror. Sure plaid wasn't my thing, but a kilt in a nice solid black. I think I would rock it and still not look like a dandy.

"You are not only a crazy bitch, but a stupid crazy bitch if you think I am wearing that god awful dress." Bella screeched from the other room.

Damn why couldn't they just get along, hell screw getting along just not try killing each other would suffice, especially while in public. We were at the tailor doing our final fitting, and poor Irina, she looked terrified at the scene in front of her. But damn, Bella knows Renee will be gone for god knows how long after the wedding; she just needs to keep her shit together until tomorrow, that's all. One more fucking day.

"You're going to wear it young lady and you will do it with a fucking smile on your face if you know what's good for you." Renee replied back.

"Ladies can we please act civilized, at least until we get home and you two can have it out in private." Rose added and gave Bella her look. I knew that look; it was the 'you need to do what I say or there will be hell to pay' look. It took me some time but I learned it and learned it well, Rose does not mess around when she gives you that look.

"Rose, she wants me to wear a tangerine colored dress. Tanger-fucking-rine, come on I'm going to look horrible in it." Bella whined, yes whined like a small child.

"Bella, you just have to wear the dress for a little while and only in front of mom's friends and Winnie's too, I guess, if any are still alive. Our friends are banned so it isn't such a big deal." I tried explaining to my sister.

"But Em, its fucking tangerine-" Bella started.

"Honeymoon, think about once this wedding is over Renee and Winnie will be gone on a long, very long honeymoon, so please just wear the damn dress." I said.

"Fine, I will wear the dress but I'm burning this bitch as soon as the wedding is over." Bella added and stormed off.

Well this was turning out to be a fan-fucking-tastic wedding, god I couldn't wait for this shit to be over.

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	21. The Sacraficial Dress

So it is delayed but here it is sorry, we both had alot going on in our personal lives. Now no ETA on Chapter 22 yet. I have family in visiting until July 12th so I am not sure how much free time I will have to write between now and then. A house on the lake with food, family, and fun is way more tempting then writing sorry guys.

Anyways I think this is one of the funnier chapters we have done and it is starting to unfold alot of upcoming events which will be happening quickly soon. So enjoy and please join us on our Facebook page if you want to comment or chat or anything Dani and I are pretty personable people.

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**BPOV**

"I don't know why she had to ban all you guys." I huffed, sitting still as Rose and Alice helped me go over the final touches of my hair, makeup, and making sure my horrible tangerine dress was on right.

"I know, we've been to all her other weddings and never did anything wrong." Alice said through the bobby pins she was holding in her teeth as she perfected my hair.

"Honestly, I'm glad I'm not going, sorry Bells, but I hate your damn mom. Love you and Emmett, hate her." Rose shook her head as she zipped up the back of my dress and handed me the ugly ass little jacket thing that went with it. "God you'd think after all her wedding's she'd be better at picking out these dresses."

"Fuck I know, this better be her last damn marriage, because if she thinks I'm going to spend my life parading down the damn aisle in these horrible creations, she's really lost her fucking mind." I sighed as I checked the mirror, and grimaced.

Both the girls giggled at my annoyance, I flipped them both off happily.

"So what are you guys all going to do while me and Emmett are stuck at this wedding all fucking day?" I asked sending Cullen a quick text and stuffing my phone, my flask and some money into the tiny little purse thing that matched the dress.

"I picked up extra hours at the shop." Rose said shrugging. If you didn't know Rose, you would figure she was some model who posed for swimsuit magazines, or worked at a fashion boutique, or didn't work at all. But Rose fucking loved cars, car engines especially, she wore a jumpsuit that said her name on the chest, tied her hair back and wasn't afraid to get dirty, and greasy and oily. It was fucking awesome.

"Eleazar booked another music video shoot for me this weekend, it's only downtown though so I get to stick around here, Jasper's coming with me." Alice said as she texted like rapid fire on her blackberry.

"Well. You guys have fun, think of me and Emmett in our states of pain." I sighed as they gathered up their things to leave.

"God that's the only way I know the two of you are related to Renee, such fucking drama queens, all of you Swans." Rosalie scoffed as we made our way out of my room and down the stairs towards the front door.

"Bella, This kilt is THE COOLEST!" Emmett exclaimed excitedly as he appeared in the front room dressed in his kilt and weird shoes and knee high socks, ready for the wedding. Renee and Winnie were already there, Emmett and I were running late as it was.

"You are really the only guy I know who enjoys wearing a skirt." I shook my head, the girls laughed, and Emmett and I walked to his jeep.

"It's awesome! For once my balls aren't sweating!" he exclaimed happily as he helped me into the jeep so I didn't ruin this god awful dress.

"Emmett!" I slapped my hands over my ears. "TMI. Ew." I groaned, I hadn't eaten all day, unless you count the few sips of jack I had earlier, eating, and hearing that was enough to make me vomit all over the dress. Which honestly would have improved the color of the dress in my opinion, I seriously considered this course of action but I didn't want to smell like puke all day.

He laughed, and shook his head at me, not even apologizing. Jerk. We drove quickly to the church, which I have no clue why the wedding was being held there, I'm pretty sure Renee had never been in a church her entire life, aside from the times she got married.

"You're finally here!" Renee scalded in her "public" angry voice, all the moms who were at the penis party, aside from Esme, was helping her with her dress. I had to hand it to her; it was a nice dress, Vera Wang, off white, strapless, puffy at the bottom, with a fucking tangerine bow around the waist. "IS Emmett here too? What took you guys so long?" she asked, looking worried.

"Stop freaking out, we're both here, its fine." I reassured her, as nicely as I could muster, which seemed to pacify her. A few moments later the priest came in to inform us that it was starting and that I needed to make my entrance to walk down the aisle.

"Don't mess this up, you look beautiful." Renee said before I walked out the door, I turned back to face her, she looked nervous. I don't know why the fuck she was nervous.

"And you calm your nerves, you should be used to this by now, it's you're billionth time getting married." I told her and walked out.

I grabbed my bouquet of flowers and stood at the back of the church, waiting for my cue. Once the music started I made my way down the aisle towards Emmett and Winnie, I made sure to smile at the guests, even though they didn't deserve any of it.

As I was nearing the front of the church, I nearly took my flash out of that horrid little purse thing if you could call it that and started drinking right then and there. Jacob was sitting in between his parents looking right at me. What. The. Fuck. I thought everyone had to be banned, and why on fucking earth did Renee have to flex on the one person I didn't want to fucking deal with.

I smirked at him, and mouthed "fuck you." And then turned my focus back on the front as I finished walking to my spot beside the priest.

Worst. Day. Ever.

**Emmett's POV**

I loved the freeness of being naked under my kilt gave me. Sure it said you were supposed to wear underwear, but what was the point really. I mean no one could see my junk and as long as I didn't get excited no one would know and it felt really good. I could see now why Rose went commando under a skirt, well for more than just the obvious reasons sometimes.

"Now son, do you have the rings?" Winnie asked which snapped me out of my own head.

"Yes sir." I said as I patted my pocket which made me remember I was going commando under my kilt and I smiled.

"You know that was my mother's ring she brought it over from our mother country with her." Winnie explained for what I presumed was the tenth time today.

"Yes sir I learned all about Pangea in school." I replied hoping to shut him up.

"Renee said Bella looks beautiful in her dress." Winnie said absent mindedly but let's face it that was an improvement for him.

"Bella always looks beautiful, well except that time she wore overalls. Girls in overalls are just weird, it's like they are farmers or something." I said mostly to myself since I knew Winnie's hearing was pretty much shot, poor old bastard.

"Yes I agree, I do hate when teams don't cover the over under on games." Winnie said with a scowl.

We were interrupted from my asking Old Man River what the hell he thought I said by them playing the music signaling that Bella then Renee would be coming down the aisle soon.

I saw Bella come down the aisle and I admit, after all the work, Bella, Alice and Rose did that dress still looked god awful. I swear Renee picked it just to make Bella look horrible so she would look better by comparison. I mean who needs to knock a teenage girls self esteem just to make themselves feel better? Reneemonster of course, god she wouldn't be allowed a license to breed if she had to take a parenting test I swear.

As Bella came down the aisle I noticed she had a glare and a mouthed some unkind words to Jake, she was so my sister. I don't know why Renee invited the Blacks yet didn't invite the Cullen's or Ma and Pa Brandon either; it didn't really make sense to me but rarely did anything related to Renee, so I went with it.

Bella took her place across from Winnie and me and soon after the wedding march started and everyone stood to stare at Renee as she sashayed down the aisle. She walked slowly, swaying her hips from side to side, great Renee, perfect thing to do at a wedding let alone yours. That woman would do almost anything to be the center of everyone's attention, well yeah anything no almost to it.

When Renee finally made her way to stand in front of the priest I was a bit concerned. Renee and religion… well, went together like Renee and sobriety, it just didn't work. I admit for a moment I was afraid a small group of ninja priests would spring out and grab Renee and perform an exorcism on her. It made me chuckle a little at the imagery, but alas it did not happen.

The priest talked, they said their vows, I handed them the rings, they were married and Renee was officially a Snodgrass. I don't think Renee cared what her last name was as long as her allowance from her husband was hefty and her credit cards had no limits.

**Edwards POV**

"I'm so freaking bored Jazz." I exclaimed putting the controller down. Yeah killing zombies and saving the world even lost its appeal to me.

"I am too dude, god this sucks." Jasper replied and put down the comic book he was reading.

"Is this what it was like before we had girlfriends?" I asked and Jasper nodded. "God we were fucking lame ass losers dude." I replied.

"Yeah we spent all our time with video games and comic books instead of our special lady friends." Jasper said.

"Don't remind me how pathetic we were please." I said and pinched the bridge of my nose. This so wasn't how I wanted to spend my day, hearing how big a geek I was from my almost equally geeky cousin.

"Hey I was the new kid in town, you were the pathetic one." Jasper explained, grabbing another comic book and leafing through it to pass the time. He clearly was not trying to spare my feelings or make me feel better.

"Fine I was the biggest loser, but I don't see how arguing about who was the most loserific kid in losertown is going to make today any better." I said in a huff and stormed into the kitchen for water.

"Stupid video shoot for Alice." Jasper said and tossed down the latest comic book he was reading a little harder then I would have liked.

"Renee is a cunt whore for banning us from her wedding. I mean really what the hell would we have done beside support B and Emmett really? I wasn't going to stand up and exclaim that she was just marrying the poor bastard for his money before he died or anything. I just wanted to see B in her dress." I exclaimed as I sat back down on the couch.

"Alice and Rose both said that Renee picked out a god awful dress for her dude, I'm talking fucking hideous." Jasper explained to me.

"It doesn't matter to me dude; she's my girl so she looks beautiful to me in anything really." I said and thought of how beautiful Bella always looked.

"You are a love sick little puppy Cuz, you know that right?" Jasper asked and hit me on the shoulder for good measure, Asshole.

"Sure Cuz, like you are any better." I replied before being interrupted.

"Honey I'm home!" Alice exclaimed from the doorway, being held up by Rose, but after a second Alice broke free and toddled and teetered towards Jasper. She wrapped her arms around his neck ,"Bitch where's my pot roast? Momma is hungry." Alice slurred.

"Huh?" Jasper and I asked at the same time.

"Don't mind the drunken pixie; someone seemed to have switched her virgin daiquiri with a real one. They said she drank about three sips before she got like this and they called me to drunk sit." Rose explained.

Alice doesn't drink alcohol like ever; she said she doesn't want to be a lushy Hollywood tramp that is only known to get put on the big screen by all the producers she has gone down on.

"Oh." Jasper said clearly shocked by Drunk Alice.

"Hahahaha Alice even called you her bitch." I said reigniting our previous discussion.

"Shut it Edward." Jasper replied.

"Yeah Eddie, Jazz knows he's my bitch so it's cool right boo?" Alice slurred.

"Oh my I was going to go back to work, but this is getting good." Rose said as she took a seat nearby on the couch and grabbed my water and took a drink.

"I am so not your bitch!" Jasper exclaimed.

"Jazzy Poo, of course you are my bitch sweetie. You carry my backpack and even my purse around school. You always answer my calls before the second ring. You go shopping with me more than Rose and Bella combined. Hell babe you even let me paint your toenails the other night, so yes you are so my bitch." Alice drunkenly admitted with minimal hiccupping to interrupt her monologue.

"Alice!" Jasper shouted.

"Jasper?" Rose and I both asked in unison.

"I bought a lovely shade of pink well it had hints of purple, but I wasn't sure how it would look on my nails. Rose you know how sometimes the color looks great in the bottle but horrible on your nails right?" Alice asked.

Rose nodded in the affirmative, still too stunned to interrupt this explanation as I was.

"Well Jazz volunteered his toenails to see what it looked like so I would have an idea of what it would look like once it dried. Jazz let me use his toes as test toes. God I love Jasper so much he's like my own southern version of Prince Charming." Alice finished explaining before plopping down in the recliner and closing her eyes.

"Well that was worth the price of admission and then some." Rose said as she got up to check and be sure Alice was still breathing, she was.

"Alice loves me." Jasper muttered.

"Yeah Drunk Smurf said that." I teased.

"So what are you two nerds doing?" Rose asked.

"Nothing, why you got an idea?" I replied.

"Well Renee banned us all from the wedding right?" Rose asked. Jasper and I both nodded; see we weren't nearly as slow as people thoughts sometimes.

"Well the wedding is over and the reception is being held outside. Since it's not technically the wedding I guess we technically aren't banned from it." Rose explained.

"Rose you are a freaking genius." I said and ran into my room to change.

"What are we going to do with Alice? We can't leave her here alone." Jasper said.

"Watch." Rose said as she walked over to Alice and leaned down right beside her ear. "What? there's a huge sale on Prada handbags and Jimmy Choo shoes?" Rose asked in a normal voice.

Alice shot straight up off the recliner like someone has just plugged her into a nuclear reactor.

"What we are doing here then, come on Jasper there are sales racks for us to loot and pillage, ARGH!" Alice said as she grabbed Jasper's hand and started dragging and pulling him towards the door.

Rose, Jasper, and I burst out laughing.

"Missing sales is no laugh matter!" Alice squealed at us all.

"Babe there is no sale, but we do have a mission. We are going to crash Renee's reception, since it's not the wedding we aren't banned." Jasper explained, though I noticed he did position his body towards the side so that if Alice were to lash out she wouldn't hit him in the balls. Damn he knew Alice pretty well.

"So there are no sales?" Alice asked to Rose directly.

"No Hun, no sales but I do like your reaction time." Rose said and laughed.

"Fine, Rose and I are going to go get dressed and you boys try and clean up. Jazz, wear the pinstriped slacks with that white button down I bought you okay?" Alice asked.

"Yea dear." Jasper said and hung his head in defeat.

"See you are so my bitch." Alice said as she gave him a kiss and dragged Rose out the pool house door.

"Not a word Edward, not one fucking word." Jasper warned me.

"Since Alice has your testicles does she at least let you have visitation on them sometimes?" I teased.

Jasper took off after me, luckily while I am not as stronger as him I am faster. I slammed and locked my bedroom door.

"Edward you are fucking dead, I warned you now it's on" Jasper yelled, banging on my door. It was fair he did warn me, but come on that was too good an opening to pass up.

**Bella POV**

"I now introduce you to Mr. and Mrs. Winston Reginald Snodgrass." The preacher man announced.

"Thank fucking God." I said quietly to myself. Renee turned and shot me a evil glare. Okay, so maybe it wasn't as quietly as I thought.

"B, chill out we're almost done and then we can relax in a Renee free house for the next few months until her and Gramps return." Emmett said as we walked down the aisle and out the door.

Most of the time my darling brother was a moron like most men are, but sometimes he said or did something that made me think he might be smart. He had me for a sister so that was a plus for him. He has been smart enough to hold on to an awesome girl like Rosalie for years so more points. And finally Emmett seemed to know how best to avoid Renee's bullshit so that was great, especially when he steered me in the same direction.

I headed towards the bathroom once we were finally done with all the pictures to rid myself of this damn dress once and for all. I swear if the photographer looked closely he could see my scowl morphing into a grimace in all the pictures he kept taking.

"Where are you going young lady?" Renee slurred from behind me. Fuck how was she more drunk than I was? I had already drained half of my flask already. Renee must have had an alcohol IV hidden somewhere under her dress.

"I'm putting on my jeans and burning this damn dress as a sacrifice to the Goddess of good fashion." I replied and took a sip off my flask trying to catch up with Renee.

"You most certainly are not young lady. You are going to wear that dress through the reception and can take it off and hang it properly in your closet later." Renee replied and almost lost her balance during her lecture.

Ugh, I swear this bitch was lucky all I had was a garter for my flask under this dress. If I had my knife I would so cut her a new one, maybe even give her ass a Joker smile.

"Yes mommy dearest, I will go and make nice with your friends and Winnie's fellow mobile mummies but this dress will not see the sunrise, I promise you that." I replied and headed back towards the party.

I needed to find the bar; I needed alcohol and lots of it if I was going to survive this bullshit.

"Hello beautiful." Someone said behind me.

"Listen here you pervy old man I am young enough to be your grand daught-" I started but stopped because instead of one of Winnie's cronies I was looking at Cullen, my Cullen. "thank fucking god." I sighed, and threw my arms around his neck, leaning my body into him giving him a kiss.

"That bad?" he asked, smirking.

"Do you see what my " mother " " I provided air quotes around the word because I felt necessary, "is making me wear?" I asked, frowning.

"You look beautiful." Cullen replied, wrapping an arm around my waist as we walked into the reception. Renee was flirting with the waiter at the bar, Winnie was sitting at the bride and grooms table, talking to himself as he swirled whatever liquid he was drinking around in his glass, Emmett was talking to Rosalie, Alice and Jasper as they filled their plates with food at the buffet table. I know, buffet at a wedding, it was one of Winnie's few demands.

"How did you guys get in?" I asked, taking a sip of my flask, as Alice and Jasper started making their way over, it looked like Alice was stumbling a little.

"We-" Cullen began, but I spun to look at him, cutting him off.

"Is Alice drunk?" I asked him, my eyes were probably popping out of my skull, Alice Brandon did not drink, not ever… except that one time when we were eight and found my dads whiskey… we both got in huge trouble for that one.

"Bellllllllla!" Alice slurred, throwing her arms up, and stumbling, falling into me, and she's not that heavy, but since I had been drinking all morning as well, we toppled onto the ground. Luckily our sober boyfriends were there to lift us back to our feet before Renee had time to notice anything wasn't "perfect."

"Alice, what the fuck?" I asked, but couldn't help the huge grin that spread across my face, we were going to have so many drunken nights together that we had to piece together the next morning, and I couldn't fucking wait.

"Relax Bells, she hasn't joined the dark side just yet." Jasper shook his head, wrapping his arm around Alice, "She just accidentally drank a very strong, non virgin drink."

"Aw, too damn bad. I like Drunk Alice." I smiled, but quickly frowned when I saw Jake fast approaching.

"Bells. Can we talk for a minute?" he asked, looking between Cullen and Jasper, not cracking a smile before he looked at me, he was rigid, very uncomfortable, but I still knew Jake, and I knew if either of them tried to say anything he'd start shit.

"B.." Cullen began at the same time as Jasper said "Bella."

"Guys, we're going to be four feet away, and he won't try anything, his parents think he's the golden child, and Emmett's here." I told them, giving Cullen's hand a firm squeeze before I walked with Jake.

"Thanks." Jake said, looking at his feet.

"Jake, what's this about?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. I wasn't sure what he could possibly want to talk about, but he had three minutes, and he was fucking lucky I had given him that much time.

"Heidi isn't my girlfriend." He said, his voice was cold, nice Jake wasn't out to play.

"It doesn't fucking matter Jake, I don't care what you two are to each other, but the next time you see her, you tell her she better watch her fucking back." I told him, unamused by this entire conversation.

"I don't know why she did that…" he trailed off.

"Jake. Is that all you needed to tell me, because honestly, I don't give a fuck." I told him, annoyed.

"I'm telling you this because I still care about you, and Heidi is fucking crazy literally, she's twisted, she has pla-" he started, but was cut off by his parents, Billy and Nicole walking up behind him on both sides of him.

"Bella, sweetie, it's so nice to see you again, we've missed you around the house." His mom said, kissing both sides of my face, she had always loved me, and really liked her, she and Billy had been there for us when Charlie first left, they had been best friends with my parents for years before he left. I kind of felt bad that they had such a shitty son.

"I know, I'll stop by to see you and the girls soon." I told her, lying of course, and feeling shitty for it.

"You better, you know you've missed my fish fry." Billy chuckled, winking at me. Which made me laugh. Jake's parents were both so cool, why the fuck did he turn out to be such a douchbag.

"You know I do." I smiled.

"We're going to get going, come on Jake, Bella stop by soon!" Nicole said, as they lead Jake away, waving to me as they walked out the door.

"What was that about?" Emmett asked, walking up beside me.

"I don't know, Nicole and Billy interrupted whatever he was trying to tell me." I replied, my eyes hadn't left the door.

"You look spooked…" Cullen said, coming up on my other side.

"I have a bad feeling about whatever it is he was trying to tell me." I admitted, and grabbed my flask, taking a large gulp.

**Rosalie POV**

The reception was all right, not usual Renee. Well, she was still the center of attention, and drunk, and whorish. But, she was always like that, wedding or not. But this wedding was not as nearly as extravagant as her usual wedding. The bridesmaid dress she made Bella wear was… well… hideous. Emmett was wearing a fucking kilt, and was going commando, and was parade around telling everyone about it. There was also a buffet… who the fuck has a buffet style wedding? I mean come on, we live in Newport Beach, California… we weren't fucking hillbillies. Oh, and the reception was outside. Renee hates the outside. She must be extremely wasted, or Winnie was just that loaded that she was willing to be sacrificial.

"How's Alice?" I asked as Jasper walked up next to me, his shirt was half untucked, and his hair was messy, which made me laugh. "Never mind, I think I got my answer." I waggled my eyebrows suggestively at him, and he shook his head.

"No, there was nothing fun happening, I just helped her up the stairs and into Bella's bed so she could sleep for a little while." He admitted, looking a little relieved that he wasn't drunk sitting any longer.

"She's never been drunk, and she probably weighs less than 100 pounds, and that shit was strong, and she drank at least half of it before she realized there was alcohol in it." I explained, laughing.

"I know, and I love her, I'm just relieved that she'll be back to her normal self whenever she wakes up."

"… just saying that to give you a reason to talk to him again." Edward was saying as he, Bella and Em walked up to us, Bella was in between the two of them, her flash glued to her lips. Whatever they were talking about, she obviously didn't want to deal with.

"What happened?" I asked, giving my skirted boyfriend a chaste kiss on the lips. He was even sexy in a skirt. I could kind of see why he liked when I didn't wear panties underneath my skirts, easy access.

"Jake said some bullshit to B." He replied, frowning.

"What'd the douche say?" I asked her.

"He claimed to not be dating Heidi, which I don't give a fuck about, and that she's really crazy, like not extremely crazy, and then it sounded like he was starting to warn me about something, but his parents ended up interrupting us." She explained, and then went back to making out with her flask.

"I agree with Edward, he's just bullshitting to get back in your life." I agreed, nodding, "Come on B, haven't I taught you anything?" I teased, and happened to see Renee literally fall on her face as she tried to walk inside. I was going to laugh it off, because well, come on, that shits funny. But, after seeing her fail at getting up three or five times, it was past funny and was pathetic. So, I decided to do the right thing and help her.

"I gotta pee, I'll be back, you boys… detach Bella from her bottle." I told them, chuckling as I made my way over, just as Renee was about to fall over again.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." I said, grabbing her arm and steadying her on her feet. She looked at me, her eyes were glazed over, and she smelled like she had gone swimming in vodka, I was going to get a contact drunk if I stayed here for long.

"Rosa, itssss, it's-" she hiccupped as we slowly made our way inside towards the girls room, "it's you." She slurred.

"It's Rose, Renee." I sighed, you'd think after all the years I had been around she would know my name by now.

"Yo- you're ssssssoooo good to Emmmmett." She told me as we entered the bathroom.

"Thank you. Do you need help unzipping your dress?" I asked her.

"No, I thinkkkkk-" she began, but before she could continue, she threw up, all over her white wedding dress. I sighed, I wonder if Bella looked at Renee and realized this was her future, sadly.

"Jesus." I groaned, and lead her over to the toilet, holding her hair back so she could throw up in the toilet and not all over her dress anymore. I hated, hated, hated, hated drunk sitting. And I really hated Renee. I was not fucking happy with my decision to help her ass.

But, I did it more for Bella and Emmett, to save them the embarrassment of her doing this in front of everyone. I loved them, so I'd do this for them.

"I know what you think." She slurred, and then threw up again.

"Renee, I don't –" I began, but she cut me off, not looking at me, staring into the bowl, hiccupping, and dry heaving as she spoke.

"You all think it, even my own kids, I'm the town drunk, whore, gold digger." She spat. "And fuck, you fucking know what, I fucking might be-" she paused as she threw up once again, "I might be. But I do it for my kids. So that they fucking have more than I had growing up. I had nothing, NOTHING, and the only man I ever loved, took off, and fuck." She stopped, and looked up at me for a first time, and maybe, if she wasn't in a wedding dress, covered in her own vomit, and her last name wasn't Snodgrass, she would have looked like a normal mother who loved her kids.

"I-"

"I just wanted someone to know that, I care more about those little shits than people think." She said, and pulled from my grip. "Now get out of here so I can throw up in peace." She snapped, and was instantly back to her normal monstrous self.

I stood up and washed my hands and face, and covered myself in body spray so I wouldn't smell like vodka and vomit, and then walked back out to the reception, Renee's drunken words churning in my brain.

**Emmett POV**

"Bye Re-Mom and Winnie." I said as we waved the newlywed couple off as they left for their honeymoon. I know this was neither first marriage, so maybe it was re-married couple and not newlywed couple. We all watched all the limo pulled away from the house.

Rose and I walked back towards home, thankfully all the guests had left and the caters and cleaning crew had the place looking great again. I held Rose's hand as we entered the house and made our way up to my room. As much as I like the freedom of going commando under this kilt I was definitely ready to throw on some cargo shorts.

I grabbed my clothes and dashed into the bathroom and quickly changed and when I reemerged from the bathroom, Rose had changed into some Capri pants and a cute top. I liked that she kept clothes here; it made everything so much easier. Sure I whined and moaned about her stuff all over my room and losing drawer and closet space to her, but I really wouldn't have it any other way.

"You look great, thanks for coming babe." I said as I walked over and gave her a kiss.

"What no more kilt?" Rose asked and gave me a suggestive look.

"Oh I will put it back on for you later if you want babe." I replied, liking where this conversation was going.

"Maybe." Rose said and turned and left the room.

I would never say it out loud, but I loved how Rose gave me a hard time a lot. Sure she could have told me that it was on like donkey kong later, but she didn't and well that kept me on my toes and it was one of the things I liked best about us, we worked that way. I ran my mouth and said everything I was thinking, she was quieter and would tease me and it worked for me, really well.

We headed down to the stairs and I was in the kitchen grabbing drinks for us both with Rose picked out a movie when I was hit by a horrible smell. It was the smell of someone burning a drunken hobo alive or something. I thought maybe it was a garbage barge turned over on the beach so I went outside to check it out. What I saw shocked and terrified me.

Bella was standing in front of the grill in her underwear and on top of my grill was her dress she has set ablaze and was dousing it with even more lighter fluid. I hated seeing my sister in her underwear but I hated what she was doing to the poor innocent grill even more.

"What the fuck do you think you are doing B?" I yelled.

"Burning this hideous fucking dress like I told Renee I would, the silly bitch didn't believe me." Bella said without even looking away from the flame and she had a wicked smile on her face.

"Why are you burning shit on my grill?" I asked.

"Well I didn't want to pollute the environment by burning it in the lawn and I didn't think you nor Renee would be happy if I set fire to it on her bed or anything so I tossed it on the grill." Bella explained.

"But that is my grill B, that is where I cook my ribs and my steaks, and my sausage. Fuck B that is where I cook most of my food." I said a little louder then I should have but she was burning clothes on my grill. Now everything I cooked was going to smell like burnt hobo ass and I didn't think I could eat anything that smelled like that.

"Emmett, it will be fine. I will buy you a new grill, but the dress had to go as a sacrifice to the fashion gods." Bella said still not taking her eyes off the flames.

"Here." I said and took off my shirt and shoved it into her hands. "Cover up please." I said a little softer. "You are so buying me a new grill with all the gadgets for it I want after this shit." I said.

"Whatever you say Em, it was worth it to get rid of that horrible fucking dress." Bella replied as she put on my shirt which came down to her knees. Thank god my sister was tiny and my shirt looked like a dress on her.

"Yeah it was a fucking ugly dress." I said as I sat back in a lawn chair and watched it burn while Bella took the one beside me. I don't know how long we sat there before Rose came out and just sat in my lap and we all watched the dress turn to ash before our eyes.


	22. Smoke and Mirrors

Sorry for the long delay, we really had so much stuff come up. But here is chapter 22 now, I hope you enjoy and leave us some great reviews.

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight, everything else we made up ourselves.

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**BPOV**

"If you think I am dressing up like that you have seriously been spending wayyy too much time with Renee." I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest as Alice and Jasper held up matching Malibu Barbie and Ken costumes.

"Yeah, there's no way in hell I'm dressing up as a giant Ken Doll." Cullen agreed from next to me.

"Yeah... Ken doesn't have any… fun parts, and we all know from our L.A trip that Cullen definitely has fun parts. Some even think oversized fun parts." Rosalie added in as she and Emmett emerged from the fitting room, they were wearing mafia costumes, what I could only assume was Bonnie and Clyde.

"Ew. What have I told you guys about talking about my sister and her sex life?" Emmett grimaced, but as soon as he began checking himself out in the mirror he seemed to be in a better mood.

"Bonnie and Clyde?" Jasper asked, holding his cowboy costume, along with Alice's cowgirl costume over his shoulder, and looking through the racks to help find something for Cullen and I.

"Hell yeah!" Emmett boomed, adjusting his hat lower over his eyes. "Dude, I would make the perfect fucking mob man." He grabbed Rosalie, pulling her into his side, "and you are smoking, you can be my Bonnie any day."

"Ew!" I grumbled turning and following Alice down the aisle. I was so fucking tired of trying on costume after costume after costume. Alice had been in charge of this outing, not only did she win that fucking bet we made around Homecoming, and because none of us cared nearly as much as Alice did.

"How about this?" she asked, holding up Peter Pan and Tinkerbell. Ironically in the right size, she always had known everyone's sizes. Mine and Rosalie's, and even Jasper's didn't surprise me too much, but I'd never know how she knew my brothers and Cullen's, and I probably didn't want to know.

Before I could even state my opinion on that costume, Cullen was grabbing it from Alice's hand and shoving it back in the rack with the rest of the costumes. "Sorry B, but there is no way in fucking hell that I am wearing tights, it's just not happening. Ever."

"Um excuse me, but I remember back in middle school, a certain Romeo who had to wear tights, and seemed to be perfectly happy in them." Alice pointed out, which caused the rest of us to laugh as Edward's cheeks turned tomato red.

"Romeo, cuz?" Jasper asked.

"Romeo, oh Romeo, where art thou Romeo!" Emmett called out, in between guffaws.

"Aww Cullen, it's okay, you made a cute little pre-pubescent Romeo." I told him, kissing his cheek.

"You two need to stop being so damn picky. I've must have picked out like a million cute costumes already." Alice whined as we made our way farther down the aisle.

**Edward POV**

I wonder how pissed Jasper would be if I killed Alice? Okay well maybe not kill her but just remove her mouth so she couldn't keep spreading these embarrassing stories about me. I think Jasper would kill me, so I better not do that. Ugh Alice.

"What about these?" Alice asked holding up two costumes. A cop one I was guessing for me since the prisoner one looked a bit slutty but in such a good way. God, B would be so fucking hot in that it would melt my skin.

"I don't know if I want all the girls ogling Cullen in the prisoner garb." Bella replied with a stern look of disappointment on her face.

"Sweetie, he will be the cop and you his prisoner." Alice countered showing her the prisoner costume in more detail.

"But I want to be the cop." Bella said as she stamped her foot down and pouted in the most childlike and immature action I had witnessed from her yet and that was saying something since I knew her when she was a child.

"Bella, Edward was so does not have the boobs to fill out the prisoner costume, so you have to be the prisoner and he will be the cop." Alice explained, slowly like she was talking to a small child around the age Bella was acting.

"Ugh, fine." Bella said and grabbed the prison garb and took off towards the changing rooms.

"Thanks Alice." I said as I grabbed the cop uniform from her.

"No problem Edward, Bella sometimes has problems expressing her feelings like a normal human. You can either get upset with her or work through it. I love her so I choose to work through it." Alice explained.

"Yeah well you are great with her so I'll be calling you if I ever need tips." I said as I closed my own fitting room door.

"Sure thing." Alice replied and went off to torture other shoppers about their purchases I'm sure.

Once I was settled in the fitting room, I tried on the costume and it fit perfect. How the hell did Alice know my sizes? Oh wait it's Alice we're talking about, she knows everything.

I walked out and let Alice inspect that it did indeed fit correctly.

"You look good Edward." Alice said.

"Yes, that'll do pig." Jasper added to be an ass.

Bella came out and she looked… well- fuckhot is the best term I can think of that even comes close to doing how amazing she looked justice. Very hot, very sexy, and a just a little bit slutty but it was Halloween and that was perfectly fine with me.

"Bella you look awesome." Jasper said.

Alice grabbed her hand and spun in her around and round until she completed three full rotations. Alice inspected the fabric and the costume more closely than a fat kid inspects the dessert cart at a restaurant. "I don't like it-" She sternly started and Bella looked like she was going to scream or hit her or both. "I love it." Alice said clapping.

**BPOV**

"Thank fucking god, let's get the hell out of here now." I sighed as I all but dashed back into the fitting room to put my jeans and tank top back on. I had had enough of costume shopping.

"So guys, Carlisle was telling me about this awesome Halloween ball they have at the hospital for all the kids, I think we should go." Emmett said once we had paid for our costumes and were walking out of the store. I snuck a glance at Cullen who seemed a million miles away. It's not that he and Carlisle had a bad relationship or anything, they just weren't really close, but it was kind of his own damn fault for never opening up. Emmett opened up to everyone, especially Carlisle. I still felt a little bad though.

"When is it? We have CarnEvil to go to also." I reminded him. Just like the back to school Carnival, the cheerleaders had a big part in CarnEvil as well.

"Uhhh.." Emmett trailed off, of course he wouldn't remember.

"It's on Halloween- Friday. We'd just go there after school to help set up for the kids, and then just change into our costumes. B you'd better get a pair of orange shorts or pants because that's probably not so appropriate for the kids." Cullen said, winking at me.

"That's fine, CarnEvil runs the whole weekend, Ange will cover for me Friday night, and we can all just go Saturday." I said, making a mental note to talk to Ange at practice this week.

"What's CarnEvil?" Jasper asked, scrunching his face up in confusion, I laughed, I forget he hadn't been around forever sometimes.

"The school puts on this Haunted Carnival thing, with Haunted Hayrides, Haunted Houses, Apple Picking, Pumpkin Carving, raffles, Gypsies and fortune tellers and stuff for the high school kids and their families basically to keep everyone out of trouble." Alice explained.

"Yeah, they started it the year before my class graduated because there was a huge drunk driving accident where three of the high school seniors died, it was intense." Emmett explained.

"That makes sense." Jasper nodded. "Back in Texas we would just get drunk and toilet paper everyone's houses."

"Dude, that sounds like so much fun!" Emmett agreed, laughing.

"It was until we got caught and had to clean up every single house."

"Yuck!" Alice exclaimed, scrunching her nose up in disgust. Alice has a deep down loathing for manual labor, she not only felt it was beneath her but also hated the mere idea of it.

"Did you actually clean it?" I asked curious, because I sure as hell wouldn't have.

"It was either clean it up or go to jail, so yeah."

"Good call cuz, good call." Cullen nodded, chuckling.

The rest of the week we each spent more money than we probably should have buying accessories to go with each of our costumes, but it was all worth it, because by the time Halloween rolled around, we had the best costumes.

"Wearing your costume to school?" Emmett asked walking into my room as I was putting the finishing touches on my makeup.

"Duh, everyone does." I told him, rolling my eyes.

"Don't you think you should put on a pair of shorts or something?" He asked, frowning.

"Are you saying I look like a whore?" I asked him, looking at myself in the mirror. I had the orange body suit, knee high black boots and I had left my hair down, and tried to give it the messy and sexy look.

"I just don't think Aro is going to like you parading around the halls with your ass hanging out. I sure as hell don't want my sister's business hanging out for the whole school to see." He said, still frowning.

"That's funny Em, I don't recall you ever having a problem when it was Rose's business hanging out of her costumes or outfits back in high school." I countered, I swear sometimes my brother was the typical guy.

"Yeah well things were different back in my day." Emmett replied.

"Fine father Emmett, You're lucky I found a pair of the same shade orange shorts for the Halloween ball at the hospital." I told him, sighing as I pulled them out of my dresser and slid them on.

"You better keep those on all day." He warned.

"Yeah, yeah." I rolled my eyes, "Did you come in here for anything specific or just to make sure I have a proper amount of clothes on?"

He shrugged, "We haven't had father/daughter time in a long time, and I was awake, so I figured I'd come chat while you got ready for school. God, can't a brother just want to spend time with his sister?" he pouted.

"Stop being such a big baby." I laughed as I finished up what I was doing and took a final look in the mirror.

"So, I was thinking…" he trailed off. I turned to look at him, leaning against my dresser, waiting for him to continue his thoughts. "Since mom and grandfather time are gone for a while, we should have a party." My eyes must have lit up like a Christmas tree because before I could even say anything he added on quickly. "With rules, definitely a few rules, like no one sketchy that we don't know, and everyone needs a designated driver, if they don't have one, they'll crash here. And lastly please for all that is holy no drama B."

"Yes Rain man, anything else?" I asked, smirking.

"Stop it. If shit goes wrong, we will never, ever, ever have another party again, got it?" he said, more sternly this time.

"Aye, aye Captain." I saluted him, just in time to hear Alice's Porsche pull into the driveway.

"Damn that girl and her insane driving, we need to get her narrow ass sponsored by NASCAR." Emmett muttered as I grabbed my stuff and ran out of my room, down the stairs and from the house.

I couldn't wait to tell Alice that Emmett had finally loosened up.

**Emmett POV**

Oh god I hoped telling my sister we could have a party wasn't going to turn into a huge mistake. I mean, sure, I felt like with all the bullshit with Renee and Winnie finally behind us we all needed to cut loose a little bit and have some fun. What better way to have some fun then some friends over and some drinks in a nice relaxed parent-free house? I prayed B and her friends and anyone else who showed up would follow the rules. Nothing kills a house better quicker then bullshit drama or a crazy drunk asshole.

I was headed out to my car when I spotted Rose pulling up the driveway. She had to work this morning right? "Hey babe" I said and greeted her with a kiss on the lips as I opened her door.

"Hey Em, no class this morning hun?" Rose asked as she exited the car.

"Yeah I have Econ at 2, but nothing until then. Don't you have work?" I answered.

"I took the afternoon shift, so what do you think a young couple such as us should do in this big house all by ourselves for a few hours?" Rose asked with a wicked playful grin across her face.

"Wii Sports?" I suggested playing into her little game.

"Nope, not enough interaction between us for me." She shot down my fake idea.

"Surfing?" I teased.

"No I want less clothing then that." Rose said as she led me back into the front door.

"So more interaction than video games but less clothing then surfing. I give up babe what is it you have in mind for our fun afternoon?" I asked knowing exactly what she had in mind.

"A nice leisurely nap, now come cuddle." Rose said as she plopped down on the couch and got real snuggly. Okay, so I had no idea that was the answer she was going for, but who was I to argue.

I cuddled up beside her and I had to admit it felt nice. "Sweet dreams babe." I said and kissed her chastely on the lips.

"You too Em, and yes we will have sex after our nap." She added.

Oh so a nap and a nooner, I really did have the best girl on the planet.

**Edwards POV**

Wow, B looked fucking hot today at school in her costume. Don't get me wrong she could look gorgeous just getting out of bed in sweats with no makeup to me, but when she tried, it was like she had this ethereal beauty. And today in her tiny prisoner costume, she was beauty and very damn sexy too.

"I hope you are wearing something under that." I said as I bumped shoulders with Bella.

"Oh wouldn't you like to know what I might or might not have on under this very short well basically shirt thing Cullen." Bella teased me as she looked at me with mischief dancing in her eyes.

"Please B tell me you have some shorts on under that or something." I pleaded with my eyes for her to tell me as I helped her out of Alice's car.

"Yes Grampa Cullen, I do thank you very much. Damn what is with everyone today thinking I am some super slut or something? I am not the damn Whore of Newport." B asked and looked a little pissed, no correction, very pissed. Alice and Jasper seemed to speed up their pace walking ahead of us until we were left in the parking lot alone, so not good.

"B, it's not like that, I just didn't want you to have to deal with all the underclassman trying to look up your costume all day long. I know you could make most of them cry with a stone cold glare alone and those who don't cower before you would get a swift kick to their junk but I wanted to save you the hassle." I quickly blurted out hoping to defuse this already dangerous situation.

"Em said we could have a party at our house. We have some rules, but nothing horrible. No one who is drunk can leave and no drama, but other than that it's so time to get our party on." Bella said and I knew the previous subject was dropped.

"So what theme has Alice decided to use for this party?" I asked as we walked down the hall towards our classes.

"She has some ideas but we just found out this morning, so she hasn't had time to really finalize plans. Alice is like a whole party planning committee onto herself and while she might annoy me with it at times, it makes my life very simple. Tell Alice I'm having a party, she handles everything and all I have to do is wear whatever outfit she's picked out for me, it's the good life really." Bella explained.

"Ok well this is my class, so I will see you later babe." I said as I gave B a quick peck on the cheek and headed towards class.

"Later," Bella started to say then paused "Cullen?" she asked and I turned to look at her."You might want to hold onto those handcuffs, they could come in handy sometime." She teased and headed into her class. Well I think she was teasing, with Bella you never really knew.

_Jasper POV_

I was not really looking forward to the hospital Halloween party, given if it was anything like the rest of the Newport parties, then there was likely to be something interesting going on. It seemed a bunch of wealthy socialites could not seem to have a function without some drama going down. I really hated drama, but when it was other people's drama it was at least amusing.

"Jazz you ready to go yet?" Alice said from behind the door.

I checked my outfit in the mirror once more, I looked like a pretty authentic cowboy if I do say so myself, but my opinion didn't really matter, Alice said this is what we were wearing and I simply replied "Yes Ma'am." As I knew she was always right and even when she wasn't she always seemed to be.

I opened my bedroom door and stepped out, seemed everyone else was dressed and waiting on me. "Finally we can go, I am hungry" Emmett exclaimed while getting up from the couch and fixing his gangster tux.

"Yeah I would hate for you to miss out on the awesome crab puffs or lobsters rolls you have been drooling over and going on and on about for days." Rose said with what was more than minor annoyance in her voice.

"But Rosie you don't understand they're so delicious and tasty they are the first things that everyone eats and then all they have left is like those little micro hotdogs on toothpicks, yuck." Emmett said and made a face.

"I didn't know there was a food you didn't like Em that really is a shocker." Edward said as we all exited the pool house and made our way towards everyone's cars.

"I wouldn't say I don't like them, but I have to eat so many to get full they almost aren't worth the effort to me." Emmett explained as he helped Rose into his Jeep.

"So separate cars or we going to be the Fantastic Four and take one?" Edward asked to the girls and I.

"I don't care." I replied.

"One car makes more sense." Alice said.

"Sounds good, I will drive mine, it has more room in the back." Bella offered.

"How do you know exactly how roomy the backseat is?" Alice asked and perked an eyebrow up waiting for Bella's reply.

"Well I had to transport a few girls from the field to the gym where we practice our tumbling. I'm sure if I can cram seven anorexic girls in the backseat you two should be fine." Bella replied but I noticed some pink coloring to her cheeks.

"Whatever you say." Alice started and hopped into the backseat before sticking her head back out and ending her response with "Slut."

"Fine your bony ass can walk to the damn hospital for all I care." Bella said in a mock angry tone.

I for the life of me will never understand girls and how they speak to each other. They were nice usually to each other but then would call each other sluts and whores, I know they were teasing but still it was amusing to listen to.

"It is going to be a long night." Edward said as he slid into the passenger seat.

"Yep and we aren't even to the hospitals party yet." I replied.

It was warming up to be a really good night; I just hoped it kept going this way. This could be the best Halloween ever.

The drive to the hospital was nice, our conversation flowed nice and we all had a few laughs at everyone's expense, though I think B gave it the worst, but only because Edward and I were afraid to make fun of either girl because Alice seemed a little vicious.

Once we arrived and parked and headed into the ball, it wasn't nearly as lame as I expected. A bit more of a "grown up" cocktail party almost, but they had decent food, some good music, and there was some drama. Did you know Miffy Wellington was so broke she was now buying knockoff designer handbags from the flea market? I also learned that Dottie Parkerson had her maid Gloria deported for allegedly stealing the good silver, but it was her daughter Beth who was taking it to support her coke habit.

Oh the problems of the upper class.

Alice and I were dancing, or what I could pass off as dancing on the dance floor when Alice suddenly stopped and had this zoned out look on her face.

"Alice, what's wrong?" I asked feeling concerned.

"There are babies nearby; we must be near the new maternity wing." Alice said once she sort of came to.

"How do you know? Did you hear one cry or something?" I asked suddenly utterly confused.

"No, my uterus tingles when babies are nearby." Alice said very matter of factly.

"Your what does what now?" I asked, befuddled by Alice's new found super power.

"Oh right you're a guy. My lady parts tingle when I get near babies. I can't explain it, but I LOVE LOVE LOVE babies. Now don't get me wrong I don't want to be some trashy teen mother who gets knocked up and never does anything with her life. I want to have kids but sometime in the future not now. I just like to play with other people's babies and then give them back when they get fussy." Alice explained and suddenly everything was clear as mud to me, really.

"So you like babies, but don't want any babies right now, and your lady parts tingle when they are nearby?" I asked seeing if I summed up her rant correctly.

Alice nodded and grabbed my hand and led me in search of the babies she now had to see.

"Where are you guys going? I wouldn't suggest trying to find a empty room to make out in, you little tramp." Bella said and laughed at her own joke at Alice as we pasted her and Edward while leaving the dance floor.

"Nope we are in search of babies, they are nearby I know it." Alice said and kept pulling me behind her.

"Tingling lady parts again Alice?" Bella asked, so she seemed to know what was up.

"Yep." as all Alice said and she seemed to use her crotch to guide us. And here I thought only guys let their crotch lead them around.

"Alice, be careful sweetie. Remember what happened before." Bella warned as she and Edward followed us.

"What happened before?" I asked feeling very out of the loop.

"Alice was caught trying to steal a baby." Bella said and she and Edward laughed.

"Oh god I remember dad telling me about it, but he never said who it was just that was it was volunteer at the hospital." Edward added.

"I was not stealing the baby, little Pedro needed some air so while his mom Wanda was getting checked out I was going to take him outside." Alice explained.

"Yeah she left the maternity ward with him and his baby tracking device started setting off all kinds of alarms." Bella said and she and Edward were almost rolling around laughing.

"That is so not-" Alice started then she stopped and took a quick right and two lefts, or maybe it was two rights and three lefts. I am not sure but sudden we were in front of the nursery and Alice had found the babies and her face erupted in the biggest smile I think I had ever seen on it.

Babies were Alice's happy place it seemed. Alice stood there just looking at them all and watching every movement for what seemed like forever.

"Good, you found the babies and they are all okay. Can we head back to the party now?" Bella asked, clearly uncomfortable around the small adults.

"Yeah, I guess, bye bye babies." Alice said and we all headed back towards the party.

**BPOV**

As we made our way back to the ball from the baby wing, I realized that I had to pee, badly. "Guys, you go ahead, I'll catch up, I gotta pee." I told them, rounding the corner in the opposite direction towards the bathroom.

"B, I'll come with you." Cullen said, as he began walking over to me.

"Dude, I'm not a baby, I can handle finding the bathroom on my own." I rolled my eyes at him, "I'll be like three seconds." I reassured him, he nodded and the three of them headed back into the ball.

I hated hospitals. Everything about them, so I was making my way to the bathroom as quickly as possible, and hoped there wasn't any ridiculous lines. i sighed in relief when I got there to see that there was no line, someone was just in the bathroom, so I wouldn't have to wait very long… well, hopefully not too long depending on which girl was in the bathroom. If it was one of the plastic Newport moms, then I'd probably pee my pants before they were done doing whatever it is they do in the bathroom. I sighed, hoping to fuck this wasn't the case.

After about a minute or so of me pacing back and forth reciting the alphabet in my head so I didn't think about going to the bathroom, the door opened and Heidi walked out. I hadn't even realized that she was at the party. She wasn't hard to miss, she was dressed as a fairy skank. Basically nothing different from her every day attire other than the gaudy wings.

"oh." She sneered when she saw me waiting, and then just made her way back down the hall.

"oh." I mimicked, walking into the bathroom and slamming the door loudly. I still had a weird feeling about her, but I was trying not to let it get to me, because Heidi was nothing to me, she could have my sloppy seconds all she wanted, she just needed to stay out of my way, and keep her fat, stupid mouth shut.

Once I finished up, washed my hands, and checked over my hair and makeup, I opened the door to see Cullen leaning against the wall in front of the bathroom. Or what I assumed to be Cullen. His aviators were covering his face, and the cop hat was pulled down low.

"Really?" I asked, a little annoyed, he didn't usually follow me around like a little lost puppy dog, I didn't like the fact that he couldn't seem to trust me to go to the bathroom on my own. Somehow I had a feeling Emmett was behind this, I loved him to death, but he just didn't know when far was too far sometimes.

Before I could say anything more, he took a step forward and had me pinned against the bathroom door, one hand on my hip, and the other at the base of my neck, and he brought his lips to mind, kissing my roughly, and hungrily, like he would never kiss me again. It weirded me out, something was… off. I couldn't explain it, but it wasn't right.

"Edward." I snapped, pushing him off of me, but he didn't say anything, he just tucked a stray hair behind my ear and disappeared down the hall, where a figure with wings had just turned the corner back into the ball. "What. The. Fuck." I groaned, figures this mess of confusion had to happen on Halloween.

I made my way back towards the ball, I stopped at the entrance and scanned the costumed crown for my boyfriend who had a lot of explaining to do, and then stopped when I saw him talking to Heidi, Aro and Carlisle. I began to walk over, but then froze in my tracks.

Why would Cullen be talking to Heidi, and Aro? He couldn't stand Heidi, and he had told me once that Aro gave him the chills. What the fuck was going on?

"B, what the hell took you so long?" a voice asked from behind me. I spun around to see Cullen, Jasper and Alice to the side of me. My jaw dropped as I looked back to the other Cullen to see that he was still in that group talking. I looked back at Cullen and pulled his sunglasses off to make sure that it was him. Which of course when his curious emerald eyes looked directly into my boring brown ones, there were no questions, this was my Cullen.

"Wait, were you just at the bathrooms waiting for me?" I asked.

"No, you told me to wait here…" he trailed off, looking just as confused as I felt.

"What the hell." I mumbled, looking back over at the other cop, who wasn't there anymore. Maybe I was drunk, maybe someone had spiked the punch with acid and I was hallucinating, and I just imagined that whole awkward kiss thing up.

"What's going on Bella?" Jasper asked, stepping forward, his face filled with worry.

I chewed on my bottom lip and shook my head, "Nothing, I'm ready to go, let's get out of here, tomorrow is CarnEvil, we need to be rested for that." I told them, trying to distract myself from my thoughts.

They three of them exchanged looks, but nodded in agreement about leaving. After we found Emmett, Rosalie, and then Carlisle and Esme and said our goodbyes, we headed home.

"Sleepover?" Alice asked, as we said goodbye to the boys and walked back to my house.

"Yeah." I replied, still going over what had happened at the Hospital.

"So, are you going to tell me what really happened, or am I going to have to go all Nancy Drew on your ass?" Alice asked, putting her hands on her hips, tapping her foot.

"There was someone dressed exactly like Cullen tonight." I began.

"Well, he was a cop, I mean, not the most original costume ever, there were plenty of doubles…" she trailed off. I sighed, shaking my head at her.

"He was there when I came out of the bathroom."

"Did he do something to you?" she asked, concerned.

"he kissed me, but it wasn't like Cullen kisses, it was rough, and… just… not right." I explained, she seemed to understand.

"Do you know who it was?" she asked.

"no clue, and it's bothering me, who the hell would have taken the time out to figure out what Cullen's costume was and then track me down and kiss me, and then walk away not saying anything? I mean, obviously I'd figure out that it wasn't Cullen." I sighed as we walked up to my room.

"that is really strange, do you think it was Jake? I saw Heidi."

"No, I know how Jake kisses, it wasn't Jake, and plus Jake is huge, this guy was about Cullen's height, and I'm pretty positive I've never kissed him before." I told her.

"Pretty positive?" Alice giggled as we changed into our pajamas. "you little slut."

"Shut up, bitch." I laughed, as we climbed into my bed.

"Night whore."

"night skank."

**APOV**

"Jessica, for the fifteenth time already, you're supposed to be at the fortune telling booth." Bella snapped at the dimwitted girl, she was losing her temper, fast.

"Ugh, but that lady freaks me out." Jess whined, scrunching up her face in disgust.

"Dude, I don't give a fuck what she does to you, unless you wanna be benched for the next four home games, you'll get your anorexic little ass back to that booth."

"Fine." Jess huffed and stomped away towards the fortune teller tent.

"Everything okay B?" Edward asked, giving me a quizzical look, I shrugged in response. I didn't know what Bella had told Edward about her weird encounter the night before at the hospital ball, but I wasn't about to get involved, especially not in between Bella and Edward, nope, keeping my mouth shut.

Well, mostly shut, I may or may not have told Jazzy about what had happened, but I swore him to secrecy, and I know that he is Edward's cousin, but I know he won't tell, because I threatened to cut him off from cuddling, and dry humping if he breathed a word of what I told him.

"fine, Jess and Lauren just need to stop being little bitches and do what they're assigned to do. Ange and I worked our asses off at preparing this, and Jane made us redo and reschedule about a million fucking times, so those two need to just deal." Bella ranted, "fuck." She mumbled, pulling her flask out from her bra, since she wasn't wearing pants or carrying a purse, and took a gulp.

"Calm down B, everything is fine." Edward reassured her.

"Let's go through the house of mirrors." Bella suggested, she had always had a weird fascination with that ironically.

"I love the house of mirrors!" Jasper exclaimed excitedly as he grabbed my hand and led us through the crowd in that direction.

"Has anyone seen my brother and Rosalie?" Bella asked, taking another sip of her flask.

"Last I saw they were at the kettle corn stand." Edward answered, chuckling.

"Should have known." Bella replied as we stopped in line, it was a decent line, but it seemed to be moving at a pretty steady pace, the house of mirrors wasn't my favorite so I didn't mind the line this one time.

"Bells!" A familiar voice called out from ahead of us. We all looked up to see Jake, dressed as a werewolf, headed through the crowd of people towards us.

"Fuck." Edward and Jasper groaned in unison.

"Jake." Bella semi-slurred, I sighed, hoping that flask was nearing empty. "What's up? I don't know why you are suddenly coming back around trying to play nice, I told you last time, this time we were done for real. I don't know why you don't-" she began ranting, but stopped when Jake put a hand over her mouth, stopping her. Her eyes got huge in shock, but then narrowed in anger within a second.

"Hey man, don't touch her." Edward said coolly, stepping closer to Bella.

"I don't have a lot of time before she sees me, but Heidi is on a rampage and out for blood, your blood in particular, watch your back." Jake warned, and then before any of us could respond he disappeared into the crowd of freaks.

"that was weird." Jasper said, confused.

"I dare her to start shit with me, again, last time I got stopped from beating her ass, but I won't this time." Bella said, taking another gulp from her flask. I sighed, but stayed quiet, I was starting to wonder if maybe Heidi wasn't after her because of Jake, because Bella hadn't even talked to Jake, it would make no sense for her just to want to cause shit because she was dating her ex. There had to be some other reason, I knew for a fact that there was some other reason, I just had to figure it out. Which I of course would, because I was Alice, and I always figured everything out.

"You okay B?" Edward asked her.

"Yeah, I don't care about what either of them have to say." She told us as we moved forward in the line; we would be the next group to enter the house of mirrors. I could tell Jasper and Bella were both excited, they were all smiles. Although, that might have been Jack that had put the smile on Bella's face.

**BPOV**

I loved the house of mirrors, ever since I was a kid. Charlie took me and Emmett to a carnival for the first time while Renee was on one of her benders, and we must have stayed in the house of mirrors the whole time.

I was trying to ignore what Jake said to me, but I couldn't help but think that she was related to the other cop from last night. I swore I saw her when he kissed me, but at this point I didn't know what the fuck was going on anymore. I was trying not to let it bother me, but of course it was irritating the fuck out of me.

"I hate this one." Cullen admitted, Alice nodded in agreement.

"you two don't know what fun at a carnival is then." Jasper teased.

"how is this fun? It's creepy!" Alice pouted as the guy took our tickets and let us through. Me and Jasper laughed at her as we entered through the door. There were five different hallways that we could take, we each took our own, I picked the one farthest from the entrance, and entered slowly.

The first mirror stretch me out so I looked short and fat, and I giggled, turning around so I could see how I looked from the back, and on the mirror across from it, I looked tall and stick thin. It was an interesting contrast.

I slowly made my way down the hall, taking a minute to look at myself in each mirror, I could hear Alice giggling, and squealing, and Cullen and Jasper chuckling at her sillyness.

I got to another mirror, and gasped. Heidi's reflection stood staring back at me, I spun around to see her behind me, dressed as a skank fairy again, but her facial expression was one of rage. If looks could kill, I'd be six feet under already.

"Heidi, what the fuck?"

"What did I tell you before?" she asked, taking a step towards me, I stood in my place, she didn't scare me.

"I don't know, I was too busy hitting you to hear what you were saying." I told her, rolling my eyes.

"Stay. Away. From. Him." She said slowly, pausing between each word like she was mentally challenged.

"Dude, I told you, you can have my sloppy seconds, I'm fucking over it." I told her and began walking away, she was lucky I wasn't hitting her, she really was working my last fucking nerve lately.

"Bitch!" she said loudly, grabbing my hair, making me stumbled back towards her.

"Really you little whore, you're gonna wait until my back is turned?" I asked, spinning around and pushing her back away from me.

"You're the whore! You have Edward Cullen, leave my man alone!" she screeched, charging at me, knocking me onto my back on the ground.

"Get. Off. Of. Me." I seethed, grabbing her shoulders and trying to push her off of me, but my dumbass was kind of drunk, so I didn't have my usual coordination.

She grabbed my head and began to slam it into the ground, she was screaming at me, but I couldn't make out what she was saying, I began to thrash my arms and legs, trying to knock her off of me. But it wasn't working.

I don't know how long we were fighting, or what happened afterwords, but all I know was she continued to bang my head against the linoleum floor until everything went black.


	23. Finally Another Chapter

****It has been years since I posted a new chapter and I do apologized but Dani and I both had numerous thing going on in our personal life, yes we are already working on chapter 24 but I can not say when it will be posted. I hope those who were following continue reading and maybe some other discover our humorous tale. As always I don't own the characters, Stephanie Meyer does and I just own the dirty words I put in their mouths.

**EmPOV**

_Dear God, it's me - Emmett. I know you and I have not talked in a while, but come on, you made me super mega awesome, so excellent job on all that. But right now I need a favor, it's for Bella. I know neither of us are big church goers, but can you please help her wake up. I don't like that my sister is lying in a hospital bed because some skank jumped her for some unknown reason. I need you to have her wake up. I need to look into those big brown eyes of hers again and ask her what the hell happened. Please? Well thank you sir, for your time and consideration and also thank for little Em, Rose seems rather impressed by him._

I grabbed my phone and did a quick Google search and then started again…

_Dear Vishnu, it's me - Emmett, I'm not really sure about you, but when I Googled Deities, you came up as the Hindu goddess of goodness and mercy, and right now I could use some of both. See my sister Bella, needs your help, and while neither of us are practicing Hindu's, I would gladly convert if you could just have her wake up so I don't drive myself crazy with worry, and maybe change the rules of eating hamburgers. Thank you for your consideration._

I didn't know what I was going to do with myself if Bella didn't wake up soon. I didn't want to leave her side, but I felt like I was going stir crazy sitting in this room staring at all the equipment she was hooked up to and the same four walls every day. I felt like I was going to start typing up "All sitting and no play makes Em goes fucking crazy" on my phone over and over.

"How is our girl doing son?" Carlisle asked looking through her chart as he entered the room.

"I think I saw her eyes flutter a little, but it could just be mine playing tricks on me." I replied really not sure if I was joking or not.

"Hmmm… I'm sure she will be out of it soon Emmett. All her blood work looks good and the CT scans showed no brain swelling or damage. She's just sleeping until her body processes the trauma that happened to her." Dr C explained while checking Bella's eyes with his pen light for what must have been the hundredth time.

"How is Edward doing? I know he looked like hell warmed over when Esme finally dragged him out of here a few hours ago…" I asked, concerned for him as well.

"Esme took him home and after a shower and a forcing some food down his throat she finally made him get some sleep, she had to threaten to have security ban him from the hospital if he did not get some rest before he returned." Carlisle replied and looked like he could use some as well.

"Has anyone found out why Heidi and Bella got into it in the first place?" I asked trying to understand what happened.

"Well, so far Heidi isn't talking so until Bella wakes up we probably won't know." He replied while making more notes on his chart. I was glad Carlisle was taking time from his schedule to check on her.

"Carlisle, thank you for spending so much time on Bella, I know you are busy but it means a lot to have you being the one to check on her." I said meekly.

"I'll tell you what, I'll do everything I can, and once Bella is better you and I will hit the waves and you can buy me lunch afterward, deal?" Carlisle said.

"You bet, I'll even let you eat most of your own food this time." I offered and I meant it, I would only eat maybe half of his food next time.

"Take care Em and please try and get some rest. I know Esme is planning to come up here and drag you out personally if you don't go home and at least try to get some rest soon." Carlisle replied as he put his hand on my shoulder.

"How long do you think I got until the Preggomonster shows up?" I asked hoping Bella would wake up before I crumbled before Esme.

"Emmett honestly with her hormones and mood swings, it's hard to tell. I can try to buy you a few more hours, but depending on her mood it could only be a few more minutes. I would prepare for the worse and soon son." He said gravely as he paled slightly and left the room.

"Thank you, sir." I said as he left and went back to my phone to lookup Tom Cruise's crazy space demon god. Hey I would try anything to get Bella to wake up and save me from Esme's wrath.

**RPOV**

I sighed getting up from the couch as the buzzer from the dryer buzzed, I loathed doing laundry, and on a normal day, I would never do laundry, that's what the housekeeper was for. But, because Bella had been in the hospital the last few days, and Emmett was an absolute mess, I was trying to conjure up the best wifely duties as I possibly could to help out.

I really wasn't sure what Bells had been getting herself into these days, it was almost like she was reverting back to her old ways back when she was with the dog, Jake. But at the same time it was worse, this was the first time she had gotten the shit beaten out of her and landed in a comatose state. She was basically a vegetable.

Emmett was officially worried about her again, and a worried Emmett meant an unhappy Emmett, which means an unhappy Rose. And dammit, I hate when we're all unhappy because of something that probably could have been avoided in the beginning.

I did not miss high school. Well, I did not miss high school drama. I actually kind of missed high school itself … they weren't lying when they say it's the best years of your life and it goes by in the blink of an eye. But the drama, yeah, I could do without all that shit.

But I did miss little Em. It had been too long since he had come out to play. I was not a fan of this.

As I switched the laundry into the dryer, I realized that Bell's was wearing one of those ugly ass hospital moo-moo gown things that always show your ass, and groaned at the thought. I would have to get some clothes together for her to come home in.

"Wonderful." I murmured out loud to the empty house, because of course, Emmett was playing daddy, and Renee was off with Winnie, not concerned enough for her own children to come back when one of them was in the hospital. I swear, some people should not be allowed to be parents.

I jogged up the stairs and down the hall to Bella's room, and rolled my eyes when I opened the door to see what a mess it was. Typical teenage girl, clothes everywhere, shoes, her phone charger, cds, makeup and jewelry. I would have to somewhat clean this up also, because she'll probably have to be on bed rest for a little bit, which means Emmett will be spending a lot of time in here with her, which means he will not want any part of seeing her bra's and underwear carelessly laying on the floor.

That girl never did make my life easy. She's lucky I loved her.

After picking up her room, and double and triple checking that there was nothing for Em to freak out about laying around, I made my way into her closet to pack a coming home bag for her.

**Jasper POV**

I swear I didn't know why Officer Dipshit One and Two needed to me to give them the exact same information that I just gave the previous three sets of police officers. Did they really have nothing better to do, but ask me the same questions over and over again?

"Yes, when we walked in, I saw Heidi on top of Bella banging her head against the floor." I repeated with the precision of an actor who had rehearsed the lines for years, since I've told the same story so many times in a row now.

"Then what happened?" Officer Brendanawicz asked, jotting some notes down on his notepad. (He was Officer Dipshit Two for those keeping score at home)

"My girlfriend Alice Brandon went over and stopped Heidi from hurting Bella and we called my uncle Carlisle, because he is the best doctor in the world, and he called an ambulance and met us at the hospital." I said dryly. I was trying to skim over Alice's involvement since she might have lost her shit on Heidi a little bit, and by a little bit I mean she beat her like she was her bottom bitch. I was not sure if I was more scared or turned on seeing her so violent. I think I might have been scared by how turned on I was.

"How exactly did Alice subdue Heidi off of Bella?" Officer Haverford asked, looking at me with a blank face.

Oh, thanks for making this easy on me to avoid this specific topic officers.

"What exactly are you asking sir? I'm not schooled in the forms of combat, so I couldn't name the move of style she used." I was hoping to piss him off and distract from his point.

"Well son, Heidi had a lot of cuts and bruises for someone who was banging an unconscious woman's head against the floor, as you explained several times now. I just want to know if those happened prior to her being subdued off Ms Swan or after." Dipshit One explained.

"Well sir since I wasn't there I can't say for sure how bad Bella kicked her ass or not, so I really don't know." I said, tired of this bullshit frankly.

"So you don't know how Heidi had a dislocated jaw and enough scratches all over her to look like she was mauled by a small mountain lion?" Officer Brendanawicz asked.

"Well since I wasn't the one to dislocate her jaw, nor am I small mountain lion sir, I don't know how to answer that. Can I go now?" I asked, I had answered enough questions for a lifetime, let alone the past few hours. God just hours ago we were happy kids, and now here I am with these dumbasses.

"We will tell you when you can leave son." Dipshit One said, trying to be the bad guy.

"Well since I'm a minor and have not been charged with any crime, nor is my guardian present, I'm thinking you're full of shit and I'm going to leave." I said and got up and left. Thank God for those Law and Order reruns constantly on TV, they taught me a little bit.

**Alice POV**

This was going to be fun.

"So Miss Brandon, do you know what happened between Bella and Heidi before you stopped her?" I was asked by yet another cop. I had given up coming up with clever nicknames for them by now and was just on to fucking with them.

"Well you see… I am more than that sure my girl went all bananas on her ass. Although, I know she was beating Bella like she owed her money and all that when me and my homies stumbled upon them, but Bella would have choked a bitch out if she had not been jumped by the skank hoe, you know what I mean?" I asked not even sure what I was saying, but I had read it in a script once, and like I said I was bored.

"Miss Brandon, are you telling us the truth?" one of the officers asked, scratching his head in confusion, which almost made me giggle.

"You can't handle the truth!" I screamed, slamming my fist on the metal table for affect, and giggled to myself. I loved that line and wanted to us it for some time.

"Are you saying that Bella is the one that beat Heidi so bad she is also still in the hospital?" the other nameless police officer asked, taking his hat off, and then putting it back on, looking equally as confused as the first cop, and as frustrated as we all felt.

"Well you see sir, I'm not so sure. I know that Heidi was very focused on beating Bella to death, so it did take little old me a good bit of effort to get her off poor battered Bella." I said meekly, I wanted to explain I smacked the bitch in the face so hard, I broke the heel off my best shoes, totally worth it, but I really didn't want to end up in jail, I mean I totally would for my girl Bella, but it really would not be a good look for my image that I spent so much time working on.

"So you did not dislocate her jaw, or know why she needed twenty-seven stitches to close all the gashes on her face?"

"I might know a little something something about that but you're going to have to ask real nice if you are the good cop, but if you're supposed to be the bad cop, you might as well leave and get Vic Mackey up in here. He might be able to get me to say something, but not your pansy ass." I said, a little louder than was necessary probably, they both looked at me, at each other, then back at me with wide eyes. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Jasper walking by the window, well if Jasper was leaving so was I.

"Miss Brandon, why are you refusing to answer any of our questions?"

"Because I have answered them already several times in fact to all the other officers who asked me the exact same questions, and I want to go home to shower and a quick change and then go to the hospital and check on my best friend Bella, and possibly call all six of my lawyers. I'm required to keep several on hand for various functions and figure they might as well earn some money by filing lawsuits again you, your boss, your boss's boss, hell, everyone from the Governor down. Why? Well because I can and because you frankly have pissed me off. I am out bitches" I said as I got up and left, not looking back once.

**EPOV**

I now know why my Bella is always attached at the lips with this flask. It made allllllll the problems in the world disappear. Well, except for seeing and walking straight, those were my biggest problems right now, but I would take those over the shit we were dealing with right now. I was glad I had palmed it so the cops and EMTs would not find it when they treated her, and I was so glad I did.

I flopped back onto the couch twirling the magic flask in my hand, going over the events of the night in my head. How had a good night turned so bad so quickly? I groaned, it seemed that where Bella was concerned anything was capable of going from good to shit in about two seconds.

I unscrewed the top of the flask to take another swig, just as I heard the door of the pool house open, and saw my mom had peeked her head inside.

"Edward, honey, we've been looking for you all over!" she exclaimed, stepping through the door, one hand on her baby bump. I grimaced, I was a litttttle bit tipsy... I really didn't want to have to deal with my hormonal mother while intoxicated. I just wanted to chill and hang out with my new friend, Flasky.

I tried to quickly hide Flasky because I didn't want my mom to worry, but I might leave Bella for her flask. Since my cat like reflexes which normally rival that of Star Wars kid, were also a bit intoxicated, instead of being stealthily slid under the couch, it fell to the floor with what seemed like the loudest thud in the world. I froze and looked at my mom, who looked at me, down at dear ole Flasky, and back at me, but her whole expression changed, it was like a wave of sadness washed over her, and I felt even guiltier than I was already feeling.

Mom reached down and grabbed my new best friend and put him in her purse. Poor Flasky, it had been a brief bromance and he would always have a special place in my heart.

"Mom, I swear its-" I began, holding my hands up defensively, since I was not sure which form of Preggsme I was dealing with yet. But she held her hand up to silence me as she walked over and took a seat next to me.

"Honey, I understand you're going through a rough time, so right now we're going to ignore that, but it will be revisited when things have calmed down. I promise you will be properly punished, but for now knowing our Bella, I am sure the hangover tomorrow will do as a good reminder about underage drinking." She said, and gave me the look… you know, that look your parents give you when they mean exactly it is whatever they're saying.

"Thanks mom" I smiled a little bit at her, grateful for an understanding mom. The pregnancy hormone goddesses had decided to grant me mercy and for that I was grateful.

"The police need to question you honey, they've been by the house looking for you, and have called." She told me, patting my back. She always rubbed my back when she was worried about it and it always comforted me.

"Ugh! I don't want to talk to them mom." I frowned, the police station was the last place I wanted to be, I really wanted to be by Bella's bedside when she woke up, so I could apologize to her for not being there when she needed me, I felt so terrible that I couldn't save her from this.

"I know you don't honey, but they need all you kids' statements about what happened to poor Bella." She looked at me with sad eyes, "They're only trying to help." She added.

"I just want to go back to Bella." I told her, and pouted, yes pouted like a little child who wanted a toy. Bella was my new toy and I did not like that someone had tried to break my toy and now she was away being fixed.

"I know sweetie, as soon as you talk to the police, you can go back." She assured me. "But, you'll need to sober up first, that is." She added, in a little less of a sweet motherly tone than she had been using.

I groaned and palmed my face. "I know, I just, I didn't want to deal with it anymore." I admitted, feeling my resolve break. "Mom I love Bella, I always have loved Bella, my entire life, I can't remember ever not loving her, but it's just…" my voice broke, I was about to admit something really huge, to not only another person, but to myself, "it's so much work." I sighed, feeling instantly guilty, but relieved at the same time. "She makes me so happy, I swear she does, but it's almost like a job being with her, like I have to work at protecting her, making sure she's not drunk or going to do drugs, I have to watch out for Jake because he's always seeking her out for something, and I'm pretty sure something weird is going on with James, he just gives me that vibe, so I have to watch out for that. It's so hard mom. I love her, so I do that for her, but I shouldn't have to, I'm in high school! It's a mess." I let out a long sigh of disbelief, I had no idea where that word vomit came from, but once I started, I couldn't stop. I felt like I was in some crazy made for TV soap opera and had just been given a long monologue to recap all the events that had transpired for those unlucky souls who missed an episode.

"There is a quote I learned when I was your age, sweetie and it's how I measured the guys who show interest in me, and how I knew your father meant it when he first told me he loved me. It goes "Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you: when he is afraid of losing you." and just now I realize that's how you feel about Bella." Esme said and I was only slightly confused.

"Thanks Mom," I said hoping not to upset her any further but I was not sure if it was my drinking or her pregnancy brain that lead to this confusion.

"I will tell the officers you have had a trying night, but will speak with them in the morning." Mom said as she kissed my head and left the pool house.

"You are so not going to Comic Con this year, which should curb the alcoholism in you young Jedi." she said as she closed the door.

Ugh, I just got grounded from my nerd mecca, and my mom threw a star wars insult on top of it, well at least she didn't reference that Star Trek shit.

**BPOV**

My. Head. Was. Fucking. Pounding. Absolutely pounding, it was like the world's worst hangover multiplied by three thousand. I definitely did not want to open my eyes, my bed didn't even feel as comfortable as normal, and my ears were ringing… well, not ringing per say, more like an annoying beeping.

I groaned loudly, immediately regretting it, it felt as if a thousand knives were stabbing through my entire body. My head felt like it did that time Emmett fell on it. My god if his big ass was on my head I was going to neuter him, Rose's wrath be damned.

"You're finally awake." A voice that sounded eerily familiar, that I just couldn't place, interrupted my misery. Who the hell was in my room? I opened one eye, and immediately the second when I realized I wasn't in my room. I looked around to grasp my bearings when it all came flooding back to me, I was in the hospital; Heidi jumped me at the house of mirrors. That bitch. "How do you feel, Bella?" the voice asked again, and I glanced to the end of my bed where two police officers stood.

One I didn't recognize. But the other, the one with the familiar voice was my dad's old partner. I immediately felt nauseas. He used to come to family get togethers, he would bring his kids. And new girlfriends on trips with us, I remember him and my dad taking me and Emmett fishing, and on hikes, he was like an uncle to me.

Until I found out he had sex with my whore of a mother not even a week after my dad left.

I hadn't seen him since.

Until now.

"Laurant." I said, more like squeeked, I was angry with him still – that actually was the biggest understatement of the fucking century, I wouldn't care if he fucking burned alive and then drowned. "What the fuck are you doing here? Where's Emmett?" I felt around my bed for the call button, slamming my thumb on it as hard as I could, I wanted these cops out of here, fast. If Emmett were here he'd make them leave, he hated Laurant just as much as I did.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" He said, taking his hat off. He still looked exactly like I had remembered. Dark, perfectly smooth skin, and long dreadlocks, which he kept, pulled back in a pony tail while working. "I'm very sorry that you're hurt." He continued, sincerely. I almost felt guilty, almost, until I remembered what a fucking piece of shit he was.

"You need to leave." I told him, still pressing the call button, wondering where the fuck Emmett or Cullen was right now.

"Bells-"

"Don't call me that." I cut him off, You lost the right to call me that as soon as you fucked my mother." The other cop's eyes widened in shock as I spoke, looking at Laurant, by the big sad eyes he gave Laurant you knew he clearly was new.


	24. Chapter 24 better later then never

Author Note:

I apologize for the long delay but I have had this chapter finished since February but no response from Dani regarding it since, so I decided to post it on my own. Since our WonderTwin powers have been off for awhile, I will try and update this was I am able to will be attempting to move on to a new story idea I have been toying with and just started working on recent, so if you like this story I will try and finish it but no promises, we should have been wrapped up around Chapter 26ish, but we seem to be about 10 chapters over and off from out outline.

If you like the humor in this add me to author alerts because the new story should be posted in the next week.

EmPOV

I was out the door within moments of getting the call. Bella was awake and I needed to get there and see her awake and talking before I went out of my damn mind.  
My car was in gear and I was peeling out seconds after my key hit the ignition. I turned up my music loud and hit the highway, leaving more rubber on the road then I intended but this was important, it was like a matter of national security or something as equally important.  
My inner voice, who Rose swears is about fourteen, was doing cartwheels and back flips when we got the call that Bella had finally woke up. I was pissed Laurent spoke with her before I did, but as long  
as she was talking I would not care if she was talking to those weirdass Teletubbies. Well maybe I would not like that but only because those unisexual things really freaked me out. I mean come on a sun with a baby face was just effing retarded.

I was in such a rush to get back to the hospital, I swear I was wearing one of Bella's socks, or maybe it was mine but was inside out. I don't know why I listened to Rose when she said I needed to go home and shower. I mean I thought she liked it when I smelled all manly.

"Em, there is a difference between smelling like a man and smelling like old tube socks and sweaty ball sacks" Rose informed me rather rudely. I didn't think I smelled that bad, but I guess I did.

I hated worrying about Bella, but damn someone had to worry about her since she didn't seem to do it herself. As much as I hate to admit it, I hoped little Eddie would be help her get her act together. I  
mean he was a good kid, a little weird around the edges but overall a much better guy then Jake. I swear if that son of a bitch starts sniffing around my sister again I will beat him worse than what Tiny Ali did with the skank that jumped Bella. I swear Alice might fit in my pocket, but Tinkerbell could bring the pain it seemed. I know she did a movie where she was some kung-fu badass, I am sure she learned a few things from filming it for six months.

"Move motherfucker my sister just wake up and I got to get to the hospital" I screamed at the car in front of me, sure it might have been a van from the local nursing home, but hell it was almost two in the afternoon, wasn't it time they got home for dinner?

I swerved around them and increased my speed by about five more miles per hour soon I would hit 88 and could just travel back in time until Bella first woke up. That seemed like a good idea.

I swung wide and skidded into a doctors only parking spot, I was sure I would get a ticket, but I think I might know a very important doctor whom could get it taken care of. Yes I would accept favors from my friend and surfing buddy and use them to my advantage every time.

I ran up the stairs to Bella room and threw open the door and saw her. She was awake and talking and I could see her eyes. Yeah she looked like she took a beat down but damnit she was awake and that was a great start.  
"Thank effing god" I yelled and wrapped her into a hug. I did not think I would ever want to let her go and I am not sure I ever would at this point.

BPOV

Before I could even form the thought in my mind to stop Emmett from crushing me, it was too late. I swear my brother doesn't think, ever.

"Shit, Emmett, get off me! Oww!" I yelled in pain as sharp pains shot through my entire body. The wheels must have finally starting turning because I heard him gasp and he jumped back nearly ten feet.

"Dammit B, I'm sorry, I'm just so excited you're awake!" he exclaimed apologetically, his eyes wide. I couldn't help but smile. I loved my brother so much, and hated myself for making him worry.

Before I could reply, the door swung open and Cullen booked through the door, followed by his dad. I flinched in fear of Cullen doing the same thing my brother had done. He saw my flinch and must have realized what had happened, because he did his sexy crooked smirk and slowed down as he approached my bedside.

"My Bella." He said softly, smoothing the hair on my head, and leaned over, kissing my forehead.

"How do you feel Bella?" Carlisle asked, in Dr. Cullen mode, he had his clipboard out, pen in hand.

"Sore." I croaked, my throat still hurt so much "like I've been hit by a Mack truck." He nodded, as if this was what he was expecting as he jotted down notes on his paper.

"Well that's because.." he began, but my attention was fading out, I looked at Edward, and Emmett and was so happy to have them, but I just felt so god damned guilty. "…bruised ribs.." Dr Cullen's voice broke through my thoughts, "a few scrapes and bruises, and a mild concussion, you were out for…" I didn't want to hear anymore, my body ached, and my emotions were all over the place. I wonder if this is how Pregnant Esme feels, minus the Mack truck pain.

"Bella, are you even listening?" Emmett snapped, pulling me from my thoughts.

"Duh, bruised ribs, mild concussion, that explains why everything hurts so damn much." I saved myself, hoping they wouldn't ask any more questions, I really didn't have the energy to have a long heart to heart with anyone right now.

Luckily, I was saved by Alice bursting through the door, dragging Jasper by his hand, he looked like he was having trouble keeping up with her. I giggled. She always had the best timing. Thank god.\

Edward POV

Oh thank God she was awake. I swear I knew she would but after you long you ultimately doubt yourself, and I admit I had. But now I can see her beautiful eyes again. I understand what day was saying, B would need rest and help getting around. I was sure Emmett would be waiting on her hand and foot and I volunteered my services when it came to bathing or showers, basically anything involving a naked Bella, she was one of my favorite Bellas.

"You should be able to be released tomorrow or the next day. We just want to be sure everything is okay with the next CT scan and that we know that all your injuries are on the mend before I release you to the care of these savages" My dad sorry Dr. Carlisle Cullen, the ass explained to my Bella.

"Oh dear god, I hate hospitals but I would hate to trust my health to my overprotective brother and your idiot son." Bella said cooly.

"Hey, I am not an idiot!" I said in my own defense since clearly no one was going to come to my aid.

"It took you how many years to act on your feelings for the girl next door?" Jasper asked with a sly grin.

"You will always be your mother's special boy, son" The asshat formerly known as my father added.

"Unless until she has another one." Emmett said.

Everyone laughed, and while I was secretly plotting my revenge against each and every one of them mentally, I was happy it broke the funk we were all in since B had been admitted to the hospital.

"As her doctor and since visiting hours were up hours ago, I suggest you all leave and let her get some rest, but since I know all of you, I will give you 10 more minutes before I call security and have you all thrown out." Dr Asshat said as he made his way to the door.

"Can't we get her one of the big ass-I mean big ole suites dad?" I hoping to get Bella a more private room so we could sneak in and out whenever we wanted.

"Those birthing suites are for women who have just given birthday son, we can't use them for just a patient who knows a doctor." Dr. Carlisle Cullen added.

"What good does you having worked here for like sixty years and being the best surgeon they have ever seen mean, if it doesn't give me advantages I can exploit for my personal use? Kick one of those families out and let Bella have it, those have big screens." I asked confused on why my dad couldn't get things done.

"Son, I swear I told your mom to be careful but I think she has dropped you on your head one too many times. I cannot kick women who have just spent dozens of hours in labor out of their room. You don't realize it now but you will when you get older, don't be a douche son." My dad said as he left the room.

"Dr Carlisle Cullen ladies and gentlemen, is it any shock he has been voted Humanitarian of the Year for the past three years with such a large giving heart like that?" I asked and was awarded with a chuckle by everyone.

"Speaking of which, I need you to clean out the garage this weekend son, shouldn't take you more then five or six hours tops" Dr Asshat said flippantly before his exit. Dr Asshat in deed.

AlicePOV

"So I am thinking we should have a low key 'Welcome Home and we are glad a skank bash in your skull until you died' party this weekend. I am thinking just us friends and a few hundred random's we all know would never be as cool as us. So what do you think?" I asked no really needing their input but feeling the need to be polite and ask anyways. Bella had been through a traumatic experience lately and I felt the need to give her a break.

"I am not even sure when I am getting out of here and you are already planning a party. I heard you went all UFC champ on the whore who put me here, but do we need to schedule you a CT scan as well? I can talk to Dr. C and maybe we can get a two for one special." B said, since she had not been out of her little coma long I decided I would humor her and allow her to have input, minimal input but still it would make her feel special.

No one can say I am not a giver.

"Dearest brain damaged Bella, we your close family and friends need a party. We have worried ourselves sick about you and while you might not feel like shaking your ass, I need to. My ass is too perfect to deny the unwashed masses atleast a glimpse of its gloriousness." I tried explain to her but bless her, the coma and all it made her slow, well slower.

"Alice, I love you like a hyper little puppy who occasionally pisses on the floor but is really cute and cuddly, but once again why would you want a party?" Bella asked, still not getting it.  
I loved the girl like a sister, but it was clear I was going to have to talk to her like a third grader, a slow third grader.

"Bella sweetie, you are super duper special and so lovely and amazing, but I have been a nervous wreck. I have barely sleep and not eaten and I was doing much better than your blubbering bear of a brother and your socially inept boyfriend. We need to do something fun as a group and just let go and celebrate, and I think a party would be the best solution. We could all just let go and have fun while being teenagers and just let go of all the drama." I explained.

Bella got a funny look on her face and I wasn't sure if she was thinking about it or maybe had a math problem she was working on, but it amused me and I suppressed a giggle.

"Okay Al, plan us a party, but low key. Nothing major just us and a few DOZEN people, not hundred are we clear?" Bella asked with a stern look.

"Whatever you say sweetie." I replied, and what Bella didn't know would just be more fun for me.

BPOV

"Ow, Ow, Ow, OW!" I cringed as Emmett, not very carefully, lifted me from his jeep. As much as I was happy to be out of that god awful hospital, I really was getting tired of being waited on hand and foot by everyone, especially my Shrek-like older brother. Don't get me wrong, it was nice, but dammit, I could still do some things for myself. Between Shrek Jr. and Cullen they were barely even letting me brush my own teeth... have you ever had someone try and brush your teeth for you? I don't suggest it, not fucking fun and utterly disgusting.

"Shit, sorry B!" he said settling me down ever so carefully on the couch, I hated being treated like I was made of glass and would easily break but sometimes you gotta be delicate with a lady. I sighed in relief to be out of his huge, bone crushing arms, as Jasper walked in nt even a minute later.

"Whoa, stalker much?" I joked, but grateful to see that it was him. I loved Cullen, and Alice, and my brother dearly, but they were suffocating me. It was nice to see Jasper, who always knew what I was feeling, and seemed to sense that I needed some space, I hadn't seen him much at the hospital, rare occasions when Alice no doubt dragged him against his will. I swear the Jalice blob those two seemed to morph into was ever present, and I was glad for some one on one with with Alice's better half.

"I figured I didn't come visit you at the hospital often, so I would come see you now, I cut class a few hours early, that way your brother will give ya a breather." he winked, nodding at Emmett who was bringing in my bags from the car.

"Did you hear that Em?" I called, "you are off of Bella duty for a while, please, go away." I smiled at him.

"Good, I have a few errands to run for that little demon midget of a best friend you have." he replied, wiping his brow as he grabbed his phone and dashed out the door. I didn't even want to imagine what errands Alice was sending my poor brother on.

"So, how does it feel to be home?" Jasper asked, settling in on the opposite end of the couch.

"I can't even tell you Jasper," I sighed, dropping my shoulders, "I hate hospitals to begin with, and to top it off between evil nursing staff, Dr. C, Em, Alice, and Cullen I swear I didn't get one minute to myself, it was like trying to rest on stage during Coachella." I sighed.

"That's why I stayed away." Jasper chuckled, his eyes sparkling.

"I figured as much, you're good like that." I laughed, picking at my hospital bracelet, knowing Jasper was one of the few people I could discuss what was going on with, without him freaking out thinking I was some fragile porcelain doll and needing security detail at all times. "So, do you know why Heidi jumped me?" I asked him, point blank.

He furrowed his brow and ran a hand through his messy hair, "B, I really don't know, I've been trying to rack my brain for any clues or reasons, and aside from whatever she has going on with Jake, that's the only reason I can think."

"That's the only thing I can come up with too. I swear if I got herpes from her skanky ass I am going to fucking kill them both" I said, unsatisfied.

"You don't think that Jake's the reason, do you?" ahh Jasper, always so good at picking up the unsaid.  
"No, I really don't, because no matter what Jake and I have been through, or how we feel about each other, I know him, I know his family, I know the type of person he is, and yes, he's a dick, an asshole, a douchebag, whatever you want to call him. But I also know he would never let anyone attack me, ever, that's just not him." I admitted, biting my bottom lip. "and plus, when the cops came and talked to me about it, they told me they had interviewed Jake and he really seemed to be pissed off when he heard what went down between us."

"I don't know Bella, it's just crazy that she would have stooped to that level, for whatever crazy ass reasoning she had, no one deserves their ass beat that badly. I mean, she was out for blood, if Alice hadn't stopped it, I really think she was trying to kill you." he said honestly, sadness in his voice.  
I shuddered. "Well, the cops told me since this is her first offense, she is on house arrest, only being able to go from school to home, and that there's a restraining order on her stating that she has to stay at least 100 feet away from me at all times, and the classes that we have together she has been switched out of." I told him.

"Well, I'm glad they took action, though, it pisses me off that they never got a confession out of her." he said, shaking his head, I nodded in agreement, I really would have liked to know why she thought I deserved a beating like that.

A few hours later, Jasper and I were still talking on the couch, the door flew open and my brother was balancing about seventeen bags, and thirteen boxes in his arms, piled way over his head.

"Have I mentioned how much I hate Alice lately?" he groaned. I giggled as Jasper jumped up to help him.

"Emmett, no one told you that you had to make one trip." I rolled my eyes, "What is all that shit?" curiosity got the best of me, and god knows what the hell Alice had up her sleeve. They might be small comparatively, but Alice's sleeves had more tricks then a magician.

"Uh, if you're a real man, you only make one trip." he stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"And all this shit is decorations and snacks and alcohol for this little party." he explained, emphasizing little.

I giggled, "Alice never does anything little."

It was true, the only thing little about Alice was Alice herself. Go big or go home was her motto for years. And I loved her to death, and I loved parties, it had been an awful long time since I had partied, so long that I couldn't even find my beloved flask, which reminded me that I needed to take a trip to the mall to replace it, maybe it was because I was still sore from almost being beaten to death, and all the shots, and iv's and hookups the hospital had me on, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to party. I had a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

After all, this was Newport, and nothing ever seemed to go smoothly... especially when I'm involved.

RosePOV

"Finally meeting of our party planning committee, and I think we have everything purchased mostly so just last minute details since the party is in two days. So anything we haven't already gotten that anyone would like to have at the party?" Alice asked while checking items off her clipboard.

"I want a piñata filled with candy" Em said, well almost squealed really. Sometimes he was such a little kid it was funny. He was plopped down on the sofa paying more attention to some game that was on TV then what we were really talking about.

"Awwhh, Emmy Bear wants some candy?" Jasper teased.

"Shut it Big Country, if Em wants a cardboard donkey full of cheap candy, then he can have it." I said coming to my man's defense, and I even gave him a little kiss on the cheek. Yeah I could be sweet sometimes, but bitchy was usually just way more fun.

"Okay a piñata for the small mountainous man child that is almost known as Em. Anyone else have any special requests?" Alice added while going over her list. She looked like a pint sized CEO and if I didn't know any better I would swear she worked as a party planner and not an actress.

"A slushie machine would be cool" Bella said, it was sweet how nerdy she became around Edward at times. She was laying out on the floor doing some odd exercises the nurse who released her said would help her sore muscles.

"I want jello shots" Jasper added in his signature drawl.

"If Em gets a pintata, I want a rock climbing wall or maybe a laser tag game" Edward said trying not to act like he was going to wet himself like a hyper little lap dog. I swear that boys face lit up like it was Christmas.

"Cullen, don't be that guy" Bella warned and went and sat beside him on the loveseat and propped up against him and you could see her wince. Poor girl was still in pain.

"As long as we are all there and we crank it to eleven, I will be happy" Edward said and giggled. I didn't get it, must be more nerd humor like his Lord of the Starships or whatever.

"This is going to be the oddest mix of a child's birthday party and a college kegger ever thrown, but I will make it work. Anything you want Rose?"

"I am with Jasper, I just want booze and to get my grove on with Em dancing" I said and threw my man a look he knew all too well. It was a basic look, every girl has that "You will get laid if you don't screw up" look and that was what I was giving him.

"I can make this work, we will have everything everyone wants and still it will be amazing" Alice began muttering to us or maybe just herself as she abruptly got up and left.

"I will help do the music" Edwards volunteered.

"Cullen I am not sure that is a good idea" Bella said doing some odd yoga-looking move.

"Yeah dude we need to dance not be depressed with your whiny emo music" Emmett said.

"But people need to expand your musical boundaries. Besides just because the songs are from the heart doesn't mean its sappy emo music." Edward said in his defense.

"I want to see my girl shaking her ass all over me and she can't do that if she is depressed and wanting to slit her own wrists." Emmett said and I kind of agreed.

"How about we make a deal, Edward can do the music, but we have to have say five dance songs for every whiney emo kid song" Alice said trying to make peace.

"Sounds good, but I want some old school hip hop" Emmett said but I could tell he was leary.

"How about Em and Jazz do the jello shots" Bella suggested and I liked that idea.

"Okay now we just need to party proof the house" Alice said with an air of authority.

"What that hell is that?" I asked, because I was confused and while I am blonde I hate feeling like a dumb blonde.

"It's making sure anything that can be breakable is put up, anything expensive is locked up and all the bedrooms are off limits" Alice explained.

"Eww, I am the only one who can have sex in my bed" Emmett said.

Everyone paused and laughed, poor Emmett looked confused and didn't understand why. I had to throw him a bone.

"So only you can have sex in your bed?" I asked trying to tease him.

"Oh you are there too of course" Emmett admitted once he got the joke.

"Yeah so lock up the bedrooms and hid all the vases and pictures, anything else?" Bella asked now moving back to sit beside and half on top of Edward on the love seat.

"You need to roll up Renee's new Persian rug in the foyer, you know she just bought that last month and would shit a cow if something happened to it" Jasper said.

"How do you know about Persian rugs there, Jazzhands?" Edward asked.

"Renee threatened to and I quote "neuter me like a stray puppy" if I spilled my soda on it. She is a crazy lady so I believe her and I like my jiblets just where they are" Jasper explained and covered his crotch.

"Well since the boys all have projects, I guess us girls will work on that tonight and tomorrow then." Alice said while making a final check on her clipboard and then plopping down in Jasper's lap.


	25. Chapter 25 - Panties

A/N: I apologize once again for the delay but as soon as I posted the previous chapter my work went crazy with our schedule which had me working around 60 hours a week, which drains my creativity.

Dani and I did use our wondertwin powers on this chapter and knocked it out pretty quick together and *gasp* have already started on the next one as well as reworked out plan on how to conclude the story. We are thinking longer chapters but fewer.

I own nothing but dirty words and a filthier mind, so no copyright infringement is intended with any of this story.

BPOV

So today was the day. The "We're glad Heidi didn't kill you' party".

And I still felt off. Maybe Heidi shook my brain and knocked something loose. That was possible. Wasn't it?

Usually I loved parties, I was the queen of partying. But the past few weeks I just hadn't felt myself. Everything with Renee and her new grandfather disguised husband, and things with Heidi. I just wasn't feeling up for much. Not to mention since I had been out of the hospital no one had given me a second to breathe.

The only reason I was alone now was because I escaped Cullen and my brother with the excuse of having to shower - I really did need to shower. But I was taking my sweet time and enjoying some quiet alone time, when I used to hate being alone.

I could even feel a change between me and Cullen. I loved him of course, I still wasn't ready to say it outloud to him yet, which was part of the problem. I had a feeling he had my flask. I know what hangovers look like first hand and in the past week I noticed him with more than just one or two. The old Cullen never drank by himself, shit, the old Cullen never drank period. It was all my fault. I had been slowly dragging him down to my level and I couldn't help but feel extremely guilty but I didn't want to let him go. It was almost hard to be around him. It felt like the past was about to repeat itself, despite my best efforts to break that cycle. Ugh. But then he'd do that thing I like with his tongue and all of that was forgotten. I smirked a little as I turned the shower on and started getting undressed.

I was still sore as all hell, but at the same time I felt a lot better. I couldn't believe that I had been jumped over a guy. Bitches are "cray cray" as Alice would say.

The rest of the afternoon went by quickly. Alice had us all running around and decorating, doing last minute touch ups before the party.

"Damn. I'll never know how such a tiny thing can be so bossy." Cullen whined as he re-adjusted the food table for the sixth time, or maybe it was the tenth. He started getting sweaty after the first few and I definitely I spent more time ogling him then supervising as I was assigned..

"That's Alice for ya baby." I smirked at him, walking over to him and wrapping my arms around his neck, leaning up to kiss him. He wrapped his own arms around my waist, planting his hands firmly on my ass as he slipped his tongue in my mouth.

"Back away from the sister , remove your hands from her ass & put your tongue back in your own mouth." Commanded Emmett suddenly. Damn him. Cullen and I groaned simultaneously as we pulled apart, I grimaced at my brother. "Alice says we all need to get dressed in the outfits she picked out for us all and meet back here in an hour." He said, grimacing at Cullen as he spoke, I did my best to hide a giggle.

"She's even picking out our clothes?!" Cullen whined incredulously. I raised my eyebrow at him, I was unsure why this would come as a shock to anyone, let alone someone who spent almost every day with Alice, but I remembered he hadn't always been around her since childhood.

"Chop chop!" Her voiced echoed through the house as she marched Into the room. "Those outfits aren't going to come to you, this isn't Harry Potter kids. Let's go. Now!" She ordered pushing Emmett in the direction of the stairs.

"Yes master!" I giggled, saluting her, and made my way back upstairs to my room. She had laid out a little black dress with white heels. I groaned. I was still recovering. Heels would send me straight back to the hospital with more head trauma. I walked into my closet and grabbed a pair of white flip flops. Alice would have to deal with it. Surely she wouldn't want to see me back in that god awful hospital.

By the time I finally finished getting ready. I knew it was past the hour that she had given us to get prepared. I took one last look in the mirror and smiled at my appearance. The black dress was definitely little, and tight. It hugged my body, showing off my curves nicely. It could have been a little longer, it stopped right below my ass. Emmett would probably freak out. But I didn't care, Cullen would love it. I had curled my hair (on my own successfully with only minor burns) and the soft curls cascaded around my face and down my back, my makeup was natural, I only put a little bit of eyeliner, mascara and lipgloss. My theme for the night seemed to be "less is more".

"BELLA!" Alice's high pitched yell echoed through the house, all the neighborhood dogs were probably going crazy at the sound of her.

I jogged down the stairs to see that people had already starting arriving and the music was going. I immediately made my way towards the drinks. But I still couldn't shake that uneasy feeling that had been haunting me all day.

APOV

The people looked great. The decorations looked great. And the party of the decade - if not the century, was about to get started.. Thanks to yours truly of course. I love my friends, but I was the only one who knew how to throw a party correctly, thank god they were smart enough to just listen to what I told them to do and not question me, much..

I walked around to double check that everything was in place. I had sent Jazzy and Edward to check the food and alcohol to make sure we hadn't run out of anything. Nothing ruined a party faster than being busted by the cops or running out of booze.

It was a really good turn out. I'm not sure if this many people actually cared that Bella was alive or they just wanted an excuse to party. Emmett and Rosalie had deemed themselves bodyguards and had been in the foyer most of the night. They were really enjoying themselves though so I let them be.

There was only one problem. Well two actually. Edward and Bella. Shocker right? Edward seemed to have taken Mr. Flask somehow - how he hid it from Bella was beyond me - and was a wee liiiiiiitle intoxicated, he was getting his groove in on the dance floor. Alone. And Bella. Yes. She had gone MIA. So I was on the hunt. I felt like inspector gadget. But cuter and with a better fashion sense for sure. I never was sure of his fashion choices in that show, the trenchcoat year round screamed flasher perv to me..

"I thought you might be here." I said as I walked out to the balcony where Bella was smoking a cigarette, her legs dangling off the edge. I took a seat upwind from her. "Why aren't you enjoying your party?" I asked. more than a little worried about her. She seemed... Off.

She shrugged. Smiling at me. "I'm still sore." I almost laughed at her. My silly best friend was the worst liar on the planet.

"Bella..." I said. Giving her the look - she knew this look. She frowned at me. Aha. Caught her.

"Cullen's drunk." She stated. Well.. duh. I stayed quiet. Hoping she would elaborate more. Because, Bella loves alcohol. And she loves Cullen. Whether she says it out loud or not. So you'd think a drunk Cullen would be her dream. "Cullen never used to get drunk. He never had a tattoo. And he never had any more drama than possibly dating an online predator pretending to be a cheerleader. I'm not good for him Alice." She bit her lip. Taking another drag from her cancer stick.

"Oh honey," I chuckled, worried. Her and Edward needed each other like humans needed air, like Jasper and I needed each other. I could understand why she felt this way though, it's typical Bella. "That's not true." I tried reassuring her. I knew I had to tread lightly. She had had a rough few weeks. Her emotional state was more fragile than usual.

"Alice. You know as well as I do. It's true. Everything. I touch turns to shit. " she said tossing her cigarette butt into the night air and stood up, brushing herself off. I had to admit. Even with the flip flops she looked hot! Kudos to me, but she would have looked way hotter in heels.

"You're being silly. Let's go back inside and see all the people who are happy you're alive." I was on a mission to find Jazzy.

"Yeah, let me just put these in my room and I will be right down." Bella answered and headed towards her bedroom.

BPOV

I went to stash my lighter in my dresser. I didn't need someone stealing it like they had my flask, I would be super pissed without both of my escapes.

I usually put them in my underwear drawer when I wasn't wearing pockets, or have a purse and since this wasn't a cheesy 80's movie, no one would be raiding my pantie drawer. When I opened my dresser drawer my jaw nearly hit the fucking floor.

Someone. Stole. My. Damn. Panties.

I swear to christ on all that is holy, if Alice took them because going commando was the cool new thing, or airing it out down below, or not showing pantie lines was her new obsession, I was going to filet her. I would miss her dearly, but I would still cut her up like sushi chef. In the past, I'd noticed clothes missing from my room randomly, I just figured someone borrowed them, but no one had taken this much before, it was usually just a shirt, a pair of shoes, or pants, and they had always been returned.

Who wants worn underwear? I cringed at the thought as I ran out of my room, but stopping quickly, and turning back, I locked the door to my room to ensure no further thievery of my personal items and stormed down the stairs in search of my former best friend and pantie snatcher Alice.

I found her cuddled into Jasper's side in a dark corner. They weren't openly hooking up, but I kept my distance - I didn't want to be accidentally impregnated, and tapped Alice on her shoulder.

"Where are my panties Alice?" I asked coolly.

"Hopefully under your dress." she replied barely taking a second to detach her lips from Jasper's neck to talk.

"No, I mean, yes." I fumbled "I have some on now, but all my others are missing." I said, frustrated now.

"Lucky little Cullen." Alice shot over her shoulder.

I grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her around, ignoring the loud pop caused when she disengaged from Jasper. I looked her right in the eyes - I felt she deserved to see it coming when I bitch slapped her for her next smartass comment.

"All my panties from my dresser drawer upstairs are missing Alice. Where are they?" I asked slowly as she was clearly drunk, on Jasper or alcohol I'm not sure which.

"I don't know Bells. I didn't have anything to do with all of them going missing." Alice explained.

I gave her my best bitch brow which meant she should continue explaining.

"I might have gotten rid of a few pairs which were unflattering on you or that didn't look cute, but it was more like a pantie exchange then stealing. I replaced what I took with some awesome new ones from La Perla, they are so cute, see look..." Alice replied and started undoing her pants.

"Whoa there Drunkerbell, this is not that kind of establishment." I blurted out while quickly grabbing her hands. Getting naked was my move, and plus I didn't need to see her panties or hoohah again, and Alice could strip her clothes off quicker than a toddler.

I thought about it and Alice would have admitted taking them if she did and I did notice I had some newer cute panties since I came home from the hospital I didn't remember buying, so her panties exchange excuse seemed valid.

"Do you think Cullen took them?" I asked looking between her and Jasper, finally out of sane ideas.

They both looked at me and shrugged. I palmed my forehead in anger and frustration, I would be going commando until I could get to a store and two of my best friends were giving me shrugs - like this was no big deal. I swear I needed to get the Scooby-Doo gang on the case of Bella's missing panties.

I hated being sober, it made all this shit so much harder to deal with. I haven't been sober at a house party since I was in middle school and this shit here was the reason why.

EPOV

I was glad I hadn't brought B's flask with my tonight, she would have surely busted me and reclaimed it as her own. I wasn't ready to give that up just yet.

I was glad there was an open bar, I had just had vodka before tonight, but now I've had rum and tequila. Tequila burned but it was a good burn.

I heard the familiar intro to my song and started fist pumping and singing along. No one can better explain what is really in the hearts of teenage white boys like Three 6 Mafia and their anthem "Azz and Titties" I mean really doesn't every guy want some ass and titties and big booty bitches? Its like ingrained in our guy DNA since before birth.

"Did you steal my panties?" B comes up and asked, disrupting my jam session. Shit, she found out I took that cute lacy black pair. Well I didn't take them really, they ended up in the leg of my pants and dropped onto the floor when I was changing, so I grabbed them off the floor and stuffed them in my drawer. I so didn't need my parents finding those, or even worse Jasper, since he would tease me like they were mine.

"Uhm, no!?" I replied realizing Bella had asked me a question and was waiting not so patiently for my answer.

"So where are my fucking underwear?" Bella yelled a little loud as several nameless kids I think I saw at one place that time or maybe it was the other thing, anyways they all looked over.

"Under your dress?" I answered again, but kind of hoped it wasn't true. I stepped closer and put my hands on her hips because Commando Bella would be even hotter.

"If one more person says that I am gonna fucking scream." Bella groaned angrily, and started to walk away.

"What's going on boo?" I tightened my grip, stopping her from storming off.

"If you ever want to have a chance at seeing me naked again you need to help me find them. Some creepy perv emptied my pantie drawer." Bella said with a sigh, but she didn't break free or punch me in the balls, so I counted that as a win in my book.

"Someone stole your panties?" I asked and she nodded. "But you have some on now right?" I asked and she smacked me in the chest, and stormed off, she must have been pissed, because that shit hurt.

I started after B but I lost her around the ottoman or maybe it was a small couch. I mean when does a large chair become a small couch? or is it like a mini horse, and still technically a horse but will never go up to be a full grown horse?

"Edward over here man." some tall-ish guy, who I think once stole my sandwich in middle school, I think his name was Tyner, said as I walked by, and waved me over from my internal couch debate.

"Hey how are you doing?" I asked, avoiding names so as to not offend Tyner if I got his name wrong.

"Nothing we were just about to have a shot contest. Want to join in?" Tyner asked.

"I was trying to track down B and help her with her..uhm problem." I answered not wanting to spill the beans incase one of these devious bastards was the great pantie thief. I swear only B would have her panties stolen like some 80's teen comedy.

"Have a few shots, it will make finding her easier." Tyner's friend said, I think his name was Marc, with a C not a K.

"Sure why not." I figured a few more shots should only improve my awesome pantie tracking skills. "What are we drinking boys?" I asked.

"Jager." they both answered and Marc poured twelve shots and placed four in front of each of us.

"Okay so first one done wins and the other two are some bitch ass punks who can't handle their liquor." Tyner explained as I downed the first shot. "If there is a two way tie, those two have to down six shots each in sudden death." Tyner added as I downed the second shot. "If its a three way tie, hahaha three way. We start all over until there is a clear winner." Marc slurred as I downed the third shot.

"If you puke you lose." Tyner added as I finished my last shot.

"Okay, go!" they both said.

Wait, say what? I frowned, looking down at my three empty shot glasses, and picked up my fourth.

"Done." I said as I slammed the shot glass down as the last bit of cough syrupy drink went down. I figured dad would be proud of me, I mean yes I was drinking as a minor, but its was like cough syrup so that would just prevent me from getting sick in the future, like a flu shot.

"Cullen you cheater, you're suppose to wait until we are ready." Tyner whined.

"Grow up and drink like a man Sally." I said and walked away. I had to find B so I could see her in her panties.

EmPOV

Yeah Nelly it really is getting hot in herrrre and I would not mind taking off mine and Rose's clothes, thank you for the excellent suggestion but there are too many people around. I laughed at myself as I bounced to the music along with my Rose. I swear Nelly is the modern day bard of our generation.

Rose looked damn hot tonight. I wanted to hug Alice and at the same time, strangle her for putting her in that effing amazing dress that showed off all her curves, I was going to end up murdering some high schooler the next time he "accidentally" grazes her ass again.

"Rose, I need your help." Bella said angrily, as she walked up to her looking all kinds of pissed. Oh this wasn't going to be good. I started going over the checklist in my mind. I knew I had a shovel and rope, I would need a good alibi but I figured Edward or Jasper would help with that, unless it was one of them that I'd be putting in the ground.

"Sure hon, what can I do for you?" Rose asked looking concerned for my sister, which everytime I see makes me fall more in love with her. Bella leaned in close and I could see Rose's eyes get cartoon character large before she whispered back. Nope, nothing good even came from whispered conversations regarding my sister.

"We will go to the store tomorrow and get new ones, don't worry it happens sometimes." Rose replied and I gave her a "what the hell" look, because I did not like being left out of the loop.

"So what's going on Bells?" I asked when my look got no reply. I swear women sometimes had no grasp for something as simple as a meaning behind a look.

"Just girl stuff Em, no big deal. Go back to bumping and grinding to Nelly." She replied.

"Come on you can tell me, maybe I can help." I said and both girls looked at each other and slightly shook their heads no. Now I went from mildly concerned to needing to effing know, now.

"Someone needs to tell me what the hell is going on right damn now." I demanded in a huff. I was tempted to stomp my foot too, but it seemed too much.

"Someonestolemypanties." Bella finally said, but fast and low, if my ears had not been trained to handle Alice's fast paced speed of talking I would have missed it.

Someone stole my sisters panties. Like the one she was wearing? That was some effed up shit right there.

"Yes I am wearing some before you ask asshole, they cleaned out the drawer in my room. Some creepy ass pervert was in my room and not only violated my personal space, but stole my goddamn underwear and Cullen is being an drunkass and doing shots with Mike and Tyler and I just want all these people the fuck out my house." She replied in a not so quiet, very loud scream.

I stood there in shock, not really knowing how to reply to the many things wrong with this situation. First of all, someone had stolen my baby sisters panties. Ew. When we found them, I was going to make perv stew out of that jackass. Then, there was Bella not wanting to party.. Something was very wrong. But before i could wrap my head around this fuckery, Rose's voice shook me out of it.

"Are you sure Alice didn't take them as some sort of undergarment relocation program?" She asked and admittedly she had a good point.

Alice had a history of removing items from your wardrobe she found to be offensive and claimed it was done for the good of fashion and humanity or fashmanity as she called it. I lost all my Hammer pants to her that way in middle school and while I suspected she burned them I still held out a slim hope that one they would return and we would be reunited again.

'What the fuck do you mean your panties going missing happens?" I asked Rose, remembering her earlier comment.

"Well I've had some go missing from my drawer over the years. I figure it's probably some pervy kid at a party like this that took them so he could brag to his equally as pervy friends." Rose explained with a shrug, and while I didn't really get it I guess I understood it.

"No more talk of my sister's panties please." I begged to any person and deity that would listen to my pleas since this was just getting to be too much.

"Fine, but you need to go get Cullen's drunk ass under control. I swear he is drinking like...well me and he is not on my level yet." Bella said and it was clear she was pissed.

"Don't worry I will go all Dalton on his ass and get him to switch to water. Rose, you work with Bella on her little problem. Which way is he?" I said as I gave Bella a kiss on the top of her head as she pointed, I gave Rose a gentle peck on the lips. I made my way across the sea of teenage bodies towards where she had indicated and saw Cullen with two other guys discussing Star Wars or Star Trek, or some nerdy shit like that.

"But don't you see the brilliance of Dr. Who is that since he regenerates you can constantly change the actors out and still make the show work, it's genius." Cullen was explaining with great slur about his Star show or whatever.

"Hey guys what's up?" I asked as I came up towards his group.

"Just explaining the awesomeness that is Dr. Who to these uneducated guys after I beat them in a shot contest." Cullen said with a hint of triumph in his voice.

"Cool, but why don't we switch to water for the rest of the night Edward, you don't want to be hungover all day tomorrow." I suggested and reached to take the cup he was holding.

"Nah, dude I'm good." Cullen said as he jerked his arm back, spilling most of the contents.

I gave Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum a look to scram and they got the clue and walked away without saying anything.

"Come on man, I'm all for having fun and partying but you're clearly drunk and need to stop for tonight. You are young there will be plenty of parties, no need to do all your drinking in one night." I bartered.

"I don't know Em, I mean this is my first party since Jessica's 8th birthday party. I spent the whole time talking about Star Wars and was never invited back to another one until now." Edward explained clearly hurt by being excluded all these years.

"Just put down the beer dude, come on Bella's worried about you and she doesn't need anymore stress tonight." I said and just took the cup from him.

"Oh so Bella sent her big brother to stop me from drinking? HAHA that's the fucking pot calling the damn kettle black." Edward laughed sarcastically and stormed off.

JasperPOV

"Jazzy, I got a bad feeling about all this." Alice looked up and said between kisses while she was snuggled into my chest and sitting in my lap.

"Why is that darlin?" I asked, concerned about what could be wrong. The party seemed to be going great besides Bella's little snafu.

"I dunno baby, I have never really been superstitious before, but I do get certain… feelings so to speak, and I just have a feeling this isn't the end of all the crazy drama shit we just finished with, more like the beginning." Alice explained and cuddled into me more as she physically shivered.

I idly ran my fingers through her hair and thought about what Alice said. We had Bella attacked and in the hospital to cap off what had been a crazy few weeks and now she thought it would get worse.

"I hope not Alice, I mean this year has always been so fucking insane from jump street. Don't get me wrong I love you and the rest of our group, but I lost my mom before I found this new family." I explained. "I was hoping I would come here into the calm, not into a constant shit storm."

"I know Jazz and I love you and am glad I have you every day, I hate what you had to go through to get here really I do." Alice said and held me even tighter.

I leaned down and kissed her, with everything I had in me. I was trying to put all of my soul into her with the kiss, which was rudely interrupted.

"Have you guys seen B?" Edward asked, looking drunk and angry.

Oh this was no going to go well.

RPOV

I followed Bella upstairs to her room so she could show me her empty underwear drawer.

Someone was either creepily obsessed with her, or playing a not so funny prank. The way our lives have been going lately. I had an annoying feeling it was the first if the two.

"This is so fucked up!" She exclaimed slamming open her empty drawer. I had to bite back a laugh. This would happen to Bella of all people. This poor girl would have no luck if it weren't for shit luck.

"This will give you an excuse to go shopping for new ones though. You and Edward can go. You can model them for him. " I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively at her.

"Ugh! You and my brother are the same person sometimes!" She threw her hands up in frustration.

"Girl. What is the problem with you tonight?" I was seriously curious. "You're not down there out drinking all the frat boys. You're not enjoying your drunk boyfriend. What's up?" I leveled with her. I don't beat around the bush or dilly dally. Straight to the facts.

She shrugged. Shutting her drawer. Chewing on her bottom lip.

"Just spill it already." I huffed, impatient now.

"I think I need to break up with Cullen." She said lowly, looking at her feet.

Huh. I didn't see that coming. "Bella. What are you talking about? You guys have that gross, all over each other, newlyweds kind of relationship. That boy worships the ground you walk on."

"That's just it. He's amazing!" She said, exasperated.

"Well what's the problem?"

"I'm not good for him Rose. I wasn't back in the tree house. And I wasn't on the Ferris wheel that first time. And I'm not now. I will never be good for him."

"But he's good for you, Bella. You've been doing so great!" I said. Hopeful that I could make her see.

"Well, he's been doing worse." She finally looked up at me. "He deserves better. And I need to go tell him that."

"Wait, don't end things with him completely. " I bartered, I didn't think either of them could survive without the other. "Just take a little break, clear your head. You have been seeing an excessive amount of him since you got out of the hospital. You just need a breather." I watched as she thought over what I just told her, and she nodded. Seeming to agree.

"You're right Rose, just a break would be good. I don't want to lose him altogether. But you're right. I gotta clear my head." She stated, full of confidence. "I'm going to go find him to talk to him." She gave me a small smile and disappeared through the bedroom door.

BPOV

Rose was right. I just needed a little time to clear my head. And Cullen needed a little time to realize this wasn't who he was. Then we could go back to normal. I laughed out loud. Normal. Us. Right.

The party had thinned out, but was still going. Cullen had done a pretty great job on the music. There were still people dancing and jamming out.

"Em. Did you find Cullen?" I asked him as I found him near the snacks, his hands full of food, shoveling it into his mouth.

He nodded. "Yeah. He's kind of an angry drunk. Weird if you ask me." He shrugged, cramming an impossible amount of Doritos into his mouth. I grimaced. Great. An angry drunk Cullen was going to make this conversation even more wonderful.

I left Emmett eating what was left of the food and continued on my search for Cullen. I spotted Tyler and Mike slumped over on our couch, too much to drink. I rolled my eyes. Lightweights. Angela, Victoria & Ben were in a heated debate near the kitchen, I smiled and waved at them. Frowning as I turned the corner into the dining room. This search was harder than I expected it to be.

It gave me some time to think about what I was going to say though. I loved Cullen. I did. He was a lot more than what I deserved. He was great. He knew what I needed before I had to say it. He was the cutest little nerd. He knew how to make me smile when I needed it most. He didn't expect sex but we both enjoyed it. Even his weird cuddling fetish wasn't so bad.

But I just. I'm not good for him. He was drinking more. Got a tattoo. And got himself grounded because esme had caught him drunk. That would have never had happened if I had stayed out of that damn pool house like I had until jasper came into town.

I sighed.

"B! There you are!" Cullen's angry voice sounded from behind me. He had never used that tone with me before. Emmett wasn't joking when he said Cullen was an angry drunk.

I bit my lip and turned to face him. He had anger in his eyes. His hair was disheveled. His shirt was wrinkled. He looked delicious. But he was mad at me. But why? Did someone tell him I was thinking of breaking up with him?

"Cullen. What's wrong?" I asked, weary of the answer.

EPOV

She sends her brother to lecture me because I get a little tipsy at a party, that is effing hilarious. The girl who has carried around a flask since middle school wants to have someone else take a drink away from me. I am a freaking honor roll student, I don't need someone coming around being all big brother to me, Emmett needs to handle his own sister before he goes off telling other people what they should and should not be doing.

Bella can't even come talk to me about what she's thinking, instead she sends her goon to take my drink away, my effing drink. It isn't like I'm some dumbass who's going to go out and drive after this, I mean my house is a short walk from here and if I had to, I could crawl it with minimal discomfort.

Ugh shit like this made me so mad. First we're friends, next she abandons me in middle school and now that I finally had her back she's going to try and be some crazy demented second mother to me about having a little bit of fun and cutting loose at this party. I mean it isn't like she knows I have her flask at home and have been trying to claim it since Heidi attacked her. Damn, how else are you suppose to deal with your girlfriend being in a coma?

"What the hell B? You send your brother to come spoil my fun, that's bullshit!" I spat as soon as I saw her from across the room.

People stopped and started to stare, but I didn't care this shit was ridiculous.

"I thought you had enough to drink and was hoping he could be subtly get you to slow up." B explained and started nervously playing with her clothes.

"Yeah because when I think subtle I think of Emmett. Jesus christ why didn't you just come and say something to me yourself instead of having him come over?" I asked really starting to feel my blood boil the more I thought about what had happened.

"For fucks sake Cullen, I screwed up and I know it, but no need to be a bitch about it." Bella yelled lowly at me as she threw her arms up in frustration.

"Oh so I'm a bitch now?" I asked, pissed off by her talking down to me when this was her fault to begin with.

"Yes, you are acting like a little bitch. I have some shit I'm trying to deal with, so I don't need your shit piled up on top of it, why don't you take your drunk ass home and we'll talk in the morning." B commanded me like a small child as she crossed her arms over her chest.

I didn't hear music anymore so I guessed we were the main source of entertainment, well fuck, might well make it good.

"I am not a fucking child so don't talk to me like one damnit." I shouted back, I wasn't going to back down now.

"You know what Cullen, we need to take a fucking break, so yeah I'll talk to you sometime later." B said pointedly and then stormed off.

Wait, what? Did we just break up? Great job dickhole, you wanted to have sexy time and then got all pissed off with her for looking out for you, and now it's back to masturbating like a rabid sex starved dolphin again.

"Well fuck this." I said out loud to no one in particular, and went in search for more booze. If I couldn't have B atleast I could have booze and it would help me not feel anything hopefully.


End file.
